I wake up in the middle of the night. My room is empty, as always. I starte into the darkness, imagining the sky was opening above me. After a while, I close my eyes again. Like so many times already, I dream myself back three years. It seems like eternity has passed since the events that changed our lives. Katniss... Her name lngers in the air, he darkness whispers it into my ears. It's not the same any more. Not since she volunteered to go into the Games instead of her little sister. I don't even dare to thnk her name - one more guilt resting on my shoulders. Why hadn't I been able to stop the wheels turning? Why hadn't I found a way to home, to Twelve? Because she doesn't want me around any more. Because I can't look into her eyes any more. Because she's made her choice, and it's the wrong one for me. So wrong. Katniss... Not a whisper his time, more of a sigh, accompanied by a stabbing pain in the heart and burning eyes. "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry..." I say it all aloud, trying to regain control of my again. A flow of tears forms behind my closeed eyelids, tears of pure misery. I should feel angry with Katniss, for breaking a pact we made when - for her at least - everything was still easy, for blaming me for something I couldn't influence. We all lost control of our actions, partly also of our sanity. And still, she didn't even say good-bye.
My duties in Two keep me busy, at least. The former rebels asked me to take responsibility for the District, and I agreed. What else was there to do? Everything pulled me back to Twelve, to my home. How would she react if I stood in front of her door? I have to stop myself, straight away. The image of Peeta instead of Katniss opening the door of the house they now share is something I can't take. I feel the well-known anger entering my head. Peeta. I liked him through the Games, at least at first. But then... Every touch, every kiss, every gesture of their being together was like a slap in the face. I told myself, again and again, that Katniss was just pretending. But then... The berries. The berries that triggered it all. The berries that stopped me from lying further to myself. I wasn't the only one who wanted her, and I wanted so desperately to rush into the arena and smash the berries out of their hands, then place my fist straight in Peeta's face. It was too much to deal with. It still is.