Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Vampire Diaries, no copyright infringement intended.

A/N: First attempt at fanfic, got another part nearly finished (there will definitely be one more part, and depending on response, possibly more). All feedback appreciated, would love to know what people think, if I should continue, any criticisms etc. Intended to fit in with the series, not the books (which I can't stand!). Post S2x06, kind of a response to the ending of that episode.

Damon.

I've screwed up. Again. It's one of my more infuriating habits. You see, I've always made the wrong choices, always made bad decisions, even when I was human, but this time it has cost me dearly. It's cost me Elena. I should never have looked twice at Katherine Pierce, but she compelled me to love her, until there was no more need for compulsion. She has been the bain of my existence, she is the reason I am miserable, even now, even though I ceased to love her the minute I found out that she had never been in the tomb. When the opportunity came to taunt her over my defeat of Mason Lockwood, I couldn't resist. I knew it was unlikely that she had ever loved him, that my killing him would have no effect on her emotions, after all, Katherine does not love anyone other than Katherine, but I had at least hoped that it would perhaps deter her in some small way. If I had realised what she was going to do, I honestly would never have angered her, because I know Elena could and would never forgive me if Jenna had died because of my actions. It's hard enough for her to look at me sometimes when she remembers what I did to Jeremy, and I can tell that she still hates me for it, but then why wouldn't she? I hate myself; she might as well hate me too.

There is a constant echo playing in my mind of the last words Elena said to me as she left the boarding house: "It's over. Katherine won." I couldn't believe it, the irony of it; that Katherine had been the one to succeed in breaking up Stefan and Elena after I had tried so many times. I had come to accept that although it was torture for me to watch, Elena and Stefan were unshakable, and that if I wanted Elena in my life, I was going to have to accept them together. Stefan could not have been more right when he said Elena was not Katherine; I knew he was right because we could never share Elena the way that we had shared Katherine. At least when Elena was mad at me for nearly killing Jeremy she still came to the boarding house, I still got to see her, and whilst seeing her has never been enough for me, I know that it has to be, because I've always known deep down, that she will never love me the way she loves Stefan; she will never be able to fully accept all of the things I have done. As I said, I learnt to accept them together because, even though Elena is not in my life the way I want her to be, at least she is in my life, even if it is because she is dating my brother. The idea of a life in which Elena does not feature, however fleetingly, holds no prospects for the future other than an agony that I can't even begin to describe. It is so much worse than when I thought Katherine was dead, and when I found out she was alive and that she had betrayed me.

Getting my revenge against Katherine doesn't really even matter anymore, I can accept now that she never loved me, I can accept everything that she put me though, but what I cannot bear is the agony she is putting Elena through in forcing her and Stefan to be apart. I love Elena enough to realise that she should be with Stefan who is all the things that I am not. I do want to make Katherine pay, but not for my sake anymore, for Elena. It's all for Elena. I need Elena to know how truly sorry I am that Katherine lashed out at her. I need to see her, I need to explain…

Elena

I felt like someone had ripped out my heart as I left the Salvatore boarding house after ending my relationship with Stefan. I felt empty, and to be honest, I wished Damon had physically torn out my heart like he had Mason Lockwood's, because then I wouldn't have to feel like this, everything would be over, and no one could hurt me anymore. It seems to be a trend in my life: that I can't just be happy, that something bad always has to happen. I coped with the death of my parents, I know that's what they would have wanted for me, even though it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I handled it when Vicky died, I even adjusted when I found out that I was adopted and that my mother was now a vampire, but the idea of losing Stefan, just seems like the last straw. It seems too much. It is too much. I had even started to think that Damon and I might be able to be friends again, I didn't think at first that I'd ever be able to forgive him for some of his behaviour, but he really has been a good friend to me. He's saved my life on more than one occasion, and I know deep down that I can trust him. I know that Damon's impulsive behaviour is who he is and that he won't change. Even though he does stupid things sometimes, I can understand why he does them; I have only had to live with the threat of Katherine in my life for a few months, but she makes me want to lash out, and do things I would never have thought myself capable of thinking. I don't know how Stefan stays so calm sometimes, I guess in some ways I have more in common with Damon.

I feel so completely empty right now, that anything other than just laying here feels like an impossible effort. I feel so weary, that my body actually aches with the weight of my feelings pressing down on me, as though I have been physically injured as well. It feels like an enormous effort, but I force myself to go and get in the shower, hoping that the warm water will wash away some of what I'm feeling. My back physically aches as I pull my shirt over my head, and my legs feel unsteady with the effort of pulling off my jeans. After adjusting the temperature of the shower I half stumble into it, and because my legs still feel so unsteady, I slowly lower myself onto the floor underneath the hot jets. The water is a little hot, but I want to feel something, something different, something other than the complete hopelessness I am feeling now. I pull my legs in towards me, wrap my arms around them and lay with head resting on the tops of my knees; it is there in the complete solitude of the shower cubical that I finally break down and cry for everything I have lost.

