"So, do you think we have enough?" Emma dropped her half-filled sack of fruit onto the wooden floor of the ship's lower deck storage room that they were currently using to store their food. Sweat dripped down her back from being in the hot, Neverland sun for so long, and she was grateful that the chore was over. She wasn't sure she could take much more of Hook's stories about how every other tree, rock, and plant could kill her.
Hook followed suit, dropping his bag a few feet from hers. "It'll do for now. Fortunately for us, amidst all of its horrors, Neverland has a wide variety of edible vegetation. We should be able to find something wherever we drop anchor… as long as we can make it to them without getting eaten ourselves," he smirked.
"You really know how to ruin a choice vacation spot," she replied dryly, rolling her eyes. "What is this stuff anyway?" She knelt over the knapsack, opening it and simultaneously jumping backwards. "Oh, my god, what the hell is that?"
The playful grin fell from Hook's face and he dashed to her side, peering down into the bag warily. "Bloody hell. I checked the trees for them too!" He roughly pulled her by the shoulders until her back was flush against his chest.
"Are those ants?" She asked incredulously, staring at the tiny, bright red creatures, each of them no larger than a grain of sand. They covered the fruit and some of them clung to the outside of the bag.
"They're a lot worse than ants, love. Did you get any on you?" He pushed her forward, his eyes quickly searching her up and down with a concerned look before doing the same with himself.
"I don't think so," she said, subconsciously brushing her forearms with her hands, a shiver running down her spine at the thought of the miniscule insects crawling all over her skin. "What's so bad about them anyway?"
"They're flesh eaters."
Emma groaned. "What on this stupid island isn't?" She muttered, and then flinched at a slight pinch underneath her shirt. "Hook… is there something on my back?" She spun around quickly, her arm reaching to scratch the spot where the pinch had come from and Hook gasped.
"Get your clothes off."
She turned around again to see the man pulling off his own large coat hurriedly. "Excuse me?"
"Get your damned clothes off, Swan. They're all over you! They're small and slow moving, but if given the chance and enough in number, they'll burrow under your skin and attempt to eat what little they can of you from the inside out!"
"You can't be serious!" She argued, warily glancing back at the bag, more of the red bugs crawling lazily out of it, then at the pirate captain who indeed, seemed very serious as he rid himself of his coat.
"They'll cling to your clothes for days if you don't. And unless you want them crawling up less than favorable places, I'd remove all of your clothes."
Despite her hesitance, she pulled up her shirt, swatting again at the spot on her back, horrified to feel the tickle of tiny bug feet – if they even had feet. "Oh my god, get them off!" She cried, suddenly in a panic.
"Hold still." Hook swatted the insects off of her easily and then held her firmly with his good hand, while using his hook to rip the back of the shirt in half from top to bottom. "There." He stepped back and dropped his coat to the ground, beginning to work at the complicated ties of his pants. "They must have been in the fruit, though they prefer us. There are usually signs on the trees…" he trailed off and Emma wasn't sure if he was talking to her or himself. "We carried those rucks for over a mile, they could have easily crawled onto us without us noticing – Dammit! Bloody hell! Emma, help me with my trousers!"
Emma had just stripped herself of her jeans and saw that he was having a hard time getting the ties undone with his good hand in his state of nervousness. She hesitated for a short moment, but all thoughts of propriety were lost when she caught sight of a few of the 'ants' crawling downwards on his vest. She swiped them off, and then let her hands fall to his waist, quickly loosening the laces for him. As soon as they were loose enough, without waiting for her to step back, he yanked them down, eager to be rid of the potentially-infested clothing.
"Jesus Christ, Hook!"
"What?" Hook glared. "As much as I'd normally enjoy it, stop gawking, Swan. I said all," he grumbled loudly, meeting her eyes for a moment before continuing to shove his pants as far as they could go down to his boots.
"You don't wear underwear?" She snapped in an accusing tone, as if it were some crime; fighting to avoid staring as she pulled off her socks and tossed them into the growing pile of clothing.
"I hardly see how that's of concern right now."
She turned away from him, kicking the clothing further away from her and closer to the bags of fruit. "It's of concern, because my eyes are burning out of my head. At least give me a warning."
