Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me. Just trying to improve is all.
AN: I'm just testing the waters here. Takes place in DH during their days in the tent, but ventures towards an AU (eh, kind of- not really sure how to explain it). Enjoy.
Recommendation(s): Glee cast- "As Long As You're There"
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A Harry Potter One-shot
Author: wubbzy
Count: 6368
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Counting the Seconds Missed
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You wish you could get those seconds back
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Maybe everyone's unusually shy
And face-to-face, it's so hard
To say anything
You actually wanna say something
But something gets in the way, and you play it off
On occasion we should let it all out
For in words there resides a strange power.
-"Thank You" by Orange Range
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Their legs lay sprawled against the dirt floor as they sat side by side. They stared at nothing in particular as each held an expression of absolute fatigue. Their backs lay slouched against the bed. Their expressions were sombre, both smeared with light patches of dirt across skin. Hermione's dismal lips trembled, contemplating in that vast mind of hers. Sometimes it surprised Harry how much knowledge was crammed in her noggin. His gaze was set on Hermione, watching her with a distant gleam in her eyes that drew him in a way that made her his sole focus. Her eyes expressed nothing, yet everything at the same time. He was not aware of what she was thinking about as the quiescence permeated the air.
Her rigid posture, her solemn expression, her complete look of concentration, her clenched mandible... she was either having a didactic debate against herself, or she was thinking up some sort of strategy. It was a look he became quite familiar with over the years.
She had noticed his eyes locked on her since the very moment he began. She ended up unclenching her jaw, her stiff muscles finally relaxing.
"I fancied you, you know." He observed that her voice had not cracked; it just remained a similar pitch of monotone. This frightened him how much vulnerability was easily revealed, how he could just take a glance and see; it was blatant how much loneliness was etched in her eyes. However, she was trying to suppress it for his sake. She was showing off a tough exterior where there needn't be vulnerability nor mourning. He was so focused on her features, wishing there was a way he could bring them back to a more familiar Hermione, he wasn't paying much attention to the context of her words.
"Huh?" He thought he would be able to give a better, more intelligent response than that. At the moment, it really could not be helped with the astonishment from such a confession.
"How articulate…" Of course Hermione would call him out on his way of seemingly lacking of vocabulary. He probably would have responded with something back too, yet the fact that she gave out a whispered chortle resulted in pursed lips.
"Really?" he asked, his head tilting in wonder.
"Yes really," she confirmed, another small chuckle echoing to his ears.
"I never would have guessed."
"Of course you wouldn't," she snorted, another small chortle resonating. She learned to laugh at his naivety.
"When was this?"
"Well, I kind of fancied you our first year, although it was more of admiration. Even if you were a prat sometimes... oh, Harry, I'm joking." She patted his arm to reassure him. He gave a faux expression of offence. She beamed, knowing he hadn't taken her seriously.
"Why are you telling me now?"
"It just crossed my mind. I dunno, I thought you should know." She shrugged with nonchalance.
"Let me rephrase that. I meant: why are you only telling me now? Why didn't you tell me beforehand?" She stared at him, as if asking if he were serious. He shrugged with a small chuckle, seeming to understand perfectly without any words spoken. He hadn't really seen her as more than a friend. Plus, Hermione just hadn't felt like telling him. She also felt he wouldn't find her attractive, but he couldn't read her so clearly to understand those train of thoughts.
"Point taken."
"We should forget I ever said anything."
"But what came about this? Was it something I did?" It astounded him how calm she was being on something that completely caught him off guard. He was feeling a state of panic, a churning sensation rumbling through his abdomen along with something else that felt warm and tingly.
"All the other girls used to fantasize whenever they thought of someone they fancied. I never told anyone – until now, but I thought about it a couple of times. I pushed my feelings aside most of the time," she admitted.
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Hermione was sitting on her cot, reading over the books she checked out from the library, when she heard the rest of her roommates giggling in from the corridor. She glanced up for a brief second, rolling her eyes at the giggling girls before she got back to perusing the rest of the paragraph on potions.
The conversation perked her interest at the mention of her best friend's name.
"Oh yes, can you believe it? Harry Potter is extraordinaire! He's so talented, that boy."
"I wonder what kind of girls he likes." They all turned and eyed the bushy haired girl with opened ears as she gave a quite believable pretence that she wasn't ease dropping.
