Rambling Girls

She supposed it was a reasonable question. They had known each other for years, had dipped their toes in flirtatious waters, had even once arranged a weekend away together (on a purely platonic level of course). He made no secret of his dislike of her dates, had even admitted to jealousy on occasion, while she had simply always said nothing at his brief flirtations with other women.

Yet despite all of that, they had never gotten past that invisible line between friendship and romance.

"Why now?" Jean Innocent had asked.

Laura didn't have a clue.

Laura had to admit that she was not exactly looking forward to the evening ahead of her. She was becoming of bit weary of the dating scene, meeting yet another perfectly nice man, having a pleasant evening, before she would politely make her excuses to leave and likely never contact the man again. Lately, it seemed, she was having a lot of first dates.

A figure on the path caught her attention, and she was surprised to see Robbie, staring out across the river with a melancholy look on his face. She smiled fondly and wondered what or who had caused the look on his face when her smiling, waving date came into view. She sighed, already questioning how long it would be until she could leave without seeming rude.

It wasn't his fault, Ben was his name, he was perfectly nice. Just, too nice. Like a smiling kindly vicar who believes the whole world to be wonderful. Laura, being a pathologist, regularly saw the depravity of the world first hand and it gave her a slightly more rounded view. Ben was most definitely the type not to get her gallows humour, although not many people did. Even Robbie had to be in the mood for it.

She made her apologies about an early start and left on her bike, Ben smiling manically as she left asking her to call him the next day. She stopped along the river at the point when she had seen Robbie earlier. She didn't know why she kept doing it to herself, these pointless, hopeless dates, that she knew would never go anywhere. She sighed and pushed off, suddenly keen to get home, curl up on the sofa with a good book and a hefty glass of wine.

"Timing." Laura said as she took a sip of wine, smiling over the rim at the Chief Superintendent.

Jean smirked back at her, "Timing? It has to be the longest courtship in history."

Laura laughed, her mood light for obvious reasons, "Except we weren't exactly courting."

"I told James once I wanted to bang your heads together. Two attractive, single people who obviously liked each other. I couldn't understand why you didn't just get on with it."

Laura looked at her surprised, "I didn't realise you were rooting for us."

Jean shrugged, "Contrary to belief I am a bit of a romantic. And also contrary to belief I like you both. It's nice to see you happy. Robbie doesn't strike me as someone that was born to be a loner. That was more his old governor's style wasn't it? Morse."

"I don't know what he would have made of Robbie. The power of grief. For a while there he was so unrecognisable."

"Before the BVI you mean?"

Laura nodded, "Hmm and after to some extent. As his friend it was hard to watch. It's taken a long time for him to heal."

"Is that why it's taken so long for you two..."

Laura nodded, all at once serious, "I would never have pushed," she paused, "Well not hard anyway."

"You've attempted to 'force the issue' before as it were?"

Laura nodded, "Without much success though."

"I tried to set him up once. Major operational failure."

"I remember. I got a bit snippy with him," Jean raised an eyebrow, "Well, snippier than normal."

"Sorry." Jean said, looking as if she meant it.

"That's ok, I've hardly been chaste and virginal myself all these years."

Jean smiled before shaking her head, "What a mess that was."

Laura pulled a face in sympathy, "Is Ginny still sectioned?"

Jean sighed, the memory obviously still upsetting even after all this time,"Yes. Still in her own fantasy world. I doubt she will ever see the light of day again."

Laura cocked her head, "You weren't to know Jean."

"I know." She shook herself, "It stopped me from ever setting Robbie up with anyone again though."

"Small mercies." Laura replied and they both laughed.

"You're a single bloke, zap it in the microwave. It'll be fine." She said as she got in to her car with a smirk. Robbie was definitely not his usual self today, what the issue was with Jack Cornish she didn't know, but it seemed to be bothering him. She resolved to put a rush on the PM, see if she could give him the answers he needed.

