Been a while, life got busy. But I'm back for another story about the Triangle of Power. Been rewatching the original series and got struck by inspiration by the episode "Obsession". Fic is set from Kirk's point of view and has to do with the loyalty that Spock feels for him. As always, knowledge of the other stories in the Triangle of Power series is not needed, however this humble author hopes you'll read those too. I do not own Star Trek.
Always Got My Back
I was mad. How could I not be? I had fired phasers, fired torpedos. I had ordered all hatches and vents closed. And yet… and yet this accursed creature from 11 years ago continues to haunt me and threaten my crew. Its inside my ship now, an invasion to my very being. I realize I have not been paying full attention to my briefing with my officers. Anger is clouding my ability to focus. As Bones brushes past me, he offers me an apology with a look.
"I'm sorry Jim. I was wrong". His voice, his apology… no my friend, you were right. You are still right. It's my own anger blinding me to the truth that we should have left as soon as the first ensign died. The first… how many men have I lost on this expedition? As I turn to leave I hear Spock's voice. The way he tilts his head, the slight inflections in his voice, I know them well. He is seeking to reassure me, to let me know that he is behind me and that he will support me.
"Captain". I turned to face him. "The creature's ability to throw itself out of time sync makes it possible for it to be elsewhere in the instant the phaser hits." He paused then, and the way he is looking at me makes it clear that he wants my full attention. "There is, therefore, no basis for your self-recrimination. If you had fired on time and on target 11 years ago it would have made no more difference than it did an hour ago." Spock paused then and tilted his head more, making sure he has my attention. He does, but not for the reason he wants it. How many missions, how many times have I heard his baritone tinged with emotion as he tries to convince me that it isn't my fault?
"Captain Garrovick would still be dead. The fault is not yours, Jim." Ah, now he said my name. He means every word he said, I know he does. I can tell by the look in those dark Vulcan eyes. "In fact, there was no fault." He's wrong about that. It is my fault. I should have left the planet's orbit as soon as my first ensign died. But now I have the creature's full attention. I made my voice intentionally gruff, wanting some space from the doubt his words didn't assuage. "If you wanna play analyst, Mr. Spock, use someone else, not me. My concern is with the ship and crew." I need space, need time. He seemed to be contemplating my words as I left him there.
I stood in the turbolift for what seemed like an hour staring at the wall. Too many thoughts cascaded, demanding my attention. Though I kept trying to push it away, Spock's voice echoed in my head. I was not the only one that needed to hear those words, needed to be told I was not to blame. I was also not the only one that would dismiss those words. I started towards Ensign Garrovick's quarters but stopped myself. What could I, a man obsessed and hunting the proverbial whale, possibly say to convince that man that it was not his fault when I suffered so badly under my own? No, I am not the right messenger for that message.
Instead, I go to the one place that I can always count on to make me forget my doubts. The captains chair seems oddly warm as I slide into it. There is no room for doubt, no room for self pity on my bridge. This is where all of the decisions are made, where everything makes sense. A quick glance to my right shows that Spock is not at his station. Odd, he is always there. I put it out of my mind and try not to think about where in my ship that creature is.
Finally, hours later and a terrible scare that Spock was dead, we have a plan. As usual, Spock and I have the same plan. Except… except we have different ideas of who should be put in harms way. He likes my plan, I can tell that the logic of it pleases him. "Captain." I can see the heavy swallow as he contemplates me. He already knows I am not willing to risk another crewman. He knows me too well, knows that I mean to deliver the antimatter myself. "There is so little hemoglobin in my green blood the creature could not harm me extensively." His face remains passive, but there is a small glimmer in his eye. Invisible unless you know how to read those eyes. "It therefore seems logical for me to be the one-"
"Negative, Mr. Spock". I will not risk another crewman to this creature, and especially not Spock. Never him. He is the finest First Officer in Starfleet, and the finest friend a man could ask for. His loyalty has always been the rock I could depend on. I gave him some excuse about duty. The ship needs him. I need him. I need him out of harms way. He has already tangled with the creature once and been lucky to live. No, this is my whale, and I will hunt it.
"Detonate and energize." It was foolish to cut it so closely. I knew it as soon as the transporter beam scrambled me and didn't immediately unscramble me. It seemed like forever until the Enterprise swam into focus. Spock's face was the first thing I saw. He was at the controls. Of course he was, there was nobody else he would trust to unscramble me and make sure I was safe. He was always there whenever the dust settled. The relief in his eyes was as obvious to me as the expressions on Scotty's face. He kept his emotions under a tight rein, but I knew. How could I not, when he was always the one that had my back?