All She Could Give is a Bittersweet Goodbye
Summary: A child can't raise a child in the best of circumstances, and Nico Robin was far from in the best circumstances
I'm going to get so much hate for this, but the idea wouldn't leave my head- warnings for child rape, child pregnancy, birth in horrible circumstances, and dubious consent to giving up a child.
Nico Robin gave birth to Luffy at 11- please see authors note at the end for more detailed explanation- the plot bunny kicked me in the head and wouldn't stop until I wrote this. I have never seen this done before, and it warps all facts of the One Piece universe.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece.
"But he needs me!" The child shrieked desperately clinging onto the baby in her arms, equally as distressed by the panicked screams he released.
The girl would have been a pretty thing had she not been so emaciated, her thin arms clinging to the infant in her grip, hair dark her limp and dull against her pale face, her blue eyes shining with tears that were beginning to be shed.
"I'm his mother-you can't take him away from me," she all but screamed, clinging to her baby as tightly as she could.
The object of her ire was an older man, wearing a white suit with golden shoulder epaulets, a scar on his face just under his right eye. He looked at the child-practically still a baby herself-clinging onto her own baby as if he was her only lifeline, which he supposed he was in his own way.
The baby let out a particularly heart wrentching cry- the young mother immediately going to soothe her terrified baby, but never letting the man out of her sight even as she did so.
"I'm sorry sweetheart mommy didn't mean to make you so upset-there now, nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you," she kissed her child's forehead, and glared at the object of her distress both in fear and in anger at the sheer gall of the man to make her child upset," No one's going to take you away from me. I won't let anyone take you away from me."
The man looked at the terrified mother in a mixture of sadness, pity, and sympathy, "Kid, I'm not going to lie to you, you're in a bad situation. You can barely feed yourself, and your body is overworking itself trying to feed him too, as well as keep yourself alive. How long do you think you can keep running for?"
"I've made it this far!" She raged," I've made it this far and I can keep doing it!"
"Not with a baby you can't," the man quietly countered," if you were by yourself, I don't doubt you're resourceful enough to pull it off and keep running, but it's infinitely harder to run when you've got someone depending on you. You're a smart girl Nico Robin-I know that you know this."
The girl stubbornly shook her head, trying to deny what she knew deep down was true. She had been able to last three years on her own, but only because she had nothing to protect and that had been a chain of betrayals and violations-one of which resulting in the child in her arms. She had become even more desperate, had run even harder as soon as she had become aware that there was a life growing in her- she had quickly come to realize that as much as the child had become a reason to keep living, it had also weighed her down-literally. Towards the end of her pregnancy her belly had grown so heavy she could no longer walk, leaving her at the mercy of the town she had found herself in. No one wanted to help her, though no one had called the marines so much they had pitied her, probably assuming she would die with her baby-the people could wait that long to turn her in for her bounty, she was listed under 'dead or alive' after all. It was certainly easier to turn in a corpse than a living breathing person who could fight back after all.
She given birth in a filthy back alley behind a bar with broken glass all over the ground and an aroma of rotting food permeating the air, with rats and roaches as her midwives. Quite frankly she couldn't remember the majority of the experience, just blood and pain (ithurtsobad), and then something tearing, fluid everywhere, and then he was out, and it was over. She had no idea how she hadn't died from blood loss, how she hadn't developed an infection, how he was as healthy as he was (as far as she could tell anyway, which didn't inspire much confidence). But she held him-still covered in blood and fluid- and her first concrete emotional memory was of seeing his face (lovelovelovelovelove) and realizing her life had once again been rocked off its axis.
The people in the town, after realizing that she wouldn't be dying, had quickly fought over who got to turn her in. She had managed to use the confusion of the infighting to run for the nearby forest, though walking was very difficult. She had a reason to keep fighting now, but he took a lot out of her. His cries were what eventually gave her away during a week-long game of hide and seek in the jungles with the marines, while she tried to figure out a way off of the island.