"Granger," Parvati started. "What's your opinion on the matter?"
"Opinion on what?" she asked, a bit of her bossiness springing free. Parvati rolled her eyes.
"On Potter, of course. You spend so much time with him, you should know his type of girls," she reasoned.
"We... we hardly discuss such topics," Hermione stammered, keeping her cool.
"Well, by being with him, you I suspect should know a lot about him."
"I do!" she exclaimed, almost seeming affronted by such a notion. Parvati smirked at such an outburst.
"Then, do you suppose he'd go for a girl like me?" Parvati batted her eyelashes, staring straight into Hermione's awkward pupils. She flinched, not comfortable with such a close proximity.
"Well, I'm not sure really. It's possible, but his mind is on more important matters than girls at the moment," she explained.
"And what may that be?"
"Oh, it's nothing."
"Tsk, tsk, Hermione Granger has a secret," she teased. Hermione's face reddened, flushed. "Is she just trying to keep Potter to herself?" Lavender gasped.
"What? That is not the case," Hermione argued. If it were possibly, her cheeks were painted a darker shade of scarlet at the accusation.
"Oh come on now. You've been friends with him. Don't tell me you've never thought about it once."
"Well, maybe once." The girls giggled, and she blushed, averting her gaze to the ground. Parvarti and Lavender giggled, mentioning how she looked like a bright cherry.
"See, I thought about it countless times. Parvati Potter. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" Parvati laughed.
"Lavender Potter," Lavender chided.
"Ah yes, brilliant. Hmm, Hermione Potter sounds adorable, does it not?" Parvati giggled at Hermione's face that had flushed ruby.
"What are you saying?"
"Nothing, just wondering how it would be if you two were to marry. Quite charming, don't you think Lav?" she asked, a smirk rising at the prospect. Parvati stared at her as if she were serious, incredulous eyes sparkling with mischief. "Don't tell me you've never tried on a boy's last names. Oh Hermione..."
Hermione couldn't even fathom the thought of her and Harry becoming a couple, let alone connubial where she would take his name.
Although…
She couldn't help but agree: Hermione Potter had a nice ring to it.
The thought left as soon as it came, realizing these girls were going to drive her mental.
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"Hmm... you know, Hermione Potter does sound brilliant," he teased, and she was sure she felt too flustered for words.
"Oh quiet you. I'm sure this highly amuses you." She couldn't help but giggle as well when he heartily nodded.
"It's not every day you hear your best friend was madly in love with you, you know." Considering it was Hermione, it was such a rarity to see her so flustered she couldn't speak. It was usually when something saddening occurred, and this was far better than the usual sorrowful expression she held on days they were far too distant to share anything, let alone words. They hadn't done anything beforehand, but the light-hearted subject really put them both at ease since they each were dealing with the stresses and qualms they would soon face.
It was quite refreshing considering their days in that tent were filled with silence and a mournful atmosphere that kept them at a stalemate for the longest of times- all those times where so much was left unsaid. So much that should have been said had been forgone. Delightful it was, seeing Hermione with a smile on her face; it suited her better than the expressionless or the dismal face with tears cascading down her rosy cheeks. It shook him, as it wasn't too long ago when she was sobbing on the other side of the world to him, where he couldn't reach for the life of him even when he knew he desperately had to close the gap between them. It seemed as though Hermione realized this as well, because she initiated this moment of revealing secrets.
They needed this. They needed to get away from their own minds and see that there was someone still there, because they were not alone. They were in this battle together. No matter what trials or obstacles faced, no matter if they felt on separate ends of the Earth, in the end, they new if they looked, they would be beside each other forever and always. During their time in that tent, there was a lot of silence and minds getting boggled by thought after thought. However, sometimes, there were moments like this, where after so long, they finally garnered the strength to reach out to each other and share something, whether it was a laugh or something more intimate - this conversation being a lot of both.
Teasing and games aside, he had to admit there was truth in the matter. Now that he truly thought about it, there were a few occasions that should have tipped him off during the past years or at least make him question their relationship. But then again, it was hard to read her at times.
"I wasn't madly in love with you. It was simply childish infatuation of course. I couldn't, wouldn't let this get in the way of my studies. Although, I guess now that I think about it, there was no point in overlooking," she continued, bringing him out of his thoughts. She already thought about him more than she thought about a lot of things she figured she'd focus on the most when she first arrived at Hogwarts. Her plans, however, changed because of him, and she wouldn't have it any other way. This was their battle now. It would not have made a difference either way, since her life revolved around him now, basically.
