Hiding Behind Masks
By Lemon Drops/thatreevesgirl (both me)
One-Shot (as in complete)
Author's Notes: This is for PeachandBetty over at Narutofan. She is awesome and is having some trouble with her roommate, so I wrote her some porn. I'm rusty at the porn, so please excuse the excessive cheese and smut factor. XD Now go forth and read, my pretties. Read and enjoy.
Kakashi and his father live alone in a rundown apartment on the outskirts of Konoha. His father is picky with missions, so despite the fact that Kakashi's father is Konoha's fabled "White Fang" and a special jounin, the two of them live on a limited income. They share a bedroom. Kakashi has a small child's bed along the wall with the window, and Sakumo has an adult bed on the opposite end. Their living room is dingy, but is furnished with a well-worn, comfortable couch, and a good sized oak desk. It is a simple life, and Kakashi is happy.
Kakashi is only seven years old when his father commits seppuku. The young Hatake child is a genius, so when he finds his father slumped over his sword and surrounded by a pool of sticky, red blood, he understands immediately what he has stumbled upon. This is his father's suicide, and his father is undoubtedly dead.
Kakashi stares at the scene. At this point he is still a child of his father's beliefs, full of hope and responsibility to people more than to the ninja code, so that is why he cannot fathom why his father left him the way he did. Kakashi is self-sufficient, but he is still a child. Part of him breaks as he tiptoes silently towards his father's corpse. It isn't until he touches the cold, lifeless skin of his father's forehead that the tears start falling. Kakashi cannot stop them. They fall without permission, and they fall heavy and hard.
Kakashi stands there for what seems like forever in the deathly silence of his apartment. He can't find the strength to move, and so he just sniffles and stares at the pained look in his father's dead eyes. Sakumo found no peace in his suicide, it is permanently etched into his face. Kakashi isn't sure how long he stands and stares, but eventually there are knocks on the front door and rustling and the sounds of people moving around him. He ignores everything as he wipes the snot dripping from his nose on his shirt sleeve.
"Kakashi," Minato murmurs to the youth. There is a squad of ANBU and med-nins hovering around the dead Hatake and his son. Kakashi seems to be exhibiting the initial symptoms of shock.
Minato is Kakashi's personal mentor, and has been since Kakashi graduated the academy at age five. Minato watches his student for a few moments hoping for a response and Kakashi stands cold and still as the world spins haphazardly around him. The child begins to feel dizzy and woozy, and without warning, Kakashi's small body crumples as he clutches his stomach and chokes on the stomach acid that is churning and pressing roughly into his esophagus.
Minato sweeps him up into his arms and pulls him away from the bloody scene. It is to keep the scene from getting further contaminated any more by the boy, but also to save Kakashi. "Kakashi," Minato whispers, as he clutches the child to his chest, "It's okay."
Minato knows it isn't okay, but he doesn't know what else to say. Sakumo was also his friend, and Minato is numb from the loss himself. It is in this moment that the boy starts whimpering and clawing in his teacher's arms.
A med-nin takes the boy's vitals, but it is difficult because Kakashi is squirming and kicking and refuses to let go of his teacher. Kakashi doesn't attempt ninjutsu, much to Minato's relief, but he is still strong for his age and size. Eventually, Kakashi settles down in Minato's arms and cries on the blond man's shoulder.
Minato carries him outside to the hallway. The Hokage is standing there with several members of the Konoha police force. The old man's face cannot hide his pain and confusion. Sarutobi, who is Minato's sensei's sensei, is a man of deep conscience. Suicide may be common among shinobi, but it pains Konoha's leader every time one of his men takes their own life.
"I'm taking him to the hospital, and then home with me," Minato tells his superior. It isn't a request, because there is no question asked. Kakashi will stay with Minato as long as he needs, and the third Hokage has no qualms with this arrangement. He nods and then enters the Hatake residence, three Uchiha men following close behind.
Kakashi curls tightly into the strong arms of his sensei. It is the first time Minato has ever seen the boy truly act his age. It is a long walk to the hospital, so Minato chooses to perform a transportation jutsu. The two of them appear in a cloud of smoke in the middle of the second floor nurse's station. The lady working at the desk squawks at first, until she sees Minato holding a tiny, crying boy.
"He needs observation," Minato says as he tries to shrug Kakashi off of him and onto an examination bed. "He exhibited signs of shock earlier, and he's still not very responsive."
The attempt to peel Kakashi off is unsuccessful, and even with a nurse's assistance Minato isn't able to get Kakashi to relinquish his grasp. The nurse pets the boy's back and whispers soothing words to the young shinobi. She is a kunoichi herself, but she detests the use of children in warfare. She assumes that since Kakashi's fingers are stained with blood, and he is clutching a standard issue ninja's mask in his left hand, that this has something to do with a mission.
"Children are not weapons," she hisses at Minato, venom in her voice.
Minato lets her think what she wants, because the nurse's opinion of him is the last thing on his mind. Right now his concern is with Kakashi, and how the boy is beginning to shake like he is cold. It is early summer, so there is no way he should be chilled. Minato can see that Kakashi's skin is pale and clammy. The boy is going into shock, so it is crucial they get him admitted as soon as possible.
"Let go," the nurse coos at Kakashi as she pries tiny fingers from Minato's flak jacket. "That's a good boy," she tells the boy when she finally has him free and makes him comfortable on a bed. She covers him with a blanket, props his legs up with a pillow and places her hand on his chest. She quickly stabilizes him with the warm, green pulse of her own healing chakra.
"Thank you," Minato says quietly and sits down in a chair at the bedside. He notices, only after Kakashi has completely stabilized, that the boy never let go of the mask in his hand. Minato also knows that Sakumo's face was devoid of the normal barrier he wore every waking moment of the day. Minato doesn't have the heart to take it away from Kakashi, even though protocol dictates the Uchiha police force be presented with all necessary evidence, even in cases of suspected suicide. The mask is something Minato allows Kakashi to keep, because sometimes protocol is meant to be overlooked.
(Twenty-six years and five months later…)
Kakashi leans against a broken portion of a brick wall. He tenses and flexes his muscles as he holds his extremities close to his body. If he does this, it will stave off shivering for at least another good ten minutes. If Naruto hurries up with his piss behind the wall's rubble, then they will make it to the bar right at the end of happy hour. Kakashi doesn't have a lot of money in his wallet, and both Naruto and Sakura have made it quite clear that they are not putting his drinks on either of their tabs tonight. However, if it is Naruto's fault they are late, then it will be on Naruto's bill.
