Chapter 1: Don't Teach What You do Not Know
Third person POV
The gods all snapped up their heads and began grinning as the one whom they are trying to win her heart, Kusanagi Yui, entered the classroom.
"Good morning Fairy-san!" exclaimed Apollon as he jumped up from his desk and ran to Yui for his usual routine of giving her a hug, whether she wanted it or not.
Yui looked up from the floor when she heard Apollon as though she had been pulled out of her thoughts. She smiled in a feeble attempt to put on a brave face for the gods. She woke up that morning feeling emotionally exhausted and she couldn't figure out why. She had to miss her morning run with Takeru because of it.
Dodging his embrace, she made her way to her seat without looking at the other gods. They all immediately began to exchange worried glances. This was unusual behavior from her. They had never seen her look so exhausted before. She would walk in and say hi to everyone with a smile that could outshine Apollon.
Before any of them could say or do anything, Thoth marched into the room with a glance that told them to shut up and sit down. Thoth, as usual, slammed his hands on the desk and gave the class a cold glare so he could get their attention and not dare to look away.
"Today, we are going to talk about depression in humans." He explained as he turned to the board and started writing down chemical formulas. "It is a chemical imbalance within the brain that causes the individual to become sad."
As Thoth continued to explain how chemicals can affect the moods of humans, the gods kept glancing over at Yui. Her notebook was on her desk and she was staring at her notebook as though she was writing notes. What concerned the gods was that her pencil hovered over the notebook and slowly began to shake. Balder wanted to check on her, but she was emitting an aura that felt as though she shouldn't be bothered right now.
After a few minutes Yui's eyes began to move slowly towards the board with hatred beginning to grow in her eyes. When her eyes fully met Thoth's back, she slammed down her hands on her desk and stood up. Mimicking what Thoth does when he wants to get the student's attention.
All eyes turned to her in a shocked state. The only set of eyes that weren't immediately on her were Thoth's. He slowly turned around and gave a menacing scowl to Yui. "Do you have something to say Kusanagi?"
She looked down, her bangs casting a shadow over her eyes. "You have no idea what the hell you are talking about." She murmured through gritted teeth that was loud enough for Thoth to hear.
The classroom remained silent for what felt like an eternity. Thoth was glaring at Yui who dared challenge him on his knowledge. She kept her head down, but the anger and confidence that was radiating off her showed that she was standing her ground.
The gods all switched their gazes between Thoth and Yui. As seconds passed by, the tension in the room made the gods shiver. Challenging the teacher is one thing, but challenging the Thoth, the Egyptian God of Knowledge was almost heresy in this garden.
"Tch" slurred Thoth as he crossed his arms over his chest while continuing to stare at Yui. "And you assume you know more than I do?"
Yui lifted her gaze with the most challenging and angered expression that has ever been thrown at the God of Knowledge. "You don't know what depression is, Master Thoth." She sneered. "Depression is not a technicality within the human body. Speaking as though it is only a technicality is something that I take great offense to." She paused and saw the gods shocked expressions out of the corner of her eye. Even Loki looked like he wasn't amused by the situation. "I am as much of a teacher as you here, when something that related so deeply to the human heart is being taught, I have as much right to interject on misleading information."
The gods turned their faces to Thoth who began to march around his desk towards Yui. Yui began to stand up straight and looked as though she was about to punch him in the face. Before he could reach her, a metallic bang was heard that stopped everyone in their tracks and turn their gazes to the doorway. There stood Zeus with a serious look on his face. "Thoth! That's enough!" he bellowed.
His eyes softened slightly when his gaze met Yui's, "Please Kusanagi Yui, enlighten us. You are the only one here who can explain in more in-depth. Judging by your reaction, I'd say you have first-hand experience on the subject."
Thoth scowled and began going towards the doorway to leave. Zeus stopped him before he could get through the threshold. "You will remain here and listen to what she has to say Thoth." He seethed as he took steps towards Thoth to corral him back into the classroom.
"Thank you, Zeus-san." Sighed Yui as she looked out the classroom windows at the beautiful day.