"Wow. Hermione Granger was in love with Harry Potter." She playfully smacked his arms as she chortled.
"Don't tease, and don't turn it into something it's not."
"I'm not teasing." After the chuckles seized, there was a calming silence between the two as they continued to contemplate the year's past, the chances missed, the seconds gone by...
"So... did you really try on my last name?" he asked with a small snigger as she lightly slapped his arm once more, clearly exasperated.
"Everyone did it, especially to your name, alright? Harry bloody Potter," she bolstered out. "Not only are you the boy who lived, but you were the 'chosen one,' so everyone tried on your name. It was quite annoying actually because they were only fond of you solely for that reason." She crossed her arms with a huff, clearly irate by the fact she found herself having to defend herself.
His eyes averted towards her as she let out a big sigh and leaned against him, her eyes brimming with frustration. His lips curled up, his arms wrapping around her waist as he rubbed her arms to keep her warm.
"Oh, so you felt something for me during fourth year, did you?" he asked, his eyes glazed with curiosity. He was clearly intrigued, continuing to contemplate and decipher her every word.
"Like I said, it was on and off at times. So yes, I felt something, but it was fleeting… for a minute," she spluttered, flushed by the fact she was even talking about this. She had assumed that finally admitting it would give her a bit of closure since now she was sure they were merely friends and she was comfortable enough to confess... but no, she still found herself blushing mad like a bloody schoolgirl.
Fantastic.
Harry's neck craned up to stare at the ceiling, not sure if he should ask her anymore. The more they talked, the more he wanted to garner information. It was odd, knowing Hermione had a crush on him, but at the same time felt satisfying. He had finally looked down and noticed her ears and face heated. A small smirk crept up to his face at the thought.
"Well, how did it go about this time?" Hermione sighed, deciding she might as well continue.
"It's just, the girls kept on bringing it up, so of course it's going to get into my head a few times," she reasoned. "But fourth year, Viktor Krum questioned me one of those times I was studying. Everyone kept on asking me about it, especially with that Rita Skeeter reporting rubbish. I don't know, I figured what they said could be possible. It did seem as we could be together, clandestinely of course. Everything seemed so natural when we were together; it just felt right... so I heard. "
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It was odd having Viktor Krum stare down at her as she continued to study. Creepy really, for she wasn't used to being watched so intensely. Getting observed made it harder to concentrate on her studies because someone's peering eyes scrutinizing and examining her always made her feel self-conscious. She was feeling erratic by his deep eyes.
"You know, you don't have to stay here. I'm sure it's pretty boring just watching me study," she suggested. He merely smiled.
"Actually, it's not. You're beautiful," She took a moment to glance up, a small smile spread as she felt embarrassed by such a statement of exultation.
"Oh, well thank you." She bashfully tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before she tried to concentrate on the words imprinted on the tea-stained parchment.
After a while, he finally spoke again. "So are you excited for the Triwizard Tournament? I'm definitely going to be victorious you know."
"Um, maybe. Although, I have to root for my school you know. Loyalties and all." She realized it probably wasn't the best to be so blunt, but she realized he understood. However, she still felt the need to say she would cheer for him and wish for his safety.
However, that was set aside when he promptly asked, "So you're rooting for Potter?"
She took a moment to ponder his statement as she felt it terse and unexpected. The obvious answer was that of course she would be rooting for him; he was her friend after all. However, she realized she was never thinking of his victory, rather, his safety. She wasn't rooting for him to win; she was rooting for him to come back to her alive.
"I'm just on tenterhooks he doesn't get hurt," she admitted, the fears reaching her desperate voice. After a brief stillness, she returned to her reading. However, before she could fully engulf herself once more, Viktor spoke again.
"May I ask you something else?"
"You just did." She quickly realized he didn't like being talked to in such a manner, so she added, "but sure."
"Did you have a thing for Potter before? Were you two going out?"
"W-what? No!" She was completely flustered by such an allegation.
"Well, you were with him all the time, just wondering."
"He's just my friend."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
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Harry was rather shocked at her recollection. It was probably the way she executed her words that made him think that perhaps Viktor was a bit envious of their closeness. He turned to Hermione as she held a stern look in the way her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes darted at him.
