Title: Worth Remembering

Author: badly-knitted

Characters: Ryo, Dee.

Rating: NC-17

Setting: Vol. 7, Act 19.

Summary: The morning after his first night with Dee, Ryo decides the events merit being recorded in his diary, which leads to enjoyable but unexpected consequences that almost make him late for work.

Word Count: 2806

Content Notes: Shameless smut of the do-it-yourself variety ;)

Written For: Challenge 221: Diary at fan_flashworks.

Disclaimer: I don't own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.

A/N: This time it's Ryo taking what was going to be no more than a PG-13 rated fic and dragging it over to the smutty side all by himself…

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OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

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Ryo knew he needed to get himself ready for the day ahead without delay; he already felt more than a little guilty about skipping out on his duties the previous night without compounding the matter by arriving late for his shift as Alicia Grant's bodyguard. That hadn't been anything close to normal behaviour for him, but then again, little about the night before had been what he would describe as normal. Still, from what Dee had told him, Diana had taken his dereliction of duty far better than he had any right to expect, which was a relief. He was determined not to let her down a second time though, despite still feeling in a bit of a daze due to recent… events.

Back in his bedroom after a hurried but refreshing shower, he dressed quickly, then hesitated, checking his watch. It was quite a bit earlier than he'd thought, meaning he had some time to spare. Making up his mind, he opened his closet, got out the locked metal box in which he kept his gun and other work paraphernalia when he was at home, unlocked it with one of the keys on his key ring, and got out his diary. Neither Bikky nor Dee knew he kept one and he'd rather they never found out; Dee would want to read it, but to Ryo's mind, diaries should be private, which made the lockbox the best place for him to hide his since he had the only key.

Sitting on the bed, he opened the book to the page for the previous day and stared at the blank, white expanse. What should he write? After last night, his world felt as though it had shifted on its axis; was he even the same man who'd written the previous entries? Maybe, maybe not, but either way, did it really matter? He was fairly sure it didn't, because whatever the changes in him might be, this was who he was now, and that was okay; a bit weird and unsettling perhaps, but not in a bad way, just unfamiliar.

Should he lead into these revelations gradually? No, that would just be procrastination, and there was no good reason for that, not anymore. He couldn't undo the events of the previous night, and he wouldn't want to even if he could. He'd taken the final, biggest step, and if he regretted anything, it was that he hadn't had the courage to take that step sooner. Picking up his pen, he began to write.

'Last night I slept with Dee, as in, I had sex with him. I could make up any number of excuses as to why; that I was confused, that I'd let Leo Grant get under my skin again, that I was seeking comfort in whatever form was available, but none of that would be the complete truth. Yes, I was confused over Leo's hints that I'm one of two people with the right to kill him. Not that I ever would, no matter what he thinks; I'm not a murderer. Yes, he got under my skin, he always does, and yes, I craved Dee's comforting presence, but I could have had that without sleeping with him. He's my partner and my best friend and I know he'll always be there for me, no matter what.

The truth is, I slept with him because I wanted to, and it wasn't some spur-of-the-moment, instantly regretted act because if I'm to be completely honest, deep down I know it's something I've wanted to do for some time. I was just afraid of how it might change things between Dee and I, and of how it might change me. As is so often the case, it seems I've been worrying for nothing, because if it's changed anything, which I'm sure it has, it's only for the better. For one thing, I don't have that worry hanging over me anymore. My head feels clearer than it has in months and it's like a weight I didn't know I'd been carrying around with me has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel… free.

I'm still nervous, just in case anyone finds out about us, and a tiny bit apprehensive about how Dee's going to react… I did sneak out while he was still asleep, which might not have been the best move, but I needed to shower and change before work so I hope he'll understand it wasn't meant as some sort of rejection. My reasons were entirely practical; I don't have any clothes at his place and most of his would be too big on me. We can talk things through later if he brings it up, but in the meantime there's work to do, and that has to take precedence. We can't let ourselves get distracted by personal matters; it's unprofessional. I know there are still things I need to sort out in my head, and it'll take me a while to completely adjust to everything, but that's true of all major life changes; it's perfectly natural. It took me a while to adjust when I made detective, and when I became a single dad; why should Dee and I becoming lovers be any different in that respect? That's life.

