Yes I know, there're other things I should be working on, but this came into my mind and I couldn't get rid of it. While this story features my character Kerri, it isn't part of the 'Something Lost Series' as it doesn't follow the same timeline. Sorry for any confusion. This is a Tag of sorts to 'On the Head of a Pin' so spoilers up to that point. As always, enjoy :)
D: Supernatural isn't mine, this is all just for fun.
HEAVEN SENT
Thirty year old Kerri Harrison walked slowly up the basement steps, rubbing the back of her neck as she went— it had been a long day. Six customers had decided today was the only day known to man she could deliver the stained glass pieces they'd ordered, leaving the redhead no choice but to run around western Wyoming like a chicken with her head cut off. At least she was doing something she loved and not dragging her feet around some office all day long. Still, it was good to be home.
She threw her keys down on the kitchen table before putting her groceries on the counter. The last thing she felt like doing at that moment was cooking dinner, but she knew she'd regret skipping it come midnight. She sighed heavily— she'd wanted normal her entire life, and here she was complaining about it. Kerri smiled, shaking her head before turning toward the kitchen. She froze instantly, her blue eyes falling on the man standing near the door to the back den.
"Come to tell me my angel proofing doesn't work?" she began after a moment, her eyes never leaving the man in front of her.
Her house was like the Fort Knox of the supernatural world. Her father had spent a great deal of time and energy making sure nothing evil could ever set foot inside his house— and until the angels arrived on the scene the barrier had held. Then again, angels weren't normally grouped in the 'evil' category.
"Nothing devised by man can stand up to an angel."
"I'm a woman."
"You know what I mean."
"What are you doing here? Last I checked you weren't welcome."
"I know you are not one of the faithful."
"I'm more on the ambiguous side. I used to give you guys the benefit of the double, but lately— not so much."
"I am truly sorry you feel that way."
"You are, are you?" Kerri stated coldly, crossing her arms. As far as she could tell angels were just like demons, mowing down everything that stood in the way of their 'orders'.
"Yes, I have learned recently that complete faith and loyalty is not as easy as it sounds."
"Beginning to doubt your orders?"
"A little more everyday. My path has been changing as of late."
The fight quickly left Kerri. The rumpled angel in front of her looked more like a kicked puppy than one of god's soldiers. The last ten months of her life had been complicated to say the least. First Dean died, then try as she might she couldn't get through to Sam. She thought she'd lost the younger man, too, when out of the blue— or more appropriately, out of the ground— came Dean and a whole world of trouble. But that was Dean, he knew how to make an entrance, and he knew how to find trouble. This though, this was more than she ever thought possible— this was the apocalypse.
"What are you doing here, Castiel?" The angel seemed to smirk at her question, putting her instantly on guard. She knew she shouldn't have trusted him. "What?"
"You know, ever since meeting the Winchesters, very few people continue to call me Castiel."
"I'm not normally one for nicknames."
"Ev wasn't a nickname?"
Kerri bristled at the mention of her little sister. Evelyn had been special, different, and her death had shattered Kerri's world. "Evelyn didn't fall under the 'normally' umbrella."
"No, I guess not."
"You don't know her, so don't pretend you do. Now, what are you doing here?"
"I need your help."
"That's rich."
"Dean Winchester needs you help."
That stopped Kerri— she could never deny Dean. He was her best friend, her lifeline in the darkness they called life. He was everything to her. When they were kids she often counted the days between the Winchesters' visits. She was more alive when Dean was around, more in touch with the world around her, more Kerri. And she knew she had the same effect on him. They'd met when they were both still broken, both hurting, and they'd grown up together. They'd become teenagers together, snuck into bars together, raised their younger siblings together. They'd been the children of hunters— together. If Dean needed help she would be at his side in an instant.
"What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"
"He is in a hospital, but expected to recover fully."
"You wouldn't be here if it wasn't bad."
The angel looked down at his feet, he suddenly seemed very old. "I was fooled, chose to believe the honesty of who I thought was a friend, and for that I am very sorry."
"What is wrong with Dean?"
"Uriel deceived me, deceived everyone. Someone was killing angels, we thought Allistair would know who. We believed it was the work of a demon."
"And?"
"And, we were aware of the work Dean did in hell."