"I'd say that's the bugs, darling," he offered coyly with a roll of his eyes. He deftly undid the buttons on his vest, having less trouble this time than with the ties, shifting his shoulders back and sliding it off, letting out a curse when the edge of the material ripped on his hook.
Emma shrugged part of her own ripped shirt off of her shoulders and began working on unclasping her bra. Both people were too focused on what they were doing to notice the soft squeak of the door opening.
"Oh my god!" Mary Margaret quickly shielded her eyes from what she had walked into and turned her body back towards the door where she had entered. "I'm sorry! I was only coming down here for some food…"
Hook froze for a split second, his pants still pooled around his ankles, before continuing to strip off his shirt in a rushed manner, uncaring that his lower half had been entirely exposed to the other woman.
Emma whirled around to see her mother, wide eyed and panicked as she struggled with the decision of continuing to undress or covering herself with her hands.
"There's a reason why we're naked!"
The words spilled out in a rush. It was the only thing she could think of to say to explain away the awkward situation, but as soon as the excuse left her mouth, she knew how incredibly stupid it had sounded.
"I'm sure there is…" Mary Margaret mumbled with a nervous laugh, her back to them, but still covering her eyes, as if to remove the images from her mind of her nearly naked daughter and Hook's bare lower body.
Emma ripped the rest of the tattered remains of her shirt off of her shoulders hurriedly, holding her bra to her chest to avoid further embarrassment. "It's not like that-"
"A little help, love?" The pirate snapped at Emma in a desperate tone, interrupting her petty explanation. He glowered at his shirt that had gotten caught at his shoulder to the contraption on his left arm, yanking on it sharply to no avail. "I don't care if the bloody queen and Prince Charming walk in - help me get this the bloody hell off!"
"I should go…"
Emma twisted around again to help the pirate, at the same time opening her mouth to provide a better explanation to a seemingly-scarred Mary Margaret. The door shut with a loud thud and her mother was gone before she had the chance. With a sigh, she moved to help the captain with his caught shirt, relief in his low grumble when the final article of clothing was removed from his chest.
"Bloody fucking Neverland insects…"
"So… Everyone's going to know in about five minutes."
"I don't think that your mother has quite the mouth you seem to believe."
"If she comes up from below deck looking horrified and we're the only ones missing, it doesn't take a genius to figure out-"
"To figure out what, love?" His expression danced with mischief, leaning against a pile of boxes, in full, naked glory as if he wasn't a bit ashamed. "That we were close to being eaten alive by bugs?"
"She didn't know that. David won't know that," she cracked a smile at the ridiculous situation, nearly laughing at the thought of how angry David would be. As embarrassed as she was, it felt good to even almost-laugh. Since Henry had been kidnapped, it wasn't something she had done much of.
"I can deal with your father, love," he smirked, finally relaxing as his boots and remains of his pants came off completely. He let his eyes scan her up and down.
"Stop looking at me! Now who's gawking?"
"Just checking you for ants," he teased, letting his predatory gaze fall on her now-exposed breasts, smirking when she glared at him and covered them up, even though she wasn't fully facing him.
She subconsciously clenched her legs together, glad that she hadn't removed her underwear and had simply opted to check them thoroughly. "So how do we kill them?" She turned so Hook could only stare at her back, staring at the dangerous bags of fruit. "And how do we make sure they don't get into the rest of our food?"
"Like I said, they're extremely slow moving, so that shouldn't be a problem. They're most dangerous when they're already touching your skin. They're also highly susceptible to drowning. We'll soak the floors, toss the fruit overboard, and bag the clothes… we can soak them in a bucket. The salt water will kill them faster than anything else."
Emma nodded seriously, taking in the plan, and then nearly snorted with held-back laughter when she realized a small problem.
"And what about that is so funny, Swan?"
"How are we going to get out of here without any clothes?"
The End
A/n: So this was originally supposed to just be a drabble that I wrote for tumblr (lovingcaptainswan) (just the piece about MM walking in) but since it was requested, I turned it into a proper oneshot. I hope that you enjoyed it, cuz it was fun to write. Review or the bugs will get you! ;) jk