Helpin
Mal tossed and turned in his bunk once again haunted by this devil nightmare. It has been a week since Inara left again. It should have broken him. It should have made it easier but this damn nightmare only makes it worse. Each night as sleep claims him she enters his thoughts. Each night he sees himself doing and saying the things so hard for him to make her stay. Worst of all each night she not only stays on the Serenity but she stays in his bunk. He can almost feel her lips ghost over his. He can see in his mind all too clearly, her standing there in all her glory dropping her garments along with her defense as she comes to him.
Tonight is the worst nightmare yet as he dreams, her fingers are sliding along his skin as she strips his clothes away. He swears he tastes strawberries when her dream self kisses him. What she does to him next nearly drives him insane with passion. Next, she is a top him riding him like a fiery angel.
It is now he notices things not quite right. Inara's body is too solid beneath his hands for a dream even more confusing is her portions are wrong. The body riding him is thinner but more muscular. The breasts in his hands are small and firm not at all the softness he normally imagines. Struggling awake he tries to fight what is happening but he is too far gone into the moment. The pleasure is too much for him to fight. His climax's intensity is tainted by the guilt quickly overwhelming him as the reality of his "nightmare" hits him.
"River" he says to the figure above him.
"Shsh. Go back to dreaming. I can be her in your dream." River replies still a top him.
Part of him wants to just get lost in this dream but Mal isn't that kind of man. He faces reality as it is not as he wishes it. "River." he says more forcefully as he moves her next to him.
She curls her body along his sending fire all along that side. Fighting the feeling, Mal gets up to turn on the lights. "River what in the sam hill are you doing?" He tries not to trace the sweat running across her amazing body. He tries not to see her at all but she is all he can see at the moment. All sorts of thoughts collide in his mind from the practical "Is she on the pill? to the emotional, "I betrayed her."
Looking like a small child caught with a cookie, River looks up at him guiltily as she explains, "I was just helpin. You've dreamed of her ever night. The tension radiates off you in waves. I thought I could help. Did I help?"
Touched, horrified, and just plain poleaxed Mal struggles for a reply. After a few long moments he tries "That was, well, it was very nice, I mean thoughtful but you shouldn't have. It's not right you see."
"Sorry." River squeaks as tears start to form. She grabs her sundress from the floor and darts up the ladder before Mal can assemble his thoughts further.
Simon is whistling happily to himself, which is odd for a man up and about at this hour. You see where as normal folk would be downright ornery at being up now he was pleased because his wife soon to be the mother his child had a craving. The thought of not only making his wife happy but of being a father has kept him on cloud 9 since learning about the pregnancy a few weeks ago. He suspected right away despite Kaylee taking longer to accept the truth. He knows part of her reluctance was fear of him running away or feeling obligated. She wants him to love her and nothing else. She doesn't do obligation or guilt. What they have is just what they have as it is: no expectations. Just one more reason she is so incredible.
His happy mood is shattered when he sees his naked sister climb crying from the Captain's room then run to the passenger quarters. His first instinct is to punch the Captain until she stops crying but he knows nothing is so simple with his sister. The fact the Captain would make short work of him is also a factor but only a small one. A big brother has to do some things. Swinging by his shared quarters, he gives Kaylee her treat then says he heard River crying. Kaylee understands he needs to check on her. Another reason he loves Kaylee so fiercely. He doesn't mention the Captain's involvement because he doesn't know what happened yet.
Knocking softly on River's door, he then slowly opens it. His sister is curled in a ball thankfully in her dress now crying softly. "Hey." he says in greeting.
Seeing him, she wraps her arms around as she babbles "I was just helpin. Why does it always go wrong? What's wrong with helpin?"
"It'll be ok." he tells her over and over as he holds her. As much as he fears the answers, he decides he has to ask what happened. While searching for the words the sound of boots approaching causes him to look out the door. A fully dressed Mal is striding this way.
Mal calls out "River. I'm sorry for upsetting you." Then seeing Simon stops short. "Uhm." he mummers trying desperately to find a way to explain this bizarre situation.
River sees Mal and turns away from him clearly now pouting. "Not talking" she states firmly then pulls her covers over her head.
