Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, even if I sometimes wish the author horrible and painful.... Whoops!

I got the idea from .Motion and his/her story Alone; that can be found here /s/4687362/1/Alone

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Standing under the rain outside the building that led to Platform 9 ¾' for my seventh year, I let the pain and suffering relapse for a moment as the welcome chill seeps into my bones. It has been over a year since that fateful day in the Department of Mysteries, the day that I realized everything, and subsequently lost everything as well...

-------------------

"Well done Ha-"

But the Death Eater Hermione had just struck dumb made a sudden slashing movement with his wand; what looked like purple flames passed right across Hermione's chest. She made a tiny "Oh!" as though of surprised and crumpled to the floor, where she lay motionless.

"HERMIONE!"

I still remember the thoughts going through my head in that moment...

'Don't let her be dead, don't let her be dead, it's my fault if she's dead...'

I couldn't think at that moment, not even when Dolohov disabled Neville by kicking him in the face. I remember crashing to the floor besides Hermione, fear gripping me that I had lost her. Only when Neville's howl of pain broke me from my trance...

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!"

Not even looking at Dolohov as he fell, I turned my attention back to Hermione...

"Hermione," I said at once shaking her, "Hermione wake up..."

"Whadidd he do to her?" said Neville as blood poured from his swelling nose.

"I dunno..."

At that moment, I felt so lost... I didn't know what to do...

Neville groped for Hermione's wrist.

"Dat's a pulse, Harry, I'd be sure id is."

Such a powerful wave of relief swept through me that for a moment I felt light-headed.

-------------------

It wasn't until the end of my 6th year that I realized, I loved Hermione Jane Granger. Not like the crush I had on Cho Chang. Not like the friendly feelings I had for Luna Lovegood. I truly loved Hermione Jean Granger. And I lost her. Looking back at that moment, I realized what my subconscious knew that my waking mind didn't, that Hermione was everything to me.

That of all the madness in my life, of losing my parents at the age of one, being hounded by Dudley and his gang as long as I could remember, constantly being called a "freak" by my aunt and uncle, finding out that I was a wizard, and that there was a world that could accept me, of making friends, being attacked by a crazed maniac known as Voldemort. Fighting Quirrel and saving the Philosopher's Stone, killing a Basilisk and rescuing Ginny, finding my godfather and a link to my father, my name coming out of the Goblet of Fire, of losing Ron as a friend due to his jealousy, of fighting a dragon, watching Cedric murdered, being surrounded by Death Eaters and duelling Voldemort, of the nightmares in the Department of Mysteries, seeing Sirius falling through the veil and never coming back, of watching Hermione get hit by a jet of purple light, of knowing that in that moment; my world collapsed until Neville's words brought me back.

Of finding love.

In the madness I call a life, the one constant in my life, the one thing that kept me on my feet and walking forward; Hermione. She was always by my side willing to face the danger with me, guiding my hand with her presence. But I could never let her know my feelings in fear of ruining our friendship, in fear her not reciprocating them.

Not that I ever got the chance of letting her know.

When everyone was recovering in the hospital wing, I found myself constantly sitting by Hermione's bed as she recovered from the curse. I don't think she ever knew I was there because of the constant supply of sleeping potions that she kept taking for the recovery. I sat at her side, every chance I got, even when everyone else was asleep and the moon shone bright and heavy through the windows. I sat by her side, in thought, or whispering words into her ear. Memories of our second year came as I sat, of how I watched her constantly while she was petrified by that cursed Basilisk. Usually my words were a jumble from all the feelings mixing together, sometimes whispers of sorry flowed out, whispers of how I wasn't strong enough to protect her, whispers of how I shouldn't have let her come and get hurt. In my heart, three words were constantly on my tongue but I could never let them come out, my fear of what it meant kept me from saying it, no matter how much pain it did to my heart. Deep in mind, I thought over my feelings of Hermione and what they meant.

In truth it terrified me and at the same time exhilarated me to no ends. I always thought that love was a concept beyond me. Oh sure I knew it, I saw it, but I never believed I could actually feel it. Even my time with the Weasley's as their "8th" child didn't give me these feelings. Looking at the feelings now, I never knew when they came, just that, they were always there. Was it when I realized that I could have lost her in the Department of Mysteries? When arrived in the Great Hall for the Yule Ball, at which she took my breath away? When she lay petrified trying to discover the secrets of the Chamber of Secrets? When she would sit in the library while going over notes, or planning ahead for her next class? Maybe it was the first time I say her on the train, when she opened the door and asked about a toad...

I don't know, and I probably don't really care either. Just knowing that I loved her was enough.

But it was not meant to be...

When Ron recovered from his mishap with the brains, he changed. Not outright, but the feelings between us had changed, I could see it in his eyes, they were full of an emotion I had seen often, hate. But... why did it come back? Could it be because I almost got us killed at the Department of Mysteries? Maybe because that time was the last straw for him? Could he have realized my feelings for Hermione? Could he have maybe finally tired of the charade of being my friend? Maybe the brains did something to him? I don't know, but he became more and more distant around me. Cutting loose you could say. It wasn't an outright slap in the face like in our 4th year when he accused me of putting my name in the Goblet of fire. But every so often when he didn't realize it, I would catch him at the corner of my eyes staring at me and when I looked at him he would immediately look away. But not quick enough that I saw the look in his eyes, a look at that time I didn't want to recognize, but now I realize, it was always there, hidden beneath a mask.

Hate. Fear. Jealousy. A cascade of emotions whirling around. Emotions like a hurricane that wouldn't let down.

-----------------------

Soon after Hermione recovered from the curse from Dolohov, it was time for us to journey home. Well what most of us would consider home. For me it was returning to a life time prison, but at least I had the chance that I would be leaving early to the Burrow, right? Right???