She decided to hold off mentioning that she saw him the previous night, partly because she wasn't sure what she would say if he asked her why she hadn't gone over to say hello. The weird dynamics of their relationship meant that she was never quite sure if she should tell him about her dates, if you could call them that, or not. For a man that was obviously not ready to be more than friends, he never took news of any potential suitor very well. It left her feeling both flattered that he cared and generally confused.

The PM ended up being pretty straightforward in that it didn't tell her very much. Although she couldn't help the glee with which she shared the results.

"You're enjoying this!" Robbie said with mock accusation.

"I'm just wondering how you are going to start untangling it." She replied, mocking slightly.

"With great skill." Robbie replied

"And without Hathaway, it'll be like having one hand tied behind your back." She smiled as he waved his hand at her behind his back. It was funny, she had more fun over a corpse joshing with Robbie than she had had on any of her recent dates. It was knowledge that was not new to her and she clamped down on the wistful feeling she could feel in the pit of her stomach.

"Right. Next."

"Was there ever anyone serious for you?" Jean asked.

"Not really. Not long-term at least. There was Franco, we dated for while, talked about living together and then off he went to a new job opportunity in Germany and I didn't go with him."

"Did he ask?"

"Sort of."

"You never regretted not going?"

Laura shook her head, "No. He came back a couple of years ago. It was nice, easy, flirtatious. And then one evening while we were out for dinner Hathaway walked in and I felt like I had been caught out."

"But you and Robbie weren't together?"

"No, we were in this strange limbo land. Not together, although we saw each other socially regularly. With and without others. I would get invited along for dinner when his kids came to visit. I think I was the first person he told when Lyn got pregnant."

"Sounds like dating to me. Bloody idiot."

"Him or me?" Laura asked with a laugh.

"Oh definitely him. Us girls have to stick together." Jean leaned back looking at the pathologist with a quizzical eye.

"What?"

"How long have you been in love with him?"

Laura prided herself on being a professional. She was bloody good at her job, one of the best in Oxford. Murder inquiries often hung on her judgement and it was a responsibility she took seriously, always going the extra mile to be satisfied in her findings. Therefore there were not many police officers who would dare question her or ask her to "take another look" without receiving the ice cold stare and sharp tongue she was renowned for. Robbie Lewis and James Hathaway however appeared to be the exception, although the latter usually had the sense to leave the questions up to his superior officer.

Which is why she found herself going over the body of the GP again, this time he hadn't even had to ask before she capitulated, although when he had intimated his desire for her speed in this, her last shred of pride managed to croak out a "don't push it".

She knew she had it bad, had for years. Probably even when he was completely out of bounds, a happily married sergeant with a cheeky grin, softening the edges of his Inspector's gruff exterior. She was self aware enough to know the truth of her feelings, she had never truly considered acting on them and had drifted from one failed relationship to another. Men liked her, she never had a real problem in getting a man. It was just keeping them that appeared to be the problem.

Her job didn't help, most normal people found it a bit weird or ghoulish. Neither did her strong independence, which she was not willing to compromise. If anyone knew of her feelings for the grieving inspector they would assume the lack of a permanent man in her life was down to her pining for the man she could never had. But anyone who knew her would know the truth, which was, simply, she wasn't willing to settle. Her feelings for Robbie had shown her what it could be like. Until she met someone that could make her feel like that, she would be happily content and single.

She stared at body in distaste, she hated to have to disappoint him, worse, she hated the fact that she felt she was disappointing him. It wasn't her fault there was...

"Aha!" Laura exclaimed to the empty morgue. A small grin forming as she finished up and scrubbed out, reaching for her mobile.

Meet half way he had said, and Laura couldn't help bouncing along the path. These were moments that made her job worthwhile. Making a difference. It wasn't ego, although she knew she had one, it was more that her job meant something to someone. A family member, a loved one, a break in a murder inquiry, an indication of guilt or innocence. It was important, and if it put a smile on Lewis' face then that was a bonus.