"That wasn't even the worst of it. You remember the newspaper article, don't you?" He nodded in remembrance. She turned away to stare at the flaps of the tent, loathing them as if they were the article or the reporter who wrote it. "That Rita Skeeter… it gets my blood boiling just remembering those bloody articles! Everyone kept pestering me on and on about those insuperable rumours."
He smiled, noticing the wrinkle her forehead created when she recalled the anecdote of her roommate's reactions.
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"Oh Merlin, that's probably why you went with Viktor, right? He's a seeker too! Seekers must be your type."
"Why must you correlate everything with Harry?"
"Because I want to get to the bottom of this. Besides, that hug certainly doesn't look like it was of two friends."
"I was going crazy because he might have died, of course I- no, there's nothing!" she quickly stopped herself, knowing that Parvati and Lavender would turn everything she said into something more.
"Of course not. That's why you two didn't have a secret fling and why you didn't break poor Harry's heart."
"Do you seriously believe silly rumours from the paper?" she asked, furious by that bloody Rita Skeeter.
"Well, at least it is good to know that he's available and anything between you two is over."
"No, there was nothing to get over because there was nothing there."
Throughout all this, she couldn't help but wonder in a huff, "Why does everything Harry do have to always end up in the bloody paper?"
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"And then what Parvati said about you to the girls." Hermione quickly covered her mouth, hoping he didn't hear. His eyebrow quirked with curiosity.
"Parvati? What did she say about me?"
"Well, she said you weren't much of a good date at the Yule Ball. Apparently, you were a git to her who hadn't paid attention to her at all. Of course, I defended you, and they ended up teasing me, especially with the other false accusations and rumours. But I wasn't supposed to tell you that."
"So she thought I wasn't a good date? Well, I can't really blame her; I hardly knew what I was doing there. How was I supposed to? I was so bloody nervous."
"Don't worry, I told them you're a real gentlemen, you were just shy," she reassured.
"Thanks…"
"However, she mentioned something else that got me thinking… but it was utterly mad."
"What did she say?"
"Well, she mentioned that it would have been better off if we switched, since we'd clearly have had a better time together, which is true in a sense I suppose."
"We probably would have been better off going together, but it still would have been a bore for you. I probably would have stepped on your toes." He wasn't sure why that blurted out, since he immediately wanted to take his words back. He knew he probably wouldn't feel nervous dancing with Hermione. She would have reassured him and comforted him throughout the entire evening.
"Harry, you're not a bore. I wouldn't be in this bloody tent with you for so long if you were."
"Well you're obligated now. You've been stuck with me for so long, it's out of habit."
"You know that's not true. I'm here because I choose to, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," she confessed, and she bit her lip to stop it from trembling. Yes, she would go with him to the end of the world if it meant she could protect him for just a bit longer. If it was worth anything, she'd look through every book; she'd do anything to make sure he was safe. There was a chilling silence, and Harry berated himself for letting the topic get to something of this nature. She was always sensitive when it came to his life. Hermione, he realized, must have been terrified. She chose to stay with him, she chose to be the only one to stay by his side… She wanted to make sure he was alive and well. She wanted to be closer, stay closer just in case…
He noticed her cold and tenuous for the first time, from the cold, he wasn't so sure. He frowned, realizing the eerie muteness was because she was having that same feeling he'd felt. He'd have to face his fears alone, and if she left him for a second, he'd disappear and never come back. It was maddening knowing they both shared that same feeling, knowing that it was possible. The trepidation that they could be separated – he felt it was coming so soon, far too soon – and then the next thing she would know, the last sight of Harry Potter would be a lifeless shell of a body, cold as winter.
He hadn't thanked her enough. He hadn't apologized enough. He wanted to thank her for being there – always being the only one there. He wanted to apologize for putting her through all this. His actions always worried her, since she was far too smart to remain oblivious. He was sure she already knew he would die. She always put her life on the line for him, and she was there. She always hugged him, she always did things to make sure that he was really there, still warm to the touch. The urge to wrap his arms around her and share warmth had never felt so strongly in his life than at that moment.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?" Her eyes seemed so weary.
"Thank you, for always being there." She laughed rather softly, so half-heartedly.
"There's no need to thank me Harry," she was interrupted when he stared into her auburn eyes. His eyes showed so much conviction and determination, his fingers catching her cold hand and entangling them with hers.
