Heart felt lullaby
By Orion Matrix
Disclaimer: Star wars, KOTOR 2 the Sith lords and any related characters/places do not belong to me, they belong to Lucas arts and Bioware.
This story is going to be a one shot but depending on feedback I might add a second chapter. We'll have to see how well it is received.
Nightmares.
The word means different things to different people.
To the young it would be for scary dreams.
For business men it would mean a 3 point drop in the value of shares.
For shopping obsessed women it would be a set of perfect dresses that were one size too big or small.
But for others, it could be a culmination of memories, memories of the darkest and most frightening events of the past, be it recent or long ago.
The latter of these examples was the case for the Exile Avan Rossan, the Jedi knight exiled from the order after following the fallen Jedi Revan during the infamous Mandalorian wars.
He slept fitfully in the medical bay of the Ebon Hawk, the nigh famous freighter that had once ferried Revan himself across the galaxy on his journey to the Star forge.
His recent battle on Malachor V had been his hardest yet, and even his skill and his renewed connection to the force had not been enough to assure his victory. He had been forced to delve deep within himself for the strength needed to carry the day and defeat Darth Trayus, who had once gone by the name Kriea and had taught Avan about his connection to the force and some of the abilities that had helped him arrive at the battlefield where his destiny would be completed.
His memories of the end of the battle were hazy at best, he remembered that he had killed Darth Trayus, her desire to destroy the force shattered forever, and for the briefest of moments, he had wished to die as well, to pay for his sins, the lives he had slain to get to this point, the lives he had led to the slaughter on this planet of darkness, the lives he could not save, for everything and everyone who suffered in the universe where he had been.
This desire for death had been thwarted however by the arrival of the badly damaged and battered Ebon Hark, rising from the depths of the core of Malachor V like a Phoenix of legend, it's boarding ramp lowered and a young woman standing on the edge, her face bathed in desperation for something that at the time, Avan could not comprehend.
She wore white clothing, complimenting her short white hair and her bright cyan eyes, eyes shining with unshed tears, yet to his unfocused eyes, Avan could see nothing but a vision of beauty before him, and as the darkness of unconsciousness fell upon him, one word left his lips in a soft whisper as the massive chamber started to collapse around him.
"Brianna…"
He would later learn that Brianna and Mandalore had leapt from the ship and ran across the plateau, taking him between them and carrying him back to the ship as the final destruction of Malachor V continued around them. They managed to get to the ship and close the hatch just as the Plateau collapsed, sending the Trayus academy and Darth Trayus herself tumbling into the depths of the dying world, to be forever removed from the galaxy.
The Ebon Hawk had managed to make its perilous escape somehow, the piloting skill of Atton earning him new respect in the eyes of Mandalore and the rest of the crew. Now, flying through hyperspace towards citadel station, the closest friendly port they knew, the crew attempted to finally get some rest and figure out their next move.
But they wanted to wait until their leader was out of harms way first.
Avan tossed and turned, pained moans and cries of distress escaping his lips frequently, his body drenched in sweat and his brow furrowed in terror.
Everyone had come to check on him, and in their own ways, offer their hopes for his renewed health, but there was one who would not leave his side for a moment if she could help it.
The last of the handmaidens, Brianna, sat at his bedside, wiping his brow with a cold cloth, trying to sooth his dreams with her presence alone. She knew of nothing else she could do to help him, to repay the kindness he had shown her during their journey.
She had initially stowed away on the Ebon hawk to find out for herself if the words of her Mistress, the Jedi master Atris, had been founded. Atton especially had seen her with great suspicion and mistrust, telling everyone that she would be sleeping in the cargo hold. She didn't have a problem with that, after all she hadn't actually been invited, and she had, as she had said, slept in worse places. But Avan had surprised her greatly, telling her to ignore Atton's unkind words and take one of the crew quarters, considering they had plenty of room.
The youngest of the handmaidens had never blushed in her life and she didn't know how to deal with it, but she had managed an honest thank you for the exile, who had only smiled kindly in response. She still felt her cheeks growing warm when she thought of that moment, even weeks after the fact.
She had learned of his kindness and generosity to others, by healing the sick refugee in Nar Shadar, or helping the settlers on Dantooine defend their home from the mercenaries, and with every instance of mercy and compassion she found herself learning more and more truth to counter the Lies of her mistress.
She knew they were lies now. After facing her half sisters on Tielos and then Atris herself, Brianna had no choice but to accept the fact that her mistress had fallen to the dark side a long time ago.
And when she had been beaten by Atris, who in her fury demanded to know if Brianna had looked upon the exile with love, he had arrived in time to save her, to protect her. It was something she was unsure she would ever be able to tell anyone, because if Avan hadn't arrived when he did, Brianna would have surely died.
Because she was but a heartbeat away from admitting that she HAD looked upon him with love, and still did.
She had remained by his side through every mission, on every planet they had visited, she had remained with him, she had fought with him, watched him, and over time, her feelings had grown so much that she could not ignore them any more.
And so she found herself sitting in the small medical bay, trying to cool the brow of the one she loves above all else as he fought the nightmares that were his memories. How much of his nightmare was the atrocities of Malachor V, and how much were the terrors he had experienced since Paragus, she did not know, and in all honesty, she didn't really care.
She just wanted him to be at peace, to sleep easily, and smile at her gently when he awoke.
