Lost, But Not Alone, an angel fanfic

Title: Lost, But Not Alone

Author: OpheliacAngel

Characters: Harmony Kendall, Illyria

Genres: Friendship, Drama

Rating: Teen

Summary: Angel forces Harmony to take Illyria out of Wolfram and Hart for a night in order to show her around the city, or at least give him some much needed stress relief. Illyria is not pleased with this turn of events, especially when Harmony declares that they're going to some treacherous place titled "the mall."

"Why have you taken me to this disease ridden, festering place? The stench of all these humans is horrid and entirely unwelcome."

"Uh, seriously? This is a mall, a place where we can buy you some new clothes because really," Harmony looks her up and down in as much disgust as she thinks she's allowed, "you need some new clothes."

A/N: Written for Rare Women Fanfic Exchange for Rebcake as a pinch hit. I've been dying to write some Illyria and Harmony awkward bonding, so I hope you like!

Series: Pt. 1 of Transitioning

"Look, I don't care about whatever it is you two end up doing. I just want you both out of here as soon as the sun sets."

Harmony could be annoyed, probably should be annoyed, but instead she can barely control herself from jumping up and down in sheer joy. This means she can go shopping, even if she has to drag around that freaky blue thing. Although, maybe she can get her to buy some new clothes, in fact, that's going to be her new mission. How exciting!

She pushes her excitement down, knowing it will be an unwelcome sight for her boss. "Sure thing, boss. We'll be back before sunrise."

Angel goes into his office and closes the door behind him, leaving Harmony to go collect Illyria, who had better already know about Harmony taking her out into civilization, because how Harmony is going to convince her she has no idea.

She catches sight of her in the lobby though, and a shiver of terror rushes through her when those downright creepy blue eyes descend on her smaller, much smaller form.

"The vampire requested a venture outside. I have come to suspect Spike is wearing him down, and my tolerability for your leader is dwindling substantially."

Okay, so Harmony could be worried that Illyria is going to kill her at some point, but she does highly doubt it. Kinda.

She still chuckles awkwardly though, "Well, better get going then." Before Angel throws us out of the building himself, she mumbles under her breath, leading the way and watching out of the corner of her eye - surprised - as Illyria follows her.

Victory number one.

They get to the mall around seven-thirty, which doesn't give them nearly enough time, but Harmony's used to working on a strict deadline ever since she started at Wolfram and Hart.

Getting Illyria inside the mall is a different matter.

"What is this treacherous place?" Illyria peers in through one of the doors, her eyes wide and remarkably bluer than Harmony remembers. "Why have you taken me to this disease ridden, festering place?" As if the first adjective weren't enough. "The stench of all these humans is horrid and entirely unwelcome. It clogs my senses in a most displeasing way, like a sickness deep inside."

Illyria glares at her murderously, "A vampire insulting my appearance. Most unwise."

Rather than worry about getting thrown into one of the doors in rage, she calmly hands the warrior a pair of sunglasses. "Here, put those on. I'm sure you don't want everyone staring at you."

Illyria takes the sunglasses and stares at them for several moments before peering through them. She immediately throws them to the ground, "The world... it seems remarkably darker..."

"And I thought you liked the dark," Harmony pushes, dusting the sunglasses off and sliding them over Illyria's eyes. She seems more curious than threatened at the moment. And let's hope it stays that way.

"What purpose do these serve?" Illyria lifts her hands up to straighten the glasses, peering inside the mall and then at Harmony. The scary part is that with the sunglasses on, Harmony can't tell if there's a murderous glare in Illyria's eyes again or not. Having no warning is not what Harmony wants, but she would rather attract less attention to the two of them. Unwanted attention means blood lust, and Harmony can't start down that road again when she wants Angel to trust her.

"They make the glare of the sun, you know, less glare-y. But you need to wear them so humans can't see your eyes."

"And why must I hide my appearance from the human scum? Wesley is not distraught by the distorted features of my vessel."

