I always wake up on Mother's Day and go to her grave. That's the first thing I do on that day each morning. I just sit in front of her grave and I imagine what it would have been like to have her with us, and just cry. I would just let it all out every year on Mother's Day, and on her birthday and I would tell her how much I miss her.
Everyone else got to be with their mother's on that day but all I get is to look at a stone with her name on it. I'm happy for them I really am but I'm also jealous too. I missed out on so much with her that everyone else I knew got to have and I hate it. The years have gone by but the pain was only pushed to the back on my mind where I only let it out on occasions like this. I can still feel her arms wrapped around me after all these years but it just makes me miss her even more because its not real. I just..I miss her..I miss her so much and I hate that she's not here.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up through my tears to see who it was. For a second it was mom but then I blinked and she was gone replaced by Blaine's face and I just cried harder completely breaking down and he just held me. He knew I needed this. He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around me and he didn't say a word even after I stopped crying.
"…I miss her so much.."
"I know you do. I know."
That was it. That was all I needed him to say. We sat there for another hour before leaving. He drove me home and I slept the day away and he was by my side the whole time and when my dad came home and saw us together he just turned and left the room knowing how hard today was for me.