She wanted so many things, things that she knew that he could share with her, to be happy, to travel the galaxy and learn about all the different races, to protect those who needed it, to…to fall in love, get married and even have a family.
The last of these desires made Brianna blush deeply, she had never even held hands with a man, and yet here she was, almost declaring to herself she wanted his children. But behind the blush was the certainty that their children would be wonderful, they would have her mind, his compassion, and a combination of their features, her eyes and his hair, they'd be curious about the universe around them and they would be incredibly strong in the force.
Then suddenly an idea hit her like a proton torpedo.
Their children would be upset sometimes and they would need to be soothed to sleep, and her sisters during some random conversations sometimes would say that singing was the best way to calm a child.
Maybe singing would help to Calm Avan and let him sleep.
It was difficult though, In the Echani teachings, just as sparing repeatedly with someone who was not related by blood, what she had in mind had very strong emotional connotations. Especially romantic connotations.
She thought for a moment until Avan thrashed around on the examination table and after seeing that, she made up her mind.
It wasn't a very difficult decision to make.
She loved him deeply, she had admitted as much to herself already, the only unknown was Avan's feelings for her. But even if he didn't return her feelings…she knew that she couldn't stand being away from his and seeing him suffer.
She dipped the cloth into the bowl of cool water on the counter and wiped Avan's brow as she took a breath and centred herself, soon remembering the words the had learned as a child.
The last of the hand maidens looked at Avan's face and softly began to sing.
konna ni tsumetai tobari no fukaku de
anata wa hitori de nemutteru
inori no utagoe sabishii nohara wo
chiisa na hikari ga terashiteta
Anata no yume wo miteta
kodomo no you ni waratteta
natsukashiku mada tooku
sore wa mirai no yakusoku
itsuka midori no asa ni
itsuka tadoritsukeru to
fuyugareta kono sora wo
shinjiteiru kara
Fields of hope
Brianna's attention remained on Avan's face, gently soothing his brow, wiping the sweat from his face and brushing his hair from his face, her actions as gentle and soft as her voice. It seemed as if her song was helping, because Avan wasn't whimpering or thrashing anywhere near as much as he had been. The pained look on his face seemed to be easing slowly but surely, and his breathing was calming. He still looked stressed and in pain, but she smiled softly as she saw him beginning to rest at last.
So intent on her singing, Brianna hadn't noticed that she had generated an audience. Hiding on the other side of the door, Atton Rand stood quietly, watching and listening. He had not been bluffing a while ago when he said he might know more than the first Echani combat tier, he knew much more than Brianna would expect.
He knew EXACTLY what singing to someone who wasn't family meant, he was just surprised how deeply her feelings ran.
He remembered the talk they had after she had been on the ship for a while. He didn't want to be so harsh towards her; she hadn't actually done anything to warrant such hostility.
She had stayed with him at every point in their journey that she could, only leaving his side when it was absolutely necessary.
He didn't have the right to argue with that devotion.
And, if he was very honest with himself, she had a lovely singing voice, he mused with a smile as he leaned against the bulkhead and listened to the song being sung with love and devotion.
umarete kita hi ni dakishimete kureta
yasashii ano te wo sagashiteru
inori no utagoe hitotsu kiete mata hajimaru
tayorinaku setsunaku tsuzuku
itsuka midori no asa e
subete no yoru wo koete
sore wa tada hitori zutsu
mitsukete yuku basho dakara
Brianna's voice had become more tender and infused with more warmth as she sang and Avan seemed to be responding, he was hardly moving at all, his brow was smooth and his breathing was deep and even. In fact, he had a peaceful look on his face she had never seen from him before.
ima wa tada kono mune
de anata wo atatametai
natsukashiku mada tooi
yasuragi no tame ni
Fields of hope
She once again stroked his face softly and lost herself as she looked at his face, relishing the feelings of love she had for this amazing man.
As she looked at his resting face, for one moment, she wished with all of her being that he would open his eyes and let her see his stunning sea blue eyes, eyes that could engender trust with anyone he spoke with, or make the most deadly bounty hunter think twice.
natsukashiku mada tooi
yakusoku no nohara
Fields of hope
Fields of hope
Brianna's voice slowly trailed of, until the only sound in the room was the hum of the hyper drive reverberating throughout the ship, and the deep breathing of Avan. For the first time in hours, it seemed as if he was at peace, and Brianna closed her eyes in relief. She wasn't sure if it was relief that he was sleeping better, relief at finally confessing how she felt, or both.
"I don't know if you can hear me Avan…I don't even know if I could say what I want to say if you could…I know that Jedi don't form relationships, fall in love…but with so few Jedi left in the galaxy they cant keep things the way they have been… if we are to rebuild the Jedi order from the ground up… they have to make allowances…They have to accept that…that feelings can be a strength."
The temptation was too strong for the former handmaiden to resist, and she rose up from her chair, leaned forward, and softly Kissed Avan Rossan on the lips. She kept the contact for several moments as her heart leapt, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She pulled away from his lips and smiled at him and whispered softly in his ear. The words were in a traditional Echani dialect that not many would know. And she meant every one of them.
Standing up, and taking one more loving look, Brianna left the medical bay, needing to get something to drink.
It was at that moment that Avan rolled onto his side, trying to get into a more comfortable position as he slept. As he rested with his arm under his head, he smile softly and six words in a soft whisper, his mind deeply seeded in bright dreams.
"And I love you too Brianna…"
The end.