Where Do We Go From Here?
Chapter 1 – Saying Goodbye
Matsunaga-san and Nakamura-san stood silently watching the minivan with the twins drive away. They both knew that it was best for Aoi and Akane to live with their grandparents and get to know their father again. That did nothing to sooth the ache of letting go after two years of being an unconventional, but happy family.
Nakamura-san was first to speak. "I'm glad it was sunny today."
Matsunaga-san replied, "Me, too."
Tentatively Nakamura-san started to ask, "Matsunaga-san…"
"Yes?" he replied as he turned to look at her.
"Did I manage to be a proper babysitter?"
Matsunaga-san was confused by the question, "Huh?"
Nakamura-san started to explain, "I tried to say goodbye without crying today but I cried anyway. It wasn't just today. There have been so many times that I wondered if I was doing the right things. I wish I were an adult with the training, certificates, and experience to handle things better. Then I could have said goodbye properly."
"Nakamura-san, I hired several professional babysitters before I met you. There is one thing that I know for sure, we did not need a professional babysitter. Like I tried to tell you that first time I walked you home from the supermarket, we couldn't survive without you. And then there was that time in the kitchen, after I told you about the twins moving and we talked about the broken cup and other things that were upsetting you. For Aoi and Akane, and even for me, it had to be you.
It wasn't wrong for you to cry when you are sad. We needed to see all your emotions. When you show your feelings, we feel reassured that you love us."
Gently Matsunaga-san took Nakamura-san's hand and continued, "For the last two years you have been there for us. Thank you. Thank you for showering the twins with so much love."
As Nakamura-san began to cry softly, Matsunaga-san took her other hand in his as well. He waited patiently for her to work through her tumultuous thoughts and feelings.
Nakamura-san's thoughts flitted through the past two years. The years before that at the orphanage were very difference from the time with Matsunaga-san and the twins. They had given her the opportunity to experience real family life in a home. Maybe that was why it was so hard to see the twins go.
After Nakamura-san's tears slowed and she wiped them away, Matsunaga-san said, "Let's go in the house and talk for a little while."
The house looked so empty and lonely already, even though the furniture would remain. All of the twins' things had been loaded into the minivan and went with them. There were a couple boxes sitting in the entryway that contained Matsunaga-san's belongings and those would go with him when he left later.
On the kitchen table were two library books and Nakamura-san's cup. As they sat down, Nakamura-san ran her fingers lightly over the books. "I will have to return those on my way home. I did promise the librarian that I would."
Matsunaga-san picked up the cup and turned it idly in his hands. "I want you to take the cup with you today when you leave. Please let it remind you of all the good times we had together."
Nakamura-san reached for the cup and ran her finger around the rim. "Thank you," she murmured.
"Will you be okay?" Matsunaga-san asked, reaching to take Nakamura-san's hand. "I know what the twins have meant to you." After a brief pause, he continued, "What are your plans for the future?"
"Well, after the visit to my old neighborhood, I had to re-think my plans for university. All my previous plans revolved around moving back to the apartment where I lived with my mother. Since the apartment building isn't there anymore and everything else has changed as well, there is no more reason to go back.
I talked to my guidance counselor again. Without the location constraint, he was able to give me information on child care programs at several universities, most of which have scholarships available. Some even have work programs that provide on-site housing. I am applying to five different programs. They require references and my sensei at the child care center has agreed to be one. Is it okay if I provide your name and contact information as a second reference?
"I would be honored to provide a reference for you," Matsunaga-san replied, smiling gently and stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "I wish there was more that I could do."
"You have done so much already," Nakamura-san replied. "With all that you paid me for babysitting, I have some money set aside for things that the scholarships won't cover."
They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.
Tentatively, Nakamura-san asked, "What are your plans?"
"Well, my supervisor is anxious for me to be more available now that I am no longer responsible for my niece and nephew. With that in mind, I have rented a small apartment just a few blocks from the television station where I work," Matsunaga-san explained.
Holding Nakamura-san's hands between his own, he looked deep into her eyes. "I can't tell you how much I am going to miss you. Having you and the twins here to greet me at night when I get home has something that I am going to miss more than I can express," he whispered.
"You have given me so much. I didn't have much of a family life when I was growing up. My mother worked, my father spent his time with his mistress, and my brother spent most of his time with friends. There were very few home cooked meals and even fewer family outings or celebrations. I only have a few special memories with my brother, like when he taught me to ride a bike. I have more precious memories from these two years with you and the twins than in all my years growing up."
Nakamura-san look up shyly, "You have given me so much as well. I cannot express how much I have enjoyed being a family with you and the twins. In a way, it made me miss my mother but it also made me appreciate the five years that I had with her. Thank you for giving me my first key, coming to my school festival, and including me in holiday celebrations. Even the simple shopping trips have been special to me."
For a few minutes they sat there in silence, remember all the good times that they had together. Then Matsunaga-san shifted in his chair and said, "At least we'll be able to get together with the twins occasionally. We will see each other then."
Brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, Nakamura-san took a deep breath and said, "I'm looking forward to that but I know I will have a busy time with university and work. That means the times that we do get together will be even more special."
"It's getting late, I should probably take you home," Matsunaga-san said as he stood up. "We'll stop by the library on the way to return the books and then I can drop you off at the orphanage."
Nakamura-san picked up the cup and the books and moved toward the entryway. As she put on her jacket and shoes, Matsunaga-san did the same. Then she held the door open while he picked up the boxes waiting in the entryway.
After using her house key to lock the door, Nakamura-san turned to Matsunaga-san and asked, "What should I do with the key?"
Smiling, Matsunaga-san replied, "Keep it as a reminder of our time together and as a promise of what the future will bring."
Nakamura-san blushed lightly as she slipped the key back into her pocket.
Matsunaga-san placed the boxes on the sidewalk while he unlocked the minivan. He opened the back hatch while Nakamura-san climbed into the passenger seat. After putting the boxes in the cargo area, Matsunaga-san climbed into the driver seat.
Neither spoke during the short drive to the library. Matsunaga-san waited in the minivan while Nakamura-san returned the library books. Then he drove the remaining distance to the orphanage.
As Nakamura-san opened to door to climb out, Matsunaga-san placed his hand on her arm, "You know you can call me anytime, right?"
Squeezing his hand gently, she responded, "I know and thank you. You can call me anytime you need to, as well." Then she climbed out of the minivan.
Matsunaga-san watched as Nakamura-san walked up the sidewalk to the orphanage. She turned and waved to him before opening the door to the orphanage. Wanting to prolong his time with her, he did not shift into gear and pull away from the curb until she was safely inside.
Taking a deep breath, he thought to himself, "It's going to be a long ten years but hopefully we'll be together at the end of it. I'll just have to keep myself busy with work and cherish the moments I do get to see her until then."
For now, he would get settled into his new apartment and concentrate on doing his best at his job.