She walked towards the window-sill and placed her hands on it. "Thoth was correct when he said that chemical imbalances are what affect human emotion." She explained while looking out the window not paying attention to the reflections. "But depression is not just a chemical imbalance and should never be written off as just being sad. It's more than that" Her knuckled began to turn white as her hands were balled into fists. "As Zeus-san theorized, I do have first-hand experience in depression." She looked down at her fists and furrowed her brows. The gods could see the reflection of her eyes begin to water. "Depression isn't just sadness. If anything, it's a condition that won't let you be happy. You can still and laugh, but you never feel as though it is making you happy. It doesn't reach you no matter how hard you try sometimes."
Looking into the reflections that were dancing in front of her, she saw the pained look of her divine friends all looking at her with deep concern. She made eye contact with the reflection of Hades which. "Kusanagi, if you don't want to talk about it, we und..."
"No," she sighed cutting Hades off "If telling you about this will help you learn than I will share with you. It's the least that I can do for opening up to me about your lives." She watched him nod and looked down once again at her hands and took a few silent moments to gather herself. She let out a shaky breath to try to calm her racing, aching heart. 'Come on Yui, you know that you are here to help them understand the human heart. Depression is an emotion that can attack the heart and mind. Suck it up and just spit it out already!'
"Kusanagi, what experience do you have with depression?" encouraged Zeus, letting her know that she had to tell them one way or another. There was no room for debate in his commanding tone.
She looked back up at her tearful expression in the window, "There was a time in my life where my depression was so bad that one night I couldn't take it anymore. The pain was unbearable. I had tried all types of medications and therapeutic methods to help me, but nothing ever worked." She shifted her gaze from her reflection to those of the silent gods behind her. Tears began streaming down her face in an unstoppable torrential rain. The gods could see and feel the painful memories within each tear.
Balder began to stand to comfort her, but Dionysus grabbed his shoulder with an expression that told Balder not to move. Baler hesitated before he sat back down and returned his attention back to the emotionally crumbling Yui standing with her back to them. Her form eclipsing the sun creating a heavenly silhouette that took their breath away.
Yui saw the exchange and waited for Zeus to nod to her to continue. His eyes were warm, but his brows were furrowed. Yui nodded back to Zeus and continued, "That night, I was so close to taking my own life that I could feel the prick of the knife on my throat." Yui sighed and slowly turned around in the small puddle that had been created by her tears on the floor. She met the shocked and saddened gazes of all the individual gazes of the gods before she continued. "To be honest with you, I don't fully know why I didn't take my life that night. I thought of my family and how much they wouldn't forgive themselves if I had went through with it. From time to time I still feel depressed, not as bad as that night, but it's still there."
Yui turned her gaze to Thoth and slowly and shakily began to walk towards him til she was standing a few feet in front of him. She locked her eyes onto Thoth's unreadable expression and continued, "Depression is not a technicality. Human emotions are not a technicality. They not only affect the individual, but they affect everyone around them. The individual's emotions can become so... overwhelming, that they can cause the sensation of physical pain. Your chest hurts and your head feels as though a dark veil has been draped over you. I promise you, that pain is something that can be felt by others and it's not something that should ever be taken lightly."
Yui stood silently as she turned her gaze to the floor and began to walk out of the classroom. Thoth and Zeus stood aside and let her leave, knowing enough about humans that she needed a moment to herself.
Zeus turned his gaze back to Thoth, "If you teach anything emotional, please consult Kusanugi Yui before you do. She is the expert on such matters after all." Zeus turned to leave the room. When he reached the threshold, he slightly turned his head back towards Thoth, "I'm sorry old friend, but sometimes knowing about something doesn't mean that you understand it." With that, Zeus left the room and began walking back to his office. A corner of his mouth began to slightly turn upwards as he may be starting to get through the stone heart of his friend. There was a reason why Thoth was chosen to teach the gods. He needed to learn almost as much as they do, and Kusanagi Yui was the one to do it.
Zeus's footsteps faded down the hallway and Thoth stared at the floor, "class is dismissed for the day." He turned and quickly left the room.
