Sandcastles Chapter 1, an once upon a time fanfic

Sand Castles

A/n: I know that I haven't updated any of my other stories and I will soon enough. I needed this to clear my head and get into the swing of writing again so I think this will be 5 chapters if you all would like that.

Trigger Warnings – Please be aware that there could be some triggering things in the chapter and you are warned.

Hope you enjoy..

"Mom, he's touching me again."

Regina rolled her eyes as she looked into the backseat to hear what all of the commotion was about. This was the millionth time during their entire road trip that she'd been hearing the whining of her children. It was beginning to become a challenge to keep them busy, as they were all trapped in this car for at least another hour. They had only been on the road for two hours now. Summer had officially arrived and they were all buzzing with excitement. This was the time that Regina, her wife Emma, and their three children took a trip to their cabin a few hours from Storybrooke, Maine.

It was a great way to start their summer off before all of the camps and things that would take over their schedules. This was their 7th year so far and it was always different every year. Every day they stayed for a whole week and just bonded over any and everything.

Their first time coming to the cabin was when their oldest son, Henry was only a year old. He didn't remember much from those trips but at 8 years old he was beginning to become more appreciative of the time with his mothers.

Regina sighs and looks over to her wife pleading for help. It seemed that sometimes the boys only listened to Emma. Andrew was 6 years old and since he and Henry were so close in age they were always fighting. Emma was driving and seemed to be in her own little world but she quickly spoke for her wife.

"Boys knock it off before you wake your sister." She warned all the while keeping her eyes on the road. She quickly glances into the backseat where their youngest child, 18 month old Kaya was sleeping peacefully. The little girl was unaware of the chaos around her and hopefully it would stay that way.

Emma had given birth to Henry and Andrew while Regina didn't have a choice. They had been married for 10 years now. During those first few years of marriage Regina struggled with infertility. Each round of IvF that didn't stick took a toll on Regina's mind and body so they stopped much to Regina's disappointment. Emma opted in to carrying and soon they became pregnant with Henry. He was a handful for the young parents but he was also a light in their lives.

Two years later, they decided to give Henry a sibling and Andrew was born. While Henry was courageous and extroverted, Andrew was artistic and careful. Almost 3 years ago Regina had decided to try the ivf one more time and much to their surprise she was pregnant. She gave birth to Kaya at home in their master bathtub with her midwife and family there to cheer her on. Their family was finally complete and they had been so happy.

Even though Kaya was Regina's biologically it seemed that the tiny diva took several traits from her blonde mother; including sleeping through anything. But overall it didn't matter whose children they were biologically. They were legally the others' children also. Emma and Regina built a family together and they were content. They weren't the richest people but they both were pretty well off. Regina being a partner at a big law firm in Storybrooke and Emma was a police officer for the town. It was pretty small but it was home.

They had met in Boston 12 years ago literally bumping into each other for coffee. Soon enough they kept in touch and started dating and, well, the rest is history.

Regina looks over to her wife driving and observes her for a few seconds. Even at 34 years old, Emma looked to be still 22. She was so beautiful and Regina had to remind herself every day that Emma was all hers. But lately, Regina had been noticing that Emma was becoming distant. Regina didn't want to overreact but things just felt different. It had been a few weeks but she felt Emma was hiding something but she couldn't figure it out.

Regina knew when something was wrong with her wife even if the woman didn't tell her. They were together for 12 years and Regina knew her wife like the back of her hand. But this was something different.

"What?" Emma raises her brow at Regina noticing how her wife has been watching her. The children were finally being quiet much to their mothers' enjoyment.

"Nothing." Regina smiles at her wife.

Emma glances at Regina suspiciously then turns her gaze back onto the road.

"I know that look, Gina." Emma reminds her wife. "That look is '04 the back of Zelena's car. That look has gotten us into a lot of trouble."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Regina plays coy. She knows exactly what Emma was referring to.

"Gina, that look alone could get me pregnant." Emma joked. "It's the "look". You know I can't talk about it because the kids are right back there and they always hang on to my every word."

"Mommy does have a look Mama." Andrew joined in pushing his glasses up further on his face. His brown hair was way too long at this point but that was the way he liked it. "When she is really angry she kind of looks really scary."

