"It's been quiet" Batman stated as he entered the womb of the watch tower: The monitor room. Only Martian Manhunter was inside.
"True" the Martian confirmed. "I barely have anything to report to Flash when he comes to take over in two minutes.
Knowing the bat would only enter the HQ when he felt it utmost necessary, J'onn felt obliged to add: "Are you covering his shift? I didn't get a chance to run over the newest schedule."
"No." Batman added in his monotones way. "I came to ask you for help."
J'onn did his best not to drop his jaw.
"I'll wait in your quarters" The Dark Knight added before turning around and striding down the halls. J'onn didn't even have time to ask what was going on, before Barry turned up at the speed of sound. As soon as the sound boom had quieted down, the speedster started talking:
"Iseemtobe12secondslate-sorryaboutthatJ'onn!"
The Manhunter's thick brow was still raised and his gaze pointed towards the exit his darker teammate had just taken.
"Did I miss anything?" Flash asked in a more normal pace.
J'onn handed over his report absentmindedly.
"I don't know yet" he answered and then went straight to his quarters.
In there, he found Batman admiring his orchids. He kept them under a special blue light the bat recognized.
"You a fauna-fan?" J'onn asked wondering. It sounded more like a joke said out loud than it had in his head.
"I have a plant-like problem in Gotham" his teammate growled as he took a picture out of one of the many pouches on his waist. He threw it casually on a table in front of J'onn.
"Her name is Dr. Pamela Isley, goes under Poison Ivy on the street. She is an expert in botany and toxicology and likes to mix and match her two passions."
It all made sense to J'onn now. Of course Batman needed help with a case – why else would he need help? He started the normal speech:
"I am sure the league can easily capture her and-"
"She is already locked away in Arkham" Batman interrupted. He followed the statement with: "Could you close the door?"
"Of course" J'onn answered with a little too much wonder in his tone. "I often forget. Houses didn't have doors on Mars."
"Not before the war, I take it." Batman added, not knowing exactly how much that comment hurt.
"No" J'onn added, careful to only hint at his painful memory. "Only after the invasion."
He closed the door by a push of a button and typed in the lock-code.
"Did you only come to rustle about old scars?" he added a little more irritated. Batman's ways were rarely cruelly intended, but he was what Barry would call 'a bit of an ass'.
Batman took a seat at a nearby chair. J'onn kept them around for when he welcomed other league members to a talk after the official debrief. They couldn't have a real psychologist help Earth's mightiest heroes cope with their nightmares and traumas, so he had chosen to volunteer. He had the knowledge, the calm nature and professional glare to do the job. Almost every leaguer had at one point in their career shared their worries and qualms with him – but never Batman. Despite J'onn's many attempts to at least get him to take a seat in his quarters, the two of them had never talked. Not like that, anyway.
But now Batman took a seat. He even topped it off by pulling off the mask and removing the gauntlets.
"As I said before – I need your help."
J'onn nodded surprised. He pulled up a chair himself to sit opposite of his teammate, who once again surprised him:
"Wouldn't you rather float?"
J'onn did prefer to float above ground in a lotus position, but he only did that when he was alone. Or at least when he thought he was alone.
"You wouldn't feel uncomfortable?" he asked, the back of the chair still in hand.
"It's your nature" Bruce added while examining something on his left hand. "I understand."
J'onn pushed the chair back to its initial position and folded his legs midair. He made sure to hover in the same height as he would have been seated on the chair and lengthened his neck a bit to see what Bruce was looking at on his hand. The man tucked it away under his cape at once.
"I actually come to ask you to help me control something in my nature."
Batman needed to feel in control over the conversation, J'onn noted. He could work with that.
"Anger issues?" J'onn guessed, which made Bruce form a thin smile. He looked up to meet the red eyes inspecting him.
He really was a handsome man. J'onn didn't always share the aesthetic of humans, but he understood it. And Bruce's thick, flourished hair, his incredibly blue eyes and strong jaw line definitely fell under the category of pleasing. One often forgot that when working with his darker alias.
"Beating up pedophiles and rapists often takes the edge off the anger" he said, keeping the thin smile on his lips.
"Humor" J'onn noted with a crooked smile. "How unlike you."
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought" Bruce replied. A thought dense with fear, anger and guilt filled the room directly after, too loud for J'onn to ignore:
I sure as hell don't…
"Then which part of your nature is it you wish me to help you deal with" J'onn nudged gently.