Sakura stands on the other side of him, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. She pretends not to hear her male teammate taking a leak just a few feet away. Things like this embarrass her, but unlike her younger days, she puts up with it because she's grown up just as much as Naruto has.
"Ah, that's better," Naruto says with a sigh and a contented grin as he makes his way around the rubble.
Sakura rolls her eyes and murmurs, "Idiot," beneath her breath. Though she leaves it at that, and doesn't deploy her fists to his noggin.
The three of them start their trek again. Warm sake sounds wonderful to Kakashi. Cold winter nights are always a good time to down some quality sake. The biting chill of the wind reminds Kakashi that it is indeed cold and winter.
Naruto likes to play drinking games, just like his father did. It is times like these that Kakashi sees Minato vividly in the fourth Hokage's son. Naruto babbles on about the rules he plans to impose upon the three of them all the way to the bar. At least Naruto's incessant talking gives Kakashi and Sakura something to focus on other than the cold. In all truth though, Sakura finds her frozen breath more intriguing than the rules of Naruto's games. Kakashi smiles ever so slightly beneath his mask as he watches her puff out air in various patterns. She even pantomimes smoking at one point and laughs at herself when Kakashi raises a brow at his younger teammate.
"Don't look at me like I'm crazy," she says through chattering teeth.
Kakashi isn't shivering yet, but Sakura is practically shaking beside him. Naruto notices and pulls her toward him. The young man throws an arm around her shoulder and rubs it in an attempt to warm her. Kakashi knows they are close, perhaps closer than just friends. Even though it is irrational and unlike him, he feels the slightest twinge of jealously at their comfortableness with each other. There are times where he feels too old for them and awkwardness creeps in. He doesn't like it.
Kakashi is thirty-three and his current closest friends are barely twenty. It feels strange to call them his best friends, but they are. Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai have been an official team for four years now, and Kakashi knows every quirk and fault and strength of the three people he commands. He can't help but to be close with them, and despite his attempts to keep his friends and his work separate, Team Kakashi has weaseled its way into his heart.
Kakashi appreciates Naruto's keen sense of compassion and Sakura's thoughtfulness, and both of them accept Kakashi and all his quirks without question. Kakashi knows he isn't exactly the easiest person to be around. He is rational during missions, but the rest of the time he is a perpetually tardy pervert with a penchant for romance novels and manipulating people. He isn't exactly a model friend. In fact, the only people he hasn't managed to push away over the years are his team, Tenzou, and Gai.
Naruto rushes to the entrance of the bar and shouts, "Finally! Beer!" He seems to approach everything with a childlike excitement, and it's part of his charm.
Kakashi is just glad there are twenty more minutes of cheap drinks, so he can order himself some sake and then maybe catch the eye of a pretty girl. Women and sake are a combination that he finds takes the chill out of even the most freezing winter nights. Naruto is already inside, but Sakura lags behind with Kakashi at a much slower pace. The two of them enter to find it relatively quiet. Sakura pulls up a chair at a front table and pats the seat beside her. Kakashi accepts and the two of them wait for Naruto to return from ordering at the bar.
"Sake, sake, and beer for me," he says as he hands two warm, ceramic pitchers to his teammates.
Kakashi relaxes and pours some of the sake into a tiny cup. He clinks it to the one Sakura is using and before she can see him drink it, the sake is gone. He will never admit that the way he keeps people from seeing him drink and eat is actually a high level genjutsu. If he did, then all Sakura, an expert student of genjutsu, would have to do is chant, "Kai," and his trick would be dispelled. Kakashi would never be able to drink publicly again.
Sakura sips her sake slowly and watches Kakashi as he refills his cup. Another clink of cups and within a blink Kakashi's sake is drained again. "I'm a fellow shinobi, and watching you drink is still like magic," Naruto says with a chuckle.
The night wears on and Kakashi becomes less stiff. His eye and covered face are filled with genuine mirth. Kakashi can hold his liquor well, but he isn't immune. Naruto drinks like a fish, and never seems to get beyond that slightly louder version of himself. There is a hint of him being tipsy as he sways slightly, but happily, in the seat across from Sakura and Kakashi.
Sakura hasn't drunk very much, and still has her wits about her. She smiles and laughs at Naruto's antics, but glares when Kakashi's wayward hand finds its way slyly onto their waitress's rear. "Pervert," she chides with a disapproving glare.
"It was nice and firm," Kakashi tells Sakura, not able to keep from playing into her temper. It is a dangerous game, but it keeps him entertained. "I'm surprised she isn't a kunoichi."
"I'm surprised you got your hand back," Naruto says, his voice edging on admiration. He looks longingly at the waitress's rear, hoping to cop a feel of his own. It is this look that also earns Naruto a fierce glower from his female teammate.
Sakura throws a peanut at Naruto's head, and he just laughs it off. Too drunk to think before he speaks, he leans across the small table and whispers to her, "I doubt it holds a candle to yours."
Kakashi can see the war being waged in Sakura's head. On one hand she accepts the compliment, and is proud that Naruto believes she has a nice ass. On the other hand the tic in her left arm before her fingers form a tight fist says she is still offended by it. Sakura chooses, in the end, to merely grit out Naruto's name between clenched teeth as a warning. Naruto, luckily, heeds it and apologizes immediately.
Sakura decides to drink another two cupfuls of sake in quick succession. Kakashi watches as her cheeks turn rosy and flushed. She sinks back into her seat and he can tell she is lightheaded. The bartender makes an announcement from behind the bar. It is fifteen minutes till closing time, and this is last call. Naruto orders one last beer and goes to drink it with Kiba and Shino. Kiba and Naruto are especially rowdy as they harass the cute waitress who Kakashi felt up earlier. Luckily, the woman doesn't seem to mind. She harasses them right back.
"Good for him," Sakura says sadly into her last cup of sake. Her pitcher is dry, and there isn't any more drink to be had.
"Good for him what?" Kakashi asks as he finishes up his own second pitcher. He wonders if Sakura is disheartened by Naruto's flirting, or if it is just his imagination. However, he is Kakashi Hatake, things are rarely just his imagination. "Have the two of you been keeping secrets from me?"
