What's In A Name, a magical girl lyrical nanoha fanfic

A/N: What do you get when you take StrikerS Episode Two, Lost Logia, gratuitous amounts of yuri, a popular internet meme and put them together? This. It just literally popped out of nowhere.

Please be aware that there is A LOT of graphic material, which include implications of sex, masturbation, BDSM, swearing, innuendos, parodies and the like. If that's not your cup of tea then I don't know what is, because you're gonna be seeing more of this when Magical Lyrical RANdom! rolls around.

So while I'm working on the next The Bygone Years one-shot, enjoy this crackish brainchild of mine. However, if this piece is too graphic for Fanfiction's TOS, please let me know before you decide to report this. I'll take it down and post it somewhere else.

What's In A Name

'Tea. . . . Tea. . . .' Subaru poked incessantly at her companion's mind. 'Hey, Tea--'

'What do you want?' asked the redhead.

'What's a Lost Logia?'

Though their eyes were trained to those hot, delicious-looking females -- Hayate Yagami, Nanoha Takamachi and Fate Testarossa Harlaown -- their inner voices retreated to their own world. The reception outside went something like this:

"Blah blah-blah blah-blah, blah blah, blah-blah blah blah something something super duper serial . . . ."

My thoughts exactly.

'You're kidding me, right? Tch. You should pay more attention, Subaru, and I don't mean by zooming in on Nanoha's rack.'

'No, I don't know what a Lost Logia is. And I am not eye-fucking my instructor! Look at you, roaming up and down Fate's succulent curves like that.'

'Am not.'

'Course you are. I mean, hell, I'd tap that too if I were paired up with her.'

'That's a one-way ticket to hell right there.'

'At least I can wait 'til I'm legal!'

'I'm not the one who fakes being sick and diddles in the bathroom everyday.'

'I'm experiencing in the art of science!'

'As if.'

"Blah-blah-blah, super-duper ultra-super mega-uber serial. . . ."

'No, but seriously, what's a Lost Logia?'

'Hush your mouth! We're in the middle of a meeting!' Reception started to return to the forefront of their minds.

Subaru fought the urge to roll her eyes. 'Oh, and you JUST noticed.'

'Piss off, Nakajima.'

'Right back at ya from a high place, Lanstar.'

But there was another question Subaru had been meaning to ask, one that didn't involve the definition of a Lost Logia, one that roared with a burning, aching, passionate desire. From paying half a thought to the Exam results to lingering a curious stare at three twin globes of joy (and joyous they were, they all met her expectations: big, bigger and EVEN BIGGER) she waited for the opportune moment.

And it came right as the trio was out of the room. Teana moved to follow, but was stopped when Subaru's hand clasped her shoulder.

"Hey, Tea--"

"For the umpteenth time, Subaru, find out on your own!"

"It's not about that!"

"Then what is it?" She turned around and folded her arms across her chest.

The mage looked down, not at the floor and most definitely not at her eyes.

Her brow creased. "Subaru."

"What?!"

"You were saying?"

"About . . . ?"

"You were going to ask me a question."

"Oh! Right! Heh, well . . . uhhh. . . . ummm . . . . (how do I word this?) . . . . Whaddya think they do in their spare time?"

"Who? Them?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. Paperwork, I guess."

"Paperwork?"

"Yeah."

"Just paperwork?"

"Training new clerks, honing their magic, the usual military work."

"Just the usual work?"

"Are you getting any ideas?"

"No. Why?"

"I should be asking you that."

"I was just wonderin' . . . ."

"What they were doing?"

"Yeah."

"In their spare time?"

". . . Yeah."

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Subaru."

"It is."

"I know what you're thinking."

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't!"

"I can see it now: hot women with long, sexable legs; toned bodies; bouncing boobies; blue eyes, brown hair and infectious laughter . . . ."

"You don't know what goes through my head!"

"You're right. I don't."

"That's right! You don't!"

"Whatever. I'm headin' outside."

"I'll come with you!"

"Do what you like."

Out in the hallway was an entirely different story.

Nanoha withdrew from the bitten, reddened neck and tugged none too gently on that delicate earlobe, eliciting a lustfully painful moan from the blonde woman pressed against her. Lips hovering, she whispered: "What have I told you about staring at the cute ones?"

