I don't own the characters.
Have A Nice Life Baby
Again and Again by Holly Brook
Unlocking metaphors
Caches that were safe before
Lost their secrets to the wind
It isn't everyday
You can see the other face
Watching you i'm watching me who could this be
Your wounds begin to sing
Red melodies that sting
Like ice bury me twice
Running from the heat from the lines that break me
I'll give another try
Fallen angel
Your terminal high
Feeding the hunger of your sky
Take all the poison that i give
Just to live
For the feeling
Use me again
Your stuck in a centerfold
Written in capitals
Bake the time talking through wine
Lately on this vine the showers have been steady
Are you ready for this flight?
I am fading from the world. I am dying inside. I refuse to believe that it was real at all. I don't even know what I want to believe anymore. I sit here and inside I feel dead. I want to let go but I can't. I want to free myself but I can't. I want to breathe, but I can't. I walk down the same hallways everyday and I know every second that passes that I will always do the same thing and my life will never change, not really anyway. I know that every morning you scream at me to get up and move it along. There you are, always, standing there ready to break me down piece by piece.
Yet I always go the same way, and yet I let myself be torn down everyday. I guess it's because its part of my routine, like doing the laundry, have self-esteem destroyed. I don't know if you realize you do it but I guess I'll never know. I have a wall that breaks eventually and has to be built back up, stronger and colder every time. When I put up the wall I know that I keep distancing myself from everyone around me. I keep getting farther and farther away. I can't stop for hurt; I can't stop building the wall and keep getting shattered. I want to scream, but I can't. I want to know that everything's real, but I don't. It's like everything around me is too fast and I can't seem to catch my breath.
I feel so empty inside. I feel like existing is so much energy. I feel my eyelids weighted down by exhaustion. I can't go on like this. I can't ever feel happy. Nothing is making me happy right now. I just can't fathom how to be happy anymore. I feel dropped, like a useless piece of information that people know. The information people store but can't ever remember exactly what it is. I want to feel differently. I want to stop hating the world and my life but there is too much to hate.
Cold is racing through my body. My fingers feel numb, I feel numb. I'm sure that my heart is tearing, breaking, ripping. I know you can't really physically feel your heart being destroyed but I can. It is the single most horrific thing I have ever experienced. I want to cry but the tears won't fall. The shivers keep on coming but my anger and depression won't leave my body, they won't fall from my eyes at least ridding me of them for a little while. I know they always will come back, but for a little bit I want to feel alive.
Everyday I break. More cracks form in my fragile frame. Eventually I'll be shattered, shattered on the foundation of life. The world will keep going on, existing and will forget about the hopeless pieces of a twenty-two year old girl. I fear life more then death. Death is something everyone knows is coming. Life is so unpredictable. I feel the unpredictability cursing through my veins. I feel myself swept farther and farther into the obscure sea. I am being pulled under by the current. Someday, I'll be completely gone.
You say you're sorry and everytime I forgive you. My adrenaline is rushing and my head pounding. You'll go with some other girl and sleep with her and tell me that you needed to get it out of your system and you will love me forever and those girls mean nothing to you. Why, then, do you do it? I ask you everytime and everytime you shake your head and walk away like I'm too juvenile to understand yet we have the same amount of years in life. Everytime I waste tears on your foolishness. It's like I can't even hold them in anymore. My throat burns and so do my eyes. The tears feel like fire on my face. My hands ice cold.
I walk into our room and there you are with some blonde haired chick and you know what I do? I laugh. I stand there and laugh. You look at me like I'm insane but believe me honey you are far more twisted then I'll ever be! I sit down and begin to write this all on a piece of paper and when I'm finished I will tape it on the refigerator and you will find it when you're breakfast is not on the table and you have to get some for yourself. I am going to pack up all of my things and leave you for good. I'm taking the car too honey and the nice red one that you call your "baby" oh, honey, that is gone.
I start to pack up my things and the tears finally fall. They bring the air of finality to my actions. I finish and you are still in bed with your whore. I hope she was a good shag baby. I grab the keys and kiss the air and smile. I smile at the image of you in my head. I sit there at the door just soaking it in. Oh baby, this time you are going to get it. I am taking Nicholas, 5, and Violet, 3, too. You're beloved children that you "supposedly" love. Yet I have to explain to them why daddy doesn't always come home or why he's never around much. Well guess what? You won't have to worry about that now! We're gone and you will not see them again. I swear that on my life. The only thing I regret about this is that it took me so long to get it together. I should have left the minute Violet turned one, the second time you screwed up our marrige.
This will be the greatest pleasure I have ever known. I am picking the kids up from daycare in a minute. When I'm done with you. You will be left with your house, your fame, and yourself. People will marvel and the tabloids will be full. The great Harry Potter shattered, not his wife, Ginerva Weasley, not me this time, I will not be shattered again, but you for the rest of you're life you will be the one shattered. Oh, and have a great life baby.