Bruce let the silence fill the room. Then he grabbed the mask off of the table and began studying it. The helmet was a little cracked below the right ear after Tony the Whale had gotten in a lucky kick with his steel-tipped shoes. He needed to retire this one as soon as Lucius got him a new batch of the lightweight Kevlar.
J'onn tried again, this time mimicking the slim smile of his friend:
"I want to help" he reminded, but he kept back the desire to grab the man's hand or place a comforting grip on his shoulder. Batman wouldn't have liked that.
Bruce took a fresh breath of air before starting his practiced speech:
"I am only able to be here, among goddesses, aliens and powerful freaks of nature… I am only able to wear this" he showed J'onn the cowl before placing it back on the table, "because I am in complete control."
He had a hard time keeping eye contact with J'onn while telling him this, so he decided to look at the orchids as he continued:
"Everything I have, I have because of the control I have over my mind and body. My strength, my knowledge, my deductive skills… I've thrown myself at every possible way of training known to man and I have mastered it all. Except for one crucial skill…"
He stopped again. The shame and remorse glowed from his very being.
"How did you lose control?" J'onn decided to ask.
"I lost, she won" he admitted, nodding towards the picture of Poison Ivy on the table.
"I thought you said she was in Arkham?"
"She is, but no thanks to me."
His tongue seemed to examine a particular part of his mouth. J'onn had learned this often meant unease for humans. Bruce nonetheless decided to carry on without J'onn's nudges:
"She seduces rich men in order to take advantage of their power and steel their wealth. Needless to say, Bruce Wayne was one of her targets."
Talking about work made it easier to look at J'onn, even though this mission was far from one of his brightest moments.
"When she comes close, she poisons her victims with a special mix of mind controlling toxins, plant material and pheromones, making her victims completely succumb to her every wish… When she got to Wayne, I was gone for several days."
"Sounds like you were mind controlled – you had no choice" J'onn tried, but Bruce raised his hand to stop him.
"I was poisoned the night I chose to invite her to my bedroom."
J'onn nodded. He understood the scheme. If she got close to the men and their naked skin, it got a lot easier to poison them with something more long term.
"And this isn't the first time I've let my guard down… Remember Selina Kyle?"
"Catwoman?" J'onn asked. "Yes, I do remember her."
"I've been with her… Several times. Both as Wayne and Batman. She was the one who freed me from Ivy's hold. Apparently she doesn't like it when others 'play with her toys'."
J'onn couldn't help but to smile. Of course a villain wasn't the best suit for marriage, but at least this showed that Bruce was human. Even when donning the cape and cowl.
"She is getting dangerously close, just like Ivy did…The bat should have reacted, but I wouldn't let him." Bruce added, shaking his head. He bit down on his lower lip.
"You talk of Bruce Wayne and Batman as if they are separate people" J'onn noted, not sure where he was going with the analysis just yet.
"They are" the recognizable growl of Batman answered. Bruce's blue eyes seemed to darken over. The shame was completely replaced by fury as he slammed his fist hard into the wall behind him. He managed to make a dent and a considerable bruise, but it didn't stop him.
"I need Wayne to step in line so that the Bat can do its job. Do you understand?"
Hadn't J'onn known better he would have labeled his friend schizophrenic. Or perhaps he didn't know better and wanted to learn more before slapping the diagnosis on his teammate.
"So you are here to let me help you control your bodily desires?"
"Exactly" a mix of bat and man answered as the dark haired man leaned back in his chair with a determined look. He continued: "I have tried to obtain this skill by masters in India, Nepal, Ethiopia, Spain, even freaking Utah!"
He yelled that last part. The frustration was imminent, but J'onn hadn't expected the necessary conclusion Bruce had come to:
"I want you to help me erase all lust from my mind and instincts."
J'onn let his languid face light up in surprise.
"I don't think you understand what you are asking me for…"
"You have the necessary skills to erase parts of a person's character, correct?"
"Yes, but I don't think-"
"THEN GET THIS SICKNESS OUT OF ME!"
The words lingered in the walls, the echo still present. The chair had fallen down behind him as he swiftly rose to his feet and his eyes were burning with a passion J'onn had rarely seen. He suddenly understood how much Bruce had given up. He had known for a long time that his friend had lost a lot in his life: Lost the ability to feel safe, perhaps even to dare feel and express love. But he had given up on so much more, afraid to linger even on the slightest moment of contempt, knowing that was when the hurt could get him.
"I won't do it" J'onn said in an almost inaudible voice to balance out Bruce's outburst.