This revelation caused everyone to giggle. But that was the truth in it. When Regina was angry she did look scary. The boys didn't get into a lot of trouble but when they did it was full of regret. Regina and Emma didn't play good cop, bad cop in their home but they were equally respected. Even If the boys did listen to Emma more.

"Are we almost there yet?"Henry was too focused on their familiar surroundings to engage in the conversation his family was having.

"Almost kid." Emma assured him.

"This week will be good for us." Regina thinks aloud. "Maybe we can reconnect."

"Reconnect?" Emma furrows her brows and grips the steering wheel tighter. "When did we ever disconnect?"

Regina blows a puff of air from her lips. She didn't want to turn this into another argument; especially not in front of the children. They had seemed to fight more and more over the past month. In fact Regina can't even remember the last time they had been intimate. It had just been a downward spiral and she couldn't for the life of her figure out why.

"I'd rather not have this conversation in front of the kids, dear." Regina avoided the question. "It would just be nice to know that I'm being heard." Regina turns to sit facing forward in her seat again. She is aggravated that Emma is pretending that nothing is wrong.

"You're right dear." Emma frowns. "Maybe we can finish this at the cabin."

Emma knew they were having problems. She really did. This was supposed to be a fun week with the kids and nothing was going to ruin that for her. She wanted to leave their Storybrooke problems back in Storybrooke. Couldn't Regina see that?

Approximately one hour later the Swan-Mills family arrived at their private cabin. Everyone was exhausted yet restless at the same time. Andrew and Henry helped Emma with the luggage. Even though the boys were small they wanted to help as much as possible. Emma watched them struggle to even get up to the walkway with Regina's giant suitcase. Emma snorted as Andrew almost tripped over his own two feet. He was just like her sometimes.

Emma glances inside of the car where Regina is unbuckling Kaya from her seat. The tiny brunette whimpered as she was being jostled out of her comfy spot.

"Ma?" Kaya mumbled opening her eyes to see her mother pulling her out of her chair. "Mama? Where Mama?"

Kaya was still so little but very smart. She could speak very well for only being 18 months old. She wasn't some super kid but she was smart. Regina and Emma had been also teaching her sign language which she used very often. Both mothers' took pride in being able to give their children the best education.

"I'm right here, sweet pea." Emma came around to their side of the car. "Did you sleep well?"

Kaya nodded while settling her head in the crook of Regina's neck. Slipping her thumb into her mouth she looks around sleepily. This wasn't her first time here but she was also way too young to remember. She was content being in her mother's arms right now. She wanted to explore but this was a new place. It kind of scared her.

"Let me grab the rest of the stuff and figure out what we want to do today."Emma grabbed the rest of the bags out of the trunk. She and Regina had not spoken a single word to each other since earlier. It broke her heart but she didn't know what else to say. Quite frankly she did not feel like dealing with it right now. She had her own problems at the moment.

"Mama, can we go fishing?" The boys met them at the front door.

"How about we unpack first and eat lunch then we can see." Regina spoke up. "I'm sure you're all quite hungry."

Everyone nodded in agreement. The boys ran into the living room to watch TV in the meantime. Tugging Regina's shirt, Kaya asks to be put down on the floor. Regina relents and watches the tiny girl stumble after her older siblings.

Regina turns to look at Emma. "I'm going to make lunch."

Emma nods and runs her fingers through her hair. She was going to check out the rest of the cabin to make sure everything was good. That would give her a little time to cool down and figure out what she was going to say to Regina. Maybe she should go and get the fishing rods instead.

In the kitchen, Regina can hear the laughter of her beautiful children. They, along with Emma were the reasons she woke up every morning; the lights of her life. She loved them all so equally. Her love for Emma grew stronger everyday but lately she felt like it was something that she did wrong. Emma just hadn't been the same. She wanted to figure out why but the other woman just kept pushing her away.

Before she even knew what was happening she was cutting up Kaya's celery into tiny pieces. She was so distracted and cutting way too fast.

"Hey, Gina, do you think there is-"Emma walked into the kitchen scaring her wife suddenly.

The knife Regina was using slips, startles her and she knicks her finger.