"Because...," Harmony tries to explain, "he's used to seeing things that aren't normal. He used to be a Watcher. You might have freaked him out at first, but not anymore. We're the only ones who know you exist, and I know how that must piss you off but believe me, it'll be much better for Wesley if you don't announce yourself to the world."

Illyria stays silent for several moments and Harmony cringes inwardly, wondering if mentioning Wesley helped her situation any.

"Alright," she relents and the vampire relaxes again. "But if they impair my vision, I am crushing them."

Harmony throws her hands up in the air, "Fair enough." As if Illyria hasn't had pretty much everything else impaired from what Harmony can tell. That weird thing-a-ma-jig basically rendered her useless from what she was able to obtain from bits of conversation overheard between Spike and Angel. She might not know much, but she's smart enough to know that Illyria is far less powerful than when she arrived.

"I'm gonna open the doors now, okay? Just try to contain yourself."

"I am contained."

If Illyria hadn't already been agitated, she is full on assaulted by the chaos of humanity as the vampire pulls the doors open. The number of humans packed into one building is overwhelming enough for her to pain herself as she considers breaking free of her vessel. She manages to keep herself under control, knowing she no longer has most of her abilities and would not be able to break free even if she tried, would merely harm herself in the attempt.

Her vessel is suffocating, too many sensations pressing on her at once. When around humans, the sparks taunt her unrelentingly and they are threatening to break free now, wanting her to open up to another world she has no interest in seeing.

What is worse is the size of the space she has been brought into; there is no way to watch from all angles and corners, no way to defend herself if something were to occur.

The remarkably small vampire seems to sense her discomfort - to Illyria's frustration - and steps in front of her, providing enough cover and distraction for her to get herself back under control completely. Illyria believes that a thanks are in order for such an unexpected deed, yet she does not think she'd be able to utter the words even if she put forth the effort to try.

She rises to her full, capable height, adjusts the lenses shielding her eyes and manages to send Harmony behind her by means other than forcibly shoving. The vampire opens her mouth, about to utter a protest, but Illyria's brief glare shuts her up.

"Where to now, vampire?"

The possibility of Illyria showing her appreciation is null and void.

Harmony glances at the watch on her wrist nervously to discover that they have a little less than a hour and a half before the mall closes. She glances out of the corner of her eye to see that Illyria is still walking beside her, eyes trained straight ahead; Harmony doesn't look for too long though, afraid she'll bring upon Illyria's wrath somehow.

She should have known that this was a terrible idea from the get-go. Illyria around this many humans, packed into this one building? She should be relieved that she hasn't started killing everyone in sight.

Not paying attention to her surroundings as she should be, Harmony is abruptly stopped in place by some outside force. Faster than even Harmony can move, Illyria is suddenly standing directly in front of her, shielding her from a man who had been walking towards Harmony with a bottle of hand lotion in his hand. She curses herself silently for not paying attention to the vendors occupying the middle of the aisles, suddenly very terrified that they won't be able to lay low as she had hoped for and slightly planned.

Talking down some eons old kick-ass warrior from murdering someone, who only wishes to in the first place because of the warrior's protective instincts, which Harmony had thought were nonexistent... Talking down a protective Illyria?

This was so not in the job description.

"Do not touch her," Illyria orders, never once taking the sunglasses off. Yet if anyone nearby isn't able to understand what is going on at this very moment, then they're blind.

"Uh, chill." It was meant to come out stronger than that, but she can't stop her voice from shaking. Considering Illyria can hear everything, she doesn't think she's helping much. "He's just trying to get me to buy some lotion," she elaborates quickly, turning towards Illyria with slightly pleading eyes.

Illyria doesn't budge or tone down her malice. "He is a threat."

Maybe brushing this thing off as nothing is the best option. If she can show Illyria that this scene means nothing to her, then she should back off. Hopefully back off, anyway. "Come on," she touches Illyria's arm briefly, knowing it's probably not the best move if she wants her hand to stay in one piece for the duration of their visit. "We need to get to the actual stores anyway."