"Really. Thank you, and I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Everything." He wasn't sure if he was squeezing too tightly, as if he were trying to get her to stay even when she had no intention of leaving. The thought of her leaving frightened him, even when she declared she would go with him. He didn't know how he would survive without her thus far; he'd be so lost. He squeezed again, knowing she would go with him, the thought of letting go never crossing her mind.
"Harry…" she trailed off, deciding not to say anymore. Hermione supposed she wasn't sure what to say for the first time. She knew something was on his mind. She knew perfectly well he was troubled, and she wanted to find out what was concerning him, but knew he probably wouldn't want to tell her at the moment. No, Harry didn't need to say anymore. She remained silent, not leaving – never leaving – because she knew he needed that more than anything. He wasn't alone.
Quiescence pervaded, and they continued on, leaning against each other as they both contemplated.
"Parvati also mentioned something else."
"Did she?"
"She mentioned that you were looking at me too."
"Well, I was. I mean, yeah…" he stammered, not ready to admit what he was thinking. No, he had quickly brushed his thoughts of her being gorgeous out of his mind that time. "Your appearance was different, alright? I-I wasn't used to seeing you so, so…" he was digging himself into a hole, he realized. She seemed amused and her familiar smile returned.
"Well, at least you didn't see me as a cruddy ole' sister. I figured I was just imagining things at times. To think of me as a sister is not retched of course. It's normal, but I'm your friend, not your sister. I dunno, I always thought you thinking of me a sister was a polite way of insinuating I was ugly or something. That's the typical thing a boy says when they think their friend is too ugly to date, right?"
"Rubbish. I don't think you're ugly, Hermione." She guffawed. "I'm being serious."
"Okay, okay." She continued to laugh to his dismay.
Harry took a big breath in and then an exhale out. "I actually thought about it… a couple of times."
Hermione was bemused. "Thought of what?"
"Well, you know… us."
"Oh?"
"Well don't act so surprised," he said sarcastically. He then sighed. "Look, you're beautiful, Hermione. Anyone can see that." She thanked him with a tone of shock. A slight smile crept up that made him feel something else entirely. Oh, and was he still grasping onto her hand? He hadn't noticed till now. As he took the time to knead circles with his finger pads, he noted how soft they were.
"Harry? Are you all right?" she asked, and he finally realized he was in the middle of sharing.
"Yes, sorry. Anyways: it wasn't a lot, but sometimes I wondered about us. As you said, a lot of people were asking – even Dumbledore questioned if we were together. It's impossible not to ponder on it for a pithy second when others are mentioning it. You are also the closest girl I've ever known, so how could I not?" It was only when he heaved out a big sigh that she realized how cold it really must have been in the tent. She saw his misty breath, and she noticed him shiver a bit, and his other hand went to hers. She was pretty sure his ears and cheeks smudged with patches of dirt were rosy solely for that reason.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"Tell me when you thought so of course!" she exclaimed, anxious to know. It was weird, seeing as she always figured he just didn't like her in that way. In a way it was kind of flattering to know he actually thought of her differently, even if it was for a fleeting second. Harry guffawed, a bit flustered, and she placed her palm over his hands, urging him to continue with his thoughts. "I did share with you," she argued, and he concurred, nodding.
"Fine," he relented, defeated. He paused in thought. "I was… I just realized you were the only one there for me, so it just made me wonder a few times."
"But when Harry?"
"Well, you know…"
"No, I don't." He sighed. He wasn't ready to admit when, especially when it was so recently. He was a boy, so he never really thought about girls in his early years. Plus, he wasn't lying when he said it really didn't cross his mind. He was too busy thinking about other girls to notice Hermione (let's forget the fact he truly had thought of her as a sister), but he couldn't tell her that. Asking himself why they hadn't dated only crossed his mind till they were in this tent together. Friends only share past feelings when those feelings were in the past. Yet here he was, wondering why they never decided to go out together or at least experiment now.
He thought his next point of action was obvious. She was using past tense for everything, so he would follow her lead. No, she wasn't thinking about the possibility of them like he was, and she was dreading over Ron. They were merely supposed to share their small instances when one speculated how there might be something more, but had quickly dismissed it. With the subject at hand, he really couldn't dismiss it now. This new fear began to creep up, but he pushed it aside to think up a tale on one of those small instances.