Simon knows when River is like this she is best just left on her own for a bit, until she calms so he gets up and waves for Mal to follow him. He leads Mal into the kitchen. Mal follows clearly nervous and uncomfortable. Mal sits as Simon pours them both some caff. "So" Simon asks calmly.
Mal thinks on this a minute starting to sip then lower his cup then starting to sip again as his mind clearly struggles how to respond. "River snuck into my bunk and we sort of well no sort of we did uhm do things. In my defense, I was sleeping and thought it was just a dream. By the time I realized it weren't it was uhm too late." Mal spits out.
"So you had sex with my sister?" Simon replies trying to grasp the whole situation while desperately wishing he didn't have too.
"Not on purpose." Mal blurts out in defense of himself. "It just sort of happened. Like I said before I was dreamin."
"So you had sex with my sister." Simon repeats.
Mal looking very guilty answers "sort uh. I thought she was someone else. I swear."
"So you had sex with my sister while thinking of another woman?" Simon clarifies.
"Exactly." Mal says at first glad Simon understands then realizes just how bad what he said sounds. "Not exactly. Damn it I was sleepin!" Mal growls.
"So my sister tricked you into having sex with her?" Simon asks.
Mal pauses realizing that sounds even worse. "She said she wanted to help me." "Oh god that's sounds lame. I'd defiantly hit me if it were my sister." Mal thinks to himself.
"So my sister tricked you into having sex with her to help you?" Simon asks sounding as skeptical as Mal would in his shoes.
"You see. When Inara left again, I was concerned, no upset, no mad, no Darn I don't know. I ain't no good at all this feelings stuff. It hurt ok. Her leaving again hurts." Mal struggles to explain.
"That I do understand. We all could see how upset" pause then changes to "bothered by Inara leaving. I'm still struggling to understand how having sex with my sister fits into this in way that doesn't require me to try and beat you silly." Simon comments.
"I totally understand if you want to pop me one. Lords know I'd in your shoes. You got to understand I don't ever want to hurt your sister." Mal pleads leaning forward to emphasize his point. "The truth is since Inara left I can't get her out of my head. It's like she's haunting me. I was dreaming of her when your sister uhm well you know. I just don't know how to fix things." Mal declares as he slumps forward to rest his head on his forearms, which are on the table. "River could see I was hurtin. Poor kid could probably even feel it so she "helped" me." Mal mutters still struggling to process all his feelings. He really wishes he could hate Inara since this is all her fault for spinning him so around.
"It's ok Mal. I think I understand. River hasn't been sleeping well all week. She must have been picking up all your emotions." Simon says placing a comforting hand on Mal's arm.
"I wish you'd just pop me one. All this talkin is way more painful." Mal replies with a smirk.
"I should go check on River. I have no idea how to explain all this to her but I'll think of something." Simon says as he starts to stand.
"It's my fault. I'll speak with her. If you're ok with that is." Mal offers.
"Sure. Some conversations brothers and sister aren't meant to have." Simon answers. He changes course for his and Kaylee's room.
Taking a few minutes to settle his mind, Mal heads to River's room. He knocks on the door calling "Little One, can we talk a minute?"
A few minutes go by with Mal standing in the hall feeling the fool before the door slides open. River is clothed ("Thank god." Mal thinks) when she opens the door and gestures for Mal to come in and sit.
Mal sits carefully as to avoid all the chaos that serves as River's room. "Thank you." he starts with earning a surprised look from River. "I don't mean for the sex not that wasn't mighty fine. No, thank you for caring enough to notice. Thank you for trying to help me when I'm too stubborn a fool to help myself."
"Can't really help it." River modestly replies while tapping the side of her head to indicate her abilities.
"You choose to do something about. Something very (pause to search for the words) personal. I appreciate at it." Mal gently says. "It can't happen again though, ok?"
"I thought if I could be her for you, you wouldn't hurt so much." River states. "The intensity of your dreams is so butterflies and sunshine." she continues with her eyes closed and a look of bliss on her face.
"Butterflies and sunshine? Never mind I know I should deal with Inara. Thank you for making me face that. I never thought I'd run from a fight so it was a shock to figure out that exactly what we are both doing. I'm going after her. Thanks for helpin." Mal finishes speaking as he stands. He gives River a quick fatherly type hug then heads back to his bunk. He does lock his door just in case though.