JMJ
Note from Fiona Fargazer: This is a story based on a series of in-person roll-plays in which I was Escargoon and Starscout-lost (Deviant Art if you wanna find her) was Susie and another person without an account I can link to as King Dedede. I have written about half way through the story and it's gunna be pretty long. I may have to separate it into more than one fic eventually but I'll have to wait and see.
"This story is narrated by the only writer we could find, so we can't expect Great Expectations or anything," Escargoon says to you over your computer or other device, "and it's hosted by yours truly, Escargoon, and I'll do my best to pour my heart out!"
One: Invitation to Déjà Vu
The sun shone bright and pleasantly hot. The sea breeze felt just right to keep the heat from being unbearable, and the humidity could not have been more comfortable. For so many centuries Dream Land must have had days on end of such pleasantness. The reigns of kings from the founding of the kingdom could not have had a more pleasant existence. No war or famine or terrible politics or horrible monsters parading through walls and trying to crush bouncy, pink, baby-talking superheroes.
Often I have wondered to myself how it was that I, out of all time periods of the peaceful dreamy history of Dream Land in which no child in history class could stay awake for and not have peaceful dreams besides, had to live in the time period I did live in. All the wars and conflicts and famine and frosts all happened on other kingdoms on other planets, not mine. Not mine until my life when I was born, even if I'm not exactly from Dream Land, the countries all around are the same way.
Even my own family had lived for generations in a life that never changed in its happy peacefulness until I had gotten it into my head, after a strange occurrence (by chance or fate) in which my father died before his time, that I would make money enough to up our place and standing in the world for my mother and I. We are a family of only snails, after all. Garden snails besides. No one before my time would think of leaving the comforts of garden or (in my case) field for a different life, but the strangeness, of course, was not destined to end there for me, my family, or the whole of Pop Star for that matter.
Oh, woe to living in a time like this, I would sometimes think when I allowed such things on my mind, a time when I had found myself lying to my own mother, lying to my own self about my own involvement in destroying my own world in loyalty and dignity in one's own station gone awry. Except in my time period who could say that there could be anything wrong in a place like Dream Land to have loyalty and dignity? But I had to be the one tested in my time period until I lost more than both. My time, the reign of His Majesty King Dedede's time, Kirby's time. NME's time. Meh! Whatever time you want to call it, but it is the time I live in and the time in the end that I had to accept, and honestly actually learned to appreciate.
How could I one day be counted as a warrior fighting by His Majesty's side, after all? I can hardly believe that I leapt into battle fighting black shadowy versions of Waddle Dees and all as a true ally of Kirby and as a true servant of the king. Or that a king as ruthless as he was brainless could one day become everything that his subjects longed him to be—almost. We can't have everything perfect, after all, but to know that these times were the best thing for him in the end makes them worthwhile in my mind. It gave him a chance to prove to the world as well as to himself that he could be more than a lazy selfish dictator and tool of evil intergalactic schemes. Sure the times also earlier maybe encouraged him eviler than he might have been without Nightmare Enterprises' influence, but they sure gave him ample opportunity to make up for it. After all that is what this account is about, but I'm getting way too ahead of myself. It's a long and complicated story.
Back to that lovely day.
Fortunately for my mental and psychological wellbeing, all such epic thoughts were the furthest things from my mind that fine morning, even if it did cross my mind after a yawn to break last night's cobwebs that this was just the sort of morning to start something unexpected, but I quickly brushed it away. Nothing had happened in Dream Land for two years more than the local jail bird kleptomaniac Doron escaping and giving Chief Bookem something to do, and I expected it to stay that way.
Like I said, nothing except King Dedede's great, great grandfather taking over Dream Land (and even that was a very non-violent and actually wanted occurrence which we may have more time to explain later) had ever happened in the history of Dream Land or any of the countries around before that thing with Nightmare Enterprises and nothing in Dream Land was supposed to happen. Things were back to normal in the long scheme of things, or so I thought. I could not say that though a silvery, holographic envelope was not interesting enough, I hardly expected it to change our lives… again.