"You didn't."
"I am sorry."
"You bastard. Do you have any idea what you asked him to do? What you probably forced him to do? You don't know Dean the way I do, you don't know what the memory of hell does to him. Dean's a protector, he saves people, and hell he's good at it. He's thrown himself in the line of fire countless times to save someone else's life. And you come along and you ask him to cause pain? To hurt and torture? You're asking him to be some monster and he's not."
"I know he's not."
"But he doesn't. That's what you people don't get. I know he's not a monster, you know, Sam knows— but Dean doesn't. All he ever sees are his mistakes, he can't see the good he does. And you're asking him to relieve one of his biggest mistakes, a mistake that's killing him. And all you can say is you're sorry?"
"I've been through all this with Sam."
"And you're gonna go through it with me."
"We don't have time."
"You just said he's going to be fine."
"Physically yes, but that's not why I'm here." Castiel spoke solemnly.
"I can't fix him, Castiel, if that's what you're asking me."
"I used to follow my path without hesitation, without doubt. I was always sure of my orders, of my duty. I believed there was one answer only, just one right way. I believed heaven was infallible. But ever since meeting Dean, ever since being assigned to him— I've come to realized I've been wrong.
"Everything I thought I knew has changed. I am not human, Kerri, I never have been. Until now, I didn't know what the word truly meant. They were beings made in God's likeness, beings with free will. In two thousand years I have never doubted, never been afraid, never second guessed an order. Until now.
"I can no longer trust the orders which come from heaven, too many have chosen to take up arms against the Lord. I don't know how to deal with it."
"You're talking about the consequences. The fallout of a bad choice?" Kerri was amazed. The self righteous angel who could do no wrong was becoming human— it was like some warped version of Pinocchio.
"Yes. I believe in my father, I believe fate will be served— that what is meant to be will come to pass. But I don't know how to chart my own course."
"Welcome to life. We all make mistakes, Castiel, and sometimes they do cost others dearly."
"Dean learned from Allistair that he was the first seal, the beginning."
Castiel's quiet statement took Kerri's breath away. She knew the angels were planning something for Dean, but she had no idea how huge the blonde hunter's role truly way. Kerri knew what it meant to be the first seal, and she knew what that revelation must have done to Dean. But there was still one wild card in the bunch. "What about Sam?"
Castiel looked away, but if Kerri didn't know any better she'd say there was fear in his eyes. "I don't know."
"Is he ok?"
"He is unharmed."
"Did he do something?"
Castiel looked over to her, his shoulders squared. "He killed Allistair with little more than a look. He did something even I could not."
Kerri's heart was racing— Sam was getting more and more powerful by the moment. "You gonna hunt him down?"
"No."
"I thought that was one of your orders."
"It was, but I am no longer certain where my orders have been coming from. I thought it was God's will for Dean to question Allistair, but I was wrong."
"You still gonna try and stop Sam?"
"Yes. A human cannot be allowed to contain that kind of power."
"Why not?"
"Because humans are corruptible."
"So are angels."
"That is true. What Sam's doing is not natural. I know the young man has very good intensions but—."
"The road to hell is paved with good intensions. Hell, Dean went there to keep his little brother alive and ended up starting the apocalypse."
"The irony is not lost on me. The demons had planned on John breaking the seal."
"Come again?"
"We have come to believe Azazel had planned on leading an army of demons, one lead by a human soldier."
"I've gathered as much."
"We think his end game was starting the apocalypse. He began training to find his leader shortly after John gave his life for Dean."
"How'd he know John would end up down there?"
"Dean's life was always in the balance. We believe Azazel knew John would trade his soul if Dean was truly in danger, thus the accident."
"What happened?"
"John Winchester never broke. Allistair didn't have the power to convert him, and a righteous man never shed blood in hell. The plan was already in motion, so Azazel continued with the devil's gate. He died before his plan was completed, leaving chaos in his wake."
"Does Dean know his dad didn't break?" Kerri asked quietly, knowing that one fact would be the end of Dean. All his life he lived up to his father's legacy, to the legend that was John Winchester. And while Kerri knew Dean was a better man than his father ever was, Dean didn't see it that way.
"Yes. Dean is falling, and we need him."
"Need him for what?"
