One more time.
This is just because I need to feel like I haven't screwed my life up completely. You know how everyone has that little thing that keeps them sain when they feel like they are about to kill someone, or at least break some bones? Well this is it for me! Writing and drawing, pictures in my head of a life that is sooo messed up that it can't get worse but then it does so then they have a way of fixing it. I wish I could fix my life but I can't so instead I am doing this so that all of you readers know that you have a chance. Don't screw up your life completely, ok? You only have one chance to live life, while you are doing it why don't you try living? this story is inspired by "concrete angle" it's very sad.
She walks with a lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she is holding back
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday
she hides the bruises with the linen and lace
The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
Its hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born
I walked slowly, my legs hurt. She had hit me extra hard last night because I hadn't done all my math right. I should have finished before she got home but instead I sat with Bell telling her about Jasper, the boy in my class I like, he is sweet and he is the only one that talks to me. He also lives in the room that has a window facing mine. Sometimes late at night, when mommy is passed out on the sofa me and Jasper talk to each other. Like last night, I had told him about how excited I was for the first day of third grade. I told him my teacher was Mrs. Stanly and he told me that he had the same teacher.
Jasper wasn't anything like me, he had a nice dad and mom, they were still together and the loved him very much. And HIS mom never hit him. He had a cat just like me though. But his was a boy named Sammy and it was a silver colored one, mine was just a plain old black and black striped tabby.
I got to sit in the front because I was the first one there. The teacher came in shortly and looked at me funny like she was worried about something. She walked slowly to my desk and sat on the edge of it. She looked very pretty to me, she had brown soft eyes and straight blond hair. She wore a blue dress with light green flowers on it. "hello, what is your name" she asked in a kind voice.
"HI! I'm Alice" I said as loud as I could, forcing a smile. She was still looking at me strangely but the bell rung out loud and clear so she carefully slide of my desk as herds of boys ran into the room trying to get here first like it was a race, the last one in was Jasper because he didn't like to run all that much.
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her dreams and she fly's to a place where she is loved
Concrete angle
I smiled and waved at Jasper, in my dreams I imagined that my daddy had never left us that one night. That mommy had never got drunk the first time. And that one day I and Jasper could be more than just friends. But I knew that was silly. There is no way to turn back time; there is no way he would have stayed. It made me said to think about that because I know it's my fault he left. It's my fault that mommy beats me every night for things I didn't do. It's my entire fault. It hurts to know it, but it's the truth. It is and it all ways will be my fault.
Somewhere in the middle of reading time I fell asleep, I was so sleepy from last night. Mommy had beaten me until about 2:00 in the morning. The bell woke me up with a start. I all most jumped out of my seat when I looked up to see Mrs. Stanly once again perched on my desk. "Alice sweetie, is there something wrong? Any problems at home?" she said in the same sweet voice from this morning. I looked around, but nobody was there. The class was empty.
I was going to lie, just shake my head and leave, who knew what mommy, would do if she found out I had told? But when I looked into the kind eyes of my teacher, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried. I put my head down and cried like a baby. I let out all the hurt and pain I had kept in for years. I let it go and in burst of breath, between the tears I told her, I told her everything. From daddy leaving in the middle of the night, to the first time momma came home drunk and beat me a month later. And then how she did it every night sense. How I missed my daddy, how it was my fault. And most of all I told her about the hurt. The way it felt to just stand up every day and know nothing was all right.
When I was done she looked like she was about to cry. She stood up from the desk and hugged me. I stood a moment then I hugged her back, and cried into her shoulder. it had been a long time sense I felt safe but when I was this close to someone who cared I felt like momma would never hurt me again. "we're going to get you out of that house Alice. There is no way in hell I am letting you stay there. Ok? Your coming to my house tonight honey and in the morning I am calling the police, is there anyone you need to talk to?" I thought of Jasper, but I knew I would see him in the morning. I knew I was finally OK. I knew I did the right thing.
Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear but they turn out the light
a fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning it will be to late
"YOU LITTLE BRAT! HOW COULD YOU!? HOW COULD YOU TELL THEM?! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! " I trembled, she was drunk again. What did I do? I can't even remember. O the only reason she would be this mad is if someone had found out… oh no! I told! I'm going to die! She is going to kill me!
I tried to scream for help, but I couldn't my mouth was shut, it was closed tight. I wanted to cry or run away but my eyes just shut them self's and my legs wouldn't work. Suddenly the ground was gone. I opened my eyes just in time to see Jasper at his window cell looking sad and scared. I wanted to run to him and cover myself with his green and blue sheets and tell myself it wasn't happing. Suddenly I heard a CRACK. My head hurt. I moved my face to the side only to realize she had through me against a wall. I looked up and there she was, her right hand curled around a broken bottle her left made into a hard fist.
