The Walker In The Rain
That night it was raining. Not the crashing thunder and lightning of a horror move, but a steady, relentless rain that drummed on the roof of Kaede's home. Kagome was in her sleeping bag, eyes closed as she tried to force herself to go to sleep. Around her her companions and the old miko were doing the same. But unlike them, Kagome wasn't being kept awake by the rain.
She couldn't stop thinking about Inuyasha.
It had been four months since the day Kikyo had appeared at their camp and demanded Inuyasha accompany her. Kagome had looked on, her heart breaking, as the hanyou followed his dead lover, only once glancing back in her direction. After that day Kagome had resolved to push Inuyasha completely from her mind. She had thrown out or given away everything that reminded her of him, asked her companions not to speak of him, and just generally tried to pretend he had never existed.
It didn't work.
She told herself she didn't care what happened to him anymore. She told herself she hated him. She told herself she hoped he was dead.
She never believed that even for a moment.
Kagome rolled to her side, trying to block out the thoughts and memories. If she could just get some sleep...
squeak
Kagome opened her eyes.
squeak
There it was again. She knew that sound. It was the squeak on the three stairs in front of Kaede's home that Miroku had promised he was going to fix eventually.
Kagome held her breath. Nearly ten seconds passed before,
squeak
She looked up, trying to see through the door. A full minute passed before a loud banging rang out.
She turned to her side, seeing Sango, Miroku, and Kaede getting up. All had the same thoughts. 'Bandits? Youkai? Naraku?'
"Who's there?" Miroku called out, waking up Shippo and Kirara.
There was no response. The loud banging rang out again, seeming to shake the entire house. Kagome grabbed her bow and stood as Miroku went to the door, staff at the ready, and slid it open.
Standing the doorway was someone none of them had ever expected to see again. Inuyasha was completely soaked, his hair hanging messily wherever it fell. He made no move to get out of the rain before the monk quickly pulled him inside.
"Inuyasha?" Kagome moved towards him as Kaede set some tea over the fire. The hanyou looked awful. His features were sunken, like he hadn't been eating enough. His eyes were vacant and surrounded by dark circles, and his breathing was ragged. His hands opened and closed repeatedly, apparently without his knowledge. When offered a seat near the fire he took it without comment, staring straight into the flames.
And not once did he look to Kagome.
The group gathered around him as Kaede handed him a cup of tea. Inuyasha didn't even act like he noticed. He just continued staring at the fire, the light reflecting in his glassy eyes. Kagome dug into her backpack and offered him a towel, before sighing and placing it over his shoulders.
"Inuyasha?" She tried again to get his attention.
"You have some nerve coming back here after what you did!" Shippo shouted. Kaede tried to shush the child, but there wasn't any point. Inuyasha still hadn't taken his eyes off of the fire, or indeed made any indication he had heard the kitsune.
It was Sango who finally had the courage to ask the question they had all been thinking. "Are you okay? Did something happen to Kikyo?"
Inuyasha's ears twitched at the name, his lips moving in silent imitation of the word. He began to rock back and forth, hugging his arms around himself.
"Inuyasha..." Kagome placed her hand on his soaked shoulder. "It's okay..."
The boy looked up at her as he grabbed her hand, inspecting it as if it were an alien artifact. As the others moved to get him off of her Kagome quickly waved them away.
"I tried." Inuyasha began. "I tried so hard to get her what she needed. I really did." He let her hand go, turning back to stare at the fire.
"What do you mean?" Kagome asked as gently as she could.
Inuyasha hung his head. "Her body was failing. That witch hadn't made her to live this long." He sobbed, tears beginning to pour down his cheeks.
Everyone present sat in silence at that.
"I tried. Damn it I tried."
Kaede placed the cup of tea back in his hand. "I'm sure you did everything you could to help her."
Inuyasha quickly drained the wooden cup, letting it fall and roll away.