So, I guess after years of trying to ignore my attraction to men, this means I've finally come out as gay; even if it's only to Dee and myself, it's still a pretty big step. And last night was good. No, it was way better than that; it was amazing. We didn't go all the way, Dee was still holding back a bit because he said he didn't think I was quite ready for that yet. He was right of course; he's good at reading me, and I guess he could sense I was a bit worried he'd want to… I would've done it, I kind of wanted to, because then the first time would've been out of the way, but at the same time I'm glad we didn't go that far. It would probably have been too much for me all at once, especially considering we still have work to do. Might be better if we wait to go all the way until we have a weekend off, so I have time to recover before having to be around a bunch of detectives who might be observant enough to notice if I'm walking funny. I have a feeling being with Dee that way will be pretty intense. Okay, I'm still a bit nervous about doing it, but not enough to chicken out when the time comes; and it will, I'm sure of that.

What we did do though… It felt really good. I already knew I enjoyed Dee kissing me, at times more than I thought I should, and when I agreed to the test-drive, even though it got cut short before we'd really done much, that had felt good too, but last night… I feel hot all over just thinking about it. He touched me all over and I touched him, his bare skin warm beneath my fingers, exploring his body while he explored mine. It was nothing like being with a woman; Dee's body is all smooth, hard, flat, muscular planes rather than soft curves, and I can't remember ever feeling so physically excited before. No woman has ever gotten me so turned on. Dee stroked, licked, and sucked me, and I could have come from that alone if he hadn't stopped when he did. I don't even think it would have bothered him that much if I had, but he wanted something else, wanted more, to be closer I guess, so we rubbed against each other and got off that way, and I never would've believed how amazing that could be if I hadn't experienced it myself, feeling him so hot and hard against me. It was kind of messy and sticky though; we wound up practically glued together which was less enjoyable. I guess I'll just have to get used to that side of things, but what came before more than made up for a bit of stickiness.

I'm getting excited again just thinking about it, which isn't so good because I have to leave for the hotel in a few minutes, and the last thing I need is to be hard all day at work, especially since Dee would notice, and other people might as well. That would be too embarrassing. I might have to do something about my um… condition… before I leave. God, what Dee does to me! And he's not even here; I'm getting turned on just from thinking about last night! I haven't had this problem since I was about fifteen or sixteen; I thought I was past that stage, but thanks to Dee…'

Ryo stopped writing and put his pen away; he really did need to leave soon, he hadn't expected writing in his diary to take so long, but he didn't ever want to forget one of the best nights of his entire life. It was worth remembering. Closing the book, he locked it away in the metal box, which he returned to the top shelf of the closet. Putting his keys in his trouser pocket, he reached for his jacket, then paused. No, it was no good; he was rock hard from remembering the night before, he'd have deal with that before he went anywhere, and from the way he was feeling, it wasn't going to take very long. Just the friction from moving around to put his diary away already had him more than halfway there; if he tried to leave the apartment in this state, he was going to embarrass himself before he made it to the bottom of the stairs.

Bathroom? He took a step towards the bedroom door, but the twitching inside his pants changed his mind and he hurriedly unfastened the belt and button and unzipped his fly. His cock sprang free of his shorts immediately, fully erect and already beginning to leak. Ryo remembered the lustful expression on Dee's face the night before as his lover had licked him from root to tip, and he groaned out loud, then had to bite his lip to silence himself. He almost wished Dee was here right now, licking and sucking him like he had the night before, sending pleasure coursing through his whole body. His cock twitched violently at the thought, pre-come spilling from the slit and trickling wetly downwards.

It really wasn't going to take much to make him come, which was good because he couldn't afford to spend too long getting himself off. Standing in the middle of his bedroom wasn't exactly the ideal place to do it though; he hadn't touched himself yet and his legs already felt a bit shaky. He needed to avoid making a mess of his clothes too; he wouldn't have time to change again, but it was hard to think of things like that with his cock demanding immediate attention. At least he could walk now without the friction from his clothes exacerbating the problem, and he crossed the room in a couple of steps, snatching a handful of Kleenex for men from the box on his nightstand. A random thought hit him that maybe the tissues were bigger than average not because men had bigger noses than women, but to make them more suitable for catching the mess in situations like this. Then he took himself in hand and his brain all but shut down.

Dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed again, he awkwardly unbuttoned the bottom half of his shirt one-handed, shoving the tails aside so they wouldn't get in the way; then he thrust his hips up as he began to jerk himself off. Normally, he'd do this in the shower with his eyes closed, needing release but impatient to get it over with, but this time he couldn't tear his eyes away from the swollen purple head of his cock, sliding through the tight grip of his hand. He bit his bottom lip again in an effort to keep quiet because the walls were paper-thin and he didn't want to have the neighbours giving him funny looks the next time they met; he just needed to get himself off so he could get on with his day, but… it felt so good he suddenly didn't want it to be over too soon.

He thought of Dee, and of Dee's solid, heavy erection pressing against his own, its velvet heat stoking his own fires higher. He'd come harder last night than he could ever remember having done before, and he found himself wanting to recapture that intensity now. He focused on his memories of Dee, naked, leaning over him, and he thought about how it had felt to have Dee's hands and mouth on him. His own hand gradually speeded up; he was panting now, rocking his hips against the springiness of the bed, using that to take some the effort out of jacking off so his arm wouldn't tire so fast. God, he wanted to come so bad…

"Deeeeee…." Ryo could scarcely recognise the husky, needy voice as his own. His head was filled with images of Dee, memories of the previous night, like a series of snapshots flicking past in an x-rated slideshow. It was almost as if he was seeing them floating before his eyes, except they didn't obscure his view of what he was doing to himself. He gathered pre-come on the next upward stroke then spread it down his shaft, making it slick in his hand. His breath was coming faster; he was getting close now and his free hand fumbled across the duvet, seeking the wad of tissues he'd dropped there when he sat down and scooping them up. He'd need them soon; he could feel his orgasm rapidly building, his cock throbbing and pulsing in his hand.

Almost there, so close…

Even so, when he was abruptly swept over the edge it almost took him by surprise. Not quite as intense as the night before, because how could it be without Dee there, making him feel so incredible? Still, his orgasm swept over him like a tidal wave, and he barely managed to get the handful of tissues in place in time to keep from making a mess of his clothes as he came hard, his whole body shuddering with his release. Cleaning himself off as best he could, he flopped back across the mattress and lay there, limp and spent, as his pounding heart slowed and he caught his breath.

As soon as he was able to move, he dragged himself to his feet, staggered to the bathroom, dropped the sticky tissues in the trash, and used a damp washcloth to freshen up and take care of any traces the tissues had missed. Straightening and fastening his clothes again, he checked his appearance in the bathroom mirror. He looked a bit flushed, but the cooler temperatures outside would take care of that, or else he could blame it on the fact that he'd been in a rush because he was running behind, which was the truth now.

Ryo forced himself not to think about Dee, or last night, or what he'd just done. He was late as it was; it wouldn't do to end up being even later, especially since he'd told Dee in his note that he'd bring breakfast, which meant he'd have to stop off on the way to the hotel and pick something up. Dashing back to his bedroom, he grabbed his jacket and slipped it on, put his phone and wallet in his pockets, and shoved his feet into shoes before heading out the door as fast as his still shaky legs would carry him. There was a bakery not far from the hotel; he'd get a taxi and have it drop him off there, then he could walk the rest of the way.

Hurrying down the stairs, he decided this morning's events would most definitely not be making it into the pages of his diary. Probably. Well, not before tonight anyway. If Dee ever found out, Ryo would never be allowed to forget it. Then again, maybe he didn't want to forget.

Hailing one taxi after another, until one finally deigned to stop for him, Ryo slid into the back seat and gave the driver his destination, firmly setting his mind to deciding what to get for breakfast. If one night with the man who was now officially his lover had this profound an effect on him, maybe he should avoid falling into bed with Dee again for a few weeks. Otherwise he was never going to be able to concentrate on his job.

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The End