LITTLE DAYLIGHT

There was once a mighty royal family in the prosperous city state known as Belevan. This was the House of Windsor. The king and queen were named Robert and Evelyn, respectively. These two believed strongly in an optimistic naturalism. You could call them intellectual hippies. They went through their court constantly saying, "I percieve; therefore, I am." (Perhaps, it was this philosophy that got them into a lot of trouble.)

One glorious summer morning, King Robert and Queen Evelyn were blessed with the birth of a child. Being the intellectual, optimistic and naturalistic hippies that they were, they named that child Sharon-Daylight. There was a great jubilation in the palace because this was Evelyn's first child. Furthermore, Sharon-Daylight was a precocious child, learning to converse by her second month. (In this world, an infant can carry on an intellectual conversation at the age of six months.) When Daylight turned four months old, she shocked her parents by saying, "I exist, therefore I percieve." As we shall see, her life went downhill from there.

Like all good rulers, Robert and Evelyn decided to have the heir to the throne christened in order to have magical gifts bestowed upon the child. Everyone knows that a king and queen cannot hold a christening without the presence of the Fairy Godpeople (FGP). Robert and Evelyn rounded up as many FGPs that they could find. The most powerful of the FGPs were John Cobelt and Kenneth Williams. In fact, these two grew to be so powerful that they thought that a merger, bringing together their magic powers, would be wise to avoid a malevolent take-over. The FGP firm of Cobelt and Williams became a respected name in magic. Call them the William Morris Agency of this particular world. The king and queen thought it would be just plain rude not to issue an invite to John and Ken.

Now, the king and queen were very busy people. They didn't have time to search for every FGP in their country-- understand that this was before the development any sort of central intelligence ageny. Murphy's law says that anything that can go wrong will not only go wrong, but this entity of trouble will multiply exponentially. Murpy's law was chose to apply to this situation during the printing of the invitation lists. They forgot to invite the FGP who posessed the most vindictive nature. As might be expected, the evil FGP (whose name was Marjorie Nichols-- doubling as an AP English teacher in the Southern California of this world) showed up to the christening. The other FGPs held council and decided that Cobelt and Williams should be reserved for any damage-repair that might be necessary after Nichols did her evil little thing.

Cobelt, who wasn't prone to whining, broke his pattern of optimisim and let the floodgates open. "Why must all our feelings, our states, and our existnces be one of dread and anxiety? --Oh, and is 'existences' even a word?"

Nichols addressed the archbishop who had just performed the christening. "Please your grace, I am very deaf. Would you mind repeating the princess's name?"

"With pleasure good woman," said the archbishop. "The infant's name is little Sharon-Daylight."

At this point, the princess said, "Each man is free and he knows it." The crowd laughed at the cute randomness of the comment. I mean, wouldn't you laugh if you heard an infant spouting off Socratic philosophies?

Nichols's countenance changed from something a sugary-sweet facade to the very face of evil. "Every man has freedom?... Little Daylight?... Little Daylight she shall be and little good all her magical gifts will do her. For I will bestow upon her the gift of sleep-- all day long, whether she will or not, Ha, ha! He, he! Hi, hi!"

Then Cobelt came out to fix the damage. "If she sleeps all day," he said rubbing his little goatie, "she shall, at least, wake all night."

"A nice little prospect for her mother and me!" thought poor king Robert; he loved the child far too much to give her up to nurses.

"You spoke before I was done," whined the wicked FGP. "That's against the law. It gives me another chance."

"I beg your pardon," said Cobelt, incredulously.

"I wasn't done laughing. You didn't give me a chance to 'ho, ho!'"

"I'll give you a 'Ho, ho!' you--" At this point, Williams put a restraining hand on his shoulder to keep him from saying something he might regret.

"Anyways," said Nichols, "I decree that if she wakes all night, she shall wax and wane with its mistress the moon. And what that may mean I hope her naturalistic parents will live to see. They will agree that there are always absolutes. And her father will find that her mother's monthly cycles will be nothing compared to his daughter's. Ho, ho! Hu, hu!"

Williams asked, "Are you done?"

"Yes, thank you very much."

"There are never any absolutes," said Sharon-Daylight.

"I gave you your freedom, you little brat," said Nichols. "But that doesn't extend to spouting off your absurd, and mistaken philosophies."

"Well," said Williams, rubbing HIS goatie, "Time will take this burden of freedom away from her. She will outgrow it by her 25th year. To make things interesting, I'll give her a chance to regain all the time her spirit and beauty wane and an early release from her burden of freedom. This will happen if a prince comes who shall kiss her without knowing it."

To accentuate the occasion, Sharon Daylight started spewing out her baby philosophies. "Man should never fool himself with any hope of future success. This belief is a consciousness of choosing. One must always choose. I choose to be free from freedom. Choice is always possible, but what is not possible is not to choose. Do I exist, or not exist?"

"I feel a really long headache coming on," muttered king Robert.

When Sharon Daylight turned 16, prince Clark Kettering-Cobelt (he was raised by John disguised as a peasant and consequently legally added his surrogate father's last name) broke the spell and they lived happily ever after. Said Sharon, "I have been fulfilled. I exist." You are probably wondering how she attained her fulfillment. It wasn't through any primitive mating ritual. So, get your minds out of the gutter. It was through the agony of the series of choices which upheld her own self-conciousness after she met Clark. She chose to let Clark see her when she was in her waning state. In this state, she looked like an ugly old woman. He kissed her in spite of what looked like horrible and permanent deformities. She reached her fulfillment and the two grew up to raise existentialist children.

THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION OF THE STORY. FOR THOSE OF YOU ITCHING TO KNOW THE DETAILS BEHIND SHARON AND CLARK'S ROMANCE, STAY TUNED. I'LL APPEASE YOUR CURIOUSITY. SUGGESTIONS AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS MORE THAN WELCOME, BUT IF YOU FLAME ME, I'LL PROBABLY FIND YOU AND BEAT YOU DOWN. (NOT REALLY, BUT I PROBABLY WOULDN'T APPRECIATE FLAMES.)