Kylo and Hux's Festival
AN: Secret Santa for darthky on Tumblr
"This is utterly ridiculous," Kylo huffed.
"Stop complaining, Ren, it's cultural," Hux chided.
Kylo crossed his arms and scowled. His hair felt weird; braided into a sort of crown his mother Leia would have chosen. His face felt weird; adorned with fake tattoos more reminiscent of his grandmother Padme's Naboo traditions. His clothing was fitted more like his father Han's than a Jedi or Knight's tunic and tabards. But there was so much completely, utterly ridiculous!
His skintight trousers were paired with an open vest (waistcoat, Hux had called it) with no shirt to reveal bare arms and his toned torso – but his forearms were coated with inked plants, and his shoulders had little birds flying over his skin. And the colour! Pale pink swirled with lavender, of all things. But just to top it off, he'd had to put metal piercings in a good half-dozen places – ears, nose, navel, even his nipples.
"Look, I don't like it much either," Hux tried to reassure him. His hair was too short for braiding, so it had been buzzed short with a sort of crest of longer hair gelled into spikes over his scalp and down to his neck. Instead of a vest, he wore a wide sash, in an eye-wateringly bright pink that completely out shone his deep purple trousers. His temporary tattoos were more delicate, spider webs lacing not just over his arms but wrapping his chest and back. He had virtual cuffs made up of rings through his ears and eyebrows and cute little rods through his own nipples. The overall effect was both bizarre and, oddly, somewhat tantalizing.
"We get better results from willing cooperation," Hux continued. "And if the newest member planet of our illustrious order wishes us to participate in their biannual Solstice Festival for the signing of the final accords, that is a small price to pay for helping them to see how mutually beneficial the new partnership is."
"Yes, that's why we had the fancy dinner last night," Kylo griped. "But this isn't mutual, is it?"
"Last night's banquet was the Imperial way of celebrating a special occasion," Hux corrected. "The festival is the local way. A sharing of customs. It would be terribly impolite, and very undiplomatic, to refuse." He paused. "Even if is one of the most absurd customs I've seen."
Kylo snorted with amusement, and Hux shot him a look that lost all venom as the foremost of his hair spikes chose that moment to lose its rigidity and droop over his forehead.
Kylo kept a field of non-observance about them as they journeyed from the officer's quarters to the shuttle deck. Awaiting them was Captain Phasma in similar garb, and a few more experienced Stormtroopers in more subtle versions. Hux nodded to them as they all boarded Kylo's command shuttle, which for the occasion had been given a temporary paint job – in soft yellow. Kylo had kicked up quite a stink about that, but Hux had been firm. Either the black went, or the shuttle.
The brief flight to the surface was awkward, with no-one quite sure where to look. Kylo was quite certain one of the Stormtroopers distracted himself by calculating exactly how much bacta would be needed to seal all of the piercing holes – he could hear the numbers whispered into unaware projection – but hadn't realised that the only ones Hux would authorize speed healing for were his own facial piercings, as all the rest would be covered up anyway.
Which meant Hux would still have holes through those delicious nips of his for some time-
Not now, boner.
The shuttle landed in the Presidential compound, which would now be shared with a First Order governor who'd largely oversee the president's work while managing interplanetary affairs, and was greeted by President Flaivo, Governor Krennic, and Commodore Piett of the diplomatic branch of the fleet. Krennic and Piett looked very out of place in the local celebratory garb, while Flavio looked much more comfortable than he had been during the previous night's banquet.
"General Hux, Kylo Ren, welcome, welcome!" Flavio cried, and gestured to some servants, who approached, arms laden with…unusual goods. Flavio picked up a ring of some sort of brightly coloured plant and reached up to Kylo's head. "For the dashing Knight, we have a crown of fuchsia," he said, placing the – flower crown? – on Kylo's head. "And for the most talented general, camellia!" He placed another coronet over Hux's head
"Most gracious," Hux said stoically, although Kylo caught a certain twitch in his eye. Krennic and Piett both looked slightly embarrassed, having their own blooms in their hair, as well as…
"And balloons!" the president declared. "It wouldn't be a proper Solstice without balloons." Another servant handed him some pink balloons that Flavio tied around Hux's wrists, before reaching for Kylo's arms.