Damon drove uncharacteristically at the speed limit across Mystic Falls to Elena's house. He could have ran there much quicker, but he needed the time to try and formulate the words he wanted to say to her. He knew though that even if the journey to Elena's had taken the time it would take to fly to Rome and back, that it wouldn't have been enough time for him to figure out everything he needed to tell her. He parked his car a few streets away from Elena's, he didn't want to make it blindingly obvious to anyone, namely Katherine, that he was there. He walked, slowly taking in every detail of his surroundings in the hopes that he would be able to see if someone was watching him. He didn't see anyone. He couldn't knock on the door, for obvious reasons, not least of which it was one o'clock in the morning, so he made his way round to the side of the house where Elena's room was. The light was still on, she was still awake.

He carefully made his way up to her window ledge and was confused to find that she wasn't in there even though the light was on. In a blind panic Damon hurriedly pushed open the window and clambered inside, if he had been able to breathe he would have exhaled a sigh of relief when he heard the shower running in the bathroom. As he listened, he realised that in amongst the sound of the pitter-patter of the water there was another sound, Elena was crying, and the thought made his heart feel even more like it was breaking. He resigned himself to waiting for her and settled himself at the window seat in her room.

Elena

Elena's head jerked up, she thought she had heard a noise coming from her room, scratch that, she was sure she had heard a noise coming from her room. Her adrenaline kicked in and she pushed herself quickly to her feet, and wrapped herself in the first thing within her reach: a dark green towel. It was pointless to look around in the bathroom for something that could be used as a weapon, what was she going to do, fight off an intruder with a toothbrush? She crept as quietly as she could to the bathroom door and opened it just a sliver to see who was in her room. Elena let out a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding, she could hear her own heart beat pounding in her ears. It was Damon.

Damon

A few smart-ass remarks popped into my head when she opened the bathroom door wearing a towel, but I forced myself not to say them; I was here to apologise, not make things worse. Instead I just said her name "Elena" and to my shock she threw herself straight into my arms. I couldn't help myself, this time I did say the first thing that popped into my head. "Well Elena, if I'd known that was all it would take to get you in my arms, I'd have done it a long time ago." Of course she hit me for this, but I didn't care, I was glad of the physical contact. I could hear her heart racing, and I closed my eyes for all of half a minute, pretending in that time that her heart was racing for me, not because she had been scared.

Elena

I don't know what made me do it, but in that moment I was so happy that it was Damon in my room that I ran over and hugged him. Damon, being Damon, obviously had to cheapen the moment, and even though I hit him, I did it unthinkingly and out of habit, I didn't really mean to hit him. I can't remember ever being so happy to see Damon, and I'd felt so alone, even though it had only been a few hours since I'd left the boarding house. I just felt the need to be close to someone, someone that knew what was going on.

After a few minutes of holding on to Damon for dear life, Elena came to her senses a bit, and thought to ask him what he was doing there. Damon realised in that moment that it had been stupid of him to come. "I don't know. I wanted to apologise, but nothing I say will ever be enough. I shouldn't have come Elena, I'm sorry for scaring you." He broke away from her a little, making to leave, but she surprised herself again by reaching out for his hand to stop him. "Please Damon…" Elena said. "Stay with me a bit." Damon's heart felt like it had sunk a little in his chest, and he knew he couldn't deny her.

"Ok." He sighed, enjoying the feel of her hand in his. "What do you want to do?"

"Honestly? I really feel like a drink." Elena responded, uncharacteristically.

"Well you don't have to convince me." Damon quipped. "Would you like me to go and get something from downstairs?"

"It's ok, I'll go. Jenna would wonder what you were doing here at this time if she saw you." Elena made her way downstairs and searched through the kitchen cupboards for something alcoholic, she settled on some Bourbon, hoping Jenna wouldn't notice it was missing. Next she grabbed two glasses and made her way back up the stairs. Damon was sat on her bed when she got back to her room. She placed the bottle and glass on the nightstand, and remembered that she was still wearing the towel she had grabbed in a hurry. "I'm just going to…" Elena gestured to her attire "… would you mind…?" She made a circular movement with her index finger as she spoke, to indicate he should turn around. Damon sat up and turned around, listening to Elena move around the room. Elena grabbed a loose fitting, old fashioned night-shirt out of her drawers and pulled it on, buttoning it up.

"Ok, all done."

Damon resumed his position on her bed, and she settled herself next to him, handing him a glass.

"So, what are we drinking to?" Damon asked.

"Killing Katherine?" Elena responded questioningly, after all, Damon had loved Katherine for over a century, and she wasn't entirely sure how he would feel about what she had just said. Elena unscrewed the cap on the Bourbon and filled up both their glasses.