"It was fifth year. I-I was scared I'd lose you." He wasn't lying there. However, any romantic inclination went out the window, because at the sight of even the slightest bit of death, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was alive, she was still there, and she wasn't icy cold from the sensation of death. However, now, he felt differently. She was here for him, and she would risk her life for him. Many emotions filled him – guilt, being the main and first sensation, but something else as well. He wasn't sure what, but the fact that she cared for him so much made him feel something else entirely. Hermione nodded, urging him to continue.
"After that happened, I just thought that we'd be good together, since I realized just how much you mean to me and supported me and inspired me."
"That makes sense." Hermione reasoned. Harry laughed.
"Of course, it was just a thought," he interjected, laughing. "I really thought we'd be amazing if we were ever together since it shouldn't be much different. Only certain aspects would be modified, the really good stuff would be added. I hadn't thought about it much, but when I did, it was really something. I even had a…" he trailed off, realizing what he was about to say.
"A what?" His jaw clamped as he knew he spoke too much just now.
"Do I really need to say it out loud?" He wished had never opened his mouth. "Because I'd like to take it back."
"Yes, you do, and no, you can't take it back. You have to say it." She said it so bossily, as if she were declaring a set of rules that one had to follow or else they'd be in loads of trouble with their old professors. He scowled, wanting to be anywhere else but here at the moment.
"I even had… a wet dream," he whispered out.
"What?" she squealed, her eyes bulging out.
"Well, you are my best friend and you are a girl…" Hermione was rendered speechless, completely and utterly flabbergasted.
"All boys my age have those kinds of fantasies! A few of the boys in the dormitories admitted they had one of you..." he paused, "of a lot of girls too! Neville even had one of Luna," he added, just to make sure his point well argued. Her mouth was agape, still not believing Harry would admit to something so lascivious.
"Oh, I wasn't supposed to tell you that… but it's not a lie! I mean, I had a few of a lot of different girls. I'm a teenage boy for crying out loud," he reasoned, clearly regretting saying anything.
"Oh my." She seemed so overwhelmed; it was odd, although it explained a lot of things when he talked in his sleep. It didn't happen a lot considering their situation, but on occasions, she did hear him moan out. It kind of scared her at first, but she realized it wasn't a nightmare as other times. She still hadn't been sure then. Now it was definitely clear to her. He must have been… her face flushed at the thought.
"Don't think less of me or anything, it's natural." He got the feeling she was disappointed in him.
"Well I know that. Even girls have those type of dreams, they're just too stubborn to admit it since it's not morally acceptable."
"Don't tell me. I mean, tell me, have you?" His eyes showed a glint of curiosity and his heart nearly pounded out of his chest, anxious to hear such raunchy thoughts from Hermione Granger, of all people.
"W-well-" She had stuttered, so Harry had come to the obvious conclusion.
"Oh Merlin, you have." He laughed, never expecting something as this to come up.
"Like I said, girls have them too, just too stubborn to admit it. But, considering the circumstances, I figured why not?" she explained, laughing along with him for a minute.
Silence permeated when the chuckles seized. She shifted, trying to get as comfortable as possible, her hands now making their way to the floor as she shifted her legs. Harry stirred as well, covering a cough as he responded to her movements with his own, trying to make sure both were comforted and they would not be positioned too awkwardly.
Their silence only got Harry thinking even more. Too many questions were raised in his head, and after debating on whether he should ask, he finally made his decision. To hell with the manners: they were in a tent and they were alone. What happened in the tent, stayed in the tent.
"Any of me?" She gasped, aghast by his bluntness.
"What? I cannot believe you'd accuse me of such-such... profound, lewd accusations Harry Potter." Harry merely shrugged, a bit disappointed, but still amused. Hermione bit her lip, trying to conceal what she truly wanted to confess. Harry smirked, knowing she was a terrible liar, especially when she made weird faces, debating on whether she should tell him more. Hermione finally sighed. He was honest with her. And apparently, it was time to finally make concessions about their dirty little secrets.
"Okay, once," she confessed.
"Seriously?" he asked sceptically. She nodded.
Silence filled the atmosphere along with nervousness and a fidgeting Hermione as she tapped on her thigh. Her hands motioned towards the floor, making little squiggles as she ran her fingers through the gravel.