Naruto and Sakura are horrible at keeping secrets from Kakashi, but there is always a first time for everything. He discovers this as the truth tumbles out of Sakura's mouth. "We kind of slept together a couple weeks ago."
She says it so casually, as if it isn't a big deal that she had sex with Naruto. The stab of jealously from earlier is back. He knows he has no right to be envious of Naruto, or overprotective of Sakura, but he is. Perhaps it is the sake.
Their waitress is getting off of her shift and is saying her goodbyes to her coworkers. She has two men in tow—one exuberant blond and one unruly brunette with red facial tattoos. The woman gives Kakashi a nod, inviting him too. Under normal circumstances, the copy-nin might have accepted, but he has a feeling he will be doing some damage control tonight. He is, after all, an expert at seeing underneath the underneath.
"Time for bed," Sakura says as she stretches casually and reaches for her coat. She looks unfazed by Naruto's little conquest, but Kakashi can see the tension in her body as she stands up to leave.
"I'll walk you home," he offers. He usually isn't this gentlemanly, but he usually isn't as emotionally vested in something either. Sakura doesn't argue as Kakashi follows her out the door and into the cold, night air.
It is snowing heavily, something that must have started during the five hours they spent at the bar. There are two or three inches on the ground already, and it is coming down so thickly that neither of them can see twenty-five feet beyond their faces. Thankfully, the wind from earlier has died down, so the snow is lazily drifting down in giant clumps of flakes. Sakura's mood is still questionable as they move slowly through the side-streets of Konoha.
Kakashi is an inherently curious person (it comes with the genius thing). He kicks snow around for a few blocks, but eventually asks about the night Naruto and Sakura were together. "So," he begins. It is awkward, because it is about personal affairs, and not work-related. Kakashi is a brilliant interrogator, but not when it comes to things like this and people he knows. "Naruto, huh?"
Sakura nods, and it seems like their blond counterpart has been weighing heavily on her mind as well. "It just kind of happened."
"Was there alcohol involved?" he asks, thinking that perhaps it was after Sai's birthday party a couple weeks ago. Both Sakura and Naruto had been completely and utterly wasted by the end of that little excursion.
"Not much," she says succinctly. Kakashi wonders if he's digging too much.
"Was the sex bad?" he asks. The pervert in him just will not let that question go unasked.
She is blushing now. Hard. Kakashi can't help but to find it completely endearing. "No, it was g-good," she stutters.
Kakashi's inner pervert was definitely running the show now as he slyly tried to slip in a few more questions. "Well, if the sex was good, then what exactly was the problem?" He really wants to just come out and ask for the details beginning to end, but that will only incur her wrath.
Sakura can't even look Kakashi in the eye, but he can tell she wants to talk about it. She would have punched him into next week already if she didn't. He wonders idly if she has discussed the incident with anyone else. Probably not. So why is she willing to talk about it with him? That, he's sure, is due to tonight's sake. Sakura's lips are always looser when there is drinking involved.
Her hair is powdered with snowflakes, and she shakes them off before she finally answers Kakashi's question. She is biding time. "It was all sex and no romance."
Just like a woman, Kakashi muses, but then again, Naruto is her closest friend. He couldn't see Naruto and Sakura as just fuck-buddies. Kakashi knows she isn't too many steps away from being a prude. He can't imagine anyone being her fuck-buddy.
"I take it the sex wasn't a planned thing," Kakashi probes. Usually Sakura is so careful with her relationships and relations.
"Not in the slightest," she admits. "He was…and I was…"
She doesn't finish, but Kakashi understands. He reads enough porny romance to get it. "Horny?" his perverted side offers.
"Um," she mumbles with a look that says she might die of embarrassment at any moment. "Yeah."
"So you turned to the hyperactive blond with the attention span of a gnat?"
Sakura laughs, but it is uncomfortable sounding. It is probably just a side effect of complete mortification. "I guess I got what I paid for."
"You paid?" Kakashi teases her. This time Kakashi knows he crossed a line, because her fist slams into his bicep. There isn't a lot of gusto behind it, but it still smarts like a bitch.
"No," she growls. "You know that wasn't what I meant." She takes a deep breath, and then the words just seem to flow out of her like water.
"It felt great, and part of me just needed that, but I should have stopped it, I guess I couldn't help but think that if we were together, if I loved him…" her face flushes again, but this time out of anger just as much as embarrassment. "I wanted a fucking relationship where I understood him and he understood me, and I thought that it was fucking Naruto, then maybe it will work. If I can't have it with Naruto, then who will I have something meaningful with? I mean, it isn't like I exactly meet a lot of men in my profession that don't think I'm a freak for being able to kick their ass. I'm like an intimidation machine, so the only thing they want is to break me and fuck me, and all I want is a little romance. Romance. And sex. Nice romantic sex. I like to kiss and be held, and I like being a woman and feeling like a woman…"
Sakura rants for at least another five minutes. Not once does Kakashi interject or do anything other than nod at her and try to keep the look of terror out of his expression. Kakashi wonders if she remembers that he is not one of her chatty female friends. He doesn't have a clue what to say, or even how to process her way of thinking. He does pity Naruto, however, for not knowing how to make a woman feel like a woman. If Naruto had accomplished that, then Sakura would not be raving like a girly-lunatic right now.
"You know what the worst part of it is?" she finally ends her tirade. Kakashi realizes that she is asking him a question, something that actually requires a response from him.
"What is the worst part?" he asks, and he is genuinely curious to know, because he does want to help her feel better. Sakura is someone who is very precious to him. As with all of his friends, Kakashi doesn't want to see her hurting.
"I'm still horny."
Kakashi's uncovered eyes widens, and he coughs, chokes actually. Sakura manages to embarrass him, and honestly, it isn't something that happens often. That admission is most definitely the sake. Sakura wouldn't confess something like that that unless she was a little less than sober.
"Well," Kakashi begins after a significant period of silence, "There are worse problems to have."
She giggles, and this time it isn't as tense or forced. "I suppose you're right," she tells him.
Kakashi senses that she is still feeling upset, despite her honest smile and laugh. Her posture mimics his normal slouch, and her eyes aren't focused on anything in particular. "Feel any better?" he asks, though he already knows the answer.
"No," she tells him, "And the idiot is probably having a jolly old time right now with our waitress. It's like what we did meant nothing. I know what we did was a mistake, but it still hurts."