"Dammit." Regina hisses immediately bringing the abused finger to her mouth.

"Whoa." Emma steps over to Regina to see the problem. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. "Regina speaks through the tears in her eyes. "I have to go and clean this up. Can you finish lunch?"

Before Emma can even answer Regina is out of the room and up the stairs. Emma sighs and wonders what in the world just happened. Clearly Regina had a lot on her mind too.

"Mama?" Kaya stumbles into the room. "food?"

Emma chuckles and scoops the little girl into her arms. "How do you feel about some peanut butter and jelly, sweet pea?"

Kaya's eyes widen almost comically. That sounded delicious to the young child. The only food the kids were allowed were healthy and organic foods. It was rare for them to get a lot of sugar but Emma could make an exception.

"Do you want to help mama make some lunch?" Emma carries Kaya over to the counter where the food Regina was preparing was left. Kaya nods and her short brown locks fall into her eyes. Using her tiny chubby hands, she sweeps her hair out of her face to look at Emma expectantly.

Emma loved her daughter so much it wasn't even funny. Kaya was the spitting image of Regina; from her expressive brown eyes and brown hair down to her mannerisms. It was completely crazy to Emma. Of course she also saw some of herself in their daughter but other than that it was all Regina.

"Mama, eat now." Kaya pouts. Rubbing her tummy, Kaya gives her mother puppy dog eyes signaling that she was very hungry.

"Right." Emma smiles at the little girl. She did have to feed them sometime today.

Regina had been upstairs for more than 15 minutes and she didn't know if she was ready to go back downstairs. She was sitting on the bed that she and Emma always shared when they came to visit. Looking at the mirror across from the bed she looks at herself. She was stronger than this. She would fight for her marriage. Everything was happening so fast but she didn't know what it was.

Fixing her sweater, Regina heads downstairs. Today would be a great day with her family. She was determined to make it so.

"Mommy." Andrew spotted her before everyone else. "Mama made us peanut butter and jelly."

"She did?" Regina fakes her enthusiasm despite feeling like total crap.

"Yes, I even made some for you." Emma smiled over at her wife and pointed to a plate that was waiting for her.

"Thank you." Regina smiles back. Sitting in her seat next to Henry, she holds lands a kiss to her oldest son's cheek.

There is a silence that fills the room despite the children chattering on and on. Henry looks between his two parents and narrows his eyes. Something was up.

"Are you two fighting?" He asks boldly.

Everyone stops chewing and even Kaya looks over at her brother. Kaya didn't understand what he meant in the slightest but she knew fighting was bad.

"Why would you think that, Henry?" Regina is the first to speak.

"Because you haven't kissed each other in a while and I know that Mama sleeps on the couch now." Henry was never one to beat around the bush. "My friend Peter says that's what happens when parents are going to get a divorce."

At the same time Emma gasps and Regina's stomach drops. Tears are brought to their eyes at their son's thoughts. Everyone is speechless at the table.

"What is a divorce?" Andrew innocently asks.

"It's when the parents don't love each other anymore so they aren't married anymore and they move away from each other. Then we can only live with one of them at a time." Henry explained to his younger brother.

"I don't want to live somewhere else." Andrew frowns. "Please don't get a divorce."

"We are not getting a divorce." Emma spoke through the lump in her throat. She could barely speak but the fact that her kids had noticed everything in the past month was horrible. "Your mother and I love each other way too much. We are not fighting. We just have disagreements. I would never leave your mother."

Regina held onto those words as much as the children did. Was Emma lying for their sake or was she being truthful?

"How about we finish up eating and then go fishing? "Emma suggests. She could see the effect this conversation was having on their family.

"That sounds like a nice idea, Emma." Regina smiled over at her wife.

"I done." Kaya pushed her plate away and wiped her sticky hands on her shirt. Regina cringed but didn't say anything. It looked like Emma forgot to give her a bib. The 18 month old was such a messy eater.

"I'll go clean, Kaya and then we can go to the lake." Regina scoops the small child into her arms.

Emma nods and waits for her wife to walk away. This had been awkward and she felt that it was time to get some fresh air.

"Were you lying?" Henry asks his mother. "Because I think you are. Mommy is always crying and you are always arguing when you think we are sleeping."

