Stolen Kiss
By The X-Woman
the_xwoman@yahoo.com
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Disclaimer: Trinity, Neo, et al do not belong to me. Pity too. Cause I have fun with them…
Author's Note: Dedicated to Keana, who gave me the pic and the idea that inspired this story. I love ya, babe! See the picture that inspired it here.
Rating: PG (language)
Type: Trinity POV, Trinity/Neo, Vignette, takes place during Reloaded
Spoilers: All of the Matrix and most of Reloaded. (NONE for Revolutions)
Summary: "All I can think about… is that the last kiss he gave was not to me."
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Why is it the only thing I can think about?
Damn it. They are going to die, and I'm sure as hell not going to stand here and watch. Neo told me once that we would see this through to the end. I refuse to let this be the end.
So I am breaking my promise to him. It's going to be the last thing I do.
And all I can think about is her. The way she looked at him when she told him to do it. The way her eyes remained closed when it was over, as she relived it, cherished it. All I can think about - in these moments, these that may be my last moments, our last moments - is that the last kiss he gave was not to me.
No. Not given. Taken. Stolen.
It haunts me. The way she was able to possess me, to become me in his thoughts. I hate myself and Neo for giving her that power. She didn't deserve what she took. The piece of my soul she robbed in that moment to become me. The part of his love she took that should have been mine. No matter how small, how insignificant, that bit of love that I should have received was lost forever. In these final moments I know, when I am gone, that he will have loved me that much less.
It feels wrong, now, knowing that I am going to save him by betraying him. I remember the look in his eyes when he begged me to stay behind; not telling me why, never knowing that I know my fate better than he. I know how his sleep is haunted by the images of a thousand possible fates, the choices he makes, the lives he affects. Too often I hear him call for me, not out of love, but fear. Too often he awakes in the night to wander the halls, trying to erase his thoughts, not realising that what he sees in his mind I will always feel in my heart. I promised him I wouldn't jack in because I wanted to make that fear go away; I wanted to reclaim that love the fear has taken from me. I wanted him to be comforted that I would be safe.
There is no way to escape fate, though. I remember when I first saw the Oracle, she told me that every one of us was here to serve a purpose, and that purpose alone. I didn't understand what she meant by that until I met Neo. Until I watched him die and then rise again, until he looked up at me with eyes that had already seen too much and I kissed him for that first time. It wasn't until that moment that my purpose became clear. I am here to love him, as long as he needs me to.
That love drives me, past the hatred, the hopelessness, the fear, to do what I need to do. I can't help but be selfish in my final thoughts; don't I deserve that much? I wonder if, when I am gone, he will have the regrets I do now. I wonder if he wishes, as I do, that we had that final chance to say "I'm sorry." Two small words, muttered either too much or not often enough. And the only image I see is him, closing his eyes and trapping her lips with his own, and I can't not watch; I will not let go so easily that which belonged to me.
I will die with one less kiss upon my lips; with one more regret to add to so many more that have helped paint my life. I want to remember what it was before; our last night in Zion, when the world became as small as my bedroom and our worries were melted away with the heat of our love. It was foolish, I suspect, to hope that our love would always be as such; as simple as it was that night. I will not die a simple death; but if my faith serves me, I will see him again. Even if only for a moment, long enough to tell him how sorry I am that no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't love him as much as he deserved. Long enough for him to hold me, to whisper to me that he loves me, to return to me that kiss I so reluctantly parted with for sake of our future.
However, they are nothing but thoughts, glowing hopes in the fading ember that is my heart, and when I look into my future the dark overwhelms me. I break my promise to him because it is my purpose, to love him and protect him for as long as I possibly can. But in the end, I will die with my heart heavy with the sorrow and regrets of betrayal, of loneliness, and of the shadowy brush of a stolen kiss.