Author's notes: Owning nothing :-)

So, this is my first try. Please review(!), to let me know, if you liked it, if you have any suggestions and if you want more of it.

Thanks for the beta, Joey!

Have fun, Yana

Out of reach

Prologue

Sleepy, her hand rushes over the side, where he was supposed to lay. It had been a rough night. He had nightmares.
Again.
Rarely one night passed without him having one. She had tried to soothe him. Lovingly stroked his hair, kissed him on the forehead. Wanted so baldy to hold him tight, to reassure him, that they would be good after all, but he wouldn't let her. He slowly came back out of his sleeping horrors. They had shared a grievous silence. At length she must have fallen asleep.
Now, her hand touched the cold side beside her, and all of a sudden, she was all awake, as her fingers found a paper on his cold pillow.
'I'm sorry, Jo. Love you always.' She just starred a while in pure disbelief at the pillow, where she could see the dimple, his head left. Slowly she took the silver band he'd left - his engagement ring.
Hot tears sprung from her eyes. Clouded her sight as she read over the lines again and again.
Though she could read the words, the meaning would not come through. Her hand tighten around the ring. This just couldn't happen, not after all, that they've been through. And jet - if she was honest - she knew, he couldn't bear it any longer. The paper just slipped through her fingers and she let herself sink into his pillow, tightened her legs to her body and deeply breathed in the familiar smell of her beloved. Her heart ached. In overwhelming pain she closed her eyes, her empty hand holding tight to the fabric of Paceys pillow and cried in silent sobs.

The misty autumn morning hanging heavy on the glimpse of the day awakening. The cold taking hold of everything, rarely any leaves left on the skeletons of the trees. A silhouette drawing itself dimly against the pastel colored sky, as the sun in cold colors slowly began to rise. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, his breath lingering in the early morning air. 'This is goodbye for real than. I'm sorry man.', he holds his hands to his eyes and wiped away an unshed tear, as if he was afraid, someone could see. His words a mere whisper. 'Look after her, while I'm gone.' Silently he placed a cold hand on the even colder stone, lingered a moment, as his eyes took in his surroundings and his eyes flushed over the epitaph, he so well knew 'I'm sorry...' and than he was gone.

Three month earlier

Pacey, Jack and Dawson sat in Dawson's car. He driving, Jack in the seat beneath and Pacey in the back of the car. They had been away for some „guy time" camping in the wild. Specially because Pacey wanted to ask the two of them, to become his best men. He finally had asked Joey if she'd be his wife. A soft laugh escaped him, as he remembered.
The three of them had had a really funny time. Making jokes, swimming in the open, roasted marshmallows over bonfire. Talking a lot about the times, when they had been in highschool together and Dawson sharing stories of his job as director. And Pacey was so grateful, that Dawson and he were friends once again. After such a long time of distrust and jealousy. He leant back and cherished the feeling of finally be back into this precious friendship.
The weather was awful, and the guys happy that this blinding rain hadn't stroked them while camping. Dawson's windscreen wiper was on fast, but they couldn't barley see anything, driving slowly.
Now, on the road back home, they make plans for the rest of Paceys „time as a free man", as suddenly Dawson cursed, horror in his voice 'Fuck, fuck, it will hit us...' and braked really hard, forces the car to side slip off the road. Paceys eyes widened in pure horror as big lights came directly up to them.
'Fuck Dawson...' Jack jelled, put his hands up to his face, as to protect himself and than there was a huge impact, the truck crashed straight in the front of their car. Pacey hit his head pretty bad on the glass and than there was pure blackness and silence.

As he slowly came to terms, his head throbbed with unbelievable heavy pain, but he barley felt it. His eyes widened. There were sirens and an huge amount of people. He still sat in the backseat of the car, but where his friends were supposed to sit, was the front of the truck.
'Dawson...?' he whispered. 'Jack?', his voice somewhere between a desperate plea and deeply scared. He shook his head, the whole meaning not yet sinking in. 'oh my god!' He pulled his hand up to his mouth, covered it, as he starred on the hood of the truck.
'Here's one alive inside', he heard a mans voice yelling. And all of a sudden a strangers face appeared behind his crushed side window, on which he could see blood. Slowly he raised his left hand and felt dried blood in his hair and on the side of his face, as well as some stinging pain, bits of broken glass, he figured.
'Are you okay so far?' the man asked, brushing aside a strand of totally soaked hair and as Pacey nodded in slow-moition the other smiled reassuringly. 'We'll get you out immediately. Don't worry.'
Pacey nodded again, suddenly all to aware of the blood that covered his trousers, his shirt and face. Dawson's blood. Not daring to take a closer look, he closed his eyes again, as realization almost hit him literally in the face. They were gone. Both of them.
Outside the rain ungraciously pattered on the car roof and into the crushed window.

At length he was in a hospital room, sitting at the edge of a bed. Someone removing the splinters and than sewing the bruise on the side of his head, where he had hit the window. The woman talking to him, but he doesn't really care what she was saying, her voice only a blur to his ears, the lights bright and almost unbearable.
She smiled at him, nodded reassuringly, saying some more things. Than she suddenly looked, as if expecting something. An answer, he knew by the look of her face, head slightly tilted to the right. 'W-what?', he managed to say at length. His voice a croak, unfamiliar and unsure and totally strange to his own ears. The woman, a doctor as he now realized, touches him on the leg. 'Is there someone I should call for you?', she asked again, slowly, suddenly her face darkened with concern.
Pacey closed his eyes. Taking a few moments and breathes deeply. 'Yeah, actually yes...', he managed to say after a while. 'My fiancé. Josephine Potter...' He gave her cell number to the doctor. Than she insisted for him to lay down and injecting him something, that quite instantly put him at ease.
'Rest now.', she said and than heading for the door.
'uhm...', Pacey began hesitantly. The woman stopped by the door and turned around, facing him. 'Yes?'
He briefly closed his eyes, absolutely sure he doesn't want the answer of his question and absolutly certain, that he knew the answer already. 'My...my friends...', he left the rest of his sentence unfinished, as he saw the face of the woman darken. She let go of the door-handle and came back to him, gently she laid her hand on his arm. 'They hadn't had any chance', she looked at him a sorry smile on her face. 'I'm sorry.'
'This can't be true' he whispered, refusing what he just heard, complaining it couldn't be true, as though he knew it to be. She rose but suddenly he grabbed her hand. 'What has happened?' His eyes burning with unshed tears, his heart felt as if bursting in thousand pieces.
She took a seat. 'The truck came off the road, 'cause of the heavy rain, the water on the street practically made it impossible for the driver to steer anymore and he crushed head-on into your friend's car. They were dead instantly, as was the driver of the truck.', she reassuringly pattered his hand. 'You were incredibly lucky.' She stood. 'And now I'm calling your fiancé.' With this she was gone.
He starred on the now closed door. Lucky, he thought, then raised a hand to his head and closed his eyes.

Joey stand in the middle of a lightflodded room, although the rain outside was puring endlessly. On the walls pictures from her. Mostly impressions of Capeside, but also memories from her sail trip with Pacey as they were much younger. Her hair was held back with a headscarf. She stood in front of a screen and painting in bright coursers. Through the huge window she could see the 'Witters', Paceys restaurant. They were living in Capeside, but Joey had a small Apartment in New York, where she lived, when in town to get her pictures in the greater art gallery of hers. She was so into it, that she didn't hear the phone.
'Joey, phone call...', Jen, who helped her out said with a frown in her voice. Joey smiled mouthed a thank you and took the phone.
'Josephine Potter, art gallery. With what can I help you?', she said cheery.
'Joey?', 't was Bessie. Joey could tell from the sound of her voice, that something was wrong. Very wrong in fact.
'Bessie? Bessie what is it? Something with Alexander?', sudden concern spoke through her.
'No, honey... no. Can you take a seat?', her sister asked softly. 'Please...'
'Oh hell...' Pacey was what Joey thought and she raised a hand to her mouth, her eyes widened in horror, as she shut Jen a quick look and sunk on the floor. 'I'm sitting.'
'There has been an accident.', Bessie paused.
'No, please...', Joey whimperd, and helplessly bit her lower lip, looked at Jen, who knelt beside her and shook her head slowly.
'The hospital just called on your cell, you've left it here, as you dropped by this morning. They want you to come immediately.'
'Sure...sure. Bye Bess.'
'They'd have an accident, Jen. I-I've... I've to go.' She stuttered.
'Oh my...', Jen's eyes widened. 'Shall I give you a ride?'
Joey shook her head. 'Call you, if... if I need...', gapping her coat, letting the sentence unfinished and was out of the gallery in a heartbeat.

In a rush Joey stormed out of her car, in seconds totally soaked through from the heavy rain, that hasn't stop since midday. Outside stood the cars of the Leery's and Andie's. She hasted through the self opening door to the ambulance and there he sat. She suddenly felt a relief running through her veins and tears of relief sprung to her eyes. But at the look of him, sitting there as death himself, sunken in and starring at the wall opposite of him, her heart sunk.
'Pace... Pacey!' She came running down the long floor, than slowing. He didn't seem to realize, that she had called him. She felt all cold, as she stepped in front of the hull of the man she loved more than anything. Her hair still bond by the headscarf straining down her back leaving cold wetness, rain dropping from her chin and from her coat.
She knelt and looked at him, as he sat there, his eyes fixed on the white wall a long plaster on the left side of his head. His trousers and shirt bloodied. 'Oh my god', she whispered and touches his leg carefully. 'Pacey?' her voice soft and full of concern.
His eyes locked for a brief moment with hers, deeply felt pain and grief in their gace. It struck her hard and she couldn't quite contain the whole meaning. Paceys head sunk on his chest. She touches his head and took a soft hold on it, drawing him in to an embrace. He just closed his eyes, taking in her aroma. Realizes, that she smelled like paint. He closed his eyes. Not sure what to feel, but a slight relief that she was there. He hold on tight to her body, as if not to drown, but it provided him with little ease.
'I'm sorry, Joey', he managed to whisper after an endless time.
'But what are you sorry for?' She asked him and removed his head from her shoulder, forcing him to look at her. Gently holding one hand to his cheek.
'For surviving...' he whispered, his eyes fluttered shut and he shook his head slightly. '..for surviving, Jo.'

Two weeks later there was the burial and Pacey got to the pedestal, trying to find words for what he wanted to say. Joey tried to catch his gace, but as ever since the accident he doesn't even seem to realize her presence, even if she touches him. He hadn't once cried, but also he wouldn't speak about it. He covered himself with his work, they barely saw each other, besides when she came over to 'Witters' for lunch.
Andie and her mother weren't here. They've buried Jack side by side with his oldest brother Tim, just days after the accident. Since than his mother was in psychiatry and Andie dared not leaving her, unstable herself and back on meds.
Jen grabbed Joey's hand and tears falling down her cheeks. Jen had been such a great friend to her ever since they've gotten over their first asympathy. She couldn't imagine life without her.

Pacey stood in front of everybody, swallowed hard and began to speak in a brittle voice. 'So, Dawson was supposed to speak at my marriage, instead me speaking his lament', broken, he wiped over his forehead. 'I guess he won't mind, when I say some silly things, because he isn't here to write this speech for me...', he tried to make a smile, but failed. He spoke about how great Dawson was, what a great friend, how he had held them all together. How he somehow ever exactly knew what to say. That there was always a safe haven for all of them in his house. And his passion for his job, that he managed to live his dream. 'All there's left to say is,' he swallowed again and fighting for composure. 'Man, you were a real and true friend. You're badly missed.' He closed his eyes. 'I guess it's goodbye than. Sorry D.' He took a deep breath, stand a minute in front of the closed coffin.

Slowly he returned to his side by Joey who stood next. With a reassuring look she left for the front. Her eyes gacing over all the people that had come, to say goodbye. Dawson's parents, Grams, Bessie and Bodie with Alexander. The Witter family. Lots of people of Dawson's crew. And as much as everybody, they were in highschool with and some guys which studied along with Dawson. Slowly she began her teary lament of her soul mate, companion through of all her live and the Leery's only child being gone. 'Goodbye then, beloved friend.', she smiled sadly. 'There is regrettable no ladder high enough for me to reach you now', she finished and wiped away some tears. 'See you on the other side for our happily ever after. Thanks for everything. Farewell, Dawson.' She swallowed and turned to the white coffin. She lay one single red rose on his coffin, took a moment to grieve. Climbed down the steps and embraced Gail and Mitch in a painful hug. Slowly letting go of her parents by heart and turned to sit beside Pacey, whom she found gone.
Jen gestured with her head to the door and Joey nodded. Slowly going after him. Deeply worried over him. Her heart tightened and her stomach clutched. She couldn't loose him too. But she feared that this was exactly what was going to happen. After a visit at the Leery's short after the accident and at Jacks mother with Andie, where he - twice - quintessentially apologized for surviving, he had all but fallen silent. A mere shadow of himself. No more laughter, no more...anything. As if he had closed himself inside. Nobody to get in. Not even her. He seemed to delve in his job as chef, but nothing else seemed to got through. She hardly ever see him these days.

Outside the sun was shining. Bright and warm, promising jet another hot summer day. All over the trees stood in all shades of green, birds singing filled the warm air and dozens of colors painted the meadow. Pacey had built a great buffet over at the Leery's, covered with white linen. This was, where she had assumed him to be, but he wasn't.
She pulled her this bolero somewhat closer, for the cold that crept inside of her and headed to the creek, where the True Love was on anchor. There he stood, on deck of his beloved ship. Looking longingly out of the creek. She knew, that he wanted nothing more than go sailing, but something held him back.
Her heart flowed over with love for him as he leant on the railing, clutching the cold metal with his hands, as if it gave him the strength to stand. She approached slowly. Unsure of what to do, she just stepped beside him and looks out on the open water. She looked at him. 'Pacey', she whisperd. 'Nothing of this was your fault.', she whisperd. Words, she had said so often in these last days, she'd lost count on them. 'No one blame you for anything.' But it wouldn't get through to him.
Pacey's expression was almost unreadable. He just starred out. She didn't know what elase to say, what was right and wrong. And it broke her heart. She had always known how to handle him, but this was so different. At length she moved one step closer, opened herself up to him. Carefully touching his arm. 'Pace...?', she whispered, so desperately in need of him to let her in. As if slowly awakened, he closed and opened his eyes an they found their way to hers.
She tilted her head somewhat, relieved, that he at last seem to see her. 'Jo?' he asked, as if he would see her for the first time in a long time. His eyes red from unshed tears, his pain so obvious. 'Sorry, I...', he croaked, but she shook her head and put her finger to his lips, 'There is nothing to be sorry for...', she whispered and than wrapped her arms around him. It took him several moments before he let go of the reiling and wrapped his arms around her. One hand in her hair, pulling her as close as possible. 'Jo.' Closing his eyes and took in her smell. Felt some relieve for the first time in days. She held him as close, her eyes shut, her head rested on his chest. Gently she stroke his back and was grateful for this moment of togetherness. 'Pacey.'

TBC...