I am a massive loser and I wish I didn't get random bursts of inspiration at 4 in the morning. I have work tomorrow, brain, give me ideas LATER!

Also, for the record, only the first chapter is probably going to be in first person just because I felt like it. Although I might make chapter two first person as well. All I know for sure is that eventually it's not going to be first person no' mo'.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or else Sakura would be a billion times cooler and you'd actually get to see her do shit instead of just waiting for Naruto to show up.

My mother once told me, when I was very little and my father had recently died, that love wasn't about hugs and kisses, or an "I love you" and "I miss you". It was about the butterflies you got in your stomach, and the chills that ran down your spine. Ultimately, though, it was about the pain you felt in every inch of your body when that person you love walks away.

And that's when I really knew I was in love with Sasuke.

For as many dates as I asked him for, or as many declarations of love I made for him, I always doubted myself a little. Was it just a childhood crush? Did I trail after Sasuke like Naruto and Lee trailed after me?

It wasn't until I woke up on that bench to the knowledge that he had left Konoha—that he had left me—that I knew for sure. I wish sometimes I could've figured out a little sooner.

Now I'm 19 (going on 20!) and I'm back on that bench, but this time I'm just watching the clouds go by. Shikamaru gave me my salvation. We were on a mission together after Sasuke left, and he'd noticed how spacey I was.

I'm not going to lie; sometimes it was obvious how badly I was pining for Sasuke. And Shikamaru knew it. So he suggested cloud watching as a way to clear my head. He said it worked for him, looking up at something that was bigger than him to put him in perspective. I told him that it was very shrewd of him to draw a conclusion like that for someone our age, and he just shrugged and slouched off.

Trust me guys, it works. When it would start to get to my sensitive child's brain that Sasuke had abandoned us, I'd find a comfortable spot somewhere and look up. Sometimes clouds resemble other objects, and other times they're just globs floating somewhere up in the atmosphere. But they always remind me that in reality, I am insignificant. My problems are nothing compared to the world, especially my measly childhood heartache.

And eventually, I got over it. I got over the fact that he left, and that he wouldn't take me with him even when I begged and pleaded and completely bared myself to him.

Mostly I got over him.

Being over Sasuke hasn't rid me of my troubles, unfortunately. As I suspected, there were bigger fish to be fried in the world, and sometimes I got caught up in the mix. Missions gone awry, or fights with Naruto or Sai, for example.

Right now I'm just tired. I've been overworking myself at the hospital. Everyone has been nagging me about it, but how can I not spend every free moment of my time healing others? If I have the ability, I might as well use it, it's the least I can do for all the poor people I encounter on a daily basis.

It's not as if I'm strapped for cash, either. And if I was, I hit Jounin ages ago, and boy do some of those missions pay out.

Another problem I find occurring in my life repeatedly is people bothering me during my Cloud Watching Time. I don't care if the bench I am occupying is out in the middle of a marketplace, the least people could so is keep it quiet.

It is really, really difficult to concentrate on simple, floating clouds when someone (or is that someones?) are screeching at each other. What are they even saying? It sounds like—

"SHUT UP, SHARK BOY!"

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT IT, FOUR EYES?"

How juvenile is that? Who even calls anyone Four Eyes anymore? That insult is for babies! And Shark Boy, what the hell does that even mean?

"WELL I'D SHUT IT BUT YOU'RE TOO ANNOYING!"

"I'M ANNOYING? HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOURSELF EVER?"

A third male voice started mumbling to himself about petty insults and letting things go. So is this a group, or what?

"OF COURSE I LISTEN TO MYSELF, I'M NOT—"

"Would you two SHUT THE HELL UP? Some people are trying to RELAX!!!"

So maybe I do have a temper problem! What's the big deal with that, anyways? I just want to watch some freakin' clouds, is that too much to ask? I sure don't think so! Who are these fools anyways? I might as well check it out—

I sat up, no biggie. I just turned and looked at these irritating people who are intruding upon my Cloud Watching Time, and I'm starting to wonder if the sky has collapsed and I am hallucinating, because my eyes are totally healthy and it isn't a genjutsu and what is happening??

Why is he here? Why now? It's been so long, nearly a decade! Itachi's been dead for years, and he should've come back then but he didn't and why is he here now?

I am not a coward. I'm not, and if you call me a coward I will crush you into oblivion. I haven't been called a coward since I was 15 and Kiba made the mistake of letting it slip and as punishment Tsunade made me heal him and spend time with him the entire week he was in the hospital. My lack of cowardice, or bravery as I've heard others call it, can also be construed as stupidity. Because only a stupid person would open their mouths and acknowledge the present of this illusion, and that is what I am doing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

And now my brains have kicked in, and I've only had time to register the minor flash of surprise in his eyes (so I can still read him as well as when he left? maybe he hasn't changed much at all…) before I ran.

Because deep down, I am a coward.