Bruce grabbed his hair, which was drenched in sweat from being held captive in a Kevlar shell all night. The shame, the anger and definitely the aggravation now swarmed around him, making even J'onn dizzy. The Martian feared how that felt for the untelepathic person who alone exuded all the feelings J'onn could barely cope with through his trained filters.
Bruce began pacing in the room, a new feature to the stoic Bat J'onn knew. J'onn stayed hovering in the same position as he watched him, wanting the other to speak first. It didn't take long.
"Do you know what it required for me to make this decision?" he asked aggressively. "Or to come here, begging for your help?"
"I am sorry you feel-"
"DO NOT PITY ME!" Bruce yelled again, this time pointing at J'onn's chest with a raised index finger on a bruised hand.
"I do not pity nor fear you" J'onn replied in an irritated manner. "And if you want this conversation to continue, I wisely suggest you calm down a bit."
Bruce snorted at the remark and looked at the door. He was two steps away from reaching out for his mask and running away, so J'onn decided to captive him in dialogue.
"Is all of this just because of one deranged woman?"
"Two deranged women" Bruce corrected.
J'onn had his attention again and decided to take a chance:
"Maybe you are not meant to have control over this one point in your life. Maybe your heart is to roam free" J'onn suggested.
"My heart?" Bruce asked with an absurd grin. He even laughed when he repeated it: "My heart? This has nothing to do with my heart, J'onn."
"Then what are you asking me?"
"I am asking you to do, what I apparently can't, which is to keep my freaking penis down and in its place."
He covered his face with a battered palm. He was tired. He needed rest and food, but he wanted this to be over with. Tears from exhaustion and helplessness crept into the corners of his eyes but never materialized. J'onn sensed them just as strong anyway.
"Please, J'onn. I am too weak to do it myself."
The way he said the word 'weak' told the Martian everything.
Bruce was strong. He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders every day, taking decisions no other leaguer dared even think off, helping others with his every breath. 'Weak' was the one thing he couldn't afford to be. 'Weak' was the one word that scared him. He had decided never to be 'weak' ever again. Not since the night were he was too 'weak' to save the only two people he truly loved.
"You are nothing but 'weak', Bruce." J'onn decided to say, trying to put all the care and empathy he felt into every word.
Bruce scoffed and shook his head. He reached out for the gauntlets on the table. J'onn took another chance and grabbed the bared hand. Now Bruce was the one to be surprised, raising his head to let their eyes meet.
"Why won't you let yourself feel joy?" J'onn asked worried. "You have helped more people than any other human being I have ever met. You have plunged yourself into danger and risked your life for others more times than any other in the league. So many people admire you and care for you… Why won't you let yourself enjoy this one thing that your body and soul apparently need?"
He didn't try to pull his hand back. Instead he relaxed the tensed muscles in his arm, his shoulders, his jaw. He even let a couple of tears run down his cheeks from the corner of his eyes, the stern expression staying in place.
"I can't, J'onn."
He sent the Martian a heartwarming apologetic smile before shaking his head again.
"I just can't…"
He broke free of the tender grasp of the Martian in order to reach for the cowl, which he quickly put back on. Before he could go for the gauntlets, J'onn aired his concerns:
"If I let you out that door, can you promise me you won't do anything stupid?"
Bruce stated his answer in the Bat's emotionless voice as he put on the gloves.
"AIDS gives the patient a better survival rate than mechanical castration. The lack of testosterone following a chemical castration would have an unwanted effect on my physique and strength– and I know that. Don't think I haven't thought about every possible solution before coming here."
"I am glad to hear you won't do anything like that" J'onn said with care. Before Batman hit the final key on the lock-pad, he decided to lighten the mood by adding: "We wouldn't want to break Miss Kyle's favorite toy."
He actually got Bruce to pause before hitting the green key.
"She is a distraction" he flatly stated as soon as the hint of a smile wore off. "Nothing more."
"A little distraction might be good for you" J'onn added as he followed Batman into the hall.
"I am very pleased that you chose to talk with me today. I hope it will not be the last time."
Batman didn't turn around or shout out a response. Instead he stood still and bit down on his lip.
"I have monitor duty again next Tuesday. Get off at the same time" the Martian offered.
"If you're not interested in helping me with my problem, I have nothing more to say" Batman replied monotonously, striding down the hall with long measured steps.
"But I am" J'onn added in a tone he wasn't sure his fellow leaguer could hear. "It's just not the problem you focus on."