I dream a dream

Chapter 1 – I dream a dream

I hardly remember my mom. How could I? She died when I was very young, barely five years old. The only thing I can recall is a lullaby she used to sing for my brother and I, after our daily beatings. After her death, my brother Tobias filled the song with its words and late at night I like to sing it, imagining my mother´s voice. Not that I know how her voice sound it like, I only pretend. I picture a woman with long brown hair and brown eyes just like me but a somewhat crooked nose like Tobias. Her voice is as soft as the wind breeze, a voice that could calm me when I was crying because of the pain. In fact, it were the only words I truly remember my mom saying:

" Don't cry, Lindsey. Crying is a form of weakness and you are my brave girl"

Brave girl… My father never called me brave. He never showed me anything remotely close to kindness. "It is for you own good" – It was his motto. That phase always was accompanied with the release of his belt. And pain. So much pain. But back to my mother. She taught the words of the song to Tobias and he later sang them to me.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting.
There was a time ... then it all went wrong

When I was little I believed my mom was telling the story of her and father. In my dreams I used to see a younger version of my mom, in her gray and big clothes and a kinder version of father, if he ever had that. I made up a love story in my mind, how they fell in love during a mission to help the factionless, how it evolved to furtive glances and secret smiles. Maybe my father wrote love poems or spoke soft thing into her ears. I tried to fiction a way to explain why my angel mother could ever marry such a monster. And why she stayed with him. Why she never really protected us from him.

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope were high and life worth living,
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

So, I tried to believe that love could exist. That other couples weren't as abusive to their children as mine were. That a man could love a woman and treat her right. At school I would sit as closely to the amity girls as I could, just to listen to the fairytales they shared between them. The notions of damsels in distress, kisses that brought you back to life, to happily ever after. But as I grew of age, the beating worsened to a point where I was in constant pain. I guess it was making me harding inside.

Then I was young and unafraid,
When dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine untasted

For some years I stopped singing. I had reached a point where I was incapable of feeling. I no longer felt pain, I didn't laugh anymore. Even Tobias, the one person who seemed to care about me, I couldn't look at him and feel sadness for his injuries or love when he tried to protect me from father. I was hallow.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame

Of course it changed. That night, two years ago. The day my brother choose Dauntless. My father returned home as furious as I had ever seen him. He didn't even used his weapon of choice. No. He decided to use his hands. After all, what better way to relieve its anger than using your own strength?

He slept a summer by my side.
He filled my days with endless wonder,
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came.

That night I realized how I missed Tobias. When I had to tend to my own wounds, I was ashamed to think how I never treated his. And believe me: they were probably deeper than mine ´cause brother was father´s favorite toy to spank. God, how selfish was I to wish my brother back…just so my father could have another one to destroy. My brother was never cruel to me. He used to take me to our bathroom and cleaned mine wounds. He later would pass medicine and put a bandage on it. I never said thank you. Never even helped him. Guess it's true what people say : you only know what matters to you when you lose it.

And still I dreamed he'll come to me
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather.

From that day forward I made a promise to myself. I would become more like my brother. I would be as selfless as abnegation wished us to be, as kind as Tobias were to me and as brave as he was when he took a blow intended for me. My grades will be as high as an erudite-born and I will learn to lie so easily that a candor –born would be fooled. I will deceive everyone, including my father.

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream
I dreamed.

I would become divergent.

So, welcome to my first divergent fanfic! Critics are a must and reviews : my dream to come true. Help me achieve my dream okay? Thankkkkkkk you guys for reading ! Love, Lnc1917