"Why does this keep happening?" Cullen mutters under his breath.

He is alone, drinking in the tavern, lost in his own thoughts. He should be with the others, but it's simply too much. He sees her hurt and it rips him apart inside.

As Cullen takes another drink from the flagon, he notices Leliana out of the corner of his eye.

Don't notice me. Don't notice me. Don't-

"Commander, come back to the hall! We must celebrate!"

He grimaces, then looks up to her, unable to hide his sorrow. Leliana's face shifts to concern, taking a seat next to him.

"Is everything alright? I know the battle was hard-"

"No its-its not that, I just...need time, to think"

There was a pause, before he knew what he needed to ask.

"You spoke to her...how was she?"

Leliana's face fell, looking down "she's...hurt. I've tried to track Solas but he's just, vanished, he didn't even say goodbye"

He knew whatever she said wouldn't make him any happier, but the pain of her words hits him again.

"Come Cullen, the Orlesians need to see you-"

"No." he said sternly. Leliana grew impatient, seeing him sulk over her, but she knew there was very little she could do. She began to get up from her seat but heard Cullen's voice, soft, dejected.

"It keeps happening"

She turns back to sit down again. "...what does?"

He sighs. "I keep...falling. For the wrong people. Amell, Lavellan...why?"

"I...don't know what to say" Leliana responded solemnly. "...Do you really still think about Amell?"

"...not anymore, it was mainly during early withdrawal. I always knew nothing could happen, and nothing did, and it was good seeing Alistair again, it helped knowing she was in safe hands. But the inquisitor...we had a connection. We both felt it, then Solas…"

There was another pause, his sadness morphing into anger.

"He had her, and walked away. He's left her! In her time of need! I swear to Andraste if I ever see him again-"

"Cullen, please…" The familiar voice behind him startled him, causing him to whip his head round to see her. Lavellan, face drained, exhausted.

"Inquisitor, I…"

"I know you care, you're angry, we all are. But this, he, is my responsibility. I have to find him. I don't wish this on anyone"

Thankfully, it seemed she had only heard his outburst, not his confession. He just looked at her, the emptiness behind her eyes, and wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything will be alright. Leliana slowly gets up to give them some time, hugging Lavellan before leaving the tavern.

As she sits down, Cullen begins to apologise. "I'm sorry, inquisitor, I didn't mean-"

"No, I get it. You're angry. I'm fucking livid. I should have known when he…" she trails off, raising her hand to her bare face. "He said...ar lasa mela revas, you are free, I just didn't think it meant...from him"

Cullen watches her, kicking himself for wallowing in his own self pity. Sadly smiling, he waves down the bartender.

"Well, you may not be in the mood for celebration, but you still deserve a drink"

She looks up and smiles in return.

"Thank you"

The weeks passed, with still no sign of Solas. Leliana was trying her hardest, sending her best agents, but it really seemed as though he was gone. The mood, however, was lightening. With Corypheus finally defeated the inquisition moved towards rebuilding, sealing up the odd rift here and there. Lavellan had sunk herself into her work, and the support system around her helped her feel safe.

Cullen was coming to terms with himself. He was working towards accepting what has happened in his life, and move on. He was positive, lyrium free, and he needed to take back control.

Wandering around the tower, he could hear Dorian muttering expletives to himself, feverishly moving books around the library.

"Everything alright Dorian?" he asked happily.

"Are you joking? The organisation of the inquisition should not supercede the organisation of its castle! Yesterday, I saw Spindleweed: The Cure for Loneliness next to a bloody Genitivi! It's blasphemous!"

Cullen laughed gently, amused seeing the man in his element, the genuine annoyance in his voice. He and Dorian were never very close, naturally a friendship between an ex-templar and a tevinter magister was less than common, but he's conscious of the need for strength in numbers. Perhaps he should get to know him a bit more.

"...was there something you needed?"

"I was just seeing how everyone was. Say, are you free sometime? I thought we could...bond, get to know each other a little better"

Dorian turned to Cullen, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you asking me on a date, Commander?"

Cullen's face suddenly flushed red, stammering and raising his hand to the back of his neck.

"Oh! No, I-I just thought...we don't really uh, know each other a-and-"

He was cut off by Dorian's laughter "Oh, it is delightful how easy you fluster! I know what you meant, but I'm afraid I'm rather busy at the moment, tomorrow perhaps?"

Cullen was still embarrassed, not able to look up to him.

"Yep, great, see you later"

He marched down the steps, hearing the mage's snickering echo through the tower. Well, could have been worse.

Are you asking me on a date, Commander?

Those words continue to fluster him well into the evening. Why?

Cullen would be lying if he said he had never had those sorts of feelings. There was a templar recruit once, they trained together, and he was drawn to him, though he did not really know why. There was also a merchant in Kirkwall, to whom he would enjoy passing his stall on his daily rounds through the city. He had never thought much of it, always so preoccupied with his work, but he has time now.

