Hatred. That was all he could feel for the other drell sitting across from him. After their initial tear-filled moment, Kolyat hardened his heart against his father and now sat in stony silence in a C-Sec interrogation room.
One moment he was excited; his father was here, they found each other, and he wanted to talk. The next he was exhausted, and finally it all boiled down to anger. Why now? Why did his father choose to contact him after all these years? Kolyat wasn't even sure he knew this man. The father he knew had kind eyes and a gentle smile. This stranger had an air of exhaustion, hollow and empty eyes, much like he had given up on his life.
"It's good to see you again," Thane said. It was careful, searching. "I know it's been some time since we last saw each other."
Ten years, four months, and twenty-two days. It was no wonder his father was a stranger.
"How is your aunt?"
He enjoyed her company on most days. She had become many things to him, including mother and father. He hated his father for dumping him on her like a nuisance, an unwanted reminder of happier times. But without her, Kolyat was sure his life would be worse.
"We didn't part on the best terms. We were both suffering from the loss of your mother. No matter how I tried to hide it, you know why I left. And I succeeded."
He remembered the hushed conversations in the kitchen between his aunt and father. She begged him not to do it, to let the police handle it; she was proud that he left "that life" behind him. Kolyat wasn't stupid. During the first weeks without Irikah, Thane became busy with work and not even Kolyat could distract him. He knew there was something unspeakable inside his father, and when his aunt finally told him the truth, he wasn't surprised.
"I tried to contact you two years ago but your aunt said you had run away. If I didn't have contacts inside the Citadel, I'm not sure we would have ever met. But I praise Arashu for bringing us together." Thane folded his hands together on the table between them, head bowed. "I failed you, Kolyat. I should have handled the situation maturely and been by your side, but I am here for you now. Whatever you want to talk about, I will listen."
Kolyat realized Thane thought he would yell, maybe berate him for being a horrible father. No, he wasn't horrible; he tried his best but he was selfish and impulsive. No amount of raised voices could sort this out, and he only hated his father for lying to him and abandoning him without a word. If only he had told the truth, Kolyat would have never walked down this path.
It was an attempt to feel closer to this stranger and now we're here. I still feel nothing.
"Don't you have questions for me?" Thane asked, lifting his head. "Where I've been, what I've done?"
Kolyat grit his teeth against the questions he wanted to ask. Was I not enough? Where did you go? How many people have you killed? Why didn't you come home? Instead, he asked the simplest question he could think of. One that might make him feel better about his mother's mysterious death.
"How did you do it?" he asked through stiff lips. "Did they suffer?"
Thane was quiet, contemplating the table in front of him. Kolyat watched his eyes flicker back and forth. He was reliving that memory, one he would probably never fully share.
"It was … not merciful," Thane replied. "I am not proud of my weakness. The darkness in my soul commanded my actions and I let them suffer before their final breath. The weight will rest with my soul forever, but it is a burden I happily bear."
Kolyat blinked back tears. His heart gave a sudden lurch that his mother's murderers were dead; they couldn't destroy any more families. He spent most of his young life believing his father was the cause of her death and that he disappeared because he was no longer tied down, but he left for revenge. Kolyat was a child; he was helpless. But why didn't he come home after it was done?
Just how long had he been running with the human woman?
"So what was the problem?" Kolyat demanded, his voice shaking with anger. "Was I not enough to bring you home? You had to run across the galaxy with some woman? Is that why you were gone all the time—you had another family?"
"No, Kolyat. You and Irikah—you are the only family I've known. When I left, it was always for business. I had a family to provide for and only one skill with which to do it."
"Then who is she?"
Thane hesitated. After a tense moment, he cleared his throat and answered quietly, "Shepard recruited me for a delicate mission, one that could change the fate of the galaxy. I'm sorry I cannot say more."
"What aren't you telling me?" Even if he hadn't seen his father in years, he still knew these lying techniques. Thane recited facts, never personal feelings; his way of lying was often by omission, and Kolyat hated it.
Thane spread his hands in a show of submission. "I have told you everything you're willing to hear. My disappearance, my joy from finding you, and my purpose now. There are still gaps to fill but with time and effort, we can be a family again."
Kolyat balled his hands into fists under the table. "Who is she to you?"
"Always a single-track mind. Shepard is a good friend and powerful ally," Thane said with a smile.
I cling to Father's hand as he leads me through the market. Drell call out their wares to passer-bys and I reach my free hand towards a colorful toy. Father notices and stops before I pull it off the shelf and damage the handmade good. "You have enough toys at home, Kolyat," Father says. He smiles at the orange female drell in the stall. "I apologize for my son. He's easily drawn to bright colors, and excellent craftsmanship." She laughs and waves her hands. "He didn't hurt anything; don't apologize. Enjoy your day, sere—and you, little one." Father's smile softens as we continue down the alley but I notice the change in his face when he spots Mother. His smile becomes something I can't understand. Something of pure joy.
He wore that smile now in a sedated form. It was small, mostly a sparkle in