A/N: Just a funny little one-shot about how River got the Doctor to tell her his name.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, River would be a full time companion.
"River, please, stop!"
"Oh come now Doctor, you used to be able to predict my every attempt to kill you, surely you can manage to outthink me."
"River," The Doctor panted. "I can't take much more of this! Please, just–"
"Just what? Cooperate? Give you what you want?" River asked, smiling suggestively.
"I need it River!" the Doctor wheezed. "I really, really do!"
"Hm, alright. I'll stop and be good on one condition."
"What?" the Doctor sighed.
"Tell me you name," River said.
"What? No, no, no, that is the one thing you know I can't do," the Doctor told her.
"If you can't trust your own wife with your greatest secret, then maybe you value the secrets more than you love her," River stated, turning her back on the Doctor.
"River, that's not what it's about and you know it," the Doctor argued, hand on his forehead. River just shrugged.
"Still, I kept my real name secret from you, Mum, and Dad for decades, I think I can keep your's too." The Doctor just sighed. "Oh well I'll just be on my way then!" River responded, making for her Vortex Manipulator.
"No!"
"Well then?" The Doctor didn't answer but beckoned her closer. She rolled her eyes but came closer. The Doctor then whispered in River Song's ear the name that could make stars implode and galaxies turn to dust. Smiling smugly to herself, River gave the Doctor back his fez.
"Yes!" He happily put it on and looked at himself in the mirror.
"Oh honestly, it's just a hat!" River said.
"It is a very cool hat."
River Song just rolled her eyes and shook her head as she walked out of the console room, muttering "I should've thrown it into a supernova when I had the chance."