SUMMARY: Haruhi's getting older and she decides she's finally ready for a serious relationship, but with her expectations, there's only one way to find the perfect man: create him. Poor Kyon is the guinea pig! HaruhixKyon, possibly ItsukixMikuru, the rest is TDB

Hey guys! So, I got this idea while watching My Super Ex-Girlfriend. lol Hopefully I get Kyon's character down right.. He's somewhat difficult to do, but I'll try my best. He's the narrator, as always... Enjoy!

Well, the universe is officially doomed. I never truly thought of it until just today. Our lives depend on the will of an 18 year old girl who isn't even aware of her powers. I used to say "it's not my problem, why should I care?", but it has officially become my problem and Haruhi will make sure I don't forget it. Haruhi is growing up and has over the years become increasingly hormonal. Actually, it's quite frightening to watch. Itsuki is obviously quite amused, Asahina-san is a little worried but also happy that her friend is finally interested in someone, and Nagato-san merely observes as our club leader talks endlessly of the man she met last night. God, do I feel bad for him. From what she's saying, I don't know if she's in love or looking to capture and use him to track down other supernatural beings. Knowing Haruhi, it's probably some vile mix of both.

Oh, I suppose I should start this story there, shouldn't I? The night before was quiet. I was finishing off my homework in my bedroom at around 10:00PM. My eyes were tired and I was considering giving up on the calculus problems in front of me, but though I was fatigued, I noticed a flicker of light from behind me. I looked through my window and found a meteor or some other type of rock plummeting toward the Earth. Some sort of curiosity over took me... I wondered what it was, why it was here, whether or not it hurt someone. Luckily, the latter was not the case. After wandering for about a half hour, I found it in the middle of a forest. What was I doing here? I'm not Haruhi. I'm not the type of person that goes looking for trouble, am I? And yet here I stood with this giant extraterrestrial stone, red and pulsating. Maybe I was dreaming?

I stood in awe for a few moments. A rock that was possibly billions of years old or perhaps even from some other galaxy was sitting there in front of me. My thoughts were interrupted by a voice and, naturally, I turned to see the owner of it. There were trees, an owl hooting in the distance, and the crackle of dry leaves and underbrush underneith my feet, but no signs of intelligent life.

Come closer...

Who's there? Who's speaking to me? And how do they know my real name?

Come closer, Kyonosuke...

W-what? I have to admit - a freaky rock in front of me, a mysterious voice beckoning me, and a dark, moonless night in the forest from the Blair Witch Project? It scared me just a little. It took me a while to realize that the voice was coming from the meteor. No, not realize. To accept the fact. But no way.. Meteors can't speak. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that's it. I was solving that one question and fell asleep at my desk. Yes, I'm defiantly dreaming.

Come closer, Kyonosuke. Bridge the gap between yourself as you stand now and yourself as she wishes you were.

Or.. maybe it's real. And what the hell is it talking about? I suppose it could just be my imaginati-

Come here. Right. Now.

Okay, maybe it's the rock. I don't know what, but something made me think I should listen to it. I know it was probably a really stupid decision, and you may be thinking I've lost my mind, but something about its voice sounded strangely threatening. Well this is great, Kyon. You not only hear talking rocks, but you listen to them as well. Something about this sounds like it all came out of a really bad comic book. Cursing my new found urge to touch the rock, I slowly approached it with an outstretched arm. I closed my eyes, expecting something like utter pain, brain damage or possibly death, but the rock was somehow soothing and warm and soft to the touch... Well, up until it exploded and sent me flying backwards. That could have ended better. It would have been nice to fall back into the grassy forest floor or even head-first into a tree, but imagine finding yourself floating in midair instead. What? What happened? Shouldn't I have a concussion by now? I waited another five minutes for some sort of pain before I slowly opened my eyes... Yes. I was hovering! And glowing! And... new clothes? I felt like I was on Sailor Moon...