Fate whimpered, eyes scrunched close as a knee rubbed her core. "I-It was only for a s-s-second. I di-didn't mean t-to . . . ." She was cut off by a searing kiss, her mouth and tongue thoroughly explored by Nanoha's pink viper.

The White Devil pulled away, hardened cobalt orbs boring into glazed crimson portals. "You've been a bad girl, Fate. A very, very bad girl." She caressed her cheek. "You know what this means, don't you?"

The woman dumbly nodded.

"Good. Now get moving." She released her grip, pushed Fate forward and slapped her ass. "This time take it like a real man."

"Yes, Master."

In a corner hidden from view, Hayate watched from a digital video camera, giggling hysterically.

"Oh yeah. Spank that ass. C'mon girl, give her another one. . . . Oh fuck yes!"

"Tea?"

"What?"

"How come you won't tell me about the Lost Logia?"

"Because you blew your chance by fantasizing so much."

"I can't help it. It's natural for me."

"Natural my foot. It's all you ever think about."

"I love fantasizing, Tea. I love to imagine the way a girl's skin feels on my hand, how soft it would be as I trace nonsensical patterns with my fingers. What it would feel like with my mouth on her throbbing pulse. What it would be like having her lips sealed atop of mine. It feels wonderful."

"The only person you ever touched is yourself."

"Your point?"

"Aren't you happy enough knowing that you can stimulate those feelings on yourself when you have no one to join you? Aren't you happy knowing you can make sweet, tender love by looking back on those experiences and say I can do this?"

"It gets lonely sometimes. Sitting in my room all alone, running my fingers over that empty space on the bed that'll never get filled, never get warmed by another person's body. I lay there at night thinking what it would be like to have an arm draped over me or her head on my chest, rising in tune to the beat of my heart. It makes me dream of the possibilities."

"You're young, Subaru. You have all the time in the world to find a girl and spend the rest of your life with her. Don't be so melodramatic."

"Alright. I won't."

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh. Okay."

Silence fell upon them. Teana looked to the sky, her back propped against a tree and her face neutral. Subaru lay in her partner's lap, staring thoughtfully into those cerulean discs.

"Hey, Tea?"

"What?"

"May I touch your hair?"

The redhead directed her gaze to the blue-haired one. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I just want to touch it."

"Touch your own hair."

"Please, Tea? I won't do anything. I promise."

". . . Fine. But no funny business."

"No funny business. Gotcha." With a hand Subaru reached up and took a scarlet lock in her fingers. Twirling it around she smiled demurely. "It's so soft. Much straighter than my wild mop."

Teana snorted. "That's a fact."

"It reminds me . . . of a fireplace on winter's eve, where the snow is falling hard, the wine tastes perfect, the girl steadily holds my gaze . . . and Pieces of a Dream's Quiet Passion plays repeats on my Audiovox 5CD Changer Home System stereo."

"You and smooth jazz. . . . I just don't get it."

"But it's not just emotions. It's desire. A desire to learn. I look into that fire and I see a future where one day I'll wake up in the arms of a beautiful goddess who's held in me favorable regard for so long it brings tears to my eyes."

A blush stained the aspiring Enforcer's cheeks. "Does this goddess happen to be Nanoha?"

"I wish. But, I can dream, can't I?"

"Yeah. That's true. Just don't make it happen. You'll get hurt in the process."

"I know. It's hopeless, anyway." Her fingers trailed along her face, slow and gentle. "If people took the time to know me, I'd be the best damn romantic they would ever meet. I mean, am I that bad a person to look at? Am I to believe that I'll never get the greatest lay, the warmest body, or the most loveliest girl on this side of Mid-Childa?" The mage sighed heavily. "These things make me feel depressed."

"Then don't think about them," said Teana. "Honestly, Subaru, you should know better than to dwell on such musings. The time'll come when you meet that one special person, give her your heart and have all the hot, rampant sex you like. But for now, just wait."

"I can't."

"You can wait for Christmas, dammit. I think you can wait for your true love to come around."

"You're not fair."

"Nothing ever is."

"Well it should be. Kinda like eye for an eye, 'cept you don't make the world go blind."

"That's the point."

"Who gives a damn? I don't care about similes."

"That's metaphors, Subaru."

"See what I mean? But anyway, back on topic. I wanna tell you a secret. A very big secret."