I cried. "MOMMY! STOP IT PLEASE PLEASE! I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO THEY MADE ME!" I looked up as she started to move closer, I could barely see Jasper still at his window, waving good bye to me. "I'm so sorry." His eyes seemed to say. Then, she lunged forward the pointy glass of the broken bottle pointed straight at my thought.
I screamed and sat up. It was dark, all around me. Then I heard footsteps and a light click on. I looked toward the door way. Where was I? I looked down and there were a bunch of red sheets and an orange pillow with little red and yellow stripes on it. I looked around the room bathed in the golden light of the lamp, it was yellow, I was sitting on a orange couch in the small living area of an apartment. I looked back at the door where Mrs. Stanly still stood. She walked sleepily over to me and sat at the other end of the couch never once taking her eyes off me.
"You ok hon?" she asked in a groggy voice, "Did you have a bad dream?" it was a dream? I realized I was safe, I was far, far away from mommy, I was protected. I nodded. Still unable to talk. I glanced at the sun shaped clock on the far side of the room; it was 3:56 in the morning. "You need anything? Some water? A glass of milk?" I shook my head no and crawled back under the covers as if I was going back to sleep. "Ok but if you need anything don't be afraid to ask." I nodded.
Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings and she fly's to a place where she's loved
Concrete angle
I fell asleep not long after, I dreamed this time of good things. I dreamed of daddy being alive, never leaving us. I dreamed that he was here to stop momma from hurting me and that she loved me still. I dreamed that we where both in heaven where we where loved, forever. I slept on the softest of clouds. I talked to God. I held daddy's hand and skipped in the park with a new dress.
a statue stands in a shaded place
an angle girl with a upturned face
a name is written on a polished rock
a broken heart that the world forgot.
The next day I rode with Mrs. Stanly to school. I saw Jasper standing next to the swings all alone. He looked sad, like in my dream, but when he spotted me walking towards him he jumped up and ran to me as fast as he could. I was surprised to see he was a fast runner. But I forgot all about that when he hugged me. "AILCE! I thought they took you to! " at this I paled.
"What?" he stood back and looked at me in the eyes.
"Your momma they came in the middle of the night and took her away. I know what she did to you Ali, I heard you talking to Mrs. Stanly yesterday. Why didn't you tell me?" I looked at him, I knew I didn't tell him because he wouldn't understand. He had lived the life I all ways wanted, a mom that loved him and a dad who cared. He wouldn't know what it felt like to be hurt every day by your MOTHER. He wouldn't understand. But when I looked at him when he was this close, I could see he was hurt that he couldn't help.
After school I stood next to a polished rock that read the words, 'David A. Hale beloved father and husband, may his body and soul rest in peace.' I grabbed Jasper's hand and squeezed Mrs. Stanley's tighter. Ever so slowly I let go and began to fold my knees under me until I felt the cool wet grass of the just watered cemetery. I reached out slowly stroked the long stem of a rose that was placed before the statue of me, daddy, and mommy as angles in heaven, I was holding momma's hand and daddy was hugging me. We were all smiling and looking up.
I looked up too, at Mrs. Stanly, and then at Jasper. I hung my head then and started to pray, to talk to my daddy.
"Daddy, I don't know if you can hear me. But I miss you a whole lot. Ever sense you left, momma hasn't been the same. She is a lot angrier. She hurt me daddy, a lot. But daddy don't be mad at her. She didn't mean to. She just didn't know what she was doing; she misses you a lot to you know? Why did you have to leave us daddy? Why couldn't you stay? Momma is just confused, and she doesn't know what she is doing bout you have to help her daddy. Those mean men are going to hurt momma. And me. They are going to send me away, and I won't see Jasper anymore. You have to help us daddy, you just do " and with that I placed a new flower next to the old one, under the same stone I had used so the wind didn't blow away the first one.
I stood up and backed away from the stone. The marking of my father's death, the exact spot that I had stood about 3 years ago when they first laid him here to rest. I closed my eyes as a single tear sliped down my left check and onto the ground below. Like in those movies, where the tear brings the good guy back to life after he died. Only this time, when I opened my eyes, he was still dead, momma was still in jail, and I was still sad. Maybe one day, I will fly up there to daddy, and we can be together again, but until then, I'm staying right here. I looked at Mrs. Stanly and said "I'm ready." I took her hand and Jaspers and turned around. And the weird thing is. I think I was ready, ready to face the world. One. More. Time.
Well I hope you liked it! I did it more for me but hey it was fun! Any way I have a def story to work on so this is going to be a one shot! Luv y'all!
Love love love
~robin alison~