He thought of Dorian. He always knew he was admittedly jealous of the man, full of wit, confidence, positivity. But jealousy does not cause the butterflies in his stomach.

Are you asking me on a date, Commander?

They rile him once again. He's unsure what to do with himself. He decides to sleep on it, see how he feels tomorrow at this...meeting.

Cullen sits at a table on the top floor of the tavern, with Cole out on a mission with the inquisitor he knew it would be quiet.

Why am I nervous? I've known the man the better part of a year yet one comment throws me off?

As he is lost in thought he sees Dorian walk up the steps and stands to greet him.

"Well, took you long enough to fraternize with a mage, but I broke you down eventually" Dorian says with a wink, causing the heat to once again rise within him.

"Well, I know you and the inquisitor are good friends, I thought I should make the effort as well"

"Oh, how you flatter me" Dorian quips sarcastically, rolling his eyes before sitting down at the table.

And so they talk, swapping tales, history, family. It was odd seeing the mask of confidence falter when Dorian talks about his father, it was the first time he had genuinely seen pain in the man's eyes. Cullen relays his own stories, mentioning his time in the circle.

"Oh yes! I'd forgotten you knew the Hero of Ferelden, tell me how she is! Please say she's awful, I haven't had decent gossip in months"

Cullen smiles and looks down. "Sorry to disappoint, but she was a lovely woman"

Dorian once again raises an eyebrow in response "...lovely?"

Cullen sighs. "I was young, I had this stupid infatuation with her"

Dorian laughed, to Cullen's bemusement.

"What's so funny?"

"Maker! You really know how to pick them don't you?"

"...what do you mean?"

"The only people I now know you've had eyes for were the Hero of bloody Ferelden and the Herald of bloody Andraste! Talk about high standards"

Cullen was taken aback by Dorian's knowledge of him. "What? How-"

"Oh, give me some credit Commander, I do have eyes"

Cullen looked down, ashamed. But when he looked back up he didn't see judgement, just empathy, perhaps laced with pity.

"We've all had unrequited crushes, but when your unrequited crush then saves the world only to be abandoned by the one she loves, it must hurt"

Cullen looked down, contemplating the statement. It was a relief to talk about it and not feel judgement. He looked back up and Dorian smiled at him, causing him to lose focus.

"I...appreciate that Dorian, thank you. Truth is...I was jealous, then sad, then angry. But I've been moving past it. It hasn't been easy, but now I simply want her to be happy, and friends like you...help a tremendous amount, i can see it in her. When you're with her...she glows"

"Well, that's simply the effect I have on everyone" Dorian replied nonchalantly, but then softened. "We all want what's best for her."

They continued talking well into the evening, enjoying each other's company. Eventually they decide to call it a night, and as Cullen stands up Dorian approaches him and hugs him.

He is taken aback by the affection. It is gentle, comforting. Cullen lowers his head into Dorian's shoulder, and they hold each other, the feeling intoxicating him. They finally part, with Dorian taking a last look before heading down the steps.

"Until next time, Commander"

Cullen stands there, watching him walk away, his mind foggy.

The two men began meeting regularly, sharing their days with each other. After a trip out the first thing Dorian did was walk up to Cullen's office, even just simply to talk about his adventures, and Cullen was happy to listen. The more time they spent together, the more relaxed Cullen felt.

He was accepting himself, accepting his feelings, and every day the tension between them grew, aching to be broken. Before he knew it, Dorian quickly became first thing he thought about when he woke up, and the last thing he thought about when he went to sleep.

A few months pass and Cullen was working at his desk, corresponding with a messenger. He heard the door open and Dorian walked through, looking...bad. He'd obviously been crying, with a sleepless look on his face, etched in sadness. Cullen immediately stood up and asked the messenger to leave them, approaching him.

"Dorian, what's wrong?"

He hesitated, before laying his hand on the mage's shoulder.

"It's...my father. I've heard from Leliana, he's...been taken, nobody knows where"

Wordless, Cullen pulls him into an embrace. Dorian clutches at his robes, sobbing into his fur.

"I'm so sorry", he whispered. He was lost for words. To see him this way...it was breaking him.

"Let's...let's find somewhere quiet. We can talk about it"

Dorian looked up at him, as Cullen wipes the tears from his cheek.

They make their way to a secluded part of the courtyard, where they wouldn't be disturbed. They sat down on a patch of grass against a tree, the midday sun beating down on them.

Cullen sat silently, listening to Dorian pour his heart out to him, letting him process what's happened. It had been hours in the end, but to see the smile slowly return to his face, that's all Cullen wanted. They had gone back to casually talking, before Cullen asks something that's been eating at him for weeks.

"When did you...know?"

Dorian shifts, realizing what the man was asking him.

"Ah. Truthfully? Always. My family were desperate to set me up with a charming girl, eager to continue our bloodline. I could see how my friends were with their matches, but hard as I might...the feelings never came."