"How big is it?"

"Bigger than Hayate's knockers. Look me in the eye and listen, 'kay? I need your full attention."

"Alright, I'm listening."

"I think about you sometimes while I'm on one of my crusades."

". . . What?!"

"I wonder what it'd be like if we got together. You an' me. Takin' it all the way, no hold's barge, just livin' the good old life of sleep, work and sex."

"What?!"

"But you know what? When I fantasize about takin' it slow and easy like Barry White and just chill, I get more than just the willies. I get a high, Tea, a high like there's no tomorrow. Holdin' hands, taking long walks in the park, watching the sunset; all of that makes me feel fantastic."

"Excuse me?!"

"Look, I know it's hard to swallow, but imagine if we could be a pair! A couple! We'd be better than Signum and Shamal on their special nights! Better than what Nanoha and Fate and Hayate do in their spare time! I'd be the happiest female alive!"

"S-Subaru . . . ."

"Cause you know," she drawled seductively, her free hand lingering to Teana's backside. "There are a lot of things I like about you. Your lips, your hips, your eyes, your voice, your hair, your stomach, your ass . . . ." Subaru barked a laugh. "You drive me wild."

She squeezed on that delectable rear--

--and Teana snapped.

CRACK!

The mage howled in agony, curling up into a fetal position and clutching her smarting wrist. Teana shot to her feet, blushing madly and scowling darkly.

"You traitorous bitch! You arrogant pervert!"

"Ahhh, I didn't mean it, Tea! Fuck, Tea, I'm sorry!"

"No, you're not!"

"I don't know what came over me! Sunnuva BITCH!"

"Like hell you did! Stay away from me!"

"Tell me about the Lost Logia first!"

"Go fuck yourself!" Marching up to Subaru, the redhead planted a foot on her shoulder and pushed hard and fast, sending her rolling mercilessly down the hill.

She screamed all the way to the bottom, unheard and unseen.

"God DAMN, that hurt!" bemoaned Subaru, who was rubbing her aching head. "Fuck, if I'd known she'd do that I wouldn't have done it in the first place!" She stuffed bruised hands into her pockets, huffing airily. "Shit. How'm I gonna learn about the Lost Logia now? Ev'ryone's busy with something. If only I knew how to answer my question . . . ."

She shuffled along the corridor, lost in thought. Indeed, how was she going to solve this dilemma? There had to be a way to find out, but what was she to do with Riot Force Six consumed in their spare time?

"Maybe I can raid one of the offices," the young Nakajima mused aloud. "I bet I'll hit jackpot if I go in and out swift-like." But after much in-depth analysis, (un)necessary sexually stimulating images to get the blood flowin' and prodding at loopholes, she decided that yes she would invade the mother of all offices in the complex: an office belonging to one Lieutenant Colonel Hayate Yagami.

'She keeps the door locked for a reason. I'll just bust in there with Revolver Shoot, turn that place upside-down and be out before you can say spaghetti!'

Her newfound destination in mind, Subaru proceeded with a lively hip-swaying swagger in her step. Yeah, this was gonna work! This was the most killer idea she had! She was gonna solve this mystery and kick some serious ass!

'Dariri Ram dariram dariram!'

This was going to be so easy!

. . . That was until she saw Nanoha and Fate heading in her direction.

'Crap! They must be finished with their spare time. Okay, Subaru, chill. Let's ride this mofo out first.' As they were passing she saluted them. "Afternoon, Takamachi, Harlaown! How's life treating you?"

Nanoha stopped and motioned for Fate to do the same. She regarded the up-and-coming B-rank mage coolly. "We're doing prime, Subaru. All in a day's work of making love and dropping acid."

"Stellar!" exclaimed the girl wholeheartedly, but it died the moment she saw a peculiar sight. "Ah, Fate? What's wrong? You're not looking at me."

"She's very tired," said the Ace of Aces. Her grip tightened on her partner's shoulder. "I'm taking her to where our room's going to be. Don't mind her."

"She doesn't look tired."

"Oh, but she is. You just can't see it."

"You sure? 'Cause she looks like she just had se--" And that was when the words dissolved altogether at the oddity that Fate bore, something that would ought be reserved for more . . . subtle times. "Wait. . . . Is that a collar around her neck--?"