"The righteous man who begins it, is the only one who can end it. If we fail and the sixty six seals are broken, the world lies in Dean's hands."
"What'd he say about that?"
"That he wasn't strong enough. But I don't believe that to be true. No one is passing blame on Dean, no one is passing judgment on him other than himself. Fate has chosen him, and I believe that is a good thing. I believe he can win."
"I could have told you that before any of this started."
"Unfortunately, what I believe and what is currently coming to pass are not the same. Dean is broken and I cannot save him."
"What makes you think I can? What about Sam?"
"Sam is lost. He's been spending a great deal of time with Ruby. He's trying to help Dean, but he needs to find his own path first."
"So you expect me to come in and fix both of them?"
"Dean has spoken highly of you."
"You are a terrible liar."
Castiel smiled a bit, the aged looked he'd had throughout the conversation giving away to the youthful appearance of his host. "Maybe not in words, but his connection to you is an obvious one."
Kerri let out a long breath "where is he?"
Before Kerri had the chance to catch her breath she was no longer in her kitchen. It took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust, but she could smell the difference in the air— she was in a hospital. "Damn it." She was really starting to dislike the angel.
She looked around the hall she was standing in, seeing the signs ahead of her— she was in the ICU. Kerri's heart rate increased tenfold when she saw the sign, this was worse than she had thought. She knew Dean was hurting, something in her gut told her, but she didn't know just how bad he was. She made her way quickly down the hall, searching for anyone who could tell her what was going on.
She turned another corner, stopping when she laid eyes on Sam. The tall hunter was standing outside one of the rooms, leaning against the wall, staring blankly through the door. There was something different about him, something off, but Kerri couldn't place it. He seemed more distant than normal, even though he was standing only a few feet away from her. It was like there was this wall around him now, a barrier separating him from the rest of the world— and it scared her. Kerri had already lost her sister Evelyn because of the Yellow Eyed Demon and its war, and she would be damned if she was going to lose Sam to it, too. No, too many lives had already been lost.
"Sam?" Kerri began, making her way to the younger hunter.
Sam turned at her voice, a puzzled look on his face. "Kerri? What're you doing here?"
"Ask Castiel and his angel teleportation."
"Cass brought you?" Sam growled, glancing down the hallway beyond Kerri.
Kerri took a step back, she'd never hear Sam sound so dangerous before. Normally it was Dean who could silence a room with just a look, stop an assassin with the tone of his voice. "He's not here, at least not that I know of. He showed up at my house and told me something was wrong with Dean."
"Something wrong with Dean? I bet. Did Cass tell you what he did?"
"He asked Dean to interrogate Allistair, I know."
"They nearly got him killed. All for nothing." Sam's voice was like razor wire, an electricity radiating off the hunter. It was scary.
"Castiel said he was physically ok?" Kerri's heart was beginning to race, there was way more going on here than the angel had said.
"No thanks to them. He was barely breathing, had to be put on a ventilator. They weren't sure if he'd wake up. And I asked them, hell nearly beg them to save him, and Cass just sighed. My brother was dying because of him and that bastard didn't even have anything to say about it."
"How'd he get hurt? Castiel said something about Uriel?"
"Something was killing angels, they thought Allistair would know. Turns out it was Uriel all along, all some stupid plot." Sam mumbled the last part, Kerri barely catching the words.
"Stupid plot?"
"Dean's the first seal."
"I know."
"Which means he's the only one who can end this."
"Yeah, I think that's why Castiel wanted me to talk to him, to get him back in the game or something."
Sam shook his head, pacing back and forth across the small hallway— he looked like a cage animal getting ready to strike. "It's more than that, he's got a freaking bulls-eye on him now. Uriel secretly released Allistair from the devil's trap— to kill Dean. If Dean dies, there's no stopping the apocalypse."
"Oh." Kerri breathed, suddenly at a loss for words. She hadn't thought about it that way. The angels needed Dean strong and confident, needed him to be able to win the war— but all the demons needed was for him to be out of the way.
"Yeah."
"Where's Allistair now?"
"Taken care of."
Kerri eyed Sam suspiciously. As far as she knew, the angels weren't able to take out the demon. Hell, from what Dean told her the thing nearly killed Castiel on their last encounter. "Just like that?" Kerri knew Sam was up to something, knew he'd been secretly seeing Ruby— and she knew nothing about it could be good.
