Disclaimer #1: I tried to even it out, but some characters got much longer chapters than others. I know it's not fair.
Disclaimer #2: Ugh, ugh, ugh! I don't know why, but I think this fic is one of the worst things I've ever written. I almost didn't publish it, but hey, maybe someone out there will like it.
Disclaimer #3: Oh yeah, and I don't own NCIS.
(For my own reference: 23rd fanfiction, 16th story for NCIS.)
Chapter 1
Orders
(Chapter Note: We'll jump right in with our Senior Field Agent! This chapter is written around that moment near the beginning where EJ is sitting in the bullpen wrapped in a blanket and Tony brings her a cup of tea.)
He stays with Cade until the medics arrive, keeping pressure on his wounds and repeating the standard lines. "Stay with me, man, you're gonna make it." A few times, though, he glances over his shoulder at the direction Gibbs disappeared into - fighting the urge to run after his boss - and mutters impatiently, "Where the hell are those medics?"
Tony knows why Gibbs made him stay behind while he went after Cobb and EJ. It wasn't just because one of them needed to stay with Cade. It was more because Gibbs didn't want Tony there if he found EJ dead, her throat slit like all Cobb's other victims. What Tony doesn't know was why he didn't even object, why he numbly agreed to sit here and play nurse to Cade while EJ was in danger.
If it had been Ziva who was missing, he never would have -
A bead of sweat trickles down the back of Tony's neck then. It itches like crazy, but he keeps his hands pressed on Cade and just flicks his head. It doesn't help. Tony grimaces and moves closer to Cade, whose limp body looks bigger than ever in the dim light. The hot air is thick with the smell of his blood and seems to sizzle. Guilt and anger are radiating off Tony's skin like heat, and the back of his neck itches even more.
The familiar ring of his cell phone almost startles him. Keeping one hand pressed on Cade's chest, Tony pulls it out of his pocket, and his stomach clenches as he looks at the caller ID. It's Gibbs. Oh, God is all he has time to think before he flips it open.
"Yeah, boss."
Gibbs is tense and to-the-point, as always. He doesn't give Tony any time to ask questions. Cobb is still on the loose, but Gibbs found EJ. Alive. Shaken up but not seriously hurt. He's taking her back the Navy Yard now. Tony is to stay with Cade until the medics get there.
"On it, boss," Tony answers, even though he doesn't really hear anything Gibbs tells him except that EJ's alive. Safe. "Hey, Cade, EJ's alive, she's okay," he says after he hangs up. Cade is barely lucid now, but Tony keeps repeating the words - "EJ's alive, she's okay" - until he starts to wonder which one of them he's trying to reassure.
It seems to take a lifetime, but the medics finally arrive and load Cade into an ambulance. Tony stays just long enough to describe what he knows about Cade's injuries and how they happened. Then he heads full-speed back to the Navy Yard.
He's practically running when he steps off the elevator into the bullpen, and he's so busy scanning the room for EJ - No, he thinks, his stomach clenching again, when he looks at her desk and doesn't find her there - that he almost bumps into Ziva. She sees his eyes lingering over EJ's desk, and because she's his partner and knows him so well, he doesn't even have to ask.
"She is with Gibbs, Tony," Ziva tells him quietly, and the knots in his stomach untie themselves, "giving a report on what happened. She is fine."
Ziva puts her hand on his shoulder then, and Tony is so relieved that he almost smiles at her, at how in-sync they are, at how Ziva can tell he's worried and wants to comfort him like he comforted her after Mike died. But it feels strange too, to have Ziva touching him while he's so concerned about EJ, and Ziva must sense this because she reluctantly takes her hand away after a moment.
Tony's eyes flick from Ziva's face back to EJ's empty desk, guilt still nagging at him. He and Ziva are the the only two people in the bullpen at the moment, and before he knows it, he's thinking out loud, confiding in her.
"I shoulda gone after her," he says, his voice low. Ziva looks at him questioningly. He explains, "After we found out Cobb took her, Gibbs told me to stay with Cade. But I shoulda gone looking for her." He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks on his heels, fidgety and angry at himself.
Ziva makes a jerking movement with her arm, as though she had wanted to touch his shoulder again but thought better of it. "You were following orders, Tony," she tells him, looking at him closely.
Tony's eyes darken at that. He knows that Ziva is trying to make him feel better, but it doesn't work. Following orders. He remembers when, a year ago, Vance's orders to go to Mexico had kept him attending Ziva's citizenship ceremony. Yes, he's a good little agent, always following orders. But that doesn't mean he has to like them. Tony feels even angrier at himself. Out of nowhere, the back of his neck itches again, and he rubs it hard with one hand. Ziva doesn't move, but she tracks the movement with her eyes. She looks so concerned for him, as if she can tell...
He quickly lowers his hand.
"She's probably pretty shaken up," he says quietly, almost to himself. He hadn't gone looking for EJ, like he should, but now he feels a sudden urge to make up for it.
"I'll go make her some tea." He turns abruptly and heads for the employee lounge, but not before he notices the surprise on Ziva's face. He can feel her eyes on his back all the way out of the bullpen.
He's in the lounge, fixing a cup of microwaveable chamomile tea, before he understands why Ziva looked surprised. EJ doesn't drink tea. Tony thinks back to the nights EJ spent at his place. He's seen her drink coffee and soda, even chocolate milk once, but never tea. Ziva is the one who drinks tea.
It's enough to make him pause in confusion, leaning his hands on the counter, and wonder which woman he's really trying to comfort.
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