A/N: Hellooooooo everybody! If you're reading this, you rock! Yes, I know I need to update my stories (really badly…) but this came to me and I just had to write it!
Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine (unfortunately…)
Naruto was bored. Majorly bored. Why didn't anyone ever assign him important missions? Like assassinating evil priests or fighting dark samurai or something. Then he could prove how awesome he was… instead, he, Sakura, and Sasuke were assigned to babysitting the brats in Konoha Academy on Iruka-sensei's day off.
Sakura was in charge of teaching theory, of course, and Sasuke was with training and weapons. Naruto, however, was forced to be on guard duty.
Honestly, he wondered, as he flipped a kunai in boredom. Who'd attack the Academy? There was nothing interesting there, and it wasn't like anyone could get that far into the village.
He remembered Sakura's voice yelling at him. "Naruto, it's a mission! We have to do it! Besides, if enemies get into the Academy, they'll have important hostages.
Hn, thought Naruto. As if anyone would care about these snot-nosed brats.
Oh, look, the kiddies are coming out for recess. Great, now he had to keep track of them all. At least there was a wire link fence around the play area... but then again, these were ninjas in training, and he'd never had any trouble getting over them.
A little girl in a white kitty shirt, pink shorts, and pink kitty headband wandered over to him.
"Do you want to play a game?" She asked him sweetly.
Naruto sighed. He wanted to tell the brat to go away, but he was so bored…
"Fine." He said, grumbling. Terrific. A great ninja like him, reduced to playing games with cutesy little children. He squatted down to look her in the eye.
"What type of game're we talking about here, kid? And, uh, what's your name?" He asked.
She smiled. "My names Emi, what's yours?"
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, the next Hokage!" Naruto said proudly.
The little girl smiled again. "Okay, Naruto. Let's play a hand game!"
Naruto sweat-dropped. Patty-cake? Well… why not?
The little girl held out her hands. You clap with the other person one hand at a time. Between each, you clap your own hands." She said. "I'll say the words since you don't know them."
"Sure." Naruto said, getting the hang of it after a few stumbles.
"Okay," Said the girl. "Get ready…
Miss Suzie had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell (Ding! Ding!)
The steamboat went to heaven
Miss Suzie went to
HELLO, operator
Please give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I'll chop off your
BEHIND the 'frigerator
There lay a piece of glass
Miss Suzie sat upon it
And broke her big fat
ASK me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Zipping up their
FLIES are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Suzie and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the
D. A. R. K!
D. A. R. K!
DARK! DARK! DARK!
Dark is like a movie
Movie's like a show
A show is like a T.V. set
And that is all I know
I know I know my Ma
I know I know my Pa
I know I know my sister
With the triple-D size bra!
My Ma gave me a nickel
My Pa gave me a dime
My sister gave me a boyfriend
To kiss me all the time!
My Ma took back the nickel
My Pa took back the dime
My sister took back the boyfriend
And gave me Frankenstein!
He made me do the dishes
He made me wash the floor
He made me do most everything
'Till I kicked him out the door!
He flew over London
He flew over France
He flew down to China
Where they ate his under-
PANTS!
PANTS!
PANTS are blue and
PANTS are nice and
I WEAR PANTS!"
The little girl smiled up at Naruto's blank face.
"Did you like it?" She asked.
Naruto leaned close to her.
"Kid, you think maybe you could write down the lyrics of that?"
She frowned. "I can't write too good yet."
"Then teach me before recess ends, okay? So, it starts off with the Suzie bit…"
************************************************************************
"Hey, Konohamaru!" Naruto yelled.
Konohamaru turned around. "NARUTO! How was your mission?"
"Great, thanks! Here, listen, there's something I wanna show you…"
The next day…
"Here's your paperwork, Lady Tsunade." Shizune said, handing a stack of files to the Hokage, who put her head in her hands. "Oh, and one more thing."
"What is it?" Tsunade asked, hoping for anything that would put off the mound of work.
"Some genin want to see you. They say they won't do any missions until they show you what the village has been learning." Shizune said carefully.
"The village? Learning? I do seem to remember everyone whispering and hand-clapping when I went out for a drink yesterday…" Tsunade said. "Alright, send them in."
Shizune opened the door, admitting Konohamaru and his two friends.
"Yes?" Tsunade asked.
"We just thought you might want to see what Naruto taught me, and that I taught everybody else." Konohamaru said. "Sorry you're the last to know, Lady Fifth."
Tsunade glanced at Shizune, who shrugged apologetically.
"Okay, now hold out your hands and clap with me like this." Konohamaru said importantly. "Now, I'll start out. Miss Suzie had a steamboat…"
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"NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Lady Tsunade's day was officially paperwork free.