The gods sat there staring at their desks in deep thought. They had never seen her so emotional or melancholy before.
Balder was the first to stand, "I'm going to check to see if she is okay." Balder then quickly walked out the door with a determined look painted on his face. The other gods followed without saying a word to each other.
-x-
They searched for Kusanagi Yui for over an hour when they spotted her sitting in the middle an open field in the woods. Her legs were extended, and her head was thrown back. The gods could see that her eyes were not focused on their surroundings as they were lost to another world of her own.
Takeru began to take a step forward when a voice that seemed to make the air tremble began to echo through the forest causing him to stop in his tracks. The gods looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from when Thor extended his hand towards the field in front of them. Tsukito took a step forward with watery eyes, "I think that's Kusanagi Yui singing." He said in a trembling voice barely louder than a whisper.
('You Don't Know' by Katelyn Tarver)
I know you've got the best intentions
Just trying to find the right words to say
I promise I've already learned my lesson
But right now, I want to be not okay
I'm so tired, sitting here waiting
If I hear one more "just be patient"
It's always gonna stay the same
So, let me just give up
So, let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well I don't want to know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
Can't stop these feet from sinking
And it's starting to show on me
You're staring while I'm blinking
But just don't tell me what you see
I'm so over all this bad luck
Hearing one more "keep your head up"
Is it ever gonna change?
So, let me just give up
So, let me just let go
If this isn't good for me, well I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice
or reasons why I'm alright
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
Yui stood, threw hear head back towards the sky, clasped her hands loosely on her stomach, and closed her eyes.
Don't look at me like that
Just like you understand
Don't try to pull me back
Let me just give up
Let me just let go
If this isn't good for me
Well I don't wanna know
Let me just stop trying
Let me just stop fighting
I don't want your good advice
or reasons why I'm alright
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know
You don't know
You don't know
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
You don't know
You don't know
You don't know what it's like
You don't know what it's like
After the echo of her voice had settled through the forest, she lowered her head and smirked. Turning around and looking at the gods, she smiled "I'm sorry about that. I guess I can't hear or think about it without breaking down a little bit. I'm okay though" She happily walked towards them with a skip in her step that they were so used to seeing.
She stopped in front of them and flashed a brilliant smile that reassured them that she was fine. "Thank you for worrying about me. I appreciate it." Her expression softened as she began walking back towards the academy with the gods in tow.
-x-
No one said a word on the way back. Loki had tried to run up to Yui but Thor and Balder grabbed his collar before he could take another step close to her.
When they all made it back to the dorms, they all exchanged good nights and began to go their separate ways. Takeru stopped suddenly causing the other gods to look at him questioningly.
"Hey, weed!" yelled Takeru as he spun around with his hands in his pockets and his gaze plastered to the ground.
Yui turned around to look at him. "Y…. you…should sing more often. It's beautiful." Takeru said as a slight blush began to adorn his cheeks. Yui giggled and waved at everyone before running to the girl's dorm.
-x-
That night, the gods all gathered in their common rooms in silence. All of them thinking about the amount of pain that their dear human had been through. She had been helping them deal with their problems that hers didn't really come up. Each one of them felt guilty for that but didn't know what they could have done anyway.
One by one they sauntered off to bed and had worrying nightmares about Yui holding a knife to her throat, extinguishing the life that they all grew to hold dear.
-x-
Yui slammed the door and threw herself onto her bed. Burying her face into the pillow to muffle her cries, Melissa jumped up onto her bed and rubbed her back reassuringly as she cried herself to sleep.
For the first time since she had been brought to the garden, she thought about that night and wondered why she was still alive. For one night, she allowed her mask to slip to reveal what she had hidden underneath for many years. Her mask was something that she held onto and had only let it slip away a handful of times since that night. Melissa did his best to comfort her, but he didn't know what to do. The look in her eyes was something that he had never seen before in a human or a god.
Her dreams were filled with images of her family finding her dead body and watching over her own funeral with the muffled cries of her mother echoing through her mind.