"I'm not doing this."
"Sam, it's not-"
"There's no way," Sam said simply. "Besides, today is my day."
"Sam, please, it would make her so happy," Freddie begged.
"Dude, your mom is not my mom," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "If she was, we'd have some serious issues. I'm not giving her a Mother's Day card."
"But Sam, think about it," Freddie said. "We've been married for over a year! That's how long she's been your mother-in-law, and-"
"Yeah, emphasis on the in-law," Sam said, rolling her eyes, getting to her feet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go enjoy mother's day with my son, since I actually am his mother."
"Jason's asleep," Freddie pointed out.
"Then I'll wait," Sam shrugged. "He's six months old, he'll be up crying any minute now."
"Please, baby, can't you do this for me?" Freddie sighed. "Look, I bought you the card, it already has a nice message written in it…all you have to do is sign your name and give it to her. Besides, I gave one to your mom."
"My mom doesn't hate you, now does she?" Sam said.
"And my mom doesn't hate you," Freddie said. "Sure, you and her have had your differences in the past-"
"Ha!"
"-But she really does love you," Freddie continued. "She considers you the daughter she never had!"
Sam raised an eyebrow. "She said that?"
"Er…more or less."
"I just don't get why this is such a big deal to you," Sam said. "Can't you just let me enjoy this day? It's my first mother's day with Jason! All I want to do is relax and hang around here with you two all day."
"I can invite my mom over," Freddie offered.
"No!"
"Come on," Freddie moaned. "How about if you do this, I-I-I'll buy you a tub of chicken everyday next week?"
"You can't bribe me with chicken!" Sam snapped.
"I'll return that Sky Naut helmet I got on the Internet?"
"No deal, nub."
"What if I wash your car?"
"You already do that," Sam smirked.
"Sam! Why is it such an issue for you to do this one thing for me?" Freddie sighed. "Think of what a nice Mother's Day it would make it."
"Dude, what makes you even think your mom would want a card from me?" Sam asked. "Honestly, you want to give her a happy Mother's Day, all you'd have to do is go over there and tell her we were getting a divorce."
"That's not funny," Freddie said.
"Well the woman hates me!" Sam exclaimed. "Even after I gave her a grandkid she still sits around insulting me and criticizing me and making me feel like I'm the horrible woman who ruined her precious little Freddikins!"
"I know she's sometimes a little bit harsh with you," Freddie agreed. "But don't you think that's even more of a reason to do this?"
"I'm not following," Sam said.
"If you go up to her on Mother's Day, a day of happiness and love and family, and give her a token of your affection, she'll see what a great person you really are, and that could be the first step towards you two having one of those mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships you only dream about."
"Sounds more like a nightmare to me," Sam mumbled.
"Come on," Freddie said, gently rubbing her shoulder. "Wouldn't it be nice to be friends with my mom instead of constantly being at her throat? Wouldn't it be nice if we could get together with her for weekly brunches and you two could go on shopping trips and-"
"Okay, seriously, where are you getting this ridiculous fantasy from?" Sam cut him off. "Were you watching another chick flick with Gibby?"
"It's all he had at his place and we were board," Freddie said dismissively. "But doesn't that sound-"
"Yes, obviously that sounds nice, okay?" Sam said. "But it just will never happen between your mom and me. We tolerate each other. That's all. It's never going to be one of those lame, fuzzy relationships you see on T.V."
"Sam," Freddie said heavily. "I thought this was what marriage was all about…really trying to become one big happy family. How can we be a family if you and my mom, two people I care deeply about, won't even spend a holiday together. I've made an effort to get closer with your mom. The two of us went to bingo the other night. Sure, it ended up with me holding her back from slugging the woman who won the fondue set she wanted, but we bonded, and that was the important thing. It would just really mean a lot to me if you would at least try to bond with my mom the same way."
Sam narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe you're pulling the marriage card."
"All I ask is that you try," Freddie said. "Please? For me?"
Sam gave a loud groan. "Fine! Fine, I'll give her the stupid card!"
"Yes!" Freddie cheered, wrapping his arms around her.
"You owe me on Father's Day," Sam warned.
…
Sam let out a deep breath as she walked in front of apartment 8D of Bushwell Plaza later that afternoon.
She was holding Jason in one arm, and the Mother's Day card was clutched in her other hand.
"Okay, Jason," Sam said to her son, who was busy playing with the strap of her shirt. "We're gonna get in and out as fast as we can. We hand grandma the card, try not to gag on the scent of disinfectant, and then we're out and on our way to the all-you-can-eat rib buffet daddy's taking us to. Sound like a plan?"