"Yeah."
"Castiel been eating his Wheaties?"
Sam stopped pacing, locking eyes with Kerri. The redhead pulled in a breath. Sam's gaze seemed hollow, empty, like something had stolen away 'Sammy' and left something else in return. The younger man had always had a spark to him, a light in his eyes that was unmistakably Sam. But now that light had gone, leaving a barely controllable power in its wake.
"No, I took care of it."
"Sam—."
"What?" Sam asked, taking a step closer, pulling himself up to his full hight. He was challenging her, but Kerri wasn't afraid of him— she could never be afraid of him. "I did what the angels couldn't. But I'm guessing Cass already told you that."
"I didn't believe him. He told me you killed him with just a look, but I didn't believe him." Kerri didn't want it to be true, didn't want to believe the young man had changed so much, had grown more powerful than even Heaven's soldiers.
"Why'd you ask about Allistair if you already knew?" Sam asked defensively.
Kerri stepped back, trying to show Sam she wasn't looking for a fight. She knew the brothers, better than anyone, and she knew they'd probably been at each other's throats about Ruby and whatever it was she and Sam had been doing. Dean was afraid for his brother, and Kerri knew he had every reason to be.
"I wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to hear you say it."
"I said it, happy."
"No. Sam, you can't do this."
"Why not?"
"Because it isn't natural. Hell, Sam, you can kill a freaking demon like Allistair just by sneezing at it. You have a power even angels don't."
"Maybe somebody needs to have it. Maybe somebody needs to step up and take control of things. Cass is being lead who knows where by a bunch of lying angels, Dean's broken, and the Demons are growing more powerful every hour. The seals are breaking, Kerri, and no one's getting their heads out of their asses long enough to stop it. Someone needs to step up."
"Is that what you're doing? Stepping up?"
"Yeah, I am. I killed a top level demon. I can exorcise without killing the host. I can stop them, taken them out before they kill off innocent people. What's wrong with that? What part of that is bad?"
Kerri's heart broke instantly. In that moment, she learned how lost Sam truly was. He'd become blinded by his path, brainwashed by his teacher. Yes, he was doing good things, but just because they were good didn't make them right. Life was about balance, about give and take, good and evil. One human being, no matter how good his intensions, could not be allowed to house such a power, to have the ability to sway the very balance of life.
Sometimes people lived, sometimes people died, Kerri knew that all too well— but that was life. Bad things happened to good people, criminal got away free, shit happened. Demons would always walk the earth just as angels would always wander the shadows. There would be day and there would be night. There would be heartache and there would be joy. Because that's what living was all about.
But Sam, he'd stepped beyond those boundaries, stepped into a world were he could control the outcome of the story, where he decided the consequences. And it wasn't right. Kerri knew deep in her heart that the man standing before her was still the Sam she'd grown up with, still the inquisitive kid he'd always been. She knew he had only the best intensions in his heart, knew he was focusing on saving the world. And she also knew he was on a dangerous and dead-end path. And Kerri would bet a million dollars Ruby knew all that, too.
Kerri was about to answer when Sam's phone went off. The brunette pulled the phone from his pocket, studying the name for a moment before turning to Kerri. "I have to take this." Without another word he walked away.
Kerri took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she watched Sam's retreating back. She needed to get through to the younger man, but she didn't know how. She watched Sam for another few seconds before turning to the room, her heart skipping a beat when she saw Dean's green eyes studying her.
"How much of that did you hear?" Kerri asked, making her way to his bed. Dean looked like hell run over. He was covered with bruises, his eyes half mast and vacant. Sam was right, he was broken.
"Enough." Dean answered hoarsely, turning away from her.
"We'll get though to him."
Dean let out a puff of air that sounded like a strained laugh. "How?"
"We could always just tie him to a chair till this is all over."
"Great minds think alike. How'd you get here, I didn't wake up till Sam's little tirade."
"Castiel. He's worried about you."
"He's worried about his orders."
"Trust me, you have an effect on him."
"Ew."
Kerri sighed, though she couldn't help but smile. Dean wasn't completely broken, just lost. "You're a riot."