"You didn't see ANYTHING," hissed Nanoha, grabbing a fistful of Subaru's jacket. She leaned dangerously close to her face, their noses touching. "If you so much as mutter a word about this, I'll have EVERYONE know how much of a little slut you are outside your so-called CRUSADES to the bathroom. And let me tell you, you have the worst moan I've ever heard, so get that stick out of your ass and make yourself a real woman instead of the cookie-cutter cop-out that you are."

She turned around, fingers flitting under the blonde's chin and forcing her to look her way. "Remember what I said. Eyes forward."

"Yes, Master."

"Damn straight I am. Now march, Slave."

"Yes, Master."

Subaru watched them go without a word.

'. . . What the fuck just happened?' She shook her head. 'Never mind. I don't even want to know. Now . . . back to my task.'

She came across the office further down the hall. Quite surprisingly, it was left open and unguarded. Glancing to and fro at the corridor and noticing no other person was in the vicinity, she allowed herself to step inside. Once she set foot in the domain, the phrase that was 'cleanliness is next to godliness' immediately descended into chaos. Chairs were knocked to the floor and the couch overturned. Shelves were wiped clear of their contents and filing cabinets were raided. Nothing was left untouched.

She checked the drawers in the desk and skimmed through papers, mission reports, photographs (in which almost all contained Nanoha and Fate taking advantage of their trysts and completely oblivious of the voyeur who took them), various sex toys, a hot dog bun (what the hell was this doing in here?), batteries and a spare video camera.

Two thoughts crossed Nakajima's mind.

The first thought was which person had the better spare time: Nanoha being a dominatrix, Fate being Nanoha's bitch, or Hayate being the most desperate closet pervert she never knew.

The second thought was what sort of contraption the thing she was holding in her hand was.

"Looks like something out of Sailor Moon," she muttered, turning the wand around. Shifting among the drawer she discovered, of all the fucked up discoveries, an enclosed instruction book.

"Time Traveling For Dummies by Gaspar Zeal," Subaru snorted derisively. "What kind of a name is Gaspar? Lessee now . . . ." She flipped through the pages, stopping at one with large black words. "Ah, here we go. Point Gate Key at an empty space and press the button on its underside. This will open a Gate leading to any time the user wishes to travel to, so long as said user keeps in mind the era throughout the entire trip. Well, sounds easy enough. I'll just point it right here and . . . ."

Click.

The glass wall overlooking Mid-Childa's metropolis exploded in a radiant shower. Winds roared as a giant blue hole appeared from nothingness and sucked in the mess the mage had created.

Somewhere in the room, a stray shard activated a computer and a video file of TSAB's Ace of Aces and their star Enforcer doing the horizontal tango in the dead of night played. Their lustful groans, manly (read: Nanoha's) grunts and excited chuckling fell on deaf ears.

Subaru looked down at the Gate Key, then at the Gate, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Holy crap . . . I can go back in time and find the answer to the Lost Logia!" She pumped a fist in the air. "I'm so fucking awesome! I can't wait 'til I tell Tea, so look out world 'cause it's time for my GREAT SPACE ADVENTURE! HAHA!"

She made a mad dash into the Gate, and just in time, for as soon as she entered it closed shut, leaving behind Lieutenant Colonel Hayate Yagami's once precious godly room.

But in the End of Time, far, far removed from space and the universe, Gaspar Zeal did not find the scene of Subaru's travel triumphant. As a matter of fact, she was on a headlong collision course with that of the Epoch, which was on its way to intercepting Lavos once and for all in 1999 A.D.

That problem, and because the girl was a friend of Miss I'm-A-Gay, had to be eliminated. Oh, how he never forgot the day she bested him in a drinking contest, stealing away his lovely Gate Key and hot dog bun . . . .

He turned to the pink Nu. "Fire the Particle Beam, Spekkio. Take out that snot-nosed hussy!"

"Aye, Sir!" shouted Spekkio. He scuttled over to a massive turret and hopped on the seat. Wheeling it around he peered into the scope and aimed the crosshairs at the young'in. A beep sounded, and the reticule went from green to red.

He squeezed the trigger.

A narrow beam of energy shot from the barrel, cutting the fabrics of time.

Gaspar Zeal smiled. It would be a flawless victory!

The Epoch erupted in a spectacular light. When it vanished there was nothing left.