Not everyone was overly content about these peaceful times anyway. At least, not by this time. Two years for some people is a long time for something not to happen. I liked it. I got a lot of reading done that I had not been able to do for some time and I finished a few personal projects when I was not doing my job, of course, but His Majesty, King Dedede has that way about him that if he isn't kept entertained then he'll eventually have to entertain himself. Last time that happened the whole world had nearly come to an end, or the whole universe maybe, but I was in too good of a mood to let it be dampened by the king's sour mood that morning. In fact I could not help but tease him about it—or jab it to him. Whatever…
#
"Good morning, Your Majesty," Escargoon announced in his most boisterously cheerful tone.
King Dedede grumped over his breakfast and still looked half asleep like some great bear waking slowly from hibernation. He shoved a very large forkful of something very beefy and full of eggs into his beak. Such a massive bite of food required Dedede opening it all the way to fit everything in, and he still got some sauce on his face. He glared unpleasantly at his servant.
"Cheer up, Sire!" said Escargoon. "After all, you've finally resettled the nation's budget since all that going into debt with those monsters and everything, y'know? Look here! I brought you the mail!"
He had taken it from a Waddle Dee to see if there was anything for him; he was a little bored himself, though he would not have liked to admit it. There had not been anything for him, but such was life.
Waving up the mail for the king to see, Escargoon grinned and added, "Looks like a new company is offering you a catalogue. Maybe they have some kind of big-boy toy you could cheer yourself up with. Haltmann Works Company."
Dedede looked with interest as the shiny glint of the holographic envelope caught his eye. For a split second it annoyed him, but as he saw what it was he lit up and snatched it eagerly so that it shimmered alternately from orange to pink.
"Looks mighty stuffed too and good quality!" said King Dedede, and he sniffed the envelope. "Hey! It even smells expensive!" He ripped it open and tossed it aside to reveal the very shiny sliver of a silvery handheld device. He frowned and glared at it shaking it a little. "What is it?" he demanded.
"An electronic pad?" said Escargoon with a shrug.
"It's pretty advanced whatever it is, how does it turn on?" asked Dedede fully interested now and up from his seat pacing with his prize.
Turning it this way and that he tried to find a button.
"Maybe it's voice-activated," said Escargoon.
"Good thinking. Hmm. 'On'!" Dedede ordered.
Nothing happened.
King Dedede frowned. "I said 'on' you stupid machine."
"Careful, Your Majesty, you might break it."
"You can't break something that doesn't work to begin with!" growled Dedede punching Escargoon's eyes.
Escargoon moaned and rubbed the tops of them and sulked grumpily.
Then the king smacked the device onto the table so that his hand was on top of the pad and a rather pleasant electronic opening fanfare led the way for a female voice suddenly saying, "This Message is activated".
After standing stiff and surprised for a few seconds, king and servant hurriedly rushed to look at the little device, but they did not need to fear being able to see. The image became quite clear of a life-sized person coming upright out of it. A robot-like person or person-like robot or whatever she was stood, or rather hovered as she had no feet, very properly without a mouth but with deep blue eyes and long lashes.
"Greetings to His Majesty King Dedede of Dream Land on the planet Popstar," she said with a humble bow. When she rose she continued, "My name is Susie, secretary of Haltmann Works Company."
It was so lifelike that after Dedede and Escargoon exchanged glances, they both wondered if she truly had been teleported in front them.
"What's the big idea coming here uninvited on my breakfast table!?" King Dedede demanded.
Escargoon quickly saw otherwise, however and glancing at the king briefly he swiped his hand through the image, and it flickered just a little as his hand went through.
"Huh?" Dedede blinked and turned roughly to Escargoon.
"It's just a hologram," Escargoon muttered importantly.
"Hmph, I knew that," snorted Dedede. "I almost had you fooled too!" And he laughed darkly.
Meanwhile the form over the table went on speaking because she was only a recording and did not know that they were not listening. With pink sparkles and cheery noises behind her, she spoke of a grand company of advanced robotics and modern conveniences, but as the pair settled down Dedede grew very interested again. Escargoon thought it very impressive as well; though there was something about the Secretary that got under his skin somehow as she properly but very cheerfully spoke with every little electronic heart and sparkle added to the add.
Music played from the device as well as background sound, and it was admittedly rather catchy for a commercial jingle.
"We are at the moment," said Susie, "attempting to broaden our horizons with customers further out than our system, and we, our team of scientists under the benevolent order of our founder Mr. Haltmann, feel it our duty to the universe to provide access to all peoples our advancements, which are clean, easy to use, and make life easier for everyone. Purifying life to the utmost of its extent while making life easier for the inhabitants, is our goal. Water, air, soil—in everything we must preserve order and cleanliness for a better life and a better tomorrow."
