A.N.: One shot on Severus and Lily! Please R&R! thanks in advance! Hope you enjoy it!

I lost her.

I lost her forever.

There isn't anything that I can do now because she's gone.

I keep reliving that memory from that last time.

The last time she spoke to me.

I walk to the Fat Lady's portrait where I told her I'd be. I told everyone who was going into the Gryffindor Common Room to tell her I was here.

I'm fidgeting and frantic. I have to calm down or I could lose her.

And if I do lose her…

I don't even want to think of that.

Then I see her; her hair as bright as sunlight shining with moonlit beams of light; her eyes piercing and furious to she see me, but as beautiful as ever; her dressing gown billowing out behind her.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here." She says. There's a ridged-ness to her voice. She has her arms crossed; a sign of defence, and a scowl on her face.

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood it just –"

She interrupts, "Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?" She's right but I can't admit it. It'll make her hate me more.

I try to say something but nothing comes out. I have no come back. Nothing. I stand there gaping like a fish. Finally she says something.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." She starts to turn.

"No – Listen, I didn't mean –"

"– to call me Mudblood?" She looks down at her hands, thinking. She's upset, "But you call every one of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

I try to find something to say but nothing comes out again. She turns and before I could stop her she's disappeared.

I feel a tear run down my cheek and then more and more come. Soon it's hard to see.

As I run to my room some of the mean boys laugh at me. They saw me today. They saw me call her Mudblood.

I realise then there's nothing I can do to change this. I can't make her forget. I can't make her forgive me. But I will never stop loving her. Ever.

I cry until I can't anymore. The memories flood my mind; the first time in the meadow; the time she got sorted into Gryffindor and I then hoped for the first time that I would be sorted there too but of course I wasn't; the times when we spent lunches together laughing talking and never running out of things to do.

How did it get to this? What changed everything?

I know what changed it.

Or more like who.

The Death Eaters.

They changed my soul in a way that I can never repair.

And I can never forgive them but darkness is like a drug.

Once you get some you need more.

You need the power and control that comes with it.

You can't live without it and if you do you will never be happy.

You will always be hungry for that power again.

I decide to serve with Dumbledore.

Maybe he can cleanse my soul.

If he can't then no one can.

Then He came…

The one who brought everything with him.

Everything I ever loved and hated.

Potter.

The word has a foul taste in my mouth.

He looks like him, acts like him, even has the same air about him; but there's something different.

His eyes.

The brightest green.

The prettiest shade.

That familiar-ness made me want to hide.

Her eyes. The ones that could make me feel alive again are His now…

But she came back in the form of his eyes.

I couldn't help but protect him…

Because he could have been my own.

A.N.: hope you liked that! Please review! as feedback is Always appreciated.