Illyria spends another moment no doubt glaring murderously at the man before miraculously standing down and following Harmony, who says a quick apology to the wide-eyed, terrified man before quickly moving away.

"Whoa," she finally breathes again once they've entered the first department store on her to-do list, "that was a close one. We could have attracted so much unwanted attention there." Definitely not what I need. She's already on a thin enough line concerning her place at Wolfram and Hart, one wrong move and she's out the door for sure, and she can't afford to lose this job.

Illyria appears less than amused. "The human went straight for you. You are fortunate I am adept at observation."

"Yeah, I was really lucky there," Harmony mumbles as she starts sorting through clearance purses. Not even she can afford the best of everything anymore.

Really, she's shocked that Illyria would even go that far to protect her, a worthless vampire who is nothing less than terrible at being evil and not capable of being good either. It certainly doesn't help that no one believes in her, so that makes the warrior choosing to protect her something that makes no sense but has Harmony feeling all good about herself nonetheless. She's not telling all that to Illyria though.

She looks utterly ridiculous with the sunglasses on, but Harmony knows better than to laugh or underestimate her even a fraction. She looks up at her hesitantly as she invades her personal bubble. "Do you insult my expertise?" It's a warning, which causes Harmony to watch her step.

"No, I'm not insulting you or anything like that. It's just... there's no threats here, okay? Killing me honestly hadn't entered his mind at any point."

"Do not underestimate my responsibilities. If both you and I do not return to Wolfram and Hart then your boss will find some way to tear me apart."

Harmony is truly shocked to hear that, glancing up at Illyria to make sure she's heard correctly. "Are you kidding me? Angel probably sent me off with you so you could stake me or something. Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind." She rushes off then, trying to make Illyria understand that she doesn't want to be followed. But no, Harmony can't have what she wants, because instead of ignoring her or following her, the warrior chooses to let the entire store hear about their awkward predicament.

"Harmony!" The vampire turns around just for the reason that it's the first time she's ever heard her say her name. "You will stay within sight."

Harmony stalks up to her angrily then, "I am not a child and I will not have you ordering me around." Throwing an angry glare to the staring customers, she aggravatingly takes Illyria's hand and pulls her towards the escalator. Surprisingly, Illyria doesn't break the hold until Harmony does as they're traveling upstairs. "What is the deal with you? I mean... you've been super protective towards me today. Any reason? I figured you would be less than pleased with me for taking you here."

Illyria tilts her head to the side slightly, looking down on the first floor in order to watch. "It is interesting to see how the humans render their hours useless."

The escalator is definitely not moving fast enough; Harmony starts walking but makes sure that Illyria's following before she goes too far. She definitely doesn't want to anger her more. "So does that mean you're not going to kill me when the mall closes?"

"Unfortunately, little vamp, your name does not suit your incredibly grating personality. However, I am more inclined to spend such agonizingly long days with you than most others."

"Oh my god, that's a compliment. You totally just gave me a compliment!" She makes sure that Illyria follows her lead in getting off the elevator - 'cause she knows she probably hasn't seen one before - but she cringes as soon as she glances up at her, noticing how still the warrior has become. It's then that she remembers her outburst, one particular reason why Illyria's always been so frosty towards her. "Sorry," she offers, "sometimes I just can't stop myself."

The warrior apparently accepts her apology, catching sight of a manikin and walking over to it. Harmony sighs in relief before realizing that Illyria is staring intently at the manikin.

"I do not like this abomination. It mocks me."

"It's just a manikin, it's how they display clothes." Of course, that doesn't end it at all. "There's absolutely nothing to be worried about, I swear." Illyria looks over at her for a minute and ultimately seems to listen because she turns away from it.

"If it moves, it will be taken care of."

Harmony's eyes widen and she almost wants to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Bringing an eons old warrior to a mall? Definitely not her best idea. Still, it's been going pretty good so far, better than expected anyway.