But wait. That's it? That's how I became thing extraordinary being? I touched a meteor from God knows where? Well, how cheesy is that? I could have been hit in the backside by chemical Z, born on Krypton or perhaps Planet Vegeta, given some mystical item by some talking magical fuzzball, bitten by a mutated spider... Wow, so many pop culture references... My point is, couldn't I have gotten these powers in a much cooler way? I suppose beggars can't be choosers, although I certainly never asked for this.

Anyway, sorry about the detour. Back to my story. Somehow, I managed to get my feet to touch the ground again. So let's put it all together. New, slightly torn clothing with a black and red color scheme; new athletic body (this I don't mind at all!); new black, slightly spikey hair; new red eyes; flying ability and a sneaking suspicion of many other new talents... Holy mother of God, I can never call myself John Smith again. But how will I ever be Kyon again? What am I now? I'll need an alias... Something else to go by so that I have at least a chance of being just slightly normal ever again... But first, how do I change back? Do I need to henshin? Yell a magic phrase? Simply change my clothes and tell people I'm experimenting with a new look? No, that's way too obvious. I don't want to be anything other than human. I was perfectly content with my boring high school life! I'm beginning to feel a little anxious. Haruhi's power was never my problem before, but now she's cursed me to live out a life that isn't my own. What should I do?

"Change me back! Please!" I yelled out of sheer panic and frustration and suddenly, I felt less muscular. Well that was easy.

Alright, new rule: no more ramen before bedtime, I thought and I hurried back home to go straight to bed. If this was a dream, I wanted nothing more than to wake up. At about that time I heard a scream and turned in that direction only to realize it had come from about a mile or so away. I now had super hearing?

"Stop it, hentai! I-I'm warning you! Get out of my way. I wanna see what landed!"

That voice was Haruhi's. She was in trouble but it seemed she was more concerned about getting to were she was going than her own safety. Typical Haruhi. Then I heard another noise that made my heart skip a beat: her attacker was loading his gun.

"Shut it, little girl, or you'll have another hole in you other than that pretty little c-nt of yours."

Haruhi gasped. How was I able to hear all this? I could sense she was now scared out of her mind. It somehow didn't surprise me that it took a gun for her to realize her life was in danger, but that I only thought of when I got home after all this. At the time, I was in just as much of a frenzy as she was. This man was going to mug her, rape her, or worse - kill her. I had to do something but it was too far to run and by the time the police got there, he would have already finished what he set out to do. What do I do?

"C'mon Kyon.. Become the super hero..." I coaxed myself, but like I even knew how! "Become the hero! I have to save her!"

I'm not sure if it was my distress or whatever I said, but a dark light enveloped me just like before and suddenly, I was him. Or was he me? Oh, no time for philosophy! I have to save Haruhi.

I flew off into the night faster than I'd ever ran before. I passed the speeding cars with ease, not caring if the passengers caught a glance at me flying past their windows, and arrived in the alley where Haruhi and her aggressor were in mere seconds. I can't remember ever being so angry in my entire life. The man was trying to pull of her shirt, tearing it in the process, but the brigade leader was fighting back with whatever strength she had. Ultimately, he was much stronger than she and took the opportunity to slap her across the face, stunning her long enough for him to make a move for her skirt. I growled a low growl - which was something completely new to me. I've never been this angry before. I twitched uncontrollably. I grimaced. I didn't know it at the time, but my red eyes glowed demonically. My hands clenched into fists as I stood at the opening of the alley. After that everything happened so quickly. In a fraction of a second, I'd thrown myself at the aggressor and tackled him into a brick wall, breaking it with brute strength. I rose before him with unforgiving red eyes as he laid against the wall, feebly, probably having many fractured or broken bones.

"Touch her again and I'll kill you," I said, in an almost unfamiliar menacing voice. I don't know where that came from... The man groaned in pain and presumably passed out.

I knew he wasn't going anywhere, so I pried my eyes off him to see if Haruhi was alright. Her shirt torn and she stared up at me in awe as though she'd found the Holy Grail... I wasn't used to receiving that sort of attention from her.

"Are you alright...?" I asked.

Haruhi merely nodded. I could only imagine what was going through her head at that moment. You got what you wanted, Haruhi: a supernatural occurrence. "A-are you," she stammered. "Who.. who are you...?"