"Ah, it's started to get boring, Escargoon," waved Dedede with one hand cupping his chin and elbow on the table from where he had sat down again in his chair. "Where's the fast forward button so we can see all those robots and modern conventions she was teasing us with?"
"Just wait a moment, Sire," Escargoon said.
"We know that Dream Land," said Susie, "and the Planet Popstar, while a place boundless in resources and beauty, is advancing at a more gradual rate than some, and even those advancements are somewhat harmful such as the exhaust from the limited vehicles and waste management programs."
Dedede frowned with a huff.
"She is getting a little preachy, isn't she, Your Majesty? We better hide this from Tiff."
"Tiff?" snapped Dedede. "Who cares about Tiff? I want this saleswoman off of my table! She's ruining my delicate appetite!"
And he swiped it off with one great swipe of his hand.
Escargoon made a face but did not get the chance to make any sort of comment about anything being delicate in the case of King Dedede except maybe the delicate balance of his temper, but before he could, Dedede roared: "What's the big idea bringing this load of hooey in here, Escargoon?!"
"Eh! Don't blame me, Sire!" gasped Escargoon jumping back away from the chair with hands held in front of him in case of a blow. "The Waddle Dees brought it in here!"
Standing upright in his chair, Dedede grabbed Escargoon by the eyestalk now. With a yelp from the snail, Dedede shook him violently as he growled, "I thought someone was supposed to screen my mail so I don't have to see junk mail like this! A king shouldn't be bothered with this kinda spam, you hear!?"
"Yes, of course, Your Majesty," Escargoon whimpered, "but first could you please let go of me?"
Dedede grabbed his mallet. "Rrrrr!"
Escargoon shrunk back as well as he could being gripped into position as he was.
But just before the king gave his servant a good wallop for making a sour mood worse , he paused as he heard the words, "…that is why our trial is absolutely free for the ruler with no hidden costs. As I've said we firmly believe in making the universe a better place for all!"
Dedede and Escargoon blinked at each other with mallet still in Dedede's hand and Escargoon's eyestalk still in the king's fist.
"Absolutely free?" they repeated in disbelief.
The gadget was on its face so they could not see the Secretary's holographic form, but her voice still sounded strong. Quickly Dedede dropped a moaning Escargoon onto the floor and flipped the device back over. He held the holographic figure in his hands first upside-down and then right-side up as she went on.
"As we do need funds to continue our work, this generous offer of our founder Mr. Haltmann cannot extend to the rest of any said state aside from the ruler interested in our services, but we do extend plenty of deals to all of our customers. Much of the money we receive is also given back to the government as donations to allow the state to continue thriving economically."
"Hey, that means I'd get some of the profit!" exclaimed Dedede suddenly grinning.
"I don't know, Your Majesty," said Escargoon with care behind him. "It sounds like a scam to me."
"Don't be stupid, Escargoon! She said there was no hidden fees!"
"There's something I don't like about that secretary."
"And since when do you like anybody, Escargoon?" snorted Dedede with amusement, and he laughed.
"…If you are interested in our trial or would like to learn more please contact us immediately with the number provided, and we will be overjoyed, Your Majesty, to build a store in your community and aid you in any way that we can to help you with your new equipment varying from appliances to help with daily chores to the best recreational conveniences that money can buy."
"Hey, did you see that hovercraft!" gasped Dedede. "Sleekest thing I ever did see!"
"I have to admit that those electronic notebooks sure would be nice to have too to keep everything in order around here and some of that space-aged furniture," said Escargoon tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Not to mention the fact that all these modern conveniences are monster free unlike the sort of 'conveniences' that you had to order from Nightmare—"
"Ah! Forget Nightmare Enterprises! I'm gunna make a law against mentioning them!" snarled Dedede. "I'm gunna get me one of those Haltmann stores built in Cappy Town ASIP! Get that number down."
"Yes, Sire, sure thing," said Escargoon nodding rigorously and quickly did as he was told.
#
"A store?" complained Tiff at the dinner table when the cabinet minister shared the news with his family.
"What kind of a store?" asked Tuff genuinely curious.