Kakashi knows Naruto doesn't operate like that. Some people like to bury their feelings, and Naruto is one of those people. What he did with Sakura is probably eating at him as well, but Naruto has chosen to cope differently than Sakura.
They are about halfway to her apartment complex, but Kakashi realizes that they are passing by his. "Would you like some tea, or coffee?"
Sakura, on the other hand, doesn't realize they are in the vicinity of Kakashi's home. She glances around the dark street and asks, "And where exactly is there a teahouse open at this hour?"
"The Abode-O-Kakashi serves a nice green tea blend," he tells her with a smile shining in his uncovered eye.
He doesn't explain to her that he really needs to take a piss, or that walking all the way to her apartment and then back to his sounds absolutely dreadful in this weather and in his less than sober condition. His gentlemanly spirit just ran out of gas. If she accepts, he will definitely try to push his couch as an alternative to going back out in the snow, or he might even let her walk home alone after she sobers up a little.
"Pervert," is her answer.
He gives her an incredulous look, because he really is insulted by her words. What part of his kind offer makes him deserving of being called a pervert? "Pardon me?" he asks.
"Just because I slept with Naruto, and just because I told you that I'm still…" she doesn't finish that sentence this time, "Doesn't mean you can use your suave Kakashi powers and try to seduce me with tea."
That is not at all what he is trying to do. Kakashi is genuinely just being lazy, or he is trying to be lazy until she plants that stupid little seed in his head. Seducing Sakura—it doesn't sound like that bad of an idea. Not to mention it is killing Kakashi that Naruto knows what her ass feels like while he doesn't.
"Besides," she says, biting her lip nervously, "My apartment doesn't smell like dogs, and the bed isn't small and lumpy."
What? First, how does she know his bed is lumpy? Second, how does…
The thought flies right out of Kakashi's head as he feels her hand firmly squeezing through the backside of his black, standard-issue jounin pants. Ah, he finally understands. He isn't seducing Sakura, she is seducing him.
"Nice and firm," she echoes his earlier words.
Kakashi understands it is probably the sake talking (and groping), and perhaps even a bit of bitterness due to Naruto's exploits with the waitress. Sakura doesn't usually repeat mistakes. Maybe, Kakashi's inner-voice offers, she doesn't think this is a mistake.
It would be a lie if Kakashi said the thought of sleeping with Sakura never crosses his mind. That particular fantasy manages to weasel its way into his brain at least once a week, usually during inappropriate times, like missions, when he doesn't have access to Icha Icha or any opportunity to use his hand. She is, however, one of those women he can never see solely as a sexual conquest. Kakashi has already ruined too many friendships like that, and he refuses to lose Sakura too. She means far too much to him. He swallows dryly, not sure if it is because her hand is really giving his backside a good working over now, or because the weight of the situation is finally dawning on him.
"How about some tea?" he offers again. Even Kakashi isn't sure if that is code for sex or not. Personally, he needs some really strong coffee to clear his head. Either way, he finds himself walking up the stairs to his apartment, Sakura in tow.
Kakashi fumbles with his door's deadbolt and a few hidden traps. Both he and Sakura shake the snow off of themselves in the hallway. He chuckles as he watches her stomp a stubborn chunk of ice off the front of her left boot. When they are inside, Kakashi heads straight for the kitchen. He holds up an airtight glass jar containing tea leaves in one hand and a jar of instant coffee in the other. "Your choice," he tells her.
She looks at him like he's crazy, but points to the tea. She obviously didn't think he literally meant they were coming up for tea. Kakashi pours water into an old, rusty teakettle and cranks the knob on his stove's back burner. The thing is old and stubborn, and it takes a few clicks before the gas stove finally emits a hot, blue flame.
It is about this time that Kakashi remembers he really needs to use the restroom. Sake seems to go straight through him. "I'll be right back," he says to Sakura as he wanders to the rear of the small apartment. Kakashi's bedroom is right next to the bathroom, so he unzips and tosses his flak jacket onto the floor beside the bed. There is a jangle of weaponry from inside its padded pockets. Kakashi also needs to change his soaked shirt, but he will do that in a minute. Maybe he will let Sakura help.
The thought of Sakura brings him back to his current dilemma. There is a beautiful kunoichi sitting on his couch. She has made it quite clear through a particularly thorough gluteal massage that she is interested in pursuing something with the copy-nin, but she is also his teammate and friend. This is a very grey area Kakashi is dancing in.
When he finally exits the bathroom and returns to the kitchen, he finds Sakura pouring the heated water into a mug and over a small infuser filled with tea leaves. Kakashi isn't surprised, because she knows her way around his kitchen almost as well as he does. They often share meals together, and she comes over to stitch him up after missions a lot. He realizes as she offers him a cup of coffee, black just like he prefers, that his relationship with Sakura definitely isn't something he can toy with.
He downs a good portion of the coffee, even though it is hot and burns his tongue and throat. Sakura is waiting for him in the living room as she sips her tea gingerly. She fidgets quietly with the mug, and finally sets it down on the coffeetable and folds her hands in her lap.
"Isn't it good?" Kakashi asks as he motions at the tea. He just bought the tea from the market the other day, and it smelled fine then.
"It's good," she says. Sakura even leans over, picks up the mug, and takes another drink to show him that it is. "I'm just…" she fidgets again, "I wasn't exactly wanting tea, Kakashi."
Kakashi's expression is very serious as he takes a seat on the couch beside her. This is do or die time. "I'm not exactly sure if I can be the person to give you what you want, Sakura. I'm not sure I should."
His mind wanders back to her rant about love and relationships and good, romantic sex. Kakashi hasn't dealt with love in so long that he can barely remember what it feels like. He is pretty horrible at relationships. Good, romantic sex—that is the one part of it he can probably manage through fairly well. He has no doubt that he can do better than Naruto at the very least.
The mug of tea is sitting on the coffeetable again and Sakura is moving closer. "Do you think," she asks as she places her hand on his arm, urging him to put his coffee down too, "Could you please give it a try?"
It's her shy earnest behavior that really hooks him. Damn, she is better at the whole seducing thing that he thought she would be. Kakashi wonders if she did this to Naruto too, because right now it is going to be very, very difficult to say no to her. She is more than sex to him, and there is their friendship, which adds a whole new level of complication to it all, but he wants her. Trying to deny his attraction to Sakura is impossible
First, he puts the coffee down next to her tea. Then, Kakashi's fingers move nimbly to the back of his hitae-ate. He loosens the knot and lets it fall away from his face. It too finds its way to his coffeetable. His sharingan eye is closed, and he swallows hard as he considers what he is about to do. "Do you trust me?" he asks Sakura.