"Then there was this boy, Asano. He filled my world. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and the feelings were...mutual. It was exquisite"

Cullen paused, "what happened?"

He looks down. "He was not as rebellious as I, married a lovely woman and had three strong, magical children. I actually saw him again, a few years ago, but it was different. I...had always wondered if I had done the right thing by leaving, but to see his life...it made me want to run away and never come back"

He sounded content. Dorian contemplated, then turned to Cullen.

"And then I came here...and found all of you"

Cullen turned to him, and they looked into each other's eyes.

"...was there a reason you asked this?"

He paused, unsure about what to say. Am I really about to say this? Am I sure?

"I uh…" He coughed, finding it difficult to get the words out.

"...Through my years, so much has happened, I've never really...thought about things like that. There were moments, and people, but my strongest feelings were only for a handful of people...women"

There was more silence as Cullen looked towards the setting sun.

"I guess...because of them I had just assumed it would be...just them. But now…"

He slowly looked back at Dorian, nervous.

"...now I'm not so sure"

The tension grew as their eyes met. Slowly, Dorian leaned in, and gently pressed his lips against Cullen's. Soft, tender, Cullen's hand rises up, running his fingers through his hair. Months of build up, finally broken, it was...incredible. He felt breathless, overhwhelmed, all from...him.

They parted, smiling at each other.

"Wow" Cullen breathed, leaning his forehead on Dorian's.

"Yes, I do tend to have that effect on people" Dorian smirked in response.

Cullen leaned back against the tree, Dorian resting his head on the commander's beating chest, entwining their fingers.

"Nothing I have felt, has ever compared to this"

Dorian chuckled. "That's why you need to lower your bar, that way they can actually be reciprocated"

He had meant it as a joke, but Cullen sat up and looked at him.

"Please, don't think I...you mean more to me than you know. This isn't some...some experiment, I-"

Dorian cuts off Cullen by kissing him again, lowering him to the ground.

"I know"

As he goes in for another kiss, he hears a faint "woah!" coming from the other side of the courtyard.

"I think we've been spotted Commander" he laughs. Cullen bolts up to see Lavellan and Cassandra, trying to process what they just saw. He immediately gets flustered, but looks to Dorian. He can see the spark of fear in the Tevinter's eyes, he thinks I'm embarrassed, ashamed.

The last thing he wants is to lose someone else.

So he stands up, and reaches for Dorian's hand, smiling at him. He lifts him up, keeping hold, and looks towards the two women walking forward.

"Well, well, what have we stumbled upon?" Lavellan asks jokingly, but there is no malice in her voice. Cassandra simply stood there in shock.

"Come now, you think I can resist a strapping young templar?"

Cullen begins to blush and scratches the back of his neck. "Trust me, I think you're as surprised as I am"

Dorian looks to him playfully "well I'm not, my charm could enchant an entire village, if I really put my mind to it"

There was a moment of silent contemplation, As Lavellan looked at the couple. She didn't seem hurt, or upset, in fact she looked happy. It warmed Cullen.

"Well, I think we'd best leave you to it" Lavellan replies warmly, walking away, pulling a still shocked Cassandra away. Dorian turns back to Cullen, pulling both their hands together.

"You didn't need to do that…"

"Yes. I did" Cullen responds, kissing him once again.

The next day, Cullen is back working, but aches for Dorian. He is finally able to catch a break and immediately makes his way towards the tower. As he enters, he can hear Dorian talking to Lavellan. He doesn't want to intrude, but then hears:

"If you're upset, I understand. I should have spoken to you…"

"What?"

"You and him, you were more than friends when you first joined. It may have not progressed, but you may feel as if I...betrayed you, or something"

Cullen stayed where he was. He hadn't thought about that. But then hears her gently laugh.

"Dorian, I'm fine. There were...feelings at first, I admit, but I made my choice with Solas. Admittedly it was a stupid, painful choice, but I don't regret it, I still love him. And I love you."

There was a pause before she speaks again.

"Cullen is...a brilliant man, and I want nothing more than for him to be happy. Give him what he needs, what he deserves, what I could not. I see how he looks at you, he's...so happy. I think you mean more to him than anyone ever has. Cherish that."

"I...thank you. And truly, I hope you are reunited with your love once more"

Another pause. "So do I, but for now all I can ask for is to have you, and everyone here...my family"

Cullen smiles to himself, before loudly closing the door behind him to notify them someone had entered. He made his way up the steps to the couple, both teary eyed.

"What's happening here?" he asks innocently. Dorian walks to him and holds his hands.

"I'm just happy...for everything" he says, kissing Cullen then wrapping his arms around him. Cullen looks to Lavellan before mouthing "thank you". She smiles in return, before walking down the steps. Cullen holds Dorian once more.

"I can't believe I can finally say this...I'm happy too"