Summary: Now, Sasuke told himself he would have been prepared for anything she threw at him when they saw each other again, granted it was either a tearful reunion or pure rage. He did not expect her to just completely forget who he is.
A/N: Oh snap, guys, I'm back again. I'm rewriting one of my old ones called "Things Remembered". It's still up if you want to read it, but this one will be more worth your time haha.
PROLOGUE
Sasuke took a deep breath.
Today marked three years since the Fourth Shinobi World War ended, and Sasuke had turned twenty no more than three months ago. Things were so different now. Although it may not seem like a lot of time, the three years he spent on his redemption journey was truly the most fulfilling experience he has been through.
It took about three weeks for things in the larger villages to calm down after the war ended. And before he decided he had anywhere else to be, Sasuke remained in Konoha for those three weeks. It was a very busy time for the village, so he didn't get to see much of what he wanted to, namely his busy friends.
So then, Sasuke thought, if everything that was broken is now under repair and restoration, he ought to be too.
This made him feel a little left out, to be honest, since his friends were so busy helping the entire world recover, and he was just an outsider waiting to be welcomed back. Of course, nobody ever said this to his face; he just assumed with the given circumstances. He might have only ran into them a few times, but their interactions were barely more than a "Hey, I'm super busy right now, we can hang out later!" It kind of made him feel like a small child whose parents were always too busy to hang around.
On top of that he also felt much guilt seeing the village in its ruined state. Despite being a changed man, knowing he still contributed to the downfall of his own home inevitably swept him with guilt. Even if most of the village was very open about accepting him and starting over.
So, of course, Sasuke did not stay very long.
Now, he wasn't just sulking. Sasuke wasn't upset that he didn't belong just because everyone was too busy. He knew he had a lot of growing up to do before he could truly make amends.
And he had no regrets leaving again. Perhaps the only thing he could have done differently was not have been so vague, especially to Sakura. He knew he had kept her waiting for well over four years, and now she was going to have to keep waiting, this time for an indefinite amount of time. He still remembers the look of hope that flashed in her expression when he last saw her.
"My sins have nothing to do with you," Sasuke told her gently. She immediately looked down, clearly hurt by this.
Sasuke shifted uncomfortably. He didn't mean it in a bad way at all. Perhaps she assumed he meant that he had done nothing wrong to or with her, or that she wasn't important enough to consider in his situation. His issues were a personal problem, and now he was internally punching himself in the face for making her feel this way.
Since when did he feel this guilty about seeing her so hurt anyway? It's been such a long time. The feeling was so vaguely familiar. The bittersweet nostalgia slightly pulled the corners of his mouth into a barely visible smile. Is this what it felt like to love again?
For a moment, he almost considered taking her with him.
He stepped towards her, closing some of the distance.
"I'll see you when I get back." he tapped her forehead and gave her a small smile.
Sakura looked up at him and he could have sworn he stopped breathing for a second. She was very close to him - closer than anyone had ever been of this nature. Her eyes were so bright; it filled him with optimism to see that it was indeed possible to be this happy, and to know that this is what he had to look forward to coming home to.
He read a hundred different things she wanted to say, just by the way she looked at him. And for a brief moment, Sasuke considered actually taking her with him. But there was no turning back now, and Kakashi was right there.
He broke eye contact before the urge to sweep her up and just make a run for it became any stronger, and bid them all one last goodbye.
For the first few months that he was gone, Sasuke wrote to Naruto and Sakura. They were mostly short, and casual conversations of the "how are you, what have you been up to" nature. But after a while, he discovered that keeping contact with them only made him want to return prematurely. Hesitantly, he gave them a brief "we'll talk again when I return" and promptly ended communication for the next two and a half years.
So, now, Sasuke stood about a mile from Konohagakure, with no previous notification that he would be returning. After all, he didn't want a grand welcoming committee waiting at the gates when he came back. And maybe part of him just wanted to see their surprised faces when he returned without a heads up.
He could see the gates from where he stood and sighed; at some point in his journey this is exactly what he had been waiting for. It had been what he wanted the most, enough to drive him to turn around and head back. But now he was having second thoughts again at the sight of the gates.
There was a large pot of built-up internal conflict about returning that was now triggered by being so close to his arrival. His entire journey had been dedicated to understanding himself and seeing things from a clearer perspective, but he never actually dealt with the guilt of betraying everyone. Granted, now that he was more at peace with himself, it wouldn't be nearly as hard to confront that monster as it would have been three years ago.
But still, it was a process that he never started.
At first, he thought about how damn awkward it will initially be. It's not that he would really take to heart what everyone could possibly say. He couldn't care less about the opinion of people who had no idea who he really was and what he had been through. He understood his image wasn't exactly pristine at this point.
It was just fucking awkward.