She gives him a funny look, but tells him, "Of course I do, Kakashi."
He opens his sharingan eye and it spins lazily. He feels her tense and clutch at him. It is a natural reaction considering what he just did. She has a firm grip on his bicep, the same place she punched earlier in the evening. It still stings like a bitch.
"Why can't I see anything, Kakashi?" she asks, her voice shaking nervously. It isn't like there is something covering her eyes. Sakura just cannot see anything at this point. Kakashi has blinded her, and for good reason. He can count the people who have seen his face on two hands. It is not something he is willing to concede to her quite yet.
"It's only temporary," he reassures her calmly. The copy-nin reaches up and pulls his mask up and off of his face. He places it on the coffeetable next to everything else. Then, he slowly moves towards Sakura and cups her face gently in his hands. "I want to kiss you," he tells her, and then does just that.
She startles at the feeling of his lips on hers. It is a gentle, tender kiss. If she wants romance, then Kakashi will give her romance. Sakura begins to respond to him, but he can tell she is still adjusting to the blindness. As a ninja, Kakashi knows how unsettling it is to suddenly lose one of your most crucial senses. Even having just one good eye has given him an array of visual impairments.
Her fingers cling to him and ball into the heavy black cotton of Kakashi's shirt. He takes the opportunity to take the kiss further as his tongue glides along the seam of her lips. Kakashi penetrates her mouth, and as he does, he notices the heavy, moist taste of sake. He wonders again if this is wise, and he worries that Sakura will regret it come morning. Perhaps he won't let it go beyond kissing and maybe some heavy petting. Things like that are usually forgivable. The only problem is, he already knows he doesn't want to stop there.
Sakura's hands begin to explore the places her eyes can't. Her fingers creep up to Kakashi's jawline and she plays with the slight stubble she finds. They move from his jaw to his lips, she gently pulls herself away and feels the mouth which was kissing her so tenderly. Kakashi smiles against her touch. Inherent curiosity is something they have in common.
"No fish lips," he says quietly, "And before you check my teeth like a common horse, I don't have buck teeth either."
"I think you're lying," she giggles and jabs her finger at his mouth.
Kakashi has never been fond of being poked and prodded. It is one of the main reasons why he really dislikes hospitals. He puts a stop to her curiosity immediately. Sakura squeaks as Kakashi draws her errant finger into his mouth and rolls his tongue around it. He knows he is good with his mouth. There is no doubt in either of their minds about that.
"Is that supposed to be a suggestion?" Sakura asks, voice shaking as she tries to gather her wits.
"If you want it to be," he tells her when he releases the first finger and takes in the next. There is a definite correlation between her restrained whimpers and the suction he applies to her fingers.
Sakura is squirming on the couch next to him. It is supposed to stop at kissing, maybe groping, but he wants to feel her body moving against his body. He is craving the feeling of her soft skin against his own. She isn't some weak civilian. She is the perfect balance of sinuous curves and strong, lithe muscle. His body aches at the thought of being inside her.
He releases the last finger and moves back to her supple mouth. He bites and nibbles at her lips. His hands reach for her hips and urge her to move onto his lap. Kakashi loves the feel of her weight and pressure of her body moving against him. She is still squirming and writhing, but they are steadily finding a common rhythm as they grind together.
Sakura angles her hips so that she presses firmly against the growing bulge in Kakashi's pants. She is so warm, and her body is quite pliable against his. He moans into her mouth, into their kiss. He is always an appreciative lover. Kakashi will praise her with a litany of pleasured sounds, and all he asks in return is that she does the same.
Sakura raises and arches above him. Her body is tense as she sighs. Kakashi's mouth latches wetly onto her neck and lifts his own hips to regain contact with her body. He grinds against her once again and uses his hands to force her body to reciprocate.
"Kakashi," she whimpers, still working steadily against him. He likes the sound of his name escaping her lips in that needy kind of whisper. She pleads and he can't stop his hands from sneaking beneath her shirt to gently cup her breasts. Every time he takes it a step further, he promises it is the end, but then he wants more. She drives him mad. She allows him uninhibited access to her body, and she eggs him on. How can he possibly turn her away?
Kakashi flips her over onto the couch and slowly creeps over her body. Her long, graceful legs hook around his waist and steadily pull him down against her. His erection strains against the front of his pants. The cloth is rough against the sensitive flesh, but it is worth it when she tosses her head back and moans his name again and begs for more. His hips comply with her request and move in slow, controlled circles.
Kakashi manages to unzip Sakura's shirt and unhook her bra. He kneads her breasts and plays with her pert, pink nipples. They are beautiful breasts, and he takes his time exploring them with his mouth, teeth, tongue, and fingers. She is delightfully responsive. Sakura's own fingers start clawing at his back. Kakashi would be lying if he said he was glad his shirt was still on. Despite the cotton barrier, the feel of her nails dragging across his shoulders and back sends shivers down his spine. His shirt is still wet from the snow, and it is the first article of clothing that Kakashi removes.
Sakura's hands memorize the ripple of muscle in his abdomen and chest. His lips turn up in a pleased smirk as she leans up to explore his bare chest with her mouth. Her tongue is wet and warm as it swipes across one of his small, erect nipples. She presses the hardened tip of her tongue around and flicks it repeatedly until he practically growls at her.
Every touch and sensation is electrical and pleasurable. Kakashi is growing frantic as she tries repeatedly to push him over the edge. "Fuck, Sakura," he says as he pulls her mouth up to meet his.
"That's the idea," she whispers before accepting his fevered kiss.
They make room between their bodies to undo belts and buckles and push stubborn pants and tights off their hips. His erection springs free and he arches down to her body, pressing it between them as he rolls and grinds and creates heated friction.
Her underwear comes off a little slower, and only with Kakashi's help. There is no way that he will let her to toss them aside before he can run his fingers over the wetted material and breathe in the sweet, pungent scent of her arousal. She urges him up for another kiss, and this time, instead of allowing him to sandwich his cock between their bodies, she reaches between them and gives him a firm squeeze followed by several hard strokes.
Kakashi is surprised that he doesn't explode in her hand, because he is already that far gone. He wants to give her more—everything—but she is slowly chipping away at his control. He will, however, give her one thing at the very least.