Emma sighed. How did her eight year old get so smart? Was it really that bad? Surely Regina wasn't too upset by all of this? Or was she being stupid?

"I'm not lying, Henry." Emma assured her boys. "I think what mommy and I are going through is grown up's business and you shouldn't have to worry about things like that. Do you hear me?"

Henry looks down and then back up at Emma. He didn't want to agree but he was hoping for the best. His mothers used to be so happy but somehow that changed. He noticed it and he wasn't stupid. Something was wrong. But Emma told him not to worry so he wouldn't. He just hoped they really weren't getting a divorce.

"Let's go and get the wagon ready for your sister." Emma volunteers. She would do anything to distract her mind from this conversation.

The boys both raced to their shed in the back where everything was kept. This was a pretty nice cabin and it was kept up by a family that lived down the road full time. Emma and Regina considered them to be good friends even.

Emma hoped that they would also be able to brunch with them sometime this week. But for now they had bigger fish to fry. No pun intended.

"Do you think we will catch big fish?" Andrew stood on the dock with his mother and brother. The air was so fresh and different from Storybrooke. "I want to catch a huge one and keep it for a science project."

Emma chuckled. Leave it to her kids to think of things like that. "We are going to eat it buddy."

"Aw." Andrew kicks the toe of his shoe against the pole softly. "That sucks."

"Language, Andrew Christopher!" Regina chided from a few feet away. She was sitting in a lounge chair nursing a very cuddly Kaya. Kaya never did too well with big bodies of water and somehow nursing always seemed to calm her down.

Both Regina and Emma knew that she should be weaned soon but neither wanted to force her to stop. It was the same with potty training her. They realized it was pertinent to not force their children not to do anything before it was time.

"Sorry mommy." Andrew has the decency to feel a little guilty for what he was saying.

"Gina, do you want to fish too or are you content with sitting there?" Emma asks her wife. Emma was really exhausted at the moment also but she wanted this trip to be good for the boys.

"I would like to join but I am not touching those disgusting worms." Regina scrunched her nose and rubs her daughter's back.

"Of course not." Emma rolls her eyes playfully.

Regina scoffs at her wife and for a second Regina is taken back to a month ago; before the distance between them. They used to be so happy. Sometimes she liked to think that somewhere deep down they still were. But she would be lying to herself if she said that.

"Mama, K too?" Kaya finally pulls away from her mother's breast to sit up. She focuses her gaze on Emma. Regina quickly covers herself up and lets the tiny girl slide down from her lap.

"Of course my big girl." Emma begins to show the almost two year old what she had to do. Kaya was so little but she was excited to be included in everyone else's activities. The tiny girl looked up to her brothers and always wanted to be just like them.

Regina steps over to her sons and helps them with their rods. Her father used to bring her out fishing all of the time before he died. He would have loved to meet the children.

Once everyone's rods are set up, Regina steps away from the family to take a breather. She loved the way the current of the lake felt this time of the year. It was so cool and breezy outside. Regina is so lost in her own thoughts that she doesn't hear Emma approaching her. She almost jumps when she feels those familiar strong arms wrap around her waist. Emma kisses her neck and settles her nose there. Breathing in the scent of Regina, Emma moans. Her wife always smelled so wonderful.

Regina stiffens in her wife's arms. It's been so long since Emma has touched her. What was only weeks in reality felt like eternity to Regina. For their relationship, they had always been touchy-feely. It was their thing and they craved constant contact with each other. Not so much anymore.

Regina settled into Emma's arms and let out a small sigh. She really missed this.

"I love you, Gina." Emma breathes into her hair. "Please don't you ever doubt that."

Regina finds herself nodding. She had so many questions but she knew now would not be a good time to even discuss it. Right now she felt safe in her wife's arms. Emma was home for her.

"I love you too, Emma." Regina lets out.

In the background Henry is chasing his brother and sister up and down the docks. He glances over to see his parents embraced in a hug. Neither of them is speaking but they both look happy in this moment. Henry smiles and is brought from his thoughts by Kaya's giggling. He forgot that he was "It".

"Get me Henny!" Kaya squealed while wobbling on her tiny feet. She was still always a little unbalanced but she tried her best to run.