I paused. This was a perfect time for that damn alias, but I hadn't decided on it yet. "My name is Hero," I explained, giving her the first name that popped into my mind. Kind of a cheesy alias, but hey, I was put on the spot.

"Are you... are you an alien? A time traveller? An esper, o-or maybe a ghost!" I could see excitement bubbling in her deep brown eyes. I was getting more and more nervous. Did she have to look at me like I was the lost city of Atlantis? "Please, come with me! There's so much I want to ask you! I can't believe it's finally happened! I'm so excited!"

"I..." I realized I should leave before she recognized my face. "I need to go... Make sure to call an ambulance and the police for this guy."

As I turned, I could hear her yell "Wait!! Please, come back, Hero!", but I couldn't turn back. If she knew who I was, who knows what she would do? It's probably her fault I'm like this in the first place, but it was best she didn't know who Hero really was. I flew away, leaving a dark trail in the sky but, using my supersonic hearing, heard her mutter "I'll find you...!". Great.

God, what a night... I hoped this was all a dream, but considering everything else that's happened since I met Haruhi, the chance of that was pretty slim. However, I still hoped beyond hope that things would go my way, so you could imagine my disdain when I saw my alter ego on the news the next day just before school.

"A mysterious, dark figure was seen flying over this suburban street yesterday at around 10:45PM just after a bright meteor fell toward the Earth and was never seen post-landing. Witnesses say that this figure took the shape of what appeared to be a man," announced the reporter. They then showed a crude picture of me, probably taken with someone's cellphone, and interviewed various witnesses, scientists, meteorologists, and other important people. The police commented that there is possibly a connection between the flying anomaly and the battered criminal they were directed to by an anonymous teenage victim in an alley which connected to the street where the figure was seen. There was also footage of the forest where I'd found the meteor. It was now a rather nice crator filled with scientists and surrounded by civilians behind makeshift fences so they could not contaminate any evidence. Oh, and there was also a haggard old man in the crowd who yelled into the camera "It's them Gawddang aliens, I tells yee!". I sighed deeply. So much for that dream theory.

And now I was sitting rather awkwardly in the club room as Haruhi ranted about a tall, strong, handsome man who'd saved her and best of all, had to be either an alien, a time traveler, an esper, or maybe even a mix of all of them. I'd never seen her like this. Of course, "Hero" was the talk of the whole school, but I was a little more embarrassed now than before somehow.

"You don't understand, Mikuru!" Haruhi almost shouted with joy as our cute little maid poured her tea. "He was perfect! So brave and handsome and definitely NOT a waste of my time unlike normal boys. He saved my life and he's gotta be something weird and supernatural! And to think, I met him right after I saw that meteor and went to check it out..."

So that's why she was out that night... Well, I must admit it was kind of nice to see her acting like a normal girl for a change. Perhaps this wouldn't be such a scary thing at all. Maybe she'd finally start acting like what she looks like: a highly attractive high school girl.

"That settles it!" she slammed her hands down on her desk, standing to get everyone's attention. "We need to find Hero! Not only is he the perfect guy, but think about it. If he's around, there's no doubt he'll attract a bunch of weird things and paranormal happenings! That's how all those superhero stories work!"

Hm. I was wrong. Same old Haruhi, I guess.

"We'll get him to join the SOS Brigade and we'll never run out of mysteries! That's the greatest idea yet! Glad I thought of it."

Oh dear God. Well, someone's definitely satisfied with themselves.

This all makes me nervous... And slightly happy..? No. Definitely nervous. Especially with damn Itsuki giving me this look like he knows something which, being an esper, he probably does, but must he make it so obvious?

Please critique! Review, favorite, and all that good stuff! :D I may or may not re-write this chapter later... Sorry if some characters seem OOC. I'm trying to experiment with what Haruhi might be like when she's finally in love and, since she gets so excited around the paranormal, I hope that doesn't come off as out of character. ^^; Anyway, might add more pairings as well. Tell me what you think of the concept too! :)