Kakashi shimmies down her body until his head is nestled between her thighs. She is breathing in short gasps and her body is tense and close to snapping. He kisses her inner thigh and she shudders against him. She doesn't even realize they haven't gotten to the best part yet. He licks a wet line in that soft juncture between her thigh and her groin, and she shivers beneath him in response. Her fingers are winding into his wayward silver hair. He likes how frantic she is for control.
His fingers nimbly pull apart her soft, rosy netherlips. He memorizes her scent before finally allowing the flat, wet warmth of his tongue to wash over her in pleasure. He loves how she practically falls to pieces. She is shaking and murmuring broken words and whimpering his name. His fingers slip into her, and she angles her hips to take them in deeper. When Sakura cums, she nearly takes Kakashi with her. His cock jumps impatiently as she rides his tongue and fingers through her orgasm.
Kakashi doesn't even let the high of satisfaction subside before he is pressing himself inside of her. She takes him all in a single, slow, penetrating push. Kakashi eagerly grips her hips and leans over her body so he can feed her deep, long strokes. Her hands once again find purchase on his back and her nails leave painful, red tracks down his skin. He doesn't care, because he knows she will heal them later. It takes his mind away from how close he is, because he desperately wants to drag her back to that edge of pleasure and push her roughly from the cliff. He wants to watch and feel her fall and fall until she can't breathe or move.
She's tensing again and arching up to meet his hips. She's so close. Between the eager pull of her arms, the sharp curve of her spine, and the wanton moans escaping her lips—Kakashi can feel her rushing toward release, and he is right there with her. He grunts and crashes hard into her. He can't control himself anymore, not when she's already shaking in his arms. It is violent, but beautiful, as she practically screams his name.
Afterward there is complete silence except for their heavy breathing. He feels her body jerk ever so slightly every once in awhile, something completely uncontrolled by her. Kakashi tries to find the energy to stand from the couch, or at the very least, remove his heavy weight from her, but she has drained him. He finally heeds the palm of her hand pushing softly at his chest, and rolls to one side.
Kakashi's couch is smaller than his bed, but there is something very intimate as he curls his naked body around hers and holds her protectively against him. If it wasn't for the draft coming from the leaky window, they might have slept there all night. Soon he finds himself shivering and wishing for his lumpy bed and well-worn blanket. He also yearns for Sakura sleeping at his side. She has been unconscious and dreaming since he rolled them over. She doesn't wake when he takes her to the bed, replaces his mask, and finally dispels his blindness genjutsu. She sleeps through it all, even when he crawls into the bed behind her and draws her back into his arms.
Kakashi wakes in the night to Sakura's fingers as they ghost over the hemline of his mask. Kakashi tenses as she plays with it. He is wary that she will take the opportunity to tug it down, but her hand finally trails down his neck and rests on his chest, far enough away that he finally relaxes. "Has anyone ever told you that you look ridiculous when you wear nothing but that damned mask?" she asks him.
"Some women like that kind of thing," he tells her matter-of-factly. It's true, because more than one lover found it delightfully kinky over the years.
She frowns and plays with the small patch of silver curls on his chest. "Some women don't. Some women like to kiss and feel the mouth of their lover."
Kakashi laughs at Sakura, because she is so stubborn. "We did kiss and you did feel my mouth, in quite a few places if memory serves."
Kakashi cringes as Sakura plucks a few of the hairs from his chest. She is just being vindictive now. "Yeah, because you used your Sharingan to temporarily blind me."
In reality, Kakashi had used a genjutsu to simulate blindness, and the sharingan was only used to relax her, but for the sake of the rest of his chest-hair Kakashi doesn't correct her. He decides to stay quiet and run his fingers through her tangled locks of pink hair. Kakashi takes pride in how mussed it is, because it's his doing after all.
Sakura breaks the silence by asking another question, "So why exactly do you wear a mask."
He answers her in his normal cryptic way. "To hide my face."
He cradles her head in the crook of his arm and chest, and her body is pressed loosely to his side. He feels as she growls, and then Kakashi cringes again as he loses a few more chest hairs. "Would you stop that?" he asks as nicely as he can, because there is a high possibility she will abuse him further if he pisses her off more.
Sakura's face turns serious. She isn't going to let Kakashi weasel out of answering this time. "So tell me," she begins again, "Why do you wear a mask?"
Kakashi decides this time he will tell the truth. There will be no underneath the underneath or misdirection, because he is tired of keeping the secret. The last person who understood why he religiously wore a mask died over a decade ago.
"It was my father's," he tells her.
Sakura watches Kakashi's face with scrutiny, but she sees no indication that he is lying to her. The problem is she knows it's a lie. There was a mission last week where Kakashi's mask got ripped. It had a gash along the side and it was held together with chakra string (and pure stubbornness on the part of the copy-nin). She is also aware that the time they fought Kakuzu and Hidan his mask met an untimely demise when it was almost blown right off his face.
The mask Kakashi wears is not his father's mask.
Sakura scowls at her teammate and her look sours more as it turns from disapproving to downright animosity. She hates it when he blatantly lies to her, because she thinks after all these years she deserves better than that, and she does.
"That is not your father's mask," she says wryly. "Unless it magically repairs itself, you have had more masks than just that one."
He doesn't argue with her. Kakashi only smiles and agrees. "You are right. This is not my father's mask."
Sakura's temper is growing as she finds the copy-nin affirming her accusation. "Then why would you tell me it was?"
"Because even if it isn't the actual mask my father wore, it is his mask. The reason I wear it is the same reason and the same purpose he did." Kakashi's voice is even and quiet as he repeats himself, "This is my father's mask."
Sakura lets Kakashi's words soak in. She knows very little about Kakashi's father. She is aware he was a praised ninja named the White Fang, and that he committed suicide when Kakashi was young. Other than those two things, she is clueless about the man who raised Kakashi for the first part of his life.
"Silly, isn't it?" Kakashi asks, scratching his cheek through the stretchy black material which hid all his facial features below the bridge of his nose. "I just don't know how to let it go I suppose."
It is then that Sakura understands the truth in Kakashi's words. It isn't that he doesn't know how to let go of the mask, it is that he doesn't know how to let go of his father.
