Kickstich

Chapter 1: Pilot

Jane

A sewing machine only really needs two stitches: the straight stitch and the zig-zag stitch. My machine was my mothers'. Other machines have a plethora of fancy functions and stitches, but mine only boasts these two. It's practical. Like my mother was, says Ben.

The thing about a straight stitch is that it must actually be….straight. My machine is so old it can hardly do that. The needle wiggles and the bobbin clatters round in its holder. It produces a crooked, loosely threaded line. Those stitches that are particularly off I must pull out by hand. I call them kickstiches. A detour from the straight, perfect path. A cumbersome mess.

My life is kind of like that right now. I have made so many mistakes lately, and I may be about to make another one—another kickstich.

Setting: Right after the 10th episode and finale of season 1 of Jane by Design. India is fired. Jeremy is revealed to be a mole. Nick and Jane break up because Nick cheated (on presumption, but still.) Lulu and Billy broke up because of Jane. Ben and Rita are still….friends. Grey is her elegant self, and we still haven't seen Donovan yet. The biggest plot line of all is Jane. Who will she chose? Jeremy, who's just proclaimed his, er, interest, or her best friend, who hasn't quite gotten past the words 'It's you, Janey,' yet?

Billy

I could feel the harsh city air burning through my chest as I gasped for another breath. My sneakers squeaked across the slick backstage floors as I whizzed past the now-darkened set of the fashion show. Stop. I backed up a few paces, and there she was. She looked so small now. Her head was bent, her shoulders drooped. I called out to her weakly, and could barely recognize my own voice. "Janey!"

She turned at the sound of her name, and I saw the world in her eyes—all her vulnerable innocence and excitement from the evening brimming full with emotion, and now surprise, at seeing me.

"Billy?"

"Hey."

"What's going on? What happened at court today, are they gonna-"

"I'll be fine," I could hear myself saying. "I just—need to tell you something, Janey." I could feel a grin creeping on my face. I couldn't help it.

With a bound, I was up on the runway, facing her.

"I really have no idea how to say this, so, I'm just gonna say it." I stepped towards her.

"What's going on?" she repeated. And there was fear in her eyes. For a moment I hesitated. Then I realized this was my only chance.

"It's you, Janey."

The moment was perfect. She stared at me and all I wanted to do was kiss her. But the moment passed, and we were interrupted.

"Jane?" I knew instantly this was Jeremy, the guy Jane had gushed about from the beginning. And I knew in a second that my chances had just diminished. I couldn't look at him. I stole a glance at her. She looked so confused, divided, pained. And as much as I realized how much I loved her, it tore me up inside to see her like this.

I shakily ran a hand through my hair and let out a sigh of defeat. " You know what, never mind. I….gotta go." Numbly I pushed past her, past Jeremy, the hunk who had her heart. I was angry at the world. I had bared my emotions only to have them thrown in my face. It was clear Jane would pick him over me. There was no contest.

I ran all the way home, swiping at the strange wetness that kept seeping from my eyes, not bothering to care about anything else but pushing myself homeward. I guess it was done, then. I'd just ruined our friendship. We'd never be the same again.

Jane

I could love Jeremy, yes. He made me feel like the adult I was pretending to be. But I loved my best friend more. But I'd never thought about it like that. I guess my conflicted emotions must have shown. I guess I looked so pained when Billy split that Jeremy decided it best to back off. He begged me to ponder what he'd said, then left hurriedly, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

But what were my thoughts? As I sat down on the runway and gazed across all the now empty seats, I couldn't make any sense at all of the feelings raging inside me. The biggest question was, why? Why had Billy done what he did? Why now?

Suddenly it occurred to me. He was leaving.

Billy didn't show at school the next day. In fact, he wasn't there for the remainder of the week. I walked to school with Ben each day, and each day braved the cafeteria for a sign of my best friend. But he never showed. He didn't pick up his phone. I went to his apartment, but no one was home. Finally, on Friday, I caught sight of Tommy, exiting Rita's office. He saw me clattering towards him in my loud stilettos.

"Where is he?" I gasped, tackling him before he could escape.

He shook me off casually, and I struggled to maintain my balance.

"He loved you, you know." I was shocked so see that Tommy—drunken fool and criminal of a brother Tommy—was serious. But before I could respond, he went on with a shrug.

"He's just going to Juvie for a few months. Nothing much. I'm sure you won't miss him."

"What?" I sputtered. "Why?"
"Why do you think?" Tommy turned and stalked off.

I stood there in the hall, oblivious as class let out all around me. I was startled when Rita pulled me into her office.

"Billy's court date didn't go as well as hoped," she explained.

I sank into a chair. "He said he was fine."

"He was just trying to protect you, I'm sure." She handed me a tissue sympathetically, but I declined. I was in too much shock to cry. Not now. The tears would surely come later.

"How long will he be gone?" I asked in a small voice, not believing for an instant Tommy's words.

Rita gave a small smile. "Only a month."

I could feel nothing. I nodded.

"You can visit him," Rita assured me, answering the question in my head. "He's leaving tomorrow morning," she finished dismissively, rising from her seat.

I rose too, and followed Rita as she lead me to the door. "He'll be fine, Jane. A little shaken up, but he'll still be the same guy when he comes back."

"No he won't!" I wanted to scream. But I kept my feelings pent up in my heart. No one would know about that.

Saturday morning found me sitting on Billy's step at dawn, like he had done so many countless times for me. When the door finally opened, my arms were around his neck before he could even speak.

"Jane?" He sputtered.

"You can't go!" I sobbed into his shoulder.

For a while we stood there, as I surrendered my emotions and he held me in his arms.

Billy

It took her a while to calm down. She must have been upset for a long time to have broken down like this. We sat down together on the step, just as the pinkish rays punctured the city sky with brilliant streaks of color. I gave her my back pocket kerchief, and cradled her as she composed herself. I didn't trust myself to speak.

"Don't go," she pleaded at me, with her large doe eyes.

"I don't exactly have a choice," I muttered.

"I can't do this without you!" she pleaded.

We'd had this conversation before. "You'll be fine," I reassured her. "Just like when you and I had a fight and didn't speak to each other for days."

"That was different. You hated me then."

"I did not! I just didn't know how to talk to you. To apologize."

"Plus, it's not the same thing. You're my best friend. We need each other."

"That really what I am to you?" I cocked an eyebrow.

She didn't meet my gaze, and I looked away and scoffed. "I get it."
"No, Billy, don't be like that-"

"What'd you tell him?"

"Who?"

"That dude."

"Jeremy? I didn't tell him anything."

"But you didn't say no," I said, hurt.

"I told him I would think about it." Jane jutted out her chin defiantly.

"Why are you really here?" I turned and looked at her, steadily. "You can't keep me from leaving, you know that."

She chewed her lip, thinking. "What do you feel for me?"
I sighed and stood up, dragging my suitcase behind me, clunking down the steps. I loaded it into the trunk of Tommy's car, and slammed the back down. I turned and almost collided with Jane. Shaking my head, I scooped her up by the waist and set her on top.

"Listen carefully," I instructed her as I knelt on the hard asphalt. She simply stared at me, her lips parted.

"I've been your sidekick for eleven years. I've supported you, lied for you, and done all sorts of crazy stuff to make you happy. But the judge didn't like me, Janey. He's sending me away. And Tommy made me realize that you're the only one I really ever loved."

"Tommy?"

I nodded. "Crazy, huh? Dude's good for something. Janey, this is my last chance. I don't wanna say it, but could you ever love this?"

She couldn't speak, and I knew why.

"Didn't think so."

I tried to nurse my split heart as I climbed into the car and drove away.