"I don't know exactly," Sir Ebrum admitted, "but they apparently are a very advanced lot at the Haltmann Works Company. They say they have the most advanced scientific discoveries the universe has ever known and that they wish to share these advancements with those less fortunate."
"Well, it does sound nice, darling," said Lady Like thoughtfully. "I mean it is hard to trust King Dedede, but if they really mean what they say…"
But Tiff refused to be optimistic.
"This is just another scam that Dedede's in on," she said firmly. "I don't care how advanced they are, if Dedede builds a huge store in the middle of Cappy Town just think how it will ruin the town! It's just a way to get money, I bet!"
"Please, Tiff, you really ought to refer to the king with his proper title," said Lady Like.
Tiff sighed. "Sorry, 'King' Dedede."
Tuff chuckled and Kirby who was joining them for the meal piped up happily, "Poyo! Poyo!" in between popping little buns into his mouth.
"Now, dear," said Sir Ebrum gently, "no one said anything about a super store. From what I understand there won't be any real renovations to the town needed to install it. It's just a trial run anyway."
"Knowing King Dedede, he'll make something bad come out of it even if the Haltmann people don't have bad intentions," muttered Tiff.
"Yeah, but, Tiff, do you really think he'd be that stupid to fall for another evil company again?" asked Tuff. "I mean, we all know he's stupid, but he can't be that stupid."
"Well, Tuff, you know that he never was a quick learner His Majesty," Sir Ebrum had to admit rubbing his chin.
Having finished his plate of buns while the others were talking, Kirby looked around rather anxiously for more, but everyone was far too busy in the conversation to notice him.
"At least it can't be anything from Nightmare Enterprises," said Tuff cheerfully. "We beat them so hard that they're never coming back, right Kirby?"
Interrupted in his search for more food Kirby brightened to be brought into the conversation and happily agreed.
"I'm not saying that there's gunna be monsters," said Tiff. "I'm just saying that whatever's going on, it's just gunna be a disaster."
"Now, dear," said Sir Ebrum. "King Dedede is the king and he makes the decisions, and as good citizens we must believe him innocent until proven guilty now that the Nightmare Enterprises fiasco has passed."
"Really?" asked Tuff.
"Yes, it's only proper," said Sir Ebrum. "He hasn't done anything all that detrimental or ill-intentioned since the monster incident, and I believe he has learned his lesson."
Tiff sighed. "I guess."
"And anyway," said Sir Ebrum then quite staunchly. "If it does turn out to be something bad, though, I'm sure it'll turn out alright in the end. After all, as you said, there are no monsters anymore, and I feel that Cappy Town can handle anything less, especially with Kirby on our side. Even though it was two years ago now since NME was destroyed, I still feel invigorated that we can take on any challenge met with, so that no silly store can stop us in the end."
Tiff blinked. She had known her father all her life, of course, but somehow it still always surprised her when he showed that pluck and courage hidden behind his foppish exterior. He just was not about to get excited until something proved amiss, which was a good thing, and she had to admit that he always had been just a little different since King Dedede had kidnapped her during their picnic that one time.
"By the way, dear," said Sir Ebrum back to his usual tone as he turned to his wife. "You and I are expected to be there with the rest of the castle to greet the Haltmann representatives when they arrive."
"Oh, really?" asked Lady Like. "How exciting! It always is such fun to meet with an off-worlder."
"Can we come too?" asked Tuff quickly.
"Of course, I'm sure there won't be a problem with that," said Sir Ebrum.
"Hmm," moaned Tiff.
"You don't have to come if it will bother you, Tiff," said Lady Like kindly.
"Yeah, relax, Tiff," said her brother. "You've been uptight about every little thing since we defeated Nightmare Enterprises. You gotta calm down sometime."
Tiff sighed. "I guess I can't help it. I know that nothing as bad as those monsters can ever really happen again, but that doesn't change the fact that King Dedede's still a monster."
"Please, dear," said Lady Like. "Not everything he's ever done in the past two years was bad."
"At least not all bad," Sir Ebrum added, "but it's still our duty to try and support His Majesty when he isn't doing something wrong. Everyone has the opportunity to become better, and I am confident one day His Majesty will become a fine king."
"I know, you said that before," said Tiff. "Even I've said that before, but I don't think he's capable of being anything other than what he's always been."
"A mean, lazy, crazy fat stupid penguin?" Tuff offered smugly.