Okay I was inspired by a poem to write this... and encourage by my TGW family to do so...

I don't own the Good Wife or Bette Midler - Every Road Leads Back To You

Every Road Leads Back To You

Old friend, here we are,
after all the years and tears
and all that we've been through.
It feels so good to see you.
Lookin' back in time,
there've been other friends and other lovers,
but no other one like you.
All my life, no one ever has known me better.

I must have traveled down a thousand roads.
Been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to somethin' new.
Ohhh, but it doesn't matter,
'cause no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you.

She finally reached the bar, having found her way through all the people there. Not the easiest task, but she needed a drink. These events were not on top of the list on things she missed about what was once her life. Sure, she attended a few galas every year but it was nothing like she once had.

She ordered a glass of red wine, and while waiting she turned around and looked at all the people in the room.

Her eyes were searching for someone, though she would never admit it out loud, after all it was soon six years since they had ended, and she had walked down that hallway while people cheered and celebrated him winning the election, some clapping at her, too.

Of course they had seen each other many times since, but it had to have been about two, almost three years since they last saw each other in person, sometime along his re-election. Of course she had been interviewed and asked on her thoughts of him running for president, and again after he got the official nomination.

A night she, much to Will's annoyance, had ended up spending in front of the television, sitting at the front of her seat and telling Will to be quiet as she wanted to listen to what was said. They were supposed to work go over salary decisions but she was more focused on the TV.

She couldn't remember being prouder than the moment they announced he had the nomination and was officially the democratic nominee, of course it had been more than clear to her he would get it but still, she was relieved when it was official.

That was until her stomach tightened uncomfortable as he walked on stage, and the camera zoomed in on a spot beside the stage where both Zach and Grace were standing, watching their Dad from the side, and she suddenly had a strange feeling that she should have been there too. Her and... she had shaken her head at that thought quickly, not even finishing it. Yet she still felt like she should have been there instead of sitting at home in sweats watching him on TV, while telling her friend, to be quiet or he could go home and they could finish work tomorrow, as she didn't want to miss Peter's speech, in the end Will left, with a comment on if she preferred to spent the night cheering for her ex he preferred not to watch, she focused back on the screen though, not wanting to get into that, after all she knew it was mostly based in him worrying over her getting hurt, and the always lingering tension there would excist between the two men.

The next second her heart skipped a beat as the camera left her kids and zoomed in on the blonde woman who look up at Peter from beside the stage as he gave his speech. Her bright blue eyes filled with love and tenderness.

Of course Alicia had known he was seeing someone, actually living with someone, Meredith. It wasn't that. It was how she was there with him and with their kids. The camera had zoomed out again and Alicia could see that Meredith was holding hands with both Zach and Grace. They looked like a family, and that hurt her and made her feel even more like she should be the one standing there with him and their kids... that she should be there with all of them... not this blonde woman.

Back in the present her eyes finally found him, and Meredith, they looked good together. Presidential, Alicia had called him herself 6 years ago at an evening a lot like this. He was shaking hands, smiling, not that it surprised her, he was an excellent politician and had always been. Meredith seemed to be smiling, however Alicia noticed she seemed less comfortable in this than she should, not that she couldn't understand her, the problem was she showed it far more than was acceptable, she shouldn't show it, that gave off the wrong impression to the media and the voters. She looked perfect though - hair, dress, make up - it was all in place. Alicia was pretty sure though that she had someone telling her how she should look, after all from the way she carried herself, actually showing how little she was comfortable with this, it was hard to imagine she had done it all on her own. How would she handle being First Lady of the United States? Alicia wondered briefly, if she didn't even seem to like being to a fundraiser like this. Oh well, it wasn't any of her business.

"Any regrets?" A voice beside her sounded, making her spin around in surprise and shock. She let out a sigh of relief as she saw who was there.

"Eli Gold, look at you..." She answered with a smile, hugging him. She hadn't hugged him, many times if any time before, but years ago she had considered him a friend an ally, and he had protected her well from the media, actually both her and the kids, under her and Peter's divorce. They hadn't talked much since as he had moved his business to Springfield, sadly, since it had been a huge loss for the firm.