"Damn it!" swore Spekkio. "I missed!"

"You asshole!" screamed Gaspar, red in the face. "Look at what you've done! Now the whole timeline's royally fucked!"

"She was fast, man! It's either hit them or commit suicide via black hole!"

"And it's all thanks to you! Thank you, asshole!"

"You're welcome, eunuch."

Hours later . . . .

Teana Lanstar roamed the streets of Mid-Childa's coastal town without a set destination in mind. She had already seen where she was going to stay for the first few years in her career as a soldier of Riot Force Six, courtesy of Zafira of the Wolkenritter (who, she believed, had to be the most sane person she had come across). And so she wandered, allowing the gentle lull of the ocean to consume her being.

No thoughts. No distractions. Nothing. Only music, life--

"TEA!"

--distractions, distractions and even more distractions!

"TE-A-NA!"

Why oh why was this girl so loud? She was such a nuisance!

"I FOUND IT!"

Teana stopped and glanced behind her shoulder, brow furrowed in annoyance. "What do you want?"

"I FOUND THE LOST LOGIA!"

"Good for you!"

"I HAVE IT WITH ME!"

"The fuck?!"

Subaru halted in front of her, doubled over and hands on her knees. After spending a moment to recuperate, she rose back up. "I . . . I said I have it with me."

"I heard you, dumbass. How the hell did you come across it?"

"It's . . . it's a long story."

"You need to tell Lieutenant Colonel. We have to seal it before something bad happens!"

"No need to, Tea. It's awake."

"IT'S WHAT?!"

"Relax, Tea! As far as I know, it's harmless. Ah, I hear it coming!"

FLAP. FLAP. FLAP.

"Subaru . . . ."

"Trust me, Tea, you should be proud of yourself. Listening to your advice has been the best decision I ever made. I'm so glad to have a friend like you!"

"That's not what I me--SUBARU, WHAT THE HELL!"

The town darkened considerably, and the sun and sky were robbed of their land, for in its place was a giant white and blue bird with crisscrossed eyes and protruding, fat red lips.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" exclaimed the mage happily. "I found 'im on a mountain top full of snow and thin ice! Felt so bad for him being by 'imself so I did a couple things with the space-time continuum and set him down someplace. I wanted to bring you over and see him even though you told me to stay the hell away, but the poor fellow probably felt so lonely he had to come and see me! He's such a sweet thing!"

"Subaru, you gotta get that thing out of here!" screamed Teana. "It's dangerous!"

"Awww, but I went through all the trouble trying to get the Lost Logia!"

"That's not a Lost Logia!"

"It's not?"

"NO! That's LUGIA, the Legendary Pokemon of Shamuti!"

"Say what now?"

"IT'S A FUCKING STORM GOD!"

"Oh . . . . That's not good, is it?"

"NOTHING'S EVER GOOD WHEN YOU'RE AROUND!"

"I'M-A FIRIN' MAH LAZAR!"

"What?!" "Huh?!"

Lugia opened its mouth, a dark, endless abyss, and out shot a wide energy beam. "BLAAARGH!"

"OH SHIT!!"

Nanoha cracked the whip across Fate's naked back, earning her a pleasured shriek. "Let's do this again. Who do you belong to?

"I belong to Nanoha!"

CRACK!

"Who do you belong to?"

"I belong to Nanoha-sama!"

CRACK!

"And who am I?"

"Nanoha-sama is my Master!"

CRACK!

"Ah yeah," purred the White Devil as she stroked her inner thigh. "You're making me oh so wet, Fate. I think I'm gonna have to gag that pretty little mouth of yours."

BOOM . . . .

"What the hell?" Nanoha turned to the window, surveying its surroundings confusedly. "What was tha--"

"BLAAARGH!"

"That's it. Come on . . . ." Hayate flexed her hands out of habit, hungrily eyeing the machine as the erotic photos slid onto the conveyor belt. "Come to mama--"

"BLAAARGH!"

"It's your turn, Signum," slurred Shamal. She lay back on the beanbag, holding the smoking bong to the fidgeting Velkan Knight. "Don't worry, it tastes good. It's Happy Gas. It'll make you feel better."

"Well, if you insist." She reached to grab the water pipe--

"BLAAARGH!"