Then Sasuke thought about the consequences that awaited his return. Sure, he had good word from Naruto, the hero of the village, and Kakashi, sixth Hokage himself. But surely there were people who would be adamantly against just pardoning an S-ranked criminal. And on top of that he would have to be burdened with probation or some other form of punishment that would just be annoying more than anything.
Finally, Sasuke thought about what he would be doing back in the village. He had been so content with travelling. It felt so liberating to be able to come and go at his own free will without judgement. Freedom was a nice thing to the last Uchiha at this point. But even then, he couldn't convince himself that that was the lifestyle he truly wanted for the rest of his life.
Returning was the ultimate goal, although his heart was telling him to go home, every other part of his body said to turn around.
He sat down on top of a nearby tree branch and tried to calm down before he made any more life decisions. His mind was spinning, and soon enough it became harder to breathe. The clearing was empty and quiet, but his surroundings suddenly felt tight and constricting. He felt panic build up and increase exponentially within his mind, and each second seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.
He shut his eyes tighter to try to block out his surroundings, but it only made him plunge deeper into his panic.
Then he heard a voice.
"Sasuke. It's been a while." he opened his eyes, and suddenly there was only a blinding white light, and his older brother.
"Itachi…" he breathed out. He stood up clumsily and took a few steps toward him. He couldn't believe it. He could have sworn the last time they ever spoke would be the last time they ever spoke. Then he remembered all his troubles, and perhaps why his brother decided to show up in the first place. "What do I do?"
"I don't know," the older Uchiha shrugged, so nonchalantly it almost made Sasuke mad. Wasn't he here to help him? What was he doing being so vague? "What do you want?"
"That's not helpful." He grunted.
"Sure it is. Since you won't admit it to yourself maybe you'll at least tell me." Itachi smiled. "Go on."
"I guess...I want to return to Konoha."
"Then what's stopping you from doing what you want?"
Sasuke looked down. He felt so guilty, so bad, so unforgivable. He may have been able to accept himself, but the acceptance of others was different. He knew returning to Konoha would have its pros and cons.
But ultimately, would his return be a good thing?
"Don't go back to the village then if you're so worried it's not worth it." Itachi closed the distance and ungracefully poked his brother's forehead, causing him to look up. His stare was very gentle, and for a moment Sasuke remembered Sakura's gentle gaze. "Turn around; go home."
"What the hell is home anymore? You know I can't go back to the Uchiha district."
Itachi chuckled. "Home isn't necessarily a place, otouto. Think about it: when you carry out missions and run errands all day, and you're absolutely exhausted by the end of the day, where do you want to go when you're finished? Where do you find peace? Or how about this: after a night of drinking and going crazy, where do you go to recharge?"
He wondered for a moment where he really did want to end up after this whole redemption thing. Was it really Konoha? What was it about this village that was so welcoming, anyway? Was it the fact that their Hokage was his former sensei whom he considered like a second father? Or maybe it was the fact that his best friend lived there?
Perhaps those things definitely contributed to what drew Sasuke back to the village hidden in the leaves.
But then he thought about Sakura.
He remembered how hopeful she looked when she knew she would expect him back. Suddenly, the image of "home" became clear. No matter how much he helped other people, now he just wanted to help her. No matter how much of the world he saw, he realized he now wanted to show her. No matter how much he had grown, now he wanted to see how much she had grown too. He had learned so much, and the next step was to go home.
He remembered his dreams to restore the Uchiha Clan, and although the Uchiha district was in no shape to be called home again, he knew as long as he had her, he would be alright, in time.
The mere thought of her brought a sense of comfortable peace in his mind, and along with his brother's pep talk, he seemed to calm down significantly.
And then he thought about how it would be literally coming home to her every day. It would be so inviting and relaxing instead of coming home to darkness and isolation like had gotten used to. Sounds of "tadaima" and "okaeri" would echo whenever he returned. Sleeping would be easier with company, and meals would be much less lonely. It was such a nice thing to look forward to.
He was tired, exhausted, he needed to go home.
Sasuke's cheeks were tainted with pink, and he had to look away. Itachi seemed to understand.
"If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wanders." he chuckled lovingly. "It looks like you've already got it figured out."
"How do I know for sure?"
"Love is a weird thing, otouto. It makes you do weird things. It makes you think weird things. It's confusing as shit. But in the end, the good news is it's not a hard thing to realize. You'll know."
"I miss her," he admitted shyly. The almighty Sasuke Uchiha had never admitted anything like that before. It was new. It was refreshing.
"I know. I see it in your eyes. If she is your home, do you think it's time? Only you know the desires of your heart."
"That's corny, nii-san."
"Well," Itachi laughed. "You were thinking it."
"Hn,"
"I'm proud of you, Sasuke. You're doing a great job."
When Sasuke looked up again he saw trees. A faint smile decorated his face. Feeling much more at peace than he did twenty minutes ago, he stood up and dusted his pants before taking another deep breath and heading for the gates.