"You look amazing too, Alicia. Though I have to say I am surprised to see you here tonight... I didn't think you would be here." He smiled at her kindly but a bit specious too.

"Always scheming Eli... I am here because I am a part of EMILY's list now. So I am here supporting the democratic candidate." She explained.

"Wow you are? I... I didn't see that one coming... then why haven't I been told... If I had known..." She could see his mind was already running in all kinds of directions, she guessed one was Peter's ex-wife able to get even more female voters for him, and even feminist votes, and how that would also have been a help with the democratic nomination where his strongest competition had been a woman (not that she actually could have helped as she had only been a part of it for a few weeks now), and again now for the election in November.

Not that he really should have many problems with the real election after appointing Senator Diane Lockhart as his running mate. Alicia's previous boss that, after withdrawing from the judgeship offer because of the media's portrait of her and her surprising marriage to Kurt McVeigh and regarding her father's dark secrets. She had two years ago decided to run for senate and won. She had left Lockhart and Gardner once and for all with that, and Alicia herself had been made named partner at the firm, now Gardner and Cavanaugh.

Everyone had been surprised over Peter's choice regarding Diane, especially since she hadn't gotten the judgeship he had wanted to appoint her for. Alicia was pretty sure she was the only one not surprised at all, when Will, who she had dinner with when it was announced gasped in surprise, Alicia had to hide her own reaction, and act surprised. He would have wondered why she wasn't surprised way too much and bothered her with all his normal questions, and she wouldn't have a good explanation to give him. At least not one he would like much as all she had was that she knew Peter. She had spent a huge part of her life with Peter, sharing his hopes and dreams.

He was the person she knew the best of all and how their mind worked. Far better than Will her now friend and co-worker after all their back and forward. They had tried and it didn't work between them not even after she was divorced. Her little Cat probably played a part in it, but it was mostly them, when you took out sex and work they didn't seem to be able to really work, the more they tried the more it became clear that what they tried and thought they should have was something long lost due to time and age, it was like the gold age, their youth, but it didn't fit into how their lives had formed and what persons they had become. When she wanted to spent her weekend with Cat and Grace and Zach if they had the time or were home, he preferred going to sport matches or driving up by the lake, both things he had bonded with Zach over far more than with her.

Again, she preferred watching movies or reading if she had a moment to relax, he preferred some sports program Zach happily watched with him, and she, Grace and Cat left the room not interested in it at all. If she were to do something for herself, she liked going to museums, the theater, the ballet or best of all the opera, and that was not Will at all. He was impatient when she brought him to a museum and it was not his style at all, and the opera hadn't been a success at all. In the end they found out they were too different, in their choices in what they needed in life, he bonded better with Zach than with her, and since her son was away for college most of the time, it became pretty obvious rather fast that it really shouldn't be them. And they ended it for good, she couldn't keep the back and forward going, as it confused Cat, and they had ended it as friends and now work partners. And it was only after all of that they managed to get their friendship and closeness back, so it worked for them. She knew most still assumed they had a thing going but that was up to them what they wanted to believe or not. She wasn't going to explain it. She had after all spent years defining her relationships with the men in her life to others, when she finally settled into a friendship with Will she wasn't going to continue it.

She hadn't noticed that her line of thoughts had brought her to glance over at Peter again, that was until she heard Eli cough beside her. She quickly looked over at him again. He raised an eyebrow at her, looking specious. She gave him one of her famous death stares making him hold his hands up in defeat.

"So are you ever gonna run yourself?" he asked her instead, making her laugh and shake her head, he was always campaigning, something never changed.

"I don't see it in the nearest future, but if I decide to you will be the first I call, Eli." She smiled at him. It really was good to see him, she hadn't realized how much she actually missed him, but he had become like family to her. Without thinking she reached in and hugged him again.

"Promise to save me a dance tonight, Eli." She said with a smile as she pulled back, she had never danced with him before, but they were or had been family, and she felt she wanted to for old time's sake.

"I promise, it would be an honor Alicia." He answered, and nodded at her. "I need to check up on some things. I won't forget the dance." He said with a smile, and she nodded.