"The souls, they weren't enough to hold her together anymore. She said the clay was all worn out." He laughed humorlessly. "I tried to use the witch's kiln. I tried to find another way. I even thought of finding you and begging on my knees for your help. But when the first crack appeared on her we knew she was out of time."
Kagome's felt her blood freeze at that. The vague sense of unease that had filled her was quickly growing into fear.
"Inuyasha, are you saying Kikyo died?"
He shook his head quickly. "No. I brought her what she needed. She said it was just this once. Just one time and we could be together." He frowned. "I...I tried to make it quick. Painless"
His former companions recoiled from him. Sango's hand went to her mouth. Miroku began to pray silently. Shippo jumped into Kaede's arms.
Only Kagome stayed near him. She held back her tears, using every ounce of her strength not to break down.
"Oh Inuyasha...what did you do?"
"The girl didn't suffer." He said quietly. "I...I just hit her on the head, then put my hands around her throat until...she stopped moving."
"Kagome, step away from him."
The miko ignored her elder counterpart, instead sitting next to Inuyasha. She hugged him, noting how thin he was. Inuyasha made no move to return the hug, but sobbed into her shoulder.
"When Kikyo opened her eyes, I was happy. But then she said it wasn't enough. The body was all wrong. It felt wrong. The face, the arms, the legs, the eyes. She was very specific about how the eyes had to look."
Kagome looked into her friend's eyes, and knew he was gone. Whatever sanity Inuyasha had once possessed, he had sacrificed it for Kikyo along with his morality. She pitied him. Kikyo had always made demands of Inuyasha, even when she was alive. It had gotten worse once she returned from the dead. Kagome guessed she shouldn't have been surprised that the demands had gone still farther.
"So...so I had to get more. Find just the right hands. The right feet. The right eyes. The eyes..." He stared at the wall. "The eyes took the longest."
Kagome gently took his hands in hers. "Inuyasha, it's important you answer me. Where is Kikyo now?"
The hanyou shuddered, unable to look at her. "I tried. I tried. But tonight, I just couldn't do it anymore. When I grabbed the girl and put my hands at her throat...she was so young. So scared. I just couldn't do it."
He looked out the door into the pouring rain.
"She's near. I can feel her." Inuyasha stood up, letting the towel fall from his shoulders. "I have to go now. I just...I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
Kagome let her tears fall. "Please, don't go. We can hide you..."
Inuyasha shook his head. "Stay inside. No matter what you hear, do not come out until sunrise." He pulled his left hand from hers, letting the right linger for just a moment. Before she could stop him he was out the door, her friends holding her back from following him.
...
Inuyasha stood at the sacred tree as the rain fell onto him. He knew she would find him there. In a way it was ironic that it should end there.
He knelt, bowing his head. He had never prayed in his life, and had no illusions it would help him now. Instead he prayed for all of the girls. Prayed that they would find peace, safe from the obsessions of dead mikos and foolish, lovesick boys.
A twig snapped behind him. He slowly stood, turning to see what he already knew awaited him.
"Forgive me Kikyo."
...
Kagome felt numb as the funeral pyre lit up before her. Even before the terrified villager ran into Kaede's home to tell her about Inuyasha and the hideous, patchwork thing found with him she knew he was dead. They had been laying next to the sacred tree, arms around one another. In the end Inuyasha had accepted his fate, his punishment. The Tessaiga ran through the corpse's back, coming out her chest, and into his own. They had proved impossible to separate, even in death.
With her friends around her, Kagome watched as the fire consumed all evidence of the horror of that night. Kaede had promised that their ashes would be scattered to the winds, both to keep them from being brought back and because she felt that neither of them deserved a proper grave after what they had done.
After the last ember had cooled Kagome grabbed the Tessaiga, holding it to her, ignoring the soot and the faint smell of burnt flesh.
Even if the others couldn't forgive him, she did.
'Goodbye Inuyasha.'