He cornered her when she was hiding out in a small grove, she had been trying to nurse him and in her exhausted state hadn't been vigilant enough. The man hadn't attacked, just sat there and looked at her with pity-normally she loathed it, but she had thought that she might be able to use it to get out of this alive and with her baby alive-then he had tried to take him from her.
"Kid, you're his mother-no one is ever going to be able to take that away from you," the horrible man grumbled quietly, " You're trying, anyone can see that, can see how much you love that little boy you're holding, but you're a child yourself, you know you can't do this-can't raise him like you want to."
"Yes, I can! I'll make it work-you can't take him from me!" She denied, the tears finally falling.
"But you really can't, you're a smart girl, you know that you can't give him a roof over his head, you probably won't always be able to feed him. As long as you keep running, you will be hunted, and as long as he is with you, he is at risk. When you have a child, their needs come first, I know you love him, but I also know that a child can't raise a child, your circumstances just make the situation worse. In this situation you've got to do right by him, even if that means taking you out of his life."
And that took the wind out of her sails, she knew he was right, she was barely producing milk anymore-he was starving, he had a rash developing from the lack of suitable diapers, and his beautiful little cheeks were starting to hollow. Just being in this forest for a few days, the pair of them had probably picked up a few parasites, to say nothing of the amount of diseases and weather-related ailments he was exposed to. She couldn't do this, it was a bitter pill to swallow, she couldn't provide for herself, couldn't address her own physical condition, if he got hurt because of her, she would die. It was not a metaphor, if her own sinful existence hurt a hair on his innocent head, she would not think twice about ending her life to make up for damaging his.
"What's your name?" She questioned quietly, focusing all of her attention to his words while refusing to take her eyes off of her baby, who had finally calmed down, because this might just be the last time, she would ever see him.
"Vice-Admiral Monkey D. Garp," the man-Garp- stated solemnly, hating the situation almost as much as she did.
"If he's not happy, I'll know, I'll find out and I will kill you." The girl stated this in a tone that was more than a statement, it was an oath to the universe, and neither had any doubts that she would fulfill it if she had to.
"I'll make sure he will be, as far as I'm concerned, I just became a grandfather for the second time. So, what's his name?" The man asked, a softer look breaking through the aura of resigned devastation the young mother was radiating.
"I had planned on naming him after Saul- Nico D Saul, was what I picked out for a boy, but it doesn't suit him," the young mother admitted, slightly ashamed at the amount of time her baby had gone unnamed, " I suppose since I won't be in his life, I don't have the right to give him his name-just make sure it has 'D' in it?" She begged.
"If I can give a suggestion-he looks awfully fluffy, just look at all that hair," the man suggested trying to be offhand, while gesturing at the newborn's thick thatch of dark hair," 'Fluffy' is a terrible name, so how about 'Luffy'? Monkey D Luffy has a nice ring to it, 'Saul' might not be particularly common, but I'm sure he'll meet one or two, 'Luffy' at least is something unique to him."
"I-I actually love that," the young mother admitted, giggling hysterically as she had long since passed the barrier of laugh or cry, and was now doing both," It suits him, I really think it does."
She turned to her baby-finally named at a week old-and ignoring the old marine focused entirely on her baby," Luffy, mama loves you, she loves you so much. She loves the way you sniffle when you drink, the way you pull on her hair when you're not happy, she loves every little thing about you. You are so loved, I want you to remember that, because at some point down the road you're going to hate me. You're going to rage at me for not being with you, you'll wonder if I even care, if I ever really loved you at all. You can hate me if you want, I hate me too, for not being strong enough, for not giving you what you need, but I love you so much. I want to take you and run, find a paradise just you and me. I want to see you walk, I want to hear you talk, and teach you how to read, but I've got to do right by you, and I've got to give you to someone who can take care of you. You don't deserve to be hunted because of me, I hope you're happy and I hope you have a life where you can be anything you want and do whatever you want to do. I'll never stop loving you, and one day, I know I'm going to be able to see you and be able to yell at the top of my lungs that my son is the most amazing living thing on this planet.