"Let's go to the dresses first, I seriously need some new ones. And what you said before... shopping is so not a waste of time. It is like the most fun thing ever."

Illyria quirks an eyebrow at that, but amuses Harmony by rifling aimlessly through a rack of markdowns. She holds a hideous sweater up for Harmony's approval, to which the vampire shakes her head, takes the sweater and shoves it back in with the other clothes. "Not that shade of blue."

The warrior doesn't look again after that, choosing to stand guard as Harmony rifles through racks for almost an hour, not stopping her frantic search until she has a huge pile of dresses draped over her arm. "Time to head to the fitting rooms."

Illyria ends up waiting outside her door as she heads into the largest fitting room she can find. "Don't think we're gonna have time to do anything after this," Harmony shouts through the door even though Illyria is probably ignoring her anyway. "Sometimes it really sucks being a vampire." She hurries when trying on the dresses, not wanting to leave Illyria alone in case something should happen.

She comes outside with nearly every one, admiring herself in the large mirror and half hoping that her bodyguard will lend some opinions of her own. Illyria doesn't say a word though and whether it's from a severe lack of fashion sense, boredom or anger Harmony can't tell, since her sunglasses are still on.

When she narrows down her selection considerably, she hands the warrior a blue dress that she secretly grabbed for her and pushes her into the fitting room next to hers. "Try that one and tell me what you think." It's nearly the exact same shade as her hair, which is most likely the only reason why Illyria goes through with Harmony's plan.

The warrior doesn't utter a word, yet when Harmony hears a zipper being pulled she has to restrain herself from getting too excited. She literally thought she would throw the dress right back at her, but Illyria willing to try on human clothes is more than she could have hoped for.

Victory number two.

It takes Illyria long moments before she reasons to undo the strange metal device holding the article together. The cloth rips before her eyes, separating in order to allow her to slip the soft, cool material over her naked form.

The color is most striking, alluring her to try on the strange clothing the humans wear at least once. She is grateful towards Harmony for agreeing to this arrangement of venturing into this frightening world, despite how they've always been in each other's company. She's surprised to admit to herself that the vampire isn't annoying enough to permanently dispose of. Her excitement may bring to mind the painful sparks, but she is one who appreciates life.

Her nimble fingers find the zipper and pull it upwards, and when it finds its end it is then that Illyria turns around to face the mirror.

She freezes at the sight before her, barely recognizing herself and it is because of this that she comes close to shredding the cloth. She stills herself though, staring at the figure in the mirror as long as she can endure. She pulls down the screens in front of her eyes and lets them fall to the floor.

Her hands run down her human vessel, admiring the way the cloth clings to her form gracefully. She has scarcely seen herself out of her armor, but Illyria must say that she is pleased at the way this "dress," as Harmony deemed it, appears on her.

Illyria smiles ever so slightly, her eyes sparkling further given the shade of the dress.

Is this her? Could this be her?

Harmony hears the other door open, but gives Illyria a few moments to herself before exiting. She's half afraid that the warrior will kill her on the spot as soon as she catches sight of her again, but if she were angry Harmony suspects the door would already be broken down and she'd already be dead.

She opens the door hesitantly and pokes her head around it, "Illyria?"

The reply is instantaneous, "I am suitable."

Harmony breathes a sigh of relief and exits, but as her eyes catch sight of the dress and Illyria, primarily the dress currently on Illyria, she stops in her tracks and gasps. "Oh my god. It's beautiful." Illyria stares at Harmony through the mirror for a moment before glancing back down at the dress. "Seriously," Harmony continues, "you look amazing."

"I look... ridiculous?"

It's a question that Harmony immediately rebukes. "No no, not at all. You look positively radiant. Not even I could pull that off." That dress was made for Illyria and for Illyria alone, she couldn't be more sure of it. Even if she'll be a little behind on her rent this month for buying it, it'll be totally worth it. She steps closer as she thinks about the reaction on everyone else's faces, wanting to see it for herself. "That is definitely your color."

"I... I am not..."