Vita sighed, hands hovering above the package of hot dogs. "Okay . . . Here I go--"

"BLAAARGH!"

"BLAAARGH! BLAAARGH! BLAAARGH! DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS! BLAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!"

"Well Subaru, what do you have to say for yourself?" Fate shivered, wrapping the sheet about her lithe figure to ward off the cool evening air.

Said culprit glanced to and fro; from a smoking Teana, to an embarrassed Vita, to a relieved Signum holding a dazed Shamal in a fireman's carry, to an increasingly pissed off Hayate, to an oddly calm Nanoha dressed in leather and latex and back to a nude Fate.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sorry?" chirped Hayate. "You're sorry?! YOU DESTROYED MY PICTURES!"

"Shut up, Mistress!" cried Shamal woefully.

"I didn't mean to cause all this!" Subaru exclaimed, holding up her hands in a placative gesture. "I just wanted to know what Lost Logia were, but everyone was so busy! You honestly think I would want to barge in on Nanoha making Fate her bitch?"

"I'd crack you a new asshole if you had a quarter of your brain to do that." intoned the Ace of Aces.

"Or disturb Shamal from attaining a better state of mind?"

"KEEP IT DOWN, GOD DAMMIT!"

"Or interrupt Vita's first attempt at understanding where her sexuality lays?"

"I'm experimenting in the art of science!"

"Me too, but c'mon you were doing God-once-knew in your spare time. Now everyone knows their darkest kinks and it's all my fault!"

"Well next time if you have a question, just come to us when we are doing something," said Fate. "We'll answer it for you." And their eyes met and locked in place. Those mahogany orbs darkened and an alluring, daring grin inspired a ripple of lust in Nakajima's veins.

'I want you,' the Enforcer whispered huskily.

It took all her willpower not to jump Harlaown then and there.

'Go ahead. Do it. Right in front of Nanoha.'

She only had to reach out, rip the sheet from her body and--

"THAT'S IT!" roared Nanoha. Ignoring the surprised glances sent her way, she brandished the whip and flagged it on the ground, from which it emanated a loud, sickening crack. "Fate, you're on suspension duty for disobeying orders. Subaru, I'm-a gonna tear you more than one asshole for ousting me."

"How did I oust y--"

"Start running!"

"SHIT!" Subaru was already down the road when Raging Heart's Divine Shooter made itself known. The White Devil was on her heels, trailing not far behind.

"GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!"

The chase lasted long into the night.

The next day . . . .

"How do you feel, kid?" asked Signum, swirling the liquor in her mug.

"Terrible!" came the automatic response as Subaru lifted her head from the counter. "I feel like someone just dropped a two-ton piece of crap on me!" She sighed blearily. Taking the shot glass in front of her, she held it toward her superior. "Give me some of that."

"You sure? This stuff's strong."

"I wouldn't care if it was poison. Let me have it."

"Alright." And from the pitcher Signum poured the alcohol. She watched Subaru knock it back in a single gulp. "How is it?"

"It fucking burns, but it doesn't matter. I just want to forget about everything that's happened today."

"Everybody makes mistakes, kid. It's curiosity that gets the better of us."

"But look at what I did. I brought everyone's double life to the surface and got more than forty lashes." She paused, pouring herself more liquor and letting that horrible shit numb her throat. "I even lost Tea, and it's all because I couldn't keep my damn hormones in check."

'Least you're not as bad as Shamal when she came out to me,' the Velkan Knight pondered. 'Strange times, man.'

"Face it, Signum, I'm a failure. A goddamned carpet-diving failure!"

The bells above the entrance to the diner jingled.

"Maybe not," said Signum. "Miss Lanstar's here."

"She is?" Swiveling round in her seat Subaru was met face-to-face with the Enforcer-to-be. She appeared to be quite composed, a stark contrast of what she expected after yesterday's events. "Tea. . . . I thought you were supposed to stay away from me."

"I am," Teana replied, "but . . . ." She looked away bashfully.

"But what? What is it?"

"It's just . . . I want to apologize for the way I acted the other day. I didn't know how to react to what you thought about me. About us. Where we stood together as a whole. And when you touched me and told me how much of an . . . influence I had on you, I-I got all nervous and I wasn't sure whether I wanted to strangle you or kill you or, or kill you, bring you back to life and then strangle you. So . . . ."