"Only the most highest honoured or ranking are permitted to wear balloons during the festival," Krennic interjected as Kylo opened his mouth to protest. "Although I believe the head of the household is permitted a small yellow balloon, and those born on the Solstice have the lifelong right to a purple balloon for the occasion. But only those permitted by the highest local authority – in the capital, the President – may wear pink balloons."
"And we are greatly honoured to be awarded this permission," Hux said, discreetly kicking Kylo. Kylo pasted on a smile and took the balloons.
"President, perhaps you could enlighten General Hux as to the history of the Solstice Festival?" Piett suggested. "He was always quite the scholar."
"Of course," Flavio smiled. He took Hux's hand and led him out towards the main plaza as he began. "As you might expect, we had several hundred separate cultures sharing our planet only a few centuries ago, although a fair few had merged to make a sort of meta culture that transcended country and language boundaries. And this meta culture had a midwinter festival that had been adopted and adapted from, oh, pretty much every culture outside the tropics. Now, most of this meta culture was in the Northern hemisphere, but when we achieved planetary unity, we decided to build a new planetary capital here in southern hemisphere, where of course it would be midsummer…"
Kylo tuned out Flavio's history and drew alongside Commodore Piett (whose uncle Firmus had once served Darth Vader). "What exactly is going to happen at this festival?" he asked. His voice sounded a little strange without his helmet's vocoder, but the garish getup would at least help maintain some of his air of mystery.
"A lot of the governing ministers and their families are having a huge party in the plaza," Piett said, and Kylo could feel the discomfort and apprehension. The disguised Stormtroopers trailing behind them weren't reassuring anyone much, even with the indomitable Phasma in command. "There will be a buffet unveiled in an hour or so, and another one some hours after that. A lot of food. Loud music. Dancing. When it gets dark there will be decorative explosions called ʻfireworksʼ and alcohol."
Kylo nodded slowly. He remembered fireworks from his…childhood…but hearing that description reminded him how ridiculous they could actually be. "Sounds…boisterous," he offered.
"Inevitably," Piett sighed. "It's all very cultural, but even so."
"The general believes participation will make them better subjects," Kylo commented.
"Almost definitely," Piett agreed. "It's just unfortunate how far from our own culture they are."
"True," Kylo smirked. "Anything else I should be aware of?"
"There's this plant with green leaves and white berries," Piett informed him. "If you and another person are under it, you are expected to kiss them. It's called mistletoe."
"How intriguing," Kylo said, trying to remain deadpan. "And can you…point out any examples of this plant?"
"Well, there's some over there," Piett said, pointing at a sprig hanging near the main gates.
"Ah. I better warn the general," Kylo said, almost succeeding in keeping the smirk off his face.
"Ren, may I ask…" Piett said hesitantly. "Is there any truth to the rumours that you and the general have…an understanding?"
Kylo let himself smirk. "I can neither confirm nor deny, but there will be a lot more rumours soon enough." He strode forwards and caught up with Hux and Flavio. "President, may I borrow the general for one moment? Thank you." He drew Hux off in a very specific direction.
"Kylo, what was that for?" Hux huffed. "Cutting in like that-"
"There is a custom you ought to be aware of," Kylo interrupted. "If two people meet under this plant called mistletoe, they must kiss."
"Must they?" Hux sighed. "Well. Best to be aware of it, to prevent misunderstandings. What does this mistletoe look like?"
Kylo grinned and pointed skyward. Hux looked up, and sighed at the piece of greenery. "You devious little thing, you," he said fondly, before closing his eyes, and leaning in.