On the day of the train ride "home", I found myself alone in the hallways as people gave me a wide berth to walk though much to my confusion. Everywhere I turned; students would quickly hide behind a magazine or turn around rather than catch my eyes. Feeling like 2nd year was happening all over again, I quickly walked to the nearest carriage where Luna, Neville, Hermione and Ron joined me soon after. The flash of emotion crossed Ron's face again as he entered the carriage, unknown to him my eyes caught that bit before it was quickly masked by a smile that didn't meet his eyes, or cheek for that matter.

It actually looked like he was either smirking/sneering or looked like he was in a major need of going to the loo. Questioning him only made him go scarlet that was redder then a quaffle and a stammered negative response. When we entered the train and settled ourselves in the compartment, Ron got up saying something about Prefect duties much to the bewilderment of everyone before leaving the compartment. Hermione got up after a moment saying that she was going to check up on Ron and ask him what was wrong. At this a pain shot through my body as I watched her leave looking for Ron. Ignoring the pain for the moment, I focused my attention of what the summer was going to be like.

Before everything decided to run over me. Being in the middle of a simultaneously 100 pronged attack from Reducto's would not have done the same amount of damage as what I realized what summer would be like. I had lost Sirius, my god father and another person's death I had caused. Until then I had been doing what I did best with my emotions, bottling them up. Like a tidal wave after a breached dam, I was overwhelmed to the point that my chest was heaving in sorrow.

Muttering something about the loo, I quickly fled to the nearest one and sealed it with silencing charms and locking charms before I let out the screams of agony of what I had done. I had killed my god father. I had killed my father's best friend. I killed him with my stupidity. Oh sure, I wasn't that one that fired the spell at him that led to him falling through the veil, but I'm the one who led everyone into the Department of Mysteries and eventually force the Order to come and save us. And because of that Sirius came to help. He came because he cared. He came because he was trying to save me. And what did I do? I watched as he was killed and did nothing. Yes I sought vengeance against Bellatrix. But she still got away and I was powerless when I fought against Voldemort. So powerless that he ended up taking over my body. So powerless that I couldn't stop the one witch, that meant more than the world to me, get hurt.

Tears rolled down my cheek and onto my shirt as pent up emotions took effect and exploded out of me. Unknown to me, hundreds of kilometres away, Voldemort was withering in agony in his chambers as my emotions poured into his body more painful than a Cruciatus curse could ever be. My emotions washed past Voldemort's defences like water in an ant hill as I let all the pent up emotions out. Through the link, I felt his scream of agony, pure and unadulteredated and through that link, I felt his pain as well.

Darkness overtook me as I blacked out from the assault of emotions and pain. When I awoke I found myself lying down in one of the compartments with my head on someone's lap. Letting out a small groan as I opened my eyes, I found my gaze locked with a pair of brown eyes surrounded by locks of lighter brown hair. My breath caught in my throat as time slowed down to the millisecond as I continue to stare into the brown orbs above me. In those eyes I saw concern and another emotion that I could not describe. In what seemed like eons my mind soul and body was focused on the pair of brown eyes above me, wishing that it would never end.

"Harry?" Even her voice sounded angelic to my ears.

Trying to recover, I stammered a reply. "Wh... Wha.... What happened?"

"We were hoping you could tell us that mate. One second everything is nice and dandy and the next the whole train is being rocked by waves like a Cleansweep one in a hurricane match!"A voice to my right said.

"We found you in the loo unconscious after the train stopped shaking. Can you tell us what happened?" Hermione said; her voice heavy with concern.

Swallowing thickly, "I'm not entirely sure, I don't remember what happened, I just remember going to the loo and then I wake up in your lap." Blood rushing to my cheeks as the words left my mouth.

A surprised "Oh!" quickly followed my words as our eyes broke contact and a flush went up Hermione's face, I noticed as my gaze watched her neck pinked from my limited view. Although from my vantage point, I had a close and personal view with two very shapely bumps before realizing where I was and cursing my teenage hormones. Lifting myself off Hermione's lap I stammered an apology before focusing my eyes on everywhere but at Hermione, willing my swelling to go down before too much blood drained from my brain. In my hurried movements I caught Ron's eyes and flickers of anger passed through them before I was able to focus on what was going on outside... although that task was hindered as I was sitting next to the compartment door and Hermione was beside the window.

"Are you sure your fine Harry?" Cursing inwardly on my new found emotions, I quickly nod.

The rest of the train ride passed quickly enough without much hassle as Luna, Neville and Ginny joined us and our conversations drifted from everything. At the same time I felt three pairs of eyes watching me closely, two of which showed the same emotion while the 3rd flashed flickers of hate ever so often.

--------------------------

A/N - So how was it? This is my first fanfiction and I'm hoping that constructive reviews would allow me to become a better writer! XD

A/N – My working title for this was Alone and Found, but I changed it to Alone and Resolve because it sounded better :P

A/N – I'm probably gonna release a chapter once a week so keep an eye open!

A/N - Thanks to Natalya for being my beta!

A/N 2.0 - Fixed a little bit of continuity here since I got half a dozen complaints about it. Now let me clarify something. DoM was at the END of Harry's 5th year. Everyone got that? Good, now that means in 3 or so months, it will be Harry's 6th year. If Harry is at the train station for his 7th year, it HAS been over a year for Harry since his 5th year. Now all you are wondering, why would he be in 7th year when in the next set of chapters he's in his 6th year? It is because Harry is reminiscing of his 6th year and I didn't want to get full blown into it, so my initial idea was make Harry's 6th year short... ish... and have it go into 7th year, which was the original idea I had... Gonna complain? Bite me.