She glances over at the tiny dresser in the corner of the room. In is adorned with many picture frames. She sees one of a young team seven, one of an older team seven (sans-Sasuke), and one of the fourth Hokage and a woman with a warm smile and long, reddish hair. Then she sees one with the fourth Hokage and Kakashi's genin team; and another with Kakashi, Tenzou, and Gai drinking in a pub; and one where a girl, reminiscent of the one in the genin picture, is sitting on Kakashi's lap and holding his head in a playful headlock while he is reading Icha Icha. Each picture Kakashi is in he wears his father's mask.
There is one more picture on the dresser that looks like Kakashi, but isn't. The odd version of Kakashi has longer hair and both of his eyes are the same color. He is gently holding the hand of a pretty woman with very pale hair, sparkling dark, blue-grey eyes, and a warm smile. The two of them are wearing formal kimono, and Sakura deduces that it is most likely from their wedding.
Sakura hops off the edge of the bed to inspect it closer. She hopes Kakashi doesn't mind, and he doesn't seem to that much. He just follows her. As she goes, she steals the only blanket and wraps it haphazardly around her naked body, so Kakashi trails her in the buff, other than the mask that is still cemented on his face.
"Is this your father and mother?" she asks as she points at the picture with the Kakashi-like man in it. He seems to be about the same age Kakashi is, perhaps a year or two older, but not much.
Kakashi sighs, because Sakura is perceptive and smart. This is why he hides things entirely from her. Once she starts unraveling a mystery she doesn't quit until she reaches the bottom of it. "Yes, that is my father and mother."
He expects a barrage of questions, but she just nods and says, "They look very nice together." She giggles and adds, "And I see he even wore his mask at his own wedding."
The conversation has come full circle, because now they are talking again about his father's mask.
"Why did he wear a mask?" she asks as she turns to find Kakashi behind her, completely unabashed by his own nakedness. She unconsciously clutches the blanket closer to her body, because their situation still embarrasses her slightly.
"I never asked him," Kakashi tells her, "But I assume it was to keep his identity secret. It was more common back in those days for ninja to use masks. They didn't have such advanced ninjutsu at their disposal, and ninja relied more heavily on stealth and basic skills. He wasn't exactly original in the idea, he just took it much further than most did."
"To the point of obsession, apparently," she whispered as she glanced back over to the wedding photo. "Why did your mother let him wear it on a day as important as that?"
Kakashi's visible eye scrunches slightly before he whispers, "I don't know. I never met my mother. She died from complications during birth." Kakashi reigns in the errant emotion that struggles to escape him, and then continues, "I assume that if she loved my father, then she knew what kind of man he was and what she was getting into."
It makes sense to Sakura, and she wanders to the window, Kakashi still at her heels. She peeks through the blinds to inspect the weather. The clouds have dissipated, and Sakura muses at how beautiful everything is blanketed in snow with pale moonlight reflecting off of it.
"Do you think your father showed his face to her?"
"Yes, I think so," Kakashi says, only to regret it a moment later. The copy-nin starts to see her logic forming—like father, like son. "You still don't get to see my face," Kakashi tells her, but this time adds an important qualifier. He looks at her pointedly and mumbles, "Not yet, anyway."
"Spoilsport."
"We slept together once, Sakura," Kakashi tells her firmly, "Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not proposing here."
He almost expects her to do that deflated woman thing, but he forgets for a moment that this is Sakura, and not some random waitress with unreasonable expectations of budding romance. Instead, Sakura laughs, and it is a true laugh punctuated by an honest, jovial expression. "I sure hope not," she tells him when she can finally talk and breathe. "I don't think I'm ready to be hitched to a man quite yet."
"Good," Kakashi says as he gives her a slightly exaggerated sigh of relief.
He doesn't know why he doesn't let the conversation die there, but Sakura has always had a way with loosening his tongue more than most people could. His heart clenches, because he has an inkling of why he's about to admit more than he has to another human in a long, long time. Sakura stands in the middle of his bedroom swaddled in a blanket with mussed hair and flushed skin, and for a moment Kakashi is transported back many, many years as he whispers, "Rin…" under his breath.
"What did you say?" she asks.
Kakashi shakes his head at her. "Nothing," he answers as he grabs his boxers from the floor and pulls them on. "It's just a little cold," he adds as he motions toward his underwear.
Sakura's face quirks into a sheepish expression as she opens the blanket wrapped around her body and welcomes him inside with a pretty blush. Kakashi isn't the kind of man who would ever reject an offer like that, so he swaggers into her blanket-cocoon and presses himself close to her body. The blanket is old and ratty, but Sakura's body is warm and soft.
"I have shown my face to a woman before," he admits after a few blissful moments of enjoying the feel of Sakura's skin and breasts pressed against his chest.
"And don't forget Tenzou and Gai," she adds with a giggle.
Kakashi's face goes slack under his mask, "Not for the same reasons," he tells her firmly. He is not impressed by her joke and doesn't find it even remotely as funny as she does.
Sakura's laughter subsides. She looks at the dresser again, and Kakashi follows her line of sight. Once again, Sakura is being unusually perceptive as she inspects the picture of him and Rin. In it Rin looks playful, but then again, her clan was a cousin clan to the Inuzuka, so playful was in her blood. Kakashi sighs. He doesn't know if he wants to admit the whole truth quite yet.
"To her, your teammate?" Sakura asks, obviously referring to Rin.
Kakashi nods. His eyes lose focus as he finds himself lost in a whirlwind of memories. Rin wasn't just his teammate. Rin was so much more than that. Someday, Kakashi might tell Sakura the whole story, but the word "fiancé" definitely wasn't escaping his lips today.
"I didn't show it to her as my teammate though," Kakashi explains after another bout of silence, "She and I were more than that."
Sakura absorbs the information, but stays quiet. Kakashi does too, because he's not sure what else he should say. There isn't much more he wants to explain about him and Rin. She and he were lovers, and eventually, he did propose and she promised herself to him; but like everyone who had ever been important in Kakashi's life, she died. Rin's shoes are not going to be easy for any woman to fill, no matter how much they resemble her, or how much they are able to soften Kakashi's very hard heart. If by some chance he and Sakura do pursue something more, then it will not be a breezy relationship. Honestly, the thought terrifies him. Kakashi would rather face a thousand enemy-nin than debate relationships with his inner self.
A tiny thought nags him—it might be worth all the hassle. Kakashi likes the way Sakura kisses and laughs and makes love, and he finally allows himself to see all Sakura's feminine wiles which he has conveniently ignored for the last few years. It isn't like seeing underneath the underneath, it is just finally opening his eyes and looking at what has been staring him in the face all along.