"I screwed up, Ker." Dean sighed after a moment, trying to hide the hitch in his voice. Kerri could see tears running down the side of his face, but she chose to ignore them. Dean was human after all, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was allowed to have emotions.
"You can't blame yourself, Dean. No one else is."
"My dad lasted one hundred years, and I barely made thirty."
"That's because John's—."
"Stronger than me, better. I'm nothing but a coward, Ker."
"You are not a coward, Dean. Never think that."
"Yeah right."
"Listen. You were in hell—."
"Don't even try that." Dean turned to face Kerri, the redhead nearly falling to her knees when his eyes locked with her's. They'd been through so much together, had grown up together— Dean was her entire world. But at that moment, he was nothing but a shell of the brave, vivacious, live-in-the-moment man she'd grown to cherish. "My Dad went to hell. He didn't break, hell he clawed his way back out of there. I was one of them, I was turning into one of them. If Cass hadn't pulled me out, I'd just be another puff of black smoke."
Kerri sat on Dean's bed, resting her hand on his arm. She needed him to focus on her, needed him to hear her and to know that, no matter what, she would always be there for him. "Maybe it's better this way."
"What?"
"The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can end it."
"I already told Cass to find someone else. I'm not who you people think I am."
"I can't begin to understand the paths of fate, Dean, I don't know where all this leads. But you just have to hang on."
"To what?"
"To the possibility that we're meant to win. There's only one thing on this earth, Dean, that I believe in more than anything else, and that's you. Heaven, hell, God, Lucifer— you trump 'em all."
"Kerri—."
"I have seen you do amazing things, Dean. And I've seen just how deep your heart is. If John broke the seal, I wouldn't trust him to end it all. I honestly don't think he'd be able to."
"Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but you're betting on the wrong horse."
"No, I'm not. You have the unmistakeable ability to make people see the world like they've never seen it before. I can't explain it better than that, and I know it sounds cheesy, but people are changed forever once they meet you. And before you say anything, changed in a good way. Hell you even got Castiel to change."
"I can't keep doing this, Ker, I can't keep fighting this battle alone."
"You're not alone."
"Castiel's getting screwed up orders. I mean, a freaking angel was plotting against other angels, what the hell's with that?"
"Did you know there was a war once?"
"Huh?"
"At the beginning of time, Heaven waged war on itself, that's how Lucifer fell."
"What's that got to do with this?"
"Nothing in life is perfect or absolute. No one is right. There's no simple, single answer. There's no great power that's gonna swoop out of the sky and rock you till life's all better. There are just choices, and the way we chose to deal with them. Yeah we might screw up, yeah we might get tricked, yeah we might stumble— but that's what we're supposed to do. Our setbacks and shortcomings are what teaches us, what makes us better. And that's something even angels are not immune to."
"It's just too big, Kerri, it's just too much. And I feel, I'm afraid, someone else is gonna die because of me."
"Sam?"
"He's not right, and I can't get through to him."
"He thinks what he's doing is good. I just don't know where the power's coming from."
"Ruby's teaching him."
"It takes a hell of a lot more than just teaching to go from getting tossed around to killing demons in a few days."
"What're you talking about?"
"Ruby's doing something else. It's weird, it's like Sam's addicted to her. I can't really explain it, but she's got some kind of pull over him."
"He said we were above the rules."
"When?"
"When we were hunting Allistair, when the reapers were disappearing. Sam said the regular rules don't apply to us. This from the kid who wanted to be nothing but normal. She's changing him, stealing him, and I can't get him back." Dean's voice broke at the end of the statement, another tear rolling down his face. Their lives were laying in ruins like a crumbled empire and Kerri wanted nothing more than to rebuild it— for Dean. "So tell me, Kerri, how am I not fighting this alone?"
"I'm still here. I'll always be here."
Dean stared at her, trapped somewhere between his desire to believe her and the pain of everything his life had been since Sam was stabbed. It had been one long downward spiral, and though Kerri was sure they were currently at rock bottom, a little voice in her head told her there was still further they could slide.
"I don't want to get you involved."
"Last I checked the apocalypse was a world wide thing, so I think I'm involved."
"Kerri—."
"Seriously, me not being involved is like trying to hide under a sofa during Dawn of the Dead."
"Lets hope the apocalypse doesn't involve zombies."
