MY BIG, FAT GEEK WEDDING
AN: I've been cranking out painful, angsty stories since the finale. I think I've finally gotten to a place where I can write something a little more light-hearted now. I know this title has been used, but I couldn't resist. It fits our geniuses SO well. This story will be from Wally's POV and I'll be switching back and forth between first person narrative style and the flashbacks will be in third person. As always, reviews let me know if you want to read more. And feel free to throw out your ideas for silly, funny, geeky wedding experiences. If they fit the way I wanna go, I might just use 'em.
Not much surprises you when you have a 197 IQ. Most things in life can be predicted with a reasonable amount of accuracy.
Or so I thought. That was before I met Paige Dineen. With very little effort, she has become the exception to every one of my rules and has obliterated a lot of my hard and fast foundational principles as well. For someone who likes to remain in control at all times, it was more than a little disconcerting, especially in the beginning of our acquaintance. So I wasted a stupid amount of time resisting her effect on me.
I'll cite some examples to illustrate the many ways I was proven wrong. For instance, prior to Paige, I always thought my sister was the only normal who could ever accept me and love me for who and what I am. After my initial falling out with Cabe, I also thought I'd never let another normal close enough to hurt or betray me again. I was under the mistaken impression romantic love was a fantasy cooked up by propaganda, hormones and brain chemicals. And I thought it was largely reserved for suckers and idiots. Turns out I was both a sucker and an idiot. Because I thought I didn't feel fear or pain like other people… until the day Paige walked out, taking my entire world with her.
But that's all in the past and those experiences are best filed away under 'hard lessons learned'. It will be much more pleasant to talk about the latest torrent of surprises Paige has brought into my life.
You see, it's phenomenal what can happen in a little under a year.
Somehow, someway, with a lot of hard work and forgiveness on all sides, we were able to mend fences and put our team back together. We ended up stronger and more cohesive once we reconciled. We have a new appreciation for one another.
The exact same thing occurred in my relationship with Paige. We actually love each other more now than ever before. Another thing I considered impossible, but I enjoy being wrong in this case.
Anyway, a few months ago, I decided an increase in the level of commitment was required to solidify our relationship and give it the strongest foundation possible. Marriage was the logical next step.
In addition, the very thought of Paige as my wife… Well, let's just say the idea appealed to me in ways that go far beyond any reasoned argument. I would be hers and she would be mine and together with Ralph we would officially, legally be a family in every conceivable way.
No big deal. Thousands of people propose and get married every day. Piece of wedding cake, right?
Wrong again.
oxoxoxoxoxo
"Did you have the ring sized?"
Toby's inquisitive face appeared behind Walter's image in the mirror which the Scorpion leader was using to smooth his already smooth hair and straighten his already straight tie for the eighth time. His gaze met the behaviorist's in the reflection. "Yes. Of course. Why?"
"Well, studies show if the ring doesn't fit when you put it on her finger, her subconscious will tell her the marriage won't be a good 'fit' for her either."
Toby brushed non-existent lint from Walter's shoulders. "That's if she says 'yes' and actually tries the ring on," He muttered under his breath.
Made even more nervous, Walter spun around. His wide eyes met Sylvester's across the room. The mathematician smiled in understanding, after all, he wrote not just one book but the entire library on anxiety. "She's going to say 'yes', Walt. I mean, you have discussed the idea of matrimony with her before. At least in the abstract. Right?"
Walter gulped trying to wet his suddenly dry throat. "I… uh, w-we. Sort of? It's come up once or twice. When we were talking about other people…"
"You jerks need to stop winding him up. If he gets any paler, he's going to pass out," Happy barked. Then she turned to her boss and offered her special brand of encouragement, "Don't listen to these chuckleheads. You got this, O'Brien. She's put up with your crap for years. She's obviously a masochist, because she still appears to like you." The mechanic made a face, "She even claims to love you. There's no accounting for taste, but whatever pumps her brakes…"
"You do remember you were married to him first…" Sylvester reminded her, grinning evilly.
"Oh, shut up. It's not the same situation and you know it. That's like comparing…" The mechanic began.
Her husband interrupted and finished for her, "Fruit punch and a Ferrari engine?"
Walter stumbled over to a chair and collapsed into it. He ran an agitated hand down his face. "What the hell am I thinking? I don't want to ruin what we already have. What if I can't be the kind of husband she needs?"
"No way," Ralph walked over and dropped a reassuring hand on Walter's back, "There's no way you're chickening out. I've been wanting this for years. She knows if she marries you, I'll be happy with it. I mean, if you two get married, you could legally make medical decisions for me and have custody rights and everything…"
"That's right," Sylvester added, "Plus you would have tax incentives and you could receive each other's Social Security benefits. Not to mention sharing a permanent residence would be cheaper…"
Happy butted in, "It would also be less wear and tear on your vehicles if you always share rides. You'd save on gas and your cars would last longer…"
Not to be excluded, Toby spoke up, "Statistics show married couples live longer and keep their mental acuity longer than those who live alone. That's a point in your favor too."
Walter nodded vigorously as if drinking in every word and making a mental list.
Cabe rolled his eyes skyward. "None of which makes a hill of beans to Paige. Son, you aren't going to win her with a long list of logical reasons why being married is financially and legally and statistically better than dating each other."
Walter aimed a fearful look in the older man's direction. "Then what am I supposed to say to convince her to marry me?"
"You need to leave your brain parked at the garage for once. Let your heart tell her why you could never be happy without her."
"Ohhh," Walter breathed. "Good. That's good. I'm going to lead with that…"
oxoxoxoxoxo
In the end, I set the ring on the table and let it do most of the talking for me as I babbled something unintelligible. I think I said I loved her and I wanted to do her taxes and take custody of Ralph and I may have included something about both our hearts and our cars lasting longer than if we stayed single and were only dating.
The fact Paige got what she needed from that disaster of a proposal proves she is truly perfect for an moronic genius like me. To my utter relief, for some unfathomable reason, she said 'yes'.
And the ring fit just right.