Subaru's eyes widened, her heart suddenly hammering at where the conversation was leading. "Tea. . . A-Are you saying you--"

She nodded furiously. "I want to give a try . . . b-but I want to take it slow! an-and see wh-where it t-takes us."

"No way . . . . Are you for real?"

"Yes. I . . . I want to be the girl who holds your gaze."

There was a pregnant pause.

"So . . . do you . . . want to be, you know, my girlfriend? I know it doesn't look like I'm showing it . . . but, I really like you, Subaru. Not sure how long, but it's there. Will you give me a chance? I mean, if this is too sudden we can always try later--"

"Tea, I would love to be your girlfriend."

She gasped. "You do?"

"I'll always be there for you, Tea. You and me, we'll make it through this world together. I promise."

"Oh wow," breathed Tea. A crimson blush stained her cheeks. "Wow. . . . I, I guess we're a couple now."

"Yeah. We are."

"Ah, okay. I'll . . . see you tomorrow at the opening ceremony?"

"Yeah. I'll be there."

"Okay. Well . . . bye." And after an awkward bow, she left the premises.

Signum smirked from the rim of the mug. "Mmmm, looks like somebody's starting to get lucky."

"I can't believe it, either," said Subaru. "I got a girlfriend."

"And she's coming back."

"She is?" Sure enough Teana had returned, standing before her companion and out of breath. "What's wrong, Tea? Did you forget something?"

"Yeah. This." She grabbed the back of the mage's head, fingers clinching those indigo locks, pressed her mouth to those unsuspecting lips. What words Subaru was going to say were cut short, teal irises reeling in shock. Electricity sparked a flood of warmth all over her body. Her stomach clenched in a pleasurably painful manner and her nether regions pulsed like searing fire. To her their soft, firm lip-lock was abso-fucking-lutely amazing.

When they released there was hardly a reaction, but what was left unsaid spoke volumes to the commoner observer. Subaru did not move or blink, staring absently in a dumbstruck haze. Teana directed her gaze to the floor, her face a deep cherry red.

Signum watched with raised eyebrows.

"I'll . . . be going then," murmured Lanstar shyly. "Goodnight, Subaru." And she was out the door.

Five minutes later Nakajima woke from her stupor, smirking triumphantly. 'Score one for the home team.'

"Damn, that was fast," stated the Knight. "Almost as fast as that bird after it demolished the coast. I wonder what happened to it?"

Yuuno Scrya stared in awe at the massive creature looming above him, its white and blue wings tossing great gusts along Kuranaga city grounds. "Can I keep you? I need a friend who won't ignore me."

"I'M-A FIRIN' MAH LAZAR!"

"Great! I'm gonna name you Bob!"

"BLAAARGH!"

"W-We're g-gonna be gr-great pals, B-B-Bob!" THUD.

Signum shrugged. "Bah, why worry? I bet it went to go find its home, don'tcha think, kid?"

Subaru waved dismissively. "Fuck Lugia. I'm gonna go masturbate the night away." She hopped off the swivel chair. "Later!" The bell chimed again, announcing her departure.

The Velkan Knight clicked her tongue, shaking her head. "Kids these days, always fuckin' and truckin'. At least I know better." She sipped the colorless liquid. "Hmm, now that I think about it, I feel like I forgot to do something very important . . . ."

Elio and Caro sat on a bench in the empty airport terminal, waiting for the charge who had never come to pick them. In the dark strange noises played and echoed.

"Elio, I'm scared . . . ." whimpered the pink-haired girl, gripping the boy's jacket sleeve ever tighter.

"It's okay, Caro," he assured her. "It's only three more hours 'til sunrise."

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"What was that?!" cried Caro, jumping frightfully.

"I dunno. Lemme get my flashlight."

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"It's getting closer!"

"I got it! I got it! Just let go!"

"O-Okay!"

The tapping sounds stopped and something moved. Elio clicked on the light and shined the cone in front of them.

The half-naked man smiled two rows of pearly white teeth. "Hey y'all!"

"AAAAHH!" the pair screamed. "It's Greased-Up Deaf Guy!"

"Don't fuhget ta read an' review!" He waved a greasy hand at an invisible audience. "See y'all in Magical Lyrical RANdom! Magus Class G!" He darted across the terminal, arms thrown up in the air. "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!"