"Planning on jumping? I wouldn't...blood's a pain to get out of silk."
"I'm just checking the weather," Mikan Sakura said patiently and continued to stare out her apartment window, knowing that Hotaru would lose interest and go back to her newspaper if she ignored her long enough.
She had pulled back the drapes to let in some sun shine, and even with her best friend sipping coffee next to her, she still felt lonely. She went back to her desk and started rifting through the paperwork, trying to absorb herself into signing the paperwork,. But her mind kept wandering to the miserable state of her life.
Well, not exactly miserable, she thought. Actually, not miserable at all. I have a great career in a top management-consulting firm. Of course, I could wish that my father didn't own this firm, and sometimes it's boring, but it's a great career – Well, an okay career....
With an effort, Mikan pushed her career out of her mind and went on with her catalog of blessings. Her life was good. She had her health, and enough money, and terrific friends, the best of whom she was having breakfast with right now in a beautiful apartment full of exquisite French Provincial furniture that she certainly couldn't afford if she didn't have this damn job....
No. Mikan clamped down on her negative thoughts and peered over the top of her paper at the person across from her who was reading her paper and drinking her coffee with the same bored look she gave everything else.
"What are you looking at baka?" Hotaru Imai said calmly without looking at Mikan.
"Nothing," Mikan said, "just counting my blessings. You're near the top."
"I am the top, which is a real comment on your lousy life," Hotaru said.
Trust Hotaru to cut to the chase, Mikan thought. She sits over there looking like Audrey Hepburn and I'm over here looking like fucking Grace Kelly. I mean, what's the problem with me?? I don't...look that bad, I have a great personality, I have a terrific job, yet I had gotten myself into 3 horrible engagements in the past 3 years because I didn't care that I was 25 and not married.
Pathetic. You're pathetic Mikan Sakura. You brought this onto yourself, you and your pathetic personal life! Mikan sighed and went back to her paper.
BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!
"ITAIII!!!! What are you doing Hotaru??? God, I thought you put that thing away already! You made me look like an idiot enough at Alice Academy back then, don't embarrass me again."
"You baka, I only brought that out because these days you seem to be sighing a lot, so I just thought that the baka gun would cheer you up."
"Oh Hotaru! What ever am I going to do??? I'm never going to get married!! WAAAAAAAAHH!!"
BAKA BAKA BAKA!
"IIIITTTAAAAIIII!!!! Why???? Again???? You!! Itai!!!"
"You've been engaged three times in the past three years," Hotaru said. "Not one of them could keep you. You said yes to three men and then dumped them. Why would you say 'yes' to three men you couldn't bring yourself to marry?"
Mikan took a deep breath. "Tsubasa insisted on a premarital agreement. Tono informed me that my success threatened him and if I loved him I'd stop working so hard. Narumi wanted me to quit my job because my social duties as his wife would be too pressing. And you think I should have married one of those men?"
"Frankly, I don't think that you should have dated any of them," Hotaru said. "I just think being raised by your father has given you a warped idea of life, marriage, and men. And I think you're unhappy, so we're going to fix you."
Mikan put down the newspaper. "No, we're not."
"Yes, we are," Hotaru said, not fazed at all. "We're going to improve your life. We're going to make you more like me."
Mikan started to laugh. "I don't want to be like you."
"Hey," Hotaru said, not fazed at all. "You should be so lucky."
"Oh come on," Mikan said. "I don't want to go out with business men just for their money like you do."
"That's because You. Don't. Think." Hotaru said. "Money-making business women get into higher society just because they are smart and have money. You should start thinking our way too."
Mikan sweat-dropped. "Sometimes I think you think just like men do."
Hotaru stood up and strode over to Mikan's desk. "Listen, I'm willing to approach this your way."
"My way?"
"Right. Logic and reason. I prefer instinct, but we've gotta go with what we've got, here. Now, you want to get married, right?"
Mikan looked wary. "Right."
"Now, what do you always do when you want something?" Hotaru asked.
Mikan gulped. "I...make a plan?"
"Right. Now let's get to the point. Number one, he has to be rich, richer than you are." Hotaru said, her eyes glinting with money signs while taking out a notepad and scribbling on it.
"Give me that. By the end of the list, you'll have money for every number. Number one, he has to be smart."
"Smart is good."
"Well-mannered. Aggressive, like, he has to know what he wants and go after it. Oh, and successful!"
"....I have a feeling...you're thinking business. Have we gotten to the good stuff yet?"
"Good stuff?" Mikan asked.
"Great sense of humor. Equal right for woman. Terrific in bed. Loves you to the point of madness!"
"Hotaru...this isn't like you. Are you on the right pills?"
"Baka, when it comes to you, I find the best, and ONLY the best. After all, I need someone who can take care of this baka best-friend of mine, right?" Hotaru gave a ghost of a smile, but for Hotaru, it was A SMILE.
When Hotaru looked at Mikan, Mikan had tears streaming down her face.
"sniff Oh Hotaru, you truly ARE my best-friend! Sniff. I will cherish you until the day I die. And even when I'm dead, I will still be cherishing you!"
"Baka, don't over-do it. And I wouldn't want you coming back to haunt me. Now, your next step is to find a hunting ground. Which I have already done for you." Hotaru handed Mikan her Times and Travel paper and turned to the ads section.
"Come to the Cabins....a golf-course?....in Hokkaido?"
"Well, there are definitely a lot more activities there. There's a lake, so you could go skinny-dipping."
Mikan stared at Hotaru.
"What? Exciting people would. Never mind. I need you to go call them now to get a reservation."
"Why? Can't I do it later?"
Hotaru held up the Baka gun. Click. "NOW."