"Mama!" Andrew called.

Regina and Emma were still swaying back and forth in each other's arms. They kept close a close eye on the kids but for the most part it was peaceful. Hearing Andrew call out for her almost made Emma panic but he realized what they were trying to get her attention for. The line was being pulled. Emma quickly rushes over to their line to reel it in.

"Gina!" Emma calls out. "Get the net please."

Regina quickly grabs the net and helps Emma to reel the fish in. The Swan-Mills family's eyes widen to giant saucers when they see how big the fish truly is.

"Big!" Kaya claps her hands in excitement. She didn't even like to eat fish but it was really cool to see.

"Mama, can we eat it?" Andrew asked.

"I thought you wanted to keep it for a science project?" Emma teased.

"Nope, it looks like it will taste very good." Andrew rubbed his belly. "Mommy can cook the best."

"Thank you." Regina smiles over at her son. She was well aware of her cooking skills and how much her children loved it.

In this moment, Regina feels happy. She feels loved and needed and wanted. Her children and her wife were here and nothing could ruin this moment for her.

They continued to fish for another hour before heading back home to shower and get prepared for dinner. The children loved their time at the lake but were eager to get back to the cabin also.

Emma helped the kids take baths while Regina cleaned the kitchen. They would alternate on different nights their duties. Regina was content on staying downstairs alone with her thoughts. Cleaning was therapeutic for her.

She gets lost in her thoughts on all of the things she wants to tell Emma. All of the things that she wants to work on and talk to her about. Their marriage was not going to be end just like that.

Regina is pulled from her thoughts by Emma's phone vibrating on the counter. She looks over at it and listens to hear the laughter of the kids upstairs. They were supposed to be getting ready for bed but Emma was just a big a kid as they were. Emma's phone vibrates again and this time Regina decides to see who it is.

Wiping her hands on a towel, Regina walks over to the counter to pick up the phone. Turning it on, she is immediately met by the picture she and Emma had taken two months ago at her birthday party. They had so much fun that night, and if she remembers correctly even more fun after everyone was sleeping. Moving to go to Emma's messages Regina realizes that Emma's phone now has a password.

That was weird since they had never had passwords on their phones. Especially not without telling the other. Regina thinks for a second and types in digits. The phone unlocks quickly and Regina is taken to the messages.

There are three unread messages from a woman named Violet. She doesn't recall Emma mentioning anyone by the name of Violet. Regina quickly opens them.

From Violet:

Yes if you need me I'm here, Emma

I think you should tell your wife about what's happening between us though

She deserves to know

Regina gasps and she rereads these messages several times. It couldn't be. No, she refused to believe that what she was thinking is true. Shakily, Regina deletes the messages and sets the phone down how she found it. The amount of sadness that has hit her is just too much. She felt like a rug had been dragged out from under her.

Going back to the dishes, Regina closes her eyes and counts to ten. She needed to calm down. She rushes to put the plates away and turns to look at that phone. This was a dream. She was sure of it.

Surely, Emma would not throw 12 years of a relationship and 10 years of a marriage down the drain. Right?

"Hey, Gina, the kids have been asking for you." Emma comes into the kitchen. "They want you to sing them the song."

Emma walks over to her phone but pauses at Regina's lack of response.

"Hey, are you okay?" Emma frowns. "Regina?"

"Oh, yes, I'll go and sing them goodnight." Regina avoids Emma's gaze and walks straight past her. On her way up the stairs, she puts on a mask that she hasn't used in years. She didn't need the children realizing that she was upset. Because let's face it she was more than upset. All she wanted to do was scream and cry and run away but for now she would sing to her children. She would sing to her children and hold them tight. That's all she knew to do right now.

"Hi, my babies." Regina puts on a brave face and walks into the room where Henry is reading to his siblings on his bed. They are all cuddled together and all freshly bathed.

"Ma." Kaya tiredly reaches for Regina. Regina takes the little one into her arms and curls into her boys.

"Sing the Spanish one Mommy." Henry pleads.

"Anything for you, mi amor." Regina agrees with him. All of her children silently wait for their mother to start singing. She had a beautiful voice that they all adored.

"Duérmete mi niño, duérmete mi amor

duérmete pedazo de mi corazón.