Harmony finally looks up from the dress and straight at Illyria, knowing she could sense her discomfort with the situation and hesitance from a mile away.

"Are you okay?" Illyria is appearing to crumble before her as she continues to stare at the dress; Harmony suddenly regrets pushing it on her. "Look, I know what you must be feeling. I feel like it too, everyday. I know... I know what it's like to not fit in. Anytime you want to talk about how unfair life is... well, I'll be complaining right along with you. What most people don't realize is that I'm actually a good listener. I'm not always lost in my own world, you know. I think about other people too, and I care. Everyone thinks I'm some self-centered, stupid bitch, and useless at being a vampire, but..."

Illyria finally lifts her head up, "Your voice drowns out the noxious screeching."

"Okay, I'll be quiet then."

"No," Illyria shakes her head slightly, and for the first time the vampire suddenly wonders if this is all just some wonderful dream because none of this could seriously be happening in real life. She doesn't get this lucky. Illyria looks up at her before she can say anything, "Continue speaking."

She opens her mouth again at that but no more words will come out. Her voice stumbles after several long, incredibly awkward seconds, "What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"How do you feel right now?" Harmony tries, suddenly feeling very shaky from her rambling earlier.

"I feel...," Illyria tilts her head to the side, continuing to look at the dress in every angle she can, turning around several times and then standing very still as if she considers that to be the incorrect response. "I feel well. For the first time in weeks, I feel confident and at peace."

"Well, that's good." My mission's accomplished! Angel is so gonna thank me later on for this.

"And how are you to decide that what is right for you and your friends is right for me?"

She considers that for a moment. "You have to adapt. It may be hard, but you won't make it here if you don't. This is the first step towards doing that. If you're finally starting to feel comfortable here, then take advantage of it and start enjoying life. This is the only one you've got right now."

She waits for Illyria to respond, but after a few minutes she figures that she's not going to, probably just content to think long and hard about her current place in the world. Harmony actually feels bad for her, even more so than what she feels towards herself.

"You are totally buying that dress, by the way. If I can afford it, that is. You can just owe me." Illyria finally turns away from the dress to stare at her intently as Harmony gathers up the keepers. "Or we can just view it as payment for me dragging you here," she practically squeaks, breathing a sigh of relief as the warrior turns away. She is getting slightly more sure of Illyria's stance towards her though, in fact, she's almost positive that no harm will befall her.

"Will Wesley like this... dress as much as you appear to?"

"Oh believe me, I'm sure he will. Who couldn't love that dress?"

What she was going to say was that he would probably drop dead at the sight of her.

Illyria still has the dress on when they walk out of the fitting room and up to the nearest cashier. Harmony really doesn't have the heart or the need for a death wish to tell her that she should probably take it off, and she really hopes that the clerk doesn't suggest it either. She's gotten this far with the warrior and she's not going to ruin it now.

She seems friendlier to her now, or Harmony could just be imagining it. Illyria even holds out her hands in order to take the pile of clothes Harmony is being weighed down with, peeking at them curiously before worriedly playing with her own dress. Illyria slips her sunglasses back on before they reach the register and it's a sharp contrast to her dress, the clerk staring at her in confusion.

"She just had eye surgery," Harmony hurriedly explains as Illyria shoves the clothes in his face before stepping back to let Harmony through. "Not to mention, she's developed an emotional attachment to that dress."

The clerk stares back and forth at the both of them intently for a minute, finally admitting: "It does look good on her."

"See, I told you it was meant to be." Harmony is practically beaming at this point, taking the bags excitedly and rushing out the door with Illyria following closely behind. "So... if you ever want to come back sometime... Well, I am always ready to shop."

Illyria continues to follow her as they weave their way through the streets and alleyways in order to get something to eat. Harmony is starving after all this nail-biting nervousness and surprising fun. "I will keep this in mind."

Victory number seventy-billion. In her own opinion, of course.

She's so gonna get a raise, and maybe, just maybe, she'll get a friendship out of all of this too.

FIN