"That sounds like an excellent plan to me" Damon responded before knocking his glass against hers in a toast; they both drained and refilled their glasses. He saw Elena's face change momentarily, unable to hide her surprise at his words. "I mean it Elena, I've had it with her. I don't love her anymore, I hate her for what she did to me, but even more, I hate her for what she's doing to you. Katherine knows exactly how to destroy a person, look at me and Stefan. I won't let her do anything else to you." Damon drained his glass again, and Elena passed him the bottle, choosing to sip her drink a bit more slowly. She rested her head against his shoulder, and quietly said "Thank you" as he wrapped his arm around her. They sat like that for a while, quietly passing the bottle of Bourbon between them as they each finished their drinks, Damon going at a slightly quicker rate than Elena, but then he was a well practiced drinker, and Elena wasn't. She could already feel the warming effect of the liquor in her stomach, and the welcome numbness it was slowly bringing with it.

As Elena sat with Damon, she kept thinking about how much she already missed Stefan. She honestly didn't know what she was going to do now that she couldn't be with him. Elena took a large sip of her drink, and glanced up at Damon's face; he was looking at the wall, apparently lost in thought. He really was kind of beautiful she thought, dismissing the idea almost as quickly as it had popped into her mind.

"How do you cope?" Elena broke the silence with her question.

"What do you mean?" Damon asked, puzzled.

"How do you keep going, after everything that's happened to you?" Elena explained. She wouldn't normally have thought of asking Damon such a serious question, but for some reason, it felt ok to do it. She threw back her drink, in anticipation of his answer. Damon sat for a minute, still staring at the wall. How could he answer her? He didn't know what so say. He drained his glass and held it out for Elena to refill as she did her own. Finally, after taking a sip of his freshly filled glass, he responded simply saying: "I have to."

"I don't know how you manage. Katherine makes me feel like giving up, like nothing is worth fighting for, like life just isn't worth living anymore with her around all the time, manipulating everything." Elena said, closing her eyes at the heavy, cold feeling that had settled in her stomach. In the next second she felt her head softly bang against the headboard as Damon moved from her side, quick as a flash. "Owww", Elena groaned rubbing her head.

Damon grabbed hold of Elena's face forcefully and looked her directly in the eyes. "Don't let me hear you talking like that again Elena. It will get better, I promise you. I know you feel like your world is ending at the moment, believe me, I know. I've been there. I know what it's like not to be with the person you love. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get better."

In that moment Elena felt even worse; Damon had loved Katherine for so many years, had endured what she was feeling now for not just hours, but years; it felt wrong to be focussing on her pain as she looked into his tortured eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you, after everything Katherine has put you through. Katherine doesn't deserve your love."

"Katherine doesn't have my love." Damon responded, breaking away from Elena and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. You have my love, he finished silently. His glass was empty again before he knew it, and he was pouring himself another when he felt Elena move behind him and place a hand on his shoulder. He hated himself for it, but that tiny bit of contact sent an electric shock tingling down his spine.

Elena wasn't stupid. She realised in that moment when he couldn't look her in the eye the full extent of what he was saying, or rather not saying. It was an unfinished statement: "Katherine doesn't have my love" and she was sure in that minute that Damon had feelings for her. It was so unlike him to be unable to look her in the eyes when he spoke to her, he always told her the truth, didn't hide things from her. She just sat there with her hand on his shoulder. He handed the bottle of Bourbon over his shoulder when he heard her downing the contents of her glass. Elena took the bottle and rested her glass on the nightstand next to the bed, she unscrewed the cap from the bottle and lifted the bottle to her lips. The amber liquid burned as it went down, numbing her lips and tongue slightly. Numb was good, numb was very good she thought as she took another large gulp straight from the bottle.

Elena knew it was wrong what she was thinking right now, but she felt so empty at the moment that she pushed it to the back of her mind. Damon was sat right in front of her, and she knew how he felt about her. She also knew she didn't feel the same way for him, but the fact that he was there, and he cared for her was suddenly intoxicating to her. Elena took yet another swallow from the bottle and passed it back to Damon over his shoulder. If I can't have Stefan, wouldn't Damon be the next best thing? Elena was thinking. She absolutely hated herself for it, but the thought was there and there was nothing she could do to erase it. In that moment, Elena just felt the need to be close to someone who cared for her, who could make her forget how wretched she felt right now; she needed to be loved, and her mind was too addled by the alcohol to persuade her that what she was doing was wrong and would only make her feel worse in the long run.

Damon felt the bed shift underneath him as Elena leaned forward. If his heart had been beating, he felt sure that as Elena's lips softly touched against the skin of his neck under his left earlobe, that it would have stopped. He closed his eyes at the sensation of it. Elena repeated the gesture, once, twice and a third time, before wrapping an arm around him, and allowing her hand to trace ever so gently under his shirt collar, resting on his chest, her head laying on his shoulder, her breath in his ear. It was too much to resist and Damon span round, and pushed her back against the pillows in seconds, his nose touching hers, their lips an inch apart. "Elena…" he asked questioningly, looking into her eyes. Elena responded by reaching up and burying her hand in his hair, and closing the inch gap between their lips…