Este niño mío que nació de noche

quiere que lo lleve a pasear en coche.

Este niño mío que nació de día

quiere que lo lleve a la dulcería.

Duérmete mi niño, duérmete mi amor

duérmete pedazo de mi corazón."

Regina sang until she was sure each and every one of them were sleeping. She carries Kaya over to her portable crib and places her softly inside.

"I love you." She whispers into the room.

Cutting off the lamp, she takes one last look into the room before closing the door. Taking a deep breath, it was time to face the music. She had no clue whether she should confront Emma or wait for the other woman to confess. Stepping down the hall, Regina can hear Emma speaking in a hushed tone. She could barely make out what she was saying. Listening closely, her words become clearer. Emma was on the phone.

"This isn't easy, Violet." Emma spoke into the phone. "I don't like going around her back, I admit it, but imagine how she would feel if I told her."

Regina came a little closer to the door and peeked inside.

"No, I can't tell her now." Emma whispered into the phone. "This would be the worst possible time. I need to break it to her easily. I know that you and I have formed a bond and I want to make sure that I'm secure to even be able to speak about it."

Regina was confused and angered at the same time.

"Yes, so are you sure It's safe." Emma asked. "Okay. Bye. Thanks Violet I don't know what I would do if I hadn't found you."

Emma hangs up the phone and slides it onto the dresser. Regina gasps and quickly covers her mouth. Tears spring to her eyes but she immediately backs up. Emma looks up to see that Regina is coming into the room now. Nothing is said between the two as they both prepare for bed. It was only 8:30 pm but it had been a long day for all of them.

Regina goes to the dresser to pick out pajamas but she stops midway. Emma pulls her shirt over her head and watched Regina.

"So did Kaya put up a fight with sleeping?" Emma asked.

Regina said nothing and only continued to pick out her pajamas.

"Oookay." Emma tries again. "Do you want to go downstairs and watch a movie?"

This angers Regina to no end. It also saddens her that Emma is going to pretend that everything is just fine.

"How long are we going to pretend?" Regina finally speaks. Despite the shakiness in her voice, she speaks.

"How long are we going to pretend about what?" Emma is genuinely confused.

"How long are we going to pretend that we don't have a problem?" Regina is annoyed to no end now. "How long are we going to sit by and let our marriage go to shambles? How long Emma?"

"Oh that." Emma frowns. "Can we do this another night? I'm really tired."

"No!" Regina yells but quickly lowers her voice. "When were you going to tell me about her? When she shows up at a family dinner or something? What do you think it's a new trend to have a wife and a mistress? News flash Emma you have to pick one."

"Regina, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Violet?" Regina rages. "I saw the messages on your phone. Who is she? How long Emma? How long have you been seeing her?"

Clearly seeing the rage in her wife's eyes, Emma realizes what Regina thinks. Her wife couldn't have been more wrong.

"Regina, it's not what you think." Emma was keeping a cool head about this and it made Regina even angrier.

"Then what is it?" Regina seethes. "I wasn't born yesterday. I know what it is and if you can't even tell me to my face then you are more of a coward then I originally thought."

"Whoa." Emma raises her hands. "You are obviously angry and I refuse to have this conversation like this. I didn't tell you for a reason and obviously that was a great idea. I'll go and sleep on the couch before this turns into something else. I don't want to wake the kids."

Regina blocks her from leaving the room. She deserved the truth. The least Emma could do was give it to her.

"Just tell me, Emma." Regina asks. "How long have you been fucking her? How long has this been going on behind my back? Oh God?"

Regina raises a hand to her mouth as she begins to realize something.

"You were with her last week when I brought you lunch and you weren't there."

"Regina just listen to me." This was being blown way out of proportion. "Yes, I was with Violet last week. I've been seeing her for about a month now but I have a reason. I need her in ways that you are not able to give to me. I will tell you when we both cool off."

Regina's anger is quickly wiped away by sadness and hurt at Emma's confession. Emma doesn't want to leave Regina alone right now but she needed a minute to breathe.

"Emma?" Regina finally looks up at her wife. "Do you- Do you, not love me anymore?" Regina fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater as her eyes glisten. She is waiting patiently for an answer. At that moment two things happen, Emma's heart falls out of her chest and her stomach drops lower than it ever had.