"Was I good?" she blushed and he smirked. They hardly ever talked about this subject, but it was strangely invigorating when on such a topic. It did not help at all that he realized he had had one during their time together alone. Of course, he reckoned it was normal, since she was the only girl there and he saw her everyday, the only person at a close proximity. That still didn't stop him from freaking out at the notion. It certainly wasn't helping now, since he realized he'd probably have another tonight after hearing Hermione's disclosure.
"I can't believe I'm talking about this with you." The continuous silence almost made her think he had dropped the topic to her relief.
"So was I?"
No such luck.
After a pause, she was finally able to splutter, "You were… gentle."
"Oh." He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not since he wasn't experienced. He knew in his, it was rather vigorous and abrasive, their bodies meshing in pure desire. She giggled at his disappointed expression, understanding his concern.
"That's a good thing. I mean, it was my first time. Not that I'm one for roughness – I mean, not that I wouldn't mind... I just figured I'd...shut up" He couldn't help but snigger, and she pouted as she smacked his arm, completely flustered.
"Please, let's just drop this topic this instant," she demanded, but Harry continued to laugh. She was so red, and she giggled out of sheer embarrassment. She wasn't sure how much she could handle.
"But this is interesting."
"No. I'm not speaking to you anymore," she threatened, turning away from him as she crossed her arms. He rolled his eyes at her meagre threat. He ended engulfing her in an embrace, seeing that she was embarrassed more than angered. They'd never admit it to each other, at least not yet, but it was only recently they had fantasized, when they were alone that they actually started having those types of dreams.
There was a comforting silence between them, plastered smiles never leaving as they thought of the odd outcome of their conversation. How on Earth did they get to that topic? Either way, Harry was glad they ended this conversation on a happy note because on other nights where they talk to each other, it ended in silence with either sobs or sniffles, because something they didn't mean to say or bring up did get brought up and it left such a mark that even mentioning it opened up sealed wounds.
Thankfully, this particular night held no resentment, no melancholy, no loneliness. He glanced at her and their eyes caught each other's. She beamed and giggled, once again leaning towards him. Hermione eventually closed her eyes, completely exhausted, but a smile on her face nonetheless.
.
She had placed her head in the crook of his neck, the juncture feeling warm and inviting. He thought, and realized, they did kind of make sense. As he sat there, with Hermione in his arms, he reminded himself that she was the only one left, the only one who had stayed no matter what. She was the one still beside him, wrapped in his arms as he tried his best to protect her from not only the world, but her own sobs and emotional distress.
He felt for her small hand, silently intertwining their fingers together. He squeezed just enough to make sure she was still there, because right now, it felt so surreal, sharing this semblance of warmth, this moment that spoke more than he ever imagined.
He looked down, brushed strands of hair away from her face, and tenderly but barely, grazed her forehead with his lips in a chaste kiss.
After a moment, his mind drew a blank as he kissed her once more, this time pressing his lips to her forehead more firmly. Harry hesitated for a second before he drew back and looked at her sleeping form just to make sure once more... she was really there. She was not a figment of his imagination. She had not left, and she felt so warm. He held her tighter, not wanting nor ready to let her go just yet. He realized her sleeping form felt so at ease. Not so at peace just yet, but relieved – not even that. She felt more vulnerable to his emerald eyes, like she was baring herself to him because she chose to. She wasn't putting on a tough front or hiding her face as she sobbed, but closing her eyes and letting him see her vulnerabilities as she slept; she held no resistance to his caressing touch.
There was some sense of familiarity in each other's arms that felt like home – a home they wanted to go back to, yet knew they could not.
They could have been something more. And as he continued to say nothing, continued to just hold her, more seconds where missed... one more moment missed.
And they couldn't look back now, not when so much was riding on them – not when they already chose their destined paths a long while ago. They would continue moving forward, leaving home behind and never turning back.
"It's a shame, really."
.
There is always uncertainty and wandering mixed in
Feelings that run far away into an uncertain future.
Whenever the things you want to protect increase
You leave your sadness behind and continue on
-" Shinkokyuu" by Super Beaver
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AN: Conversations like this actually happens in real life (I know from experience). Hmm, this seems as if I could make a sequel if I wanted to... don't quote me, but I just might. Let me know how you feel about a potential sequel. Well, either way I'm counting it as completed. UPDATE: Actually, I'm planning to just right an alternative ending. Thanks for reading, and please send me some critique, I would greatly appreciate it! Please review and see you all next time!