Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling. However, the pastries belong to us. Hands off!

Oh yes, Waves. Hiya! I'm Melancholy Crumpet and this is my, erm, sidekick Cry Missing! She's writing too! (All by herself! What a smart girl. . . XD)

So uhhh…Ya. Blinks.

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Once upon a time there were four friends surrounded by food.

"We're surrounded by food," Peter said thoughtfully.

"Oh, really?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes. He stepped forward, eyeing the prospects of the deserted Hogwarts kitchen.

"A danish!" Peter cried.

Before anyone could react, Sirius had snatched the danish.

Peter whimpered. "Awwww, can I have it?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Mine." Sirius threw a croissant at Peter's head.

"How about Moony gets the danishes?" James proposed, and Remus smiled silently. "After all, he did find the place for us."

"I get the donuts, then!" Peter cried.

James immediately ran for the scones, hoarding them protectively.

Sirius kicked the wall. "I suppose that leaves me with the crumpets, then, eh?"

"Seeing as the croissants are all dirty..."

"How're we gonna fit all this under the invisibility cloak?" James whined.

"We're not," Remus said, throwing a danish in frustration.

Melancholy Crumpet: Poor danish!! Cries.

Cry Missing: Hush, you.

"Well," Sirius said, grinning. "You are officially a school prefect now, so..."

"No. This is enough."

"Oh, come on, Moony!" James said, jumping.

Peter giggled. Remus blinked owlishly at him.

Melancholy Crumpet: Nuuuu! Beats over the head with a broom. MEH TURN!

Cry Missing: x.x;

Melancholy Crumpet: Buahahahaha. Steals pen and begins to write.

Just then! [Gasp] An -evil- house elf appeared.

"Who are you?" Peter asked, taking a bite of his donut.

"I'm the -evil- house elf. Didn't you read my appearance two lines above?"

"Oh…Erm…Crumpet?" James said, offering their new guest a tasty pastry.

"Fools! Those are my crumpets! I - I worked so hard on them too…" The -evil- house elf was almost near tears by now. "You're all going to pay!"

"Alright, but I've only got two sickles," Peter responded, fishing in his pocket for some money. Sirius slapped him for being a twit. Peter then cried in a pansy-like way.

The -evil- house elf then proceeded to start dancing maniacally in a circle around the four, muttering odd curses.

James raised an eyebrow and Remus said nervously, "Erm, Mister -Evil- House Elf, sir, I'm sure we can sort this out some other way…There's no reason to get upset…"

Melancholy Crumpet: Meh...

Cry Missing: Can I take over?

Melancholy Crumpet: If you like.

There was a big, fat, shiny, bright flashy light of brightness, assorted noises, and a disgruntled cow. Then... there was silence.

There was then more silence.

"Wow," Sirius said. "It's really quiet."

"Not anymore, you twit."

"Who was that?"

"Who are you?"

"I can't seeee!!"

"Maybe if the author let us know who was talking..."

Cry Missing: That was you just now, Remus.

"Got it."

"Where are we?" James whined.

"Holy Gryffindor!" Sirius cried. "I can't feel my legs!"

"You have no legs, Padfoot," Remus said dryly.

"Why not?"

"You're a crumpet."

Melancholy Crumpet: Claps. I'm so proud!

Cry Missing: Beats with a frying pan.

Melancholy Crumpet: Ow.

Cry Missing: Bwah.

"Ew," James said. "Crumpets are so bland!"

Melancholy Crumpet: HEY!

"Scones are worse," Sirius countered.

"I am not a scone!"

"Look at yourself!"

James then caught a glimpse of himself in all his scone-like scone-ness.

Melancholy Crumpet: Will the Marauders ever truly accept their fate as scrumptious pastries?

Cry Missing: Will we ever reveal the secret of the -evil- house elf?

Melancholy Crumpet: I get to write next!!

Peter laughed. "I'm a donut!"

And thus, the chapter was no more.

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A/N:

Review! And if you do... make sure we know whom you're addressing... because we truly are separate people.

Or are we...?

[DUN DUN DUN!]