Much later that night Eli decided to keep his promise, she was dancing with Will, when Eli asked if he could cut in, also saying hallo to Will. Now Eli was guiding her around on the floor. He was actually a far better dancer than she had ever expected, but she guessed it came from all the events he had to participate in. They talked a little, mostly catching up on how they had been, he wanted to hear all about her local engagement in politics, and she was happy to tell him the little there were to tell. They were starting their second dance then, she heard his voice, so strong, so masculine, get a grip girl. She reminded herself. She met his gaze for the first time that evening, and the first time in years. He had stopped them, asking Eli if he minded him cutting in. Eli looked shocked, clearly not happy with this. Alicia wanted to roll her eyes at Eli, it was not exactly a slow song, and it was not that big of a deal, at least it shouldn't be. She had after all more than once told the media that she supported him, and hoped he would win, because she couldn't think of anyone that would make a better president.

"It's alright Eli." She told him, and he let go of her and stepped back, she could see he wasn't happy about it, and she was once more tempted to roll her eyes, but didn't. After all she might very well need his help if her secret ever came out, so better not make enemies with him.

Instead she focused on fighting off the shivers that ran down her back the moment she felt Peter take her hand and place his other on her waist. He placed it far higher than he would have done in the past, and it felt almost wrong to her. That she was dancing with Peter and his hand was not in the lowest part of the small of her back, but higher up in almost foreign territory.

He started to guide them over the floor. She had forgotten how amazing he was at this, it felt like they were almost flooding.

"EMILY's list?" He asked her with a smile, his eyes laughing at her. And she couldn't help it but she cracked a bright smile, laughing with him.

"We have not seen each other in person in years and that is what you ask me?... No good to see you, how are you? I didn't know you would be here tonight... You look lovely..." She teased him.

"Very well... how are you?" He asked smilingly instead.

"Good... thank you, Peter... how are you?" She smiled back.

"Great... thank you. What was the next... oh well I did know you would be here tonight, at least I thought you would, because of EMILY's list." He answered, as he spun her out from him catching her again, like the music hinted they should.

"You did?" She had not expected that answer.

"Yes, I did... so ready to tell me how you ended on EMILY's list?" He asked again.

"It seemed fitting when Diane left, we needed those kind of contacts. Will was never much for politics." She felt him stiffen a little at the mention of Will, understandably so it would probably always be a sensitive subject to him, and she didn't even really know what he might know or rather not know about her relationship with the other man at this point, it depended on what the kids had told him. And at the same time Peter had always made his own conclusions to her and Will.

"I see... wow... I am impressed... I didn't think you would be into that either to be honest..." He admitted.

"I know... it is also a new thing only a few weeks... Eli didn't even know... I am surprised you do.

She answered, though she was happy he did know.

"Yeah well... Grace might have mentioned it..." He admitted finally, and she nodded in understanding, of course, the kids. Though she and Peter never saw each other anymore, Zach and Grace saw them both often enough. She felt her heart clutch a little thinking of Peter with Grace made it worse to think about her own secret, of what she was keeping from him, and how he would hate her, well how both him and the kids would hate her if they ever learned the full truth. That she had kept something this big from him, for no other reason than her own independence and stubbornness.

"For what it is worth I think you will do an amazing job." he told her softly, pulling her back to the present from her musing and it suddenly felt like something shifted between them from the easy and teasing tone, it suddenly felt different, very different like the air between them was suddenly electrified, making her skin tingle all over.

"Yeah?" She whispered softly, curious if he really did mean that.

"Yeah, if you decide to ever run yourself, I know you will do an amazing job." He told her tenderly.

"Thank you... I doubt I will but... thank you..." She whispered looking up at him. She had forgotten how she always had to look up at him, and how much she liked that feeling.

"You are welcome..." He smiled and spun her out once more, making her laugh. He caught her again this time pulling her a tiny bit closer, just enough that she now was able to feel the heat of his body, and suddenly it felt like her whole body was burning, like the electricity between them had her on fire. Their eyes were locked and she per instinct started to lean in closer. Letting herself sink into him, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. His musky male smell capturing her, and for a short moment she could dream that she was still with him. That she was living this life, that he was hers, that the feeling right here wasn't just a memory in her head but reality.That she was the one who had arrived on his arm for the evening, smiling and laughing, and that she would be leaving with him again going home together to little Cat, like a family.

