Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.
This is an attempt at an action kind of thing. I don't know if it is going to turn out well at all. It's cool in my head, but that does not mean it will transfer over right! And also, this story is going to have KennyxKyle in it. So if you are not a fan of that, you may want to skidaddle on over to another story.
"I think you're the smartest kid in class."
Those were the words that started it all. Mysterion had intrigued the whole town. It's not that it takes anything big to get the attention of the South Park citizens, but it's pretty rare that the thing is something good. Normally it is something ridiculous like... I don't know. War with Canada or nukes. Maybe that is why I followed the Mysterion story as closely as I did. It was totally different than anything else I'd experienced in my short life. When I found out that the source of all that intrigue was one of my best friends, I was floored.
Cartman had started some super hero bull shit too. The Coon. It was a joke, just a temporary flash of interest probably inspired by some comic book or some attempt to rip on me about something. Seriously! Cartman goes out of his way to do things for the sole purpose of ripping on me. Eventually, all of us got in on it. I picked out some dorky super hero identity, the Human Kite. My imaginary powers were to fly and shoot laser beams out of my eyes.
None of that crap ever matched up to that one night Mysterion had come to my room to ask me to do something for him. It didn't take much effort, but I was able to help Mysterion. That was really cool. After that, I started playing around on the computer even more. I did more and more to figure out tricks on how to hack into databases and alter information and track this that or the other. I did that all for the off chance that Mysterion would come back and ask for help again. I wanted to prove that I was good for more than Google searching a few things.
It's not that I am not athletic. I'm good at sports, especially basketball. Sure, Stan takes the front seat when it comes to things like baseball and football, but that doesn't mean I suck at them. I'm probably not the greatest at fighting. The only experience I got was fighting with Cartman, and that doesn't count much. I kind of think of myself as being stuck as one of those guys that would be more useful behind the scenes than on the front line.
Anyway, after a while, all of that super hero stuff kind of faded away. I never asked Kenny about it. I didn't really know how to bring the topic up. "Hey buddy! Why aren't you out there risking your life to help stop a robbery or two in this shit hole of a town?" Something about that just didn't sound right with me. I'd rather have my friend safe and in one piece than gallivanting around the city any day.
So I was stuck wishing I had a chance to prove to him that, if this was some sort of Saturday morning cartoon, I would be suitable material to be like, his side kick or something. I think that, if he had a choice, he'd probably wind up picking Stan. I mean, I can't blame him. Stan has shaped up to be a guy you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of! Nicest and most popular guy around and most likely to totally kick your ass if you screw over him or one of his friends. As for me? I'm probably still the guy who's only good for Google searching some crap. Still, I wished that I had the chance to show that I had merit too. Every so often, that thought would bug me. But the crime fighting was over.
Well, until a few days ago...
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I sat at my desk, head propped on one of my hands as I scrolled through some lame ass article comparing Roman infrastructure to its Greek counterpart.
"Damn Cartman!" I groaned and shut my eyes. If it wasn't for the fatass, I'd be doing a research paper on... I don't know what, but it wouldn't have been something as dry as the sewage systems of ancient countries! "I bet his fat ass could clog an aqueduct." I smirked to myself then heard laughter from behind me. I jumped up, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. "Who's there?"
"Relax." A faux voice spoke, its low and raspy quality ringing familiar. I blinked a few times, eyes adjusting to the change of light between my bright screen and the dark room and window I tried to make sense of. It took a while to find the source of the voice, perched on my bed.
"Kenny?" Disbelief swallowed my voice.
"I need you to look something up for me." The more he spoke, the more I realized that it really was Kenny, and he was decked out in his Mysterion costume.
"Uh, sure. What is it?" I stepped back to my desk, not wanting to take my eyes off him. He started to explain how a convict had broken loose and was believed to be en route to South Park. I kept the worry from my face the best that I could as he asked me to find records on the guy.
"I want to know what we're dealing with." He concluded. Before he'd finished, I was already at work. I'd tried similar things out many times before. I knew exactly how to do it. In less than five minutes, I had articles from news sources about his initial arrest as well as the prison records analyzing his behavior.
"Um... Arrested for multiple murders," I clicked onto an article breaking down the condition of the bodies found. "Modus operandi appears to be decapitation," I read through the victim list to check the ages. "Primarily teenage girls."
"Fucking sicko." Mysterion was behind me then. The only thing that gave that away was the feeling of his hands clenching around the back of my chair, a habit I'd noticed he expressed when angry or upset.
"According to the psychiatric records, he has shown no signs of remorse and has been known to make jokes about his victims. 'Rehabilitation is our hope' but basically they still haven't found a way to get through to him. Looks like he's pretty dangerous." I turned away from the screen again.
"Thanks, Kyle." He was already walking toward the window by the time I turned around.
"Wait! You're not going to like... go after him yourself, are you?" I rose and followed after him.
"I have no choice. The fucking cops won't listen. Cartman made sure of that with his fucking Coon bull shit." He stepped one foot up on to the ledge.
"Kenny, I-"
"Hey, I'm a super hero, remember? When I'm wearing this, I'm Mysterion. You don't want to put me in danger, do you?" He wore a jeering grin.