It isn't a long-lived bout of inner-turmoil, because Sakura begins kissing his chest and gently sucking and teasing one of his nipples, and her hand is cupping the steadily growing arousal in his boxers. Damn, the woman is really good at this whole seduction thing. Kakashi can't think of a single reason why it is a bad idea to continue this affair when she is molesting him so adeptly.
"Get out of your head," she whispers between wetly licking the small, pale pink nipple on the left and then playfully biting the one on the right.
Kakashi is about to say something clever, but his boxers suddenly pool around his feet along with the blanket that was wrapped around them both. His voice is stuck as he watches Sakura admire his steadily growing manhood. She didn't get to see it the first time around, so she is apparently making up for lost time as she runs her fingers teasingly along its full length. She marvels at his cock's reactions to her ministrations.
One of her hands finally wraps securely around the base and Sakura gives Kakashi a couple of nice, firm strokes. He groans appreciatively. When Sakura lowers herself to her knees before him and draws him into her mouth all of the remaining blood in his brain rushes south. Kakashi's mind is absolutely swimming as he feels her swirl her tongue around the sensitive hood of his erection. He actually chokes on his next breath of air as she presses the tip of her tongue into the wide, leaking slit of his cock. Kakashi loves the sharp pleasure-pain it causes. He can't even remember the last woman who did that to him.
Sakura is giving Kakashi one of the best blowjobs he has ever had. If not for that, then he would have leaned down and kissed her hard and long. He would have kissed her until she couldn't breathe. He might never have let her lips go.
Kakashi is torn, because he wants to do a thousand things to her, but what if this is it? It positively scares him to think that he might only have her for tonight. He doesn't want that. He wants her, and he is only finally admitting that to himself now. It isn't about relationships or being teammates and friends or any of that. Kakashi is hiding again, just like he always does. It has been forever since he took a chance on another person, but somehow he wants to give Sakura a chance.
He motions for her to stand, and with a new gusto, Kakashi wrangles her over to the bed and presses her down into the sheets. He is atop her quickly and pressing into her from behind. He holds her securely to him and his arms wraps around her waist and breasts as he rides her body. She practically whimpers as he keeps all movement slow and deep. Sakura keens as he pushes eagerly into her and then bites down on the back of her neck through the mask. He pumps leisurely again, holding her and controlling her as he enjoys their fluid rhythm.
"Faster," she begs. She sounds absolutely frantic as she struggles and claws at the sheets of the bed. He groans and complies, moving quicker, his hips slapping against hers.
Kakashi can't prolong it much longer, because Sakura just instinctively knows how to drive him beyond his breaking point. Her hips work with his, and she knows how to squeeze and pull him, how to arch into him and moan his name in a way that takes his breath away. She is a beautiful, graceful creature, and he desperately wants more.
When he finally cums, he knows that Sakura isn't the only one falling. He is too. He is falling fast and deep and far, and he can't believe a genius like him didn't see it sooner. When they finish he asks her to stay, and she does. In the morning he asks her to come back. When she comes back he admits that he doesn't want her to leave. Sakura tells Kakashi that she doesn't want to leave either. It is then Kakashi realizes it might be easier to be with Sakura than it is to hide from her.
(two months later)
Kakashi spends many nights lying awake beside Sakura while she sleeps. Tonight is no different, as he has already spent at least an hour admiring her quiet slumber. He watches the steady rise and fall of her chest, and enjoys the peaceful expression on her face. He is falling, and falling hard for his teammate. It isn't on purpose, because he still tries at every opportunity to shake the growing emotions between them, but he can't. She has taken root in him.
The sex has only gotten better in the two months they have been lovers, and their friendship hasn't really suffered either. He cannot deny it is nice having someone warm and real to be with. She isn't clingy like he was afraid she would be. In fact, it is him who searches her out more often than not. He finds himself lingering around the hospital a lot more these days, and not just to try and convince her to play naughty nurse in one of the examination rooms. There is a good balance in their relationship, and it is a relationship. The only thing she complains about is the mask and the blinding-genjutsu, and at this point, Kakashi believes she has a valid point.
If he shows her his face, it won't be as a teammate and friend. It will be as a lover. The thought almost makes him hyperventilate, because there has only been one other woman who has had that privilege, and Rin first earned it as a friend. Kakashi wishes momentarily that he would have shown it to her and Naruto during that lengthy mission to Suna they had about a year ago. They begged and begged, but in the end, Kakashi was as stubborn as he is now.
Kakashi silently slips off of his lumpy mattress. In the first weeks, whenever he left the bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or take a mission, Sakura would wake. Two months in, she just curls into the blanket and continues to snooze. With all the stealth of the elite ninja he is, Kakashi walks to his dresser and glances at the pictures atop it. Even in the pale moonlight he can see them clearly. There is a new addition. Kakashi smiles at the picture of Sakura bandaging him up after a particularly rough mission while he reads Icha Icha. Naruto took the photo for them and gave it to Kakashi as a Christmas present. The young man really can be amazingly perceptive at times.
Kakashi opens the top drawer of the dresser. In it are countless pairs of black boxers, a few erroneous pairs of socks (which he never uses except in winter), and three extra masks. He pushes two of the masks aside and carefully picks out the third. It is old and has a small tear from where a kunai nicked it once. It was after that incident that Kakashi stopped wearing this one entirely. He cannot bear to see it ruined. It is, after all, his father's mask. It isn't a metaphor this time. This is actually his father's mask, the one Kakashi stole from his face the day he found his father dead in their apartment.
Kakashi carefully touches and admires it for a few minutes, and then places it back in the drawer. A minute later he adds a fourth mask to the other three and returns to bed. He slips beneath the covers and molds his body around Sakura's. She doesn't wake, but she does stir a little and makes an adorable annoyed face in her sleep as his unshaven stubble rubs against her neck and cheek. Kakashi kisses her softly and finally resigns himself to slumber as well.
Kakashi is sure Sakura will wake in the morning to the biggest shock of her life, and he is positive that he will enjoy every second of her reaction. And hopefully, she will realize exactly how momentous the occasion really is. It isn't a proposal, but somehow for Kakashi, it is something akin to that.
Tonight, for himself and for the sake of Sakura, Kakashi is finished hiding behind his father's mask.