As she rested her head on his shoulder she felt him exhale sharply probably shocked by her action, and then she felt it, the briefest and lightest of kisses on her hair, so brief that no one else could have noticed it. As he pulled back she heard him whisper:

"You don't look lovely Alicia..." Her heart suddenly breaking a little and she suddenly felt extremely sad, how could he say something like that.

"You look stunningly gorgeous..." He added, this time making her heart skip a beat, and again she closed her eyes, almost tricking her mind into thinking that the dance in his arms was more than just a memory. That in reality she was back in time 6 years where they had also been dancing, not so very long before their relationship ended once and for all. She couldn't be thinking that. She was happy with the life she had now. She loved her work and not being the center of the medias was a relief. Then she had divorced him she had wanted Will and thought and concluded she was not really in love with Peter anymore, but why did it all suddenly feel so very wrong. Like everything wasn't as it should be, like someone has poured a gallon of ice cold water out over her, making her wake up and see what she hadn't seen until now. Was it just memories of the feelings he could invoke in her or was it that that she now knew it hadn't worked with Will, and she was selfish enough to imagine what could have been with her and Peter, had she stayed.

She hesitated for a few seconds before starting to look up at him, she needed to see his eyes, to see if he even felt a hint of what she had felt resting in his arms like that, but the moment she did there was a female voice asking if she could cut in.

Alicia didn't have to look up to know it was Meredith though she had never met her personally before. However she did look up and pulled back. "I'm sorry, of course you can." She said with a smile, wondering if she needed to introduce herself.

"Meredith this is Alicia... she is my... " He seemed to look for the right word. Damn Peter she cursed. "I am his ex-wife, Zach and Grace's mother..." She added herself. Meredith nodded at her, though she suddenly looked anything but happy, actually she looked somewhat between pissed and scared. Yet she held out her hand for Alicia.

"Pleasure to meet you... your kids they are great... they talk a lot about you..." She said Alicia had by now learned to read people, and she knew Meredith only played nice because Peter was there.

"Thank you.. I have only heard positive things about you too..." Alicia lied smoothly, she had heard not so positive things about her from Grace. She saw Peter furrow his eyebrows, had he caught her lie?- Impossible.
Meredith nodded with a smile.

"Thank you it was a pleasure to meet you." The way she said it, Alicia more than understood that was a hint on how she was not welcome anymore, and she knew it was fair, after all she had just been in Peter's arms acting like a love sick school girl, and not at all like his ex-wife. She nodded at them both. Meredith gave her another fake smile, but Peter gave her a real one "Thank you for the dance, Alicia."

"You are welcome, and good luck with the campaign." She said with a smile before adding: "You already have my vote." he raised an eyebrow at her but smiled back.

"Thank you." With that he took Meredith in his arms and started to guide her over the floor, as he pulled her in close right away. Alicia moved through the room, starting to look for a familiar face, Eli or Will yeah anyone would do right about now but she found no one. Instead she headed for the bathroom, she suddenly felt very warm and in need to cool off. At the passage out to the hallway she stopped for a short moment and looked back over her shoulder, watching Peter guide Meredith over the floor. Through the room their eyes locked, and in that moment Alicia wasn't in doubt. It should have been her in his arms tonight, it should be her he was holding close, it should have been her he would take home and make love to all night, after he peeled her out of her dress. It should all have been her. At least it could have been her if she had taken another road that night of his election for governor more than six years ago. She shook her head, she couldn't be thinking like that, after all it wasn't memories of a long lost time what had gotten her here in the first place. And she couldn't regret that road as it also brought her Cat her secret goodbye present from almost 20 years of marriage.

She turned back around, deciding to skip the bathroom and find Will instead, he was the only one she really needed to tell she was leaving. And right now she suddenly felt very tired and felt headache coming. A good sign it was time to call it a night. But most of all she suddenly felt an extreme longing to hold her 5 year old daughter, Catherine Amy Cavanaugh-Loy.