Many people believe that the Earth started from the Big Bang, but contrary to popular belief, it was started from a carrot that took a shit and ejaculated at the same time. Anyway, this is the story of how a young lad named Cow Semen learned to ride a tricycle. This young champ was only 8 years old when he got laid, and sometimes wondered to himself, why did my uncle touch me like that. But anyway, for his 18th birthday, he got his own little tricycle, in which he named, Hitler. He masterbated to chocolate ice cream cones, and he always pinched his baby sisters nipples for good luck. He started growing pubes when he was only 4, and then something beautiful happened – "OH FUCK", he let out with a huge yelp like a squirell getting eaten out by an elephant. The tricycle had gotten stuck in his pubes. He ran down the hall to his mommy, and announced, "MAMA, SISSY'S GOT A BIG OL'PUSS PUSS!" His mom then new exacly what had happened. She bolted to the telephone and called 911. "911 what is your emergency?", they said. "I have an asshole shoved up my asshole!" his mom announced with pride. "Uh…is this a prank call?" they said. "Shut the fuck up, I'm watching Spongebob," she said with an annoyed expression on her face. "Oh sorry ma'am, we won't bother you again." They hung up, and then Cow's mama got ready to get that God Damn tricycle out of his furry little jungle. She first hooked up the tricycle to a semi truck, and drove that truck at 75 mph. All that did was send the little fucker flying and he got a gnarly road burn on his dick. The next thing she tried was riding the tricyle itself out of his pubes. She hopped on that tric, and pedaled like she was being chased by a colored man. All that did was get the pubes even more caught up in the wheels. Cow let out a huge orgasmic scream, "MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AWWWW YEAHHHHHH". The last thing she tried was just to destroy the bike. She got out a jack hammer, stepped up onto his pubic area, and hammered that shit down. That tricycle must have been made of motherfucking diamond, because that shit didn't even budge. She let out a scream of joy, took a shit, and came back with one last, brilliant, simple idea: suck cow's dick. Why hadn't she thought of that years ago? It was genius! She had always found him attractive anyway, considering they were only 4 ½ years apart. "Alright cow, mommy knows what to do," she said with a reassuring, calming motherly voice. She slowly took off all her clothes, which caused Cow to get a massive boner. The first step was done. Next, She nealed down beside his 8 incher, and slowly started kissing the tip. This relaxed him and he felt safe, but at the same time vulnerable. She then slowly stroked the sensitive part of his dick (right below the end part) with her fingernails. Cow's expression was as if all gingers in the world had suddenly faced a slow painful death. Mama starting french kissing Cow's fuzzy mushroom, and then the magic happened. Within half a second of contact, his dick let out a scream like a bunny rabbit getting it's limbs ripped off. Cow's dick shot out a stream of compressed air with screeching at such a high frequency that mamas ears bled. The shot of air was so powerful that it launched the tricycle right off of his pubes and blasted it through the roof. Cow was so happy, he started humping his mama with full force, and knocked her down and beat her to a bloody pulp with a nearby baseball bat.