Once, many years ago now, her findings had led to him declaring that she must be secretly in love with him. She'd been proud of the fact that she hadn't blushed and told the cocky sod that she was actually in love with Hathaway. That had shut him up. She smiled as she remembered the look on his face and before she knew it she saw him striding towards her.

She explained quickly using her hands to demonstrate how the bruising had occurred, as she got caught up in her own enthusiasm it took a minute for her to realize that her hands were now brushing imaginary lint off his shoulders. He was looking down at her with barely concealed amusement. She dropped her hands quickly, berating herself for being so transparent. She'd long come to accept that her and Robbie were never going to get past the 'just good friends' stage in their relationship. It was an ache she bore with no bitterness, only resignation, so it pained her to expose her unrequited feelings. The last thing she wanted was his pity. She knew it was an open secret, they'd flirted and dabbled with the idea of more so many times. But they'd never discussed it, just accepted it for what it was. A wonderful friendship. Nothing more, nothing less. But sometimes, just sometimes, it hurt.

She fell into step beside him, trying to brush away her awkwardness with the facts of the case, listening to him hypothesize, challenging when necessary. It was an age-old dance that they did.

"I honestly couldn't tell you. I liked him from the moment I met him, couldn't understand how he put up with Morse, grumpy git. Even if there was something attractive about him."

"Morse?! You didn't?"

"Oh god no. He turned me down actually. Mortifying when I think of it now, but I've always liked a challenge."

"From what I've heard Morse was more of a hopeless case than a challenge. So no sparks with Robbie when you first met?"

Laura shook her head, "No. Robbie was always lovely, good fun, kind and very, very married. I went for dinner with him and Val a few times, met the kids. There was an attraction but not one I would have ever considered acting upon. When Val died I just tried to be a friend, and then when he came back from the BVI, once I got over the ghastly shirt, I realised just how pleased I was to see him. But he was still so raw. We fell back in to our old working pattern. It was easy, comfortable."

"When did it change? Or when did you realise it had changed?"

"It was strange, we had always been friends and we spent time a lot of time together socially. You now how he likes a sounding board. And then there was a case, another pathologist had cocked up with his report. By the second death I had managed to collect enough evidence from the body to suggest murder. Robbie joked that I was telling him all that because I was secretly in love with him.

"Cocky sod."

Laura laughed, "That's exactly what I said, then told him I was secretly in love with Hathaway."

Jean chuckled at that, "Serves him right. But I assume he was not far off the mark."

"He was just being his normal, jokey, slightly flirting self, but he caught me off guard. I have no idea how it happened or when or why. But there it was. And at the time entirely one sided. Or so I thought."

"You never discussed it?"

"Not then. The closest I got once was when I was encouraging him to speak to James once. Gosh years ago. James was having a hard time, thinking of leaving the force and Robbie didn't want him to go. I told him that people don't know how you feel unless you tell them. He seemed to get the message and things between us seemed to move forward. He even asked me to go away for the weekend with him.

"When was this?"

"It was the bank holiday weekend you got called back from your cousins' wedding. The quiz murders and the famous "Gibson" case. We had to cancel,"

Jean nodded remembering, "And then what?"

"Nothing. I knew nothing would come of it, he was ridiculous before we were due to go, calling me every five minutes to check everything was ok for the weekend. I knew he was nervous."

"You didn't rearrange?"

"No we went out for dinner, fish and chips out of the bag by the river."

"Romantic soul."

"It wasn't long after that my friend Ligeia was murdered and well, you know what happened."

Jean nodded sympathetically, "Hathaway told me he was distraught at the thought of anything happening to you. He never wanted to doubt you you know."

"I know. After Ligeia's funeral we went for a drink, he apologised, I apologised and he told me that he cared for me. We agreed our friendship was a priority and we wouldn't let anything come between us again.

"Did you both keep to your promise?"

Laura smiled ruefully, " Not exactly."

TBC