She noticed how small and hurt her wife looked right now.

"Is it something I did wrong? "Regina begs for her to answer. "Do you not find me pretty anymore? Is it because I gained weight after the baby?"

Regina fires question after question. Everything she could think of she asks. Emma's heart breaks into a million reasons and she immediately hates herself for Regina's insecurities right now. Sure Regina had gained weight after the baby but she was curvier and she found it sexy as hell. But right now her wife thought this was the reason she has been distant.

"Baby no." Emma steps closer to her wife. "None of those reasons are correct."

"Then what is it, Emma?" Regina feels so weak for feeling all of these emotions. "Tell me so I can fix it."

"Baby." Tears spring to her own eyes and she quickly pulls Regina into her arms. "I'm so stupid and I hate myself for making you feel like this. All of those things are far from the truth. I love you and I will never stop loving you. Do you hear me, Gina? Never! You are the most intelligent, beautiful, sexy and funny women I have ever met."

Regina sobs and lets herself be held by Emma. She felt so weak but she was exhausted. She was tired of all the fighting.

"Can we sit down and I'll talk to you." Emma doesn't let go of her wife and leads her to the bed.

Regina looks expectantly over at Emma.

"Regina, Violet is a therapist." Emma confesses. "I've been seeing her once a week for almost a month now. "

Regina can barely see with the tears that cloud her vision.

"I've been seeing her because…" Emma takes a deep breath. "I was recently contacted by my birth father, Allen Davis, and he asked for a favor. His and his wife (my birth mom) their daughter is dying and they need a kidney. Neither of them could donate but I could. I didn't even know how they knew that."

"What?" Regina can't even begin to comprehend what is happening.

"I am kind of torn on that situation." Emma admitted. "I met them one day and their daughter and she looks just like me. She is 16 and so sweet. I sort of fell into a depression and that's why I've been seeing Violet. I couldn't understand why they kept her but gave me away."

Emma stumbled on her words as tears fell from her eyes. "I didn't want you to know because I feel like a failure. I need medication to get up every day just to function. I was the child they didn't want. I kept thinking what if one day you realized you didn't want me either? What if you took the kids and left because you realized I'm not worth it at all."

Emma now was the one crying.

"Emma, that could never happen." Regina assured her wife. "I wish you would have told me."

"I was afraid." Emma whispered. She couldn't find herself to speak any louder. "I've been so hurt and afraid that if I do donate this kidney they will toss me aside and forget about me once again. If I don't give the kidney they will hate than they already have. Jesus Fucking Christ I thought I was over this shit. We have been through so much and I made you think that I was cheating on you."

"Emma." Regina takes her in her arms. "It was miscommunication and I was hurt."

"Because of me." Emma spoke. "I've been so stuck in my own depression and bubble that I have been failing you and the kids. I distanced myself away from you because in my head it would be better when you realized that I wasn't good enough. I didn't want to make it harder on either of us. Even Henry could see it. God, Gina, you don't know how long I have sat and contemplated on why I was even alive in the first place. But you and the kids are my home and I held on. I held on for you. I love you Regina I always have and I always will."

"I love you too." Regina lands a kiss on her wife's forehead. "We will get through this ,Emma, together. We will make this decision together. I want you to know that I'm here for you and I always will be."

"It just hurts so much." Emma sobbed. Even though she explained a little bit she couldn't explain how shitty she felt. She couldn't explain that getting out of bed would be painful for. She just couldn't do that. She made her wife believe that she didn't love her anymore. She was such shitty person!

"I know baby." Regina rocks her and whispers sweet nothings into her ear." I'm here for you."

Regina fixes the bed and lets Emma practically lie on top of her.
"Gina?" Emma speaks tiredly.

"Yes, Emma."

"Don't let me go." Emma whispers.

"Never." Regina whispers as they both drift off to sleep. Today had been such a long and exhausting day for the both of them. Tomorrow would bring new challenges but they would work on it together.

A/n: So how did you like this? Good or bad I love constructive criticism and always looking for ways to improve. Tell me if you want me to continue but for now this is a one shot.