"Of course not!" I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest. He didn't seem to be afraid at all. "Fine then, Mysterion, you can't do this."
"Why not?"
"It's dangerous. You could get killed."
"Come on, Kyle. I don't have time for this right now. It's a Saturday night. If he gets here before I find him, he could hurt a lot of people."
"How do you know he is coming here? Why would he escape to South Park of all places?" I admitted to myself that I was trying to stall him. Mysterion or not, I did not like the idea of him facing off against some psycho.
"Pure fucking luck. Officer dumbass left his radio at Harbucks. You remember showing me how to fuck around with the stations?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't remember how to do any of that shit, but I managed to flip it onto something and some broad was shouting about this convict to a co-worker. She gave out all the details of his escape and the route she expected him to be on. He's going to be here within the hour. I have to go now."
"How do you know where you'll find him?"
"Classic fucking freaky white van."
"But-"
"No more questions. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."
"Kenny-"
"Mysterion."
"Mysterion, please." I grabbed him by the arm. A look mixed between annoyance and curiosity spread across his face. "Just call the police. Have them deal with it."
"You know how competent those assholes are."
"Then at least let me go with you." Mysterion's expression was nothing but pure shock. After a few seconds, he smirked and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Looks like you've left me with no other choice, huh?" He sighed after speaking. It seemed a bit too dramatic to be real, but I was too busy bracing myself to face down a convicted criminal to pay it much mind. I watched as he took something out of a pocket. He took a box of matches out of another hidden pocket.
"What's that?" I leaned in.
"Remember that thing you told me about how to make home-made smoke bombs?"
"Yeah." I answered warily.
"And then you started talking all this fucking sci-fi shit about knock out gas and how to make that?"
"Mysterion-" He only grinned and lit the thing with a match. "Hey!" He pushed me backwards. I tripped over what I assumed was my backpack. By the time I'd stumbled to my feet, the room was filled with a thick gas. It was working fast too. I was already having trouble keeping my eyes open with the fog stinging my eyes, but I was fading fast. I knew if I could make it to the window, I'd be fine. The gas would disperse fast enough. By the time I found the window, it was too late. Mysterion had shut the window behind him. I couldn't find the latch in time. Though the fog had already cleared up, I was out. My last thought was a confused thought between wanting to punch Kenny and fearing that he'd be killed.
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"Kyle." I woke partly due to the sound of my name and mostly due to the fact that I was being shaken so hard that I thought my head would fall off.
"What the hell!" I pulled back, having forgotten the earlier events in the temporary blur of having-just-woken-up. I grumbled and rubbed my eyes, expecting the intruder to be Ike. When I opened my eyes, the events of the night all flooded back to me. In front of me was Mysterion. "You're back!" I sat up on my knees, trying to take in everything I could in the shortest amount of time possible.
"Oh good, you're up!" His voice was unusually cheerful.
"What happened?" I was thrilled to see him. Until I remembered that he'd managed some sort of God damned sleeping potion and knocked me out. I punched him in the arm. "Never do that again!" He only laughed.
"You should've seen the look on his fucking face when I grabbed him out of that fucking van!" Kenny grinned from ear to ear. "And when I dragged his ass to the police station, the cops were dragging their tails between their legs. Telling me not to fucking play around. Look who stopped a total psycho from slaughtering all the girls in town."
"That is just..." I was unable to finish my sentence. I noticed blood seeping through the mask he wore. He noticed my expression and tried to defuse the situation before I could do anything. "No." I cut him off and turned to grab a box from under my bed. Normally it was just a bunch of stuff I brought with to Ike's hockey games.
"It's really not anything." He sounded almost bashful. When I took his mask off, I saw that he wasn't lying entirely. It was bleeding a lot, but it wasn't anything deep.
"Are you hurt anywhere else?" I asked as I finished cleaning it and sticking a band-aid over it. "Hard to believe that you went against a serial killer and only walked away with a black eye."
"I was prepared. He wasn't." Kenny felt his face with his hand. "Thanks." We both sat in silence for a while.
"So... You're going to be a hero again?"
"This town can't hold its fucking self together without me." He grinned. I couldn't help but smile too.
"Kyle!" Before I could say anything else, my mom's voice interrupted us.
"Looks like that's my cue to go." Kenny rose to his feet with ease and put his mask back on. "See you tomorrow."
"Right. I'd better hear from you by ten tomorrow or I'm going to send out a search party."
"I got it, I got it." He stepped up onto Oh, and one more thing."
"Yeah?"
"You might want to start locking your windows. I don't want to wind up having to save you." He dropped out of sight just as my door opened and my mom came in.
"You are home! Isn't that fantastic."
"How come?"
"I just saw the most terrible thing on the news! There was a murderer here! Here in South Park!" When my mother had finished proposing her idea to protest against the prison system for allowing prisoners to escape, she left.
And that was it. Mysterion was back. He asked for my help again. And I still had yet to prove that I could do more than look up a few bits of information.
"God damnit!"
A/N: I have mixed feelings on this chapter, but I am going to post it anyway. Feedback is much appreciated!