"Ma!" Jason cooed happily.
"Thanks for the support, kid," Sam smiled, wiping drool off her son's chin.
Freddie better be happy, Sam thought as she reluctantly knocked at the door.
"Who's there?" she heard Marissa Benson call from inside. "State your name and business!"
"It's Sam," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "And, um, I have to give you something."
She heard the door unlocking and a second later her mother-in-law opened up.
"Jason!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up at the sight of her grandson. "My sweet little boy came to visit grandma on this special day!"
"Hi to you too," Sam mumbled, closing the door behind her as Marissa snatched Jason out of her hands.
"Oh, poor Jason, this onsie you're in is so flimsy," Marissa said, inspecting the infant. "You're sure to catch a cold in it!"
"It's May," Sam pointed out. "It's almost ninety degrees outside."
"Yes, but think of the air conditioning, Samantha!" Marissa snapped. "You keep that house of yours at such an Artic temperature it's a wonder Jason hasn't turned into a-a babysicle!"
Sam clenched her fists as she willed herself to keep her mouth shut.
"Yeah…" she said in a strained voice. "Um, anyway. I-I know Freddie came over here earlier and gave you a bunch of Mother's Day chiz-"
Marissa gasped. "Don't use such language in front of my grandson!"
Just get in and out, Sam told herself. Think of the rib buffet…
"But I just wanted to come over-"
"And look at how long Jason's finger nails have gotten," Marissa continued, looking at Jason's hands. "He could scratch an eye out! I always told Freddie, nails over a seventh of an inch will put you in a pinch. He should've known better than to allow this! But then again, my little Freddie has been corrupted by hoodlimism!"
Sam bit her tongue. Just ignore it…Just ignore it.
"As I was saying," Sam said through gritted teeth. "I just wanted to stop by and-"
"Oh, and look this stain on Jason's blanket!" Marissa said in a disgusted tone. "It could be infested with all sorts of bacteria or who knows what else! What kind of mother would allow her son to drag around such a germ-ridden piece of fabric?"
"You know what? That's it!" Sam said loudly, taking her son back and turning towards the door. "I don't need this! I told Freddie this was a bad idea, and I was right!"
She had her hand on the doorknob and was about to exit the apartment when she heard Marissa behind her.
"Wait, wait," she sighed.
Sam paused.
"What was it that you came here for?"
"Doesn't matter," Sam replied. "It was stupid." She looked down at the card in her hand and slowly turned back around.
"Here," she said. "Freddie would be upset if I didn't at least give this to you."
She handed her the envelope and started back to the door.
"What is this?" Marissa questioned.
"A card," Sam said simply. "You know, since it's Mother's Day."
"You got me a card?"
Sam shrugged. "Yeah."
"For Mother's Day?"
"I just said that," Sam said.
Marissa slowly unsealed the envelope and opened the card.
Sam waited, unsure of whether to go or stay at this point.
"Why would you get me a Mother's Day card?" Marissa asked once she had read the message inside.
"Because I guess you are sort of my mother-in-law," Sam said, looking at her shoes. "Since Freddie and I got married."
"Oh," Marissa said softly. "Yes, I suppose I am."
Sam sighed. "Look…The truth is, Freddie asked me to give you that card. But, as crazy of an idea as it was, he did kind of have a good point. He just wanted us to start getting along better instead of fighting all the time. I mean think about it, obviously we're gonna be seeing more of each other. I'm married to your son and now we have a baby together, who you're gonna wanna spend time with. Why make it miserable?"
"So what exactly are you proposing?" Marissa asked.
"I dunno, that we start trying to act more like…family," Sam said. "If not for us, at least for Freddie. And Jason."
The two women stared at each other for a moment, before Marissa finally stepped forward.
"I think that sounds like a good idea," Marissa said, her lips slightly pursed.
Sam nodded. "Okay then."
The two were silent for a second before Sam cleared her throat.
"Okay then," Sam said. "Well, I have to go…Freddie and I are going to for dinner with Jason."
"Oh," Marissa nodded. "Okay. Um, have fun then."
"Or, um, would-would you maybe…" I am so gonna regret doing this. "Would you want to come with us? After all, it is Mother's Day."
"You want me to join you?"
"Sure," Sam said hesitantly. "Why not?"
I swear, come Father's Day, Freddie's not gonna know what hit him, Sam thought to herself as Marissa grabbed her purse.
"Oh, and Samantha?" Marissa said, closing the apartment door behind them and starting back down the hall after Sam. "Happy Mother's Day."