"Yeah, I think I'd be lunch. That's the one baddy I could never seem to get by." Kerri smirked. She wasn't a hunter, or at least she tried not to be, but every so often she was pulled into one of the many hunts she researched. And on one occasion had nearly been done in by a large and freakishly fast revenant. Kerri smirked, she'd been helping another hunter and she thought Dean was gonna kill the guy when he found out about the close call.
"You should go home, Kerri."
"I would, but Halo airlines seems to be out of commission at the moment."
"He did that freaky show up somewhere else thing with you?"
"Yeah, not a fan."
"Like I said, freaky. Kerri?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being too stubborn to go home. Everyone else, they always have something else, you know, somewhere else to go. Thanks."
"Don't mention it. Just one thing."
"What?"
"You're not allowed to leave. You're not allowed to check out. After all, I can't be the only stubborn one."
Dean wrapped his hand around Kerri's, his eyes locking on her's. "Don't worry, I'm hanging around. It's my choice, right, I decide what happens."
"Yup. But just so you know the rules, some choices will be automatically vetoed."
"Like what?"
"Uh, let's see. Ketchup on spinach, vetoed. I'm gonna have to go ahead and veto any more motel rooms with disco balls over the beds."
"Aw, come on."
"Are you kidding, every time a truck when by I thought my eyes were gonna bug out."
"We'll discuss your veto power."
"I have the right to veto discussions on veto powers, too. Just a heads up."
"Since when?"
"Didn't you get the memo?"
6666666666666666
Castiel stood outside the hospital room, watching the pair before him as they spoke. A strange emotion grew inside him as he took in the friendship between Kerri and Dean. It was like there was a hole in him, a deep longing that couldn't be filled. He was at odds with himself. He was an Angel of the Lord, a soldier— he was not meant to disobey. But now there were choices all around him, emotions fighting their way through his defenses. And he felt like he was drowning.
"Not so easy being a statue, is it?" A voice spoke softly behind him.
"Anna." Castiel turned, his eyes falling on the stoic angel behind him. She had a fire in her, a grit and determination Castiel couldn't imagine. But it was a strength and fortitude he found himself craving.
"It's an amazing thing."
"What is?"
"Being human. It's scary, it's chaotic, but it's beautiful." Anna spoke quietly, her gaze locked on Kerri and Dean. The pair were laughing softly, both taking complete comfort in each other's company. Both safe in their own little world.
"Why did you save me?"
Anna's gaze drifted back to Castiel slowly. "You still have a lot to learn, Cass. I might be an angel again, but I haven't forgotten what it was like to be human."
"That doesn't answer my question. I was weak, questioning my orders and whether they were coming from a god at all. Why did you let me live?"
"Because, Cass, sometimes making your own way is the only way."
"I don't understand."
"Welcome to the world. Cass, sometimes you need to question what you believe in order to see the truth." Anna smiled, resting her hand on his cheek. Castiel leaned into the touch. He needed her, needed her to tell him he was on the right path, that he wasn't moments away from falling. He was afraid of making a mistake, afraid of failing, afraid of the consequences, and he needed someone to tell him everything would be ok.
"What am I supposed to do, Anna?"
"Follow your heart. When your gut tells you to do something, do it. When you feel like you know the right choice, choose it."
"What if I'm wrong."
"Then you're wrong."
"I can't be wrong."
"Why not?"
"I just—. I'm supposed to be an agent of fate."
"Funny, since fate controls angels just as much as it controls everyone else."
"Am I strong enough?"
"More than you know."
Castiel turned back to Kerri and Dean, the pair still talking quietly. Was he strong enough to lead them, strong enough to make decisions that might put them in danger? Two lives, two pasts, two futures, in his hands, controlled by choices he would make. Could he really live with the consequences if he made a mistake? The angel's eyes drifted to Dean, the blonde taking comfort in his friend's presence. Dean seemed more alive since Kerri's arrival, stronger.
Castiel turned back to Anna, stilling when he realized she was gone. He took a breath, squaring his shoulders. It was now or never. Castiel looked skyward, closing his eyes as he centered himself. He had faith, he always would. He looked back over at Dean, the man no longer broken— if Dean could survive hell, then Castiel could survive this thing called humanity.