Because you're my little miracle and I hope your new family realizes just how lucky they are that they get to have their lives blessed by you." The mother was sobbing but had managed to get her message out to the baby, who had seemed to sense the tense atmosphere but wasn't afraid of it anymore, reaching his tiny hands out to grab at his mother's hair.
"He's so lucky," Garp choked out, unusually moved to tears by the scene playing out before him," He's so lucky to have a mother like you and thank you so much for letting him become part of my life. I'll make sure he grows up strong, and that he knows that he is loved every single day of his life."
Robin let out a shaky breath and hesitantly, still wanting to take him and run, held out her baby to Garp, who accepted the newborn with steady hands. He immediately moved the baby to his chest to keep a good grip on him, the baby confused at the sudden transition of hands-no one except his mother had ever held him before in his short life. He didn't like the change, fussing and shifting trying to get back to the soft arms he loved so much, but Garp's grip was firm and the newborn was secure in his arms.
Robin took another shaky breath, ready to start bawling at any moment, staring at her baby in the man's grip-there was no going back now, she had to do this. And she slowly began to pivot in place and began a stumbling walk away from her child.
Luffy's fussing quickly became cries, which rapidly transitioned into wails as if he somehow knew that his mother was leaving- that almost broke her, but she shook her head trying to shake the doubts out from her ears and with a sudden burst of energy took off in the opposite direction, away from the little face she loved so much, devastated tears clouding her vision as she blindly ran as far as she could get from her baby-certain that if she stopped she would never be able to help herself from taking him back and never letting him go again-even if that meant damning him alongside her.
This was the ultimate love a parent could give, the ultimate failing too: to love your child enough to give them their best chance, even if it took them away, and hating themselves for the rest of eternity because they could not give their child what they needed most. This was all she could give him, this was all she could do, she had to do right by him and see this through.
She was sure she knew how her mother felt now, two generations of bittersweet goodbyes from mothers who loved their babies.
AN- I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone! In several LuffyxRobin fics the phrase 'I'm old enough to be you're mother' continuously popped out at me as, that's actually kind of true in a horrifying way-as robin would have been 11 years old when Luffy was born( which before anyone starts on saying it's not possible, it is, it happens more than anyone would like to think about it, and it is by no means a record-the youngest known mother in history was five years old when she gave birth to a baby boy-Lina Medina, look it up if you don't believe me).
As for why Garp didn't help robin by adopting her to, his hands are kind of tied, in canon he was able to save Ace because no one knew about him, and no one would suspect him; that's not really an option with Robin. Ohara is still relatively recent in this timeline and the marine soldiers who got called know that the reason that she has stuck around the area was because she had given birth- criminal or not she is a child and that will boost some sympathy-Gary's men are loyal, but they wouldn't have been able to keep both Robin and Luffy a secret long enough to get them both to safety. I like to think Garp's superiors would be a lot more understanding in that he chose to save an at-risk baby over the criminal; if not then he could claim that she abandoned him and he couldn't, in good conscious, follow after her when the baby needed medical attention and food. If you hate this go ahead and say it, if you disagree with me go ahead and say it, I'm kind of expecting it.
As for Dragon- let's be honest he definitely would have helped both of them, but since he wasn't here, let's just imagine that he told Garp that he could use his name to Luffy as his father, if only to give the boy less hate for his blood. Believe it or not I actually ship LuffyxRobin so don't expect this to get continued.
The whole point of the story is Robin loves her child enough to give him up, because she knew that she couldn't look after him and she wasn't at a place where she was ready, Garp is ready and willing (he has horrible approaches to child rearing, but we all know he does it out of love) and both of them knew this, no matter how much they both wished circumstances were different.