Disclaimer: I don't own RD, or Friends, or any other show that could be associated with this.
Anyway I thought this up around 3mish, will not be naming chapters but it will end eventually. Next chapters are going to explore the characters more - apologies for it's crapness.
Vita Amici
Arnold leaned over the counter aiming the knife he was using to cut a sandwich at the head of the resident musician David Lister. Behind him the owner of the shop – Harold was busy ignoring customers and trying to do the puzzles in the local paper.
"Excuse me could I get some service here please?" Came a voice from down the bar.
"We're busy." Arnold replied automatically.
"No you're not." At this Arnold looked up, the place was almost empty. He bit into his sandwich and looked round for Hattie the waitress, who at that moment came stumbling in from the back room carrying a tray of coffee.
"Hiya, sorry I took so long, I forgot where everything was." She explained to the man who had complained a moment before.
"Oh sorry, is it your first day here?" He asked sympathetically.
"More like 2 years." She giggled goofily.
Arnold watched as she tripped over someone's handbag and went flying into a man as he entered.
"Hey Hattie love, You could get hurt – Or even worse – You could damage my wardrobe." He laughed as he helped her to her feet.
"Sorry Danny." She breathed as she dashed backed past Howard to make up someone's order from 20 minutes ago. Arnold wondered about helping but was distracted as Danny sauntered over and took a place opposite.
"Hey Shorty, any chance of you doing something remotely useful besides stuffing your face and getting me a pint?" He said oozing sarcasm and charm simultaneously.
"How about please?"
"How about hurry up?" At this Arnold growled and started to serve him – He had left his parents in IO for THIS? He looked up and breathed a sigh of relief as Lister finished his song and wandered over to the bar.
"Danny – my man, so how was I today?" He asked giving Danny a hi5 as he slid onto the bar stool next to him.
"Painful as always Dave." He replied smiling.
"Some people just can't appreciate me playing fine music." Dave retorted, taking off his hat and slinging it onto the bar.
"Well as soon as you start playing some – You let me know."
"Danny that's harsh – Look, I'm crying."
"Not as much as we were."
"Whatever man – What's up?" Dave yawned.
"Not much, did a model shoot with that Carol McCauley." Danny said, causing Arnold's ears to prick up big time.
"Errr what's she like?" He asked trying to sound casual – and failing miserably.
"Rimmer you're positively drooling!" Lister joked.
"Shut it, and do you have to call me Rimmer?"
"It's less irritating."
"Oh ha-ha."
"You're SO full of insults Rimmer, I swear I actually felt a tear come to my eye… Sorry I meant tear of laughter." Dave joked, his eyes twinkling impishly.
"Fine, you want to continue calling me Rimmer, would you like a drink LISTER? I hear liquid Cyanide is a good choice." Rimmer spat, a fake smile plastered onto his face.
"Sure, why don't you be the taste tester?" Lister flung back as he nicked Danny's beer.
"Hey you mind?" He asked sarcastically.
"Hey I just did a gig and he's been tetchy, I'll pay you back when baldy pays me.
"His name is Howard, I don't know why he doesn't just sack you." Rimmer replied as he pored another beer.
"Because he appreciates my talent." Lister grinned.
"No… I think his semi deafness is more a key factor than your non existent talent."
"Excuse me, sirs?" Came a voice, the three men turned to see a blank faced looking man in his forties in a business suit and over coat.
Arnold sighed. "What?"
"Hi, I asked your waitress what your specials were and she said to look on the specials board – but there's nothing there."
"Damn, sorry sir – Just wait here – Keep an eye on these two, I'd like my sandwich still here when I get back… HATTIE!" He yelled, glancing at Lister and Danny warningly before disappearing into the backroom to find the scatty minded blond…
Hi Mr Food Protector – Meet your enemies, I'm Dave Lister – This is my mate Danny Lion."
"Bob Kryten."
"Mind if I call you Bobby?" Lister asked shaking his hand.
"Well –"
"Good."
"Hey, your last name like that actor's character I was talking to last week?... Ben Browder? He's in Farscape." Danny said in between sips of his new pint after Lister had nicked his old one.
"Nah, people think that." Bobby replied. A small sentence elapsing.
"So did you see the game last night?" This brought a load of garbled talking as a shared interest and 'safe' topic was established…
"Hattie?" Rimmer called a bit more quietly as he walked past the kitchens to the staff lounge.
"What?" She asked turning away as he entered.
"You need to write the specials up and actually serve people." He replied in a sarcastic tone.
"Sorry." She muttered.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, yeah… Well no! I've worked here for two years and he's not noticed me once, ONCE!" She blurted stamping her foot.
"I presume we're talking about Harold here?"
"Of course Harold." She snapped rolling her eyes.
"You know I think he's noticed you – He did hire you after all." Rimmer replied, flinching as she grabbed his hand.
"You know what I mean!" She yelled letting go again and wringing her hands.
"He's just a bit… dim that's all."
"Maybe you should try doing stuff that will make him appreciate you." Rimmer speculated, annoyed at having to be kind and supportive.
"Like what?"
"Work for a start. – Look you really think he's keeping you on for any other reason apart from the fact he likes you?" Hattie smiled at this then frowned.
"Are you saying I'm useless?"
"No… Well yes but at least that proves your not been employed for your waitress skills."
"Thanks Arnold – You're not totally useless yourself."
"You mean that?"
"Well no..." The two looked at each other with understanding.
"You wanna come back and do some work? You can point score between me and the Curry Creep."
"Sure, but we both know who's going to win."
"Errr – ME!"
"Wouldn't count on it."
"Hey!" The two wandered back to find Lister, Danny and Bobby heavily engaged in Liverpool United's latest game though Arnold only had one comment to make.
"Alright – Which one of you freaks ate my sandwich?"