I have never kissed you before. But in all the times I imagined it, I never saw it like this. We were arguing just a moment ago. I went into my ready room ostensibly to deal with Starfleet red tape, but I really just wanted to make sure no one saw me cry. But you did. You came in after a few minutes and stood with me at the viewport, looking at the vessel visible off the starboard bow. A Starfleet vessel. In the Alpha Quadrant. Leading us to Earth.
"You did it," you murmured against my hair, while I felt your arms slide around my waist. "You got us home."
"No," I corrected, disentangling myself from your embrace. "We did it. I couldn't have done it without you and the crew."
You caught my chin with your fingers and lifted my gaze to meet yours. "What's wrong, Kathryn?" you murmured in that soft tone of concern.
"Nothing," I lied, pushing your hand away. "I've just got a lot of things to think about, now that we're back in Alpha Quadrant bureaucracy."
"Maybe when your finished dealing with that you could join me for champagne. Replicator rations seem a little unnecessary now."
"Thanks, but I've got a lot of work to do."
"I have one bottle left of Antarian cider, and we can have pecan pie for dessert."
"I said not today, Chakotay."
"Kathryn." Did I ever tell you I hate when your voice gets so irresistibly soft? "You've been working hard for seven years. I think you deserve a break by now. We're home. Your mission is over. Let yourself enjoy it." When I gave no response and continued staring at my computer terminal, you sighed and added, "It would be a shame to let the cider go to waste."
"I'm sure you can find someone else to share it with," I said coldly.
"Did you have anyone in mind?"
"I'm sure Seven's free."
"Seven?" You actually sounded confused. I was surprised at that. "What do you mean?"
I finally graced you with a glance and said tersely, "You don't need to lie to me, Chakotay. I've know you've been seeing each other."
"Kathryn, I'm not sure what you-"
"I don't need an explanation, Chakotay. Really, I'm happy for you."
"Kathryn, I don't know who's told you what, but I am not seeing Seven."
The words were a shock to me. My older self had told me in no uncertain terms that in her timeline, you married Seven. If I can't trust myself, who can I trust?
"She asked me to help her explore her social skills, specifically in the realm of dating," you continued. "I think she was planning on asking the Doctor out sometime in the near future and wanted to perfect her skills before-hand. Kathryn, I'm not dating anyone, because I couldn't date someone I didn't love. And there's only one person I'll ever love like that."
You walked around the desk to pull me lightly by the arm up out of my chair. "Kathryn, I had hoped that, now that we're home, you might give us a chance now. Soon enough, we'll be on Earth, and there won't be a command structure, no ship and crew, just us. I waited seven years for you, and I would wait all eternity if I have to, but we have a chance now, Kathryn. Let's not waste it."
Rarely does anything leave me speechless, but you had succeeded in that moment. I fumbled for words to say, but found none. I tried to fall back on my usual objections, but the best I could come up with was a mumbled, "Starfleet Command-"
"-can go to hell," you said firmly. "I don't know if I'll be hailed a hero or sent straight to New Zealand, but either way…" You searched my eyes for a moment as if looking for the words, but apparently you came up empty, because the next thing I knew your lips were on mine, and I felt myself falling into heaven.
After a moment of hesitation, I began to kiss you back. We are hanging on to each other as if our lives depend upon it, and in a way I feel it does. I realize now that, despite all that time I spent trying to get 'home', my home was right by my side this whole time. Your arms are around me, your kiss is drawing me out from behind the 'captain's mask' I've used as a shield for seven years, and I know I'm finally where I belong. When we finally break apart, I meet your gaze and find a smouldering intensity of almost unbelievable strength there. Your love for me is clearly conveyed, and I see you smile broadly, obviously finding the same message in my own gaze.
"I'm sure my mother would love to meet the man who kept me sane all this time," I murmur.
"Will she approve of a former Maquis as your companion?"
"Who cares? She's not the one who'll be spending the rest of her life with you."
Oops. I hadn't meant to say that quite so soon. Our first kiss is barely over and I'm already as good as proposing marriage to you. But you just grin like a child at Christmas and say, "I know of a nice area on the Pacific coast where we could get a house."
"With a big garden so we can have a dog."
"And a tomato garden."
"Let's just have the bathtub inside this time, okay?"
"I'll build it for you myself," you promise.
"Make it big enough for two."
"Aye-aye-"
"No ranks," I say as I cut you off with another kiss. It's true the future is still uncertain, but I know that together, we can do anything. Together, we have always been enough.