I'm making fun of your stories. I actually wrote thisa really really really super long time ago...but I figured I would update it because I love it so much.
Ron and Hermione FOREVER!
A Parody
One day Ron was walking down a hall completely alone and realized: "Hey! I have really strong feelings for Hermione, despite my stubborn attempts to cover it up and that I am completely oblivious to the whole thing!"
Just then Harry walked by in the hall with a billion of his friends because there has to be some excuse for Ron to have alone time so he can talk aloud to himself about how strong his feelings are for Hermione.
"Hey Ron! What's up," Harry said, as he told his billion friends to hang on one minute so he could talk to his best friend that he doesn't hang out with so he can give him alone time to talk aloud to himself about how strong his feelings are for Hermione.
"Oh I just realized that I have really strong feelings for Hermione and now I have to figure out some sappy way to tell her. Can you help me since you're such the lady's man?" Ron asked sincerely, noticing that 750 million of Harry's billion friends were females and all hanging on his elbows.
"Of course!" Harry replied, shaking all the girls off his elbows and taking Ron somewhere where they could scheme.
"Okay, what you have to do is take her to the cinema." Harry said.
"The cinema?"
"Yeah, the cinema. You know, the one they built in Hogwarts specifically for this story and for no other particular reason so you could take Hermione on a date somewhere so she could realize that she has feelings for you." Harry replied nonchalantly.
"Oh yeah, that one. I know what you're talking about."
"Yeah take her there and then afterwards you guys can go to the dance."
"The dance?"
"Yeah the dance that they set up specifically for this story and for no other particular reason, conveniently on a close date, so that you could tell Hermione how you feel."
"Oh yeah, that one. Okay." Ron thought about it for a moment and knew it would be perfect. Going to a dance after you have been sitting in a huge dark room in uncomfortable chairs for hours staring at a giant beam of light bounced off of a wall sounded fantastic.
"Thank you so much Harry, you have no idea. You are the best."
"Oh, I know. You don't have to tell me. The whole world is out to get me and nobody understands my teenage drama, not even my billion teenage friends. But hey, the least I can do is give my good friend advice." Harry walked off again to join his billion misunderstanding friends, leaving Ron alone to talk aloud to himself about how strong his feelings are for Hermione.
"I just love her chocolate colored hair, even though it's color is never described like that in the books, and I love how she knows everything and isn't ashamed to let that all out in class." Ron sighed as he fell deep into conversation with himself about how strong his feelings were for Hermione.
Ron went to lunch that day and found Hermione. She was sitting with her billion friends and she was wearing a tight sexy blue mini skirt and a hot pink tank top, because everyone knows that Hermione is self-confident enough to wear that sort of stuff and conveniently has a good body; aside from the fact that it is completely consistent with the dress code. Ron was drooling all over himself.
Hermione looked up at him. "Do you need a tissue?"
200 million of her billion friends giggled as he frantically wiped the drool spewing profusely from his mouth.
"Oh, it does that sometimes." Ron said convincingly, brushing off the embarrassment. Smooth man, that Ron. "Herm, I was wondering. . ." Ron said using her very very frequently used nickname that absolutely everyone calls her because it is so attractive and feminine, and everyone knows that no one can take the time to say her whole name because it is sooooo long and sooooo complicated.
"Yes?" Hermione urged him to continue in a very sexy voice, because Hermione has a sexy voice (duh).
"Tonight, would you like to sit in a huge dark room in uncomfortable chairs for hours staring at a giant beam of light bounced off of a wall and then afterwards go to the dance?" Ron said easily, because he would never ever be nervous about this sort of thing.
"That sounds like fun." She said glancing back at 500 million of her billion giggling friends, looking for an accepting look from at least a hundred of them, as if the boy wasn't her best friend. "I'll be there. What time?"
"How about 4:00?"
"Why so early?"
"We have to catch the matinee. The dance starts at 6:00."
"Ok."
Ron walked off and left Hermione with her billion friends so he could be alone to talk to himself about how strong is feelings are for Hermione. But before he got to be completely alone he ran into his billion friends.
"What are you guys doing here?" He asked almost frantically, "You are only supposed to be in the Harry/Hermione fics so I am not goggling over Hermione the whole time that Harry is trying to woo her, and to also give Harry alone time so he can talk aloud to himself about how strong his 'feelings' are for Hermione." His billion friends, 750 million of his also females, gave sad looks and moped away.
Later on that night Ron put on the snazziest suit (because he can afford the snazziest suit), the snazziest tie (because he can afford the snazziest tie), and the snazziest shoes (because he can afford the snazziest shoes) and went down to the common room to wait for Hermione. There he saw Harry. Harry left his billion friends once more to wish Ron luck.
"Good luck, yo." He said because it was the coolest thing to say at Hogwarts nowadays and everyone knows that Harry was the koolest kat at Hogwarts. Word.
"Thanks." He said as Harry walked off. He saw Hermione walk down the stairs of the girls' dormitory in a beautiful black and red salsa-like dress with a rose in her mouth.
"Hey." Ron said. "You look snazzy. Are you ready?" he grabbed her hand and helped her down the rest of the stairs.
"Yes." She said as she threw the rose to the side and they walked out of the common room.
They magically appeared in front of the cinema, because the writer is not creative enough to think of any way to describe how they got there or where it was located; they were then faced with the decision of what movie to see. And since no one is patient enough to think of a good idea about a movie that a wizard would create or watch that isn't about muggles, they decided to see the "muggle movie" called Along Came Polly.
As they sat in their fancy attire in the dirty and uncomfortable chairs of the movie theater, they found themselves having a great time sitting in a huge dark room staring at a big beam of light bounced off a wall.
Towards the end of the movie, even though they had been just sitting there the whole time, doing nothing, hardly saying a word to each other, Hermione realized that she had very strong feelings for Ron and that they needed to be expressed. She began to scheme about something to do at the dance.
After the movie was over they started to walk over to the Great Hall. From where? We don't know because the writer is not creative enough to think of any way to describe the cinema's location. There, the conveniently timed dance was about to begin.
"So." Ron said uncomfortably. "Did you like that movie?"
"Yes, I thought it was rather funny." She replied in her typically sexy voice. "Did you enjoy it?"
"Yes. Of course. I adore chick flicks."
They walked into the dance and, conveniently, a slow song started to play which, conveniently, was Hermione's favorite song, which, conveniently, happened to be Ron's favorite too.
"Aw this is my favorite song." They both said in unison.
"Would you like to dance, Herm?" Ron asked her, again, using her adorably cute and opposite of masculine nickname.
"Yes of course." She replied. So they danced until their legs were sore- actually they just danced until the song was over, but that last sentence made it sound like they had a blast dancing. They did have a blast dancing. In fact, Ron happened to be a champion salsa dancer, even though the song was not for salsa, they danced salsa anyway; and both danced as if they had rehearsed: BUT THEY DIDN'T. So everyone thought it was amazing.
Ron went to go get the both of them punch and Hermione disappeared. Dang it. Ron thought. I was just about to tell her...
The next thing that Ron knew, Hermione was up on the stage with a microphone in hand. She began to sing "Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon. Once again, the writer is not creative enough to think of a wizard music artist or song name.
It turns out that Hermione happened to have a beautiful voice, even though she never told anyone, or ever had any voice coaching, or ever sang a note in her life. Ron was practically in tears because he knew that she was singing it for him, and he was so glad that she felt the same way towards him, even though the song had nothing to do with how they came to feel this way about each other.
As soon as Hermione was done with the song she jumped off stage and ran to Ron and held him tight.
"I love you, even though I have never shared anything special with you!" She said as she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder.
"I love you too, despite that I have never shared anything special with you either and have only recently realized that I like you in any way more than a friend!" Ron practically yelled as he sobbed into her hair. Oh no, you're wrong. Ron is not too masculine to cry. But no one gave them a second look because this sort of thing happens all the time at dances in magical schools.
Ron pulled back from the hug and planted a big kiss on Hermione's lips. After about 2 hours, Ron pulled back and asked a question that had been bugging him for the past 30 minutes.
"Is that blood in your mouth?"
"Oh, sorry. That rose had a lot of thorns."
"Oh, ok." Ron said simply, as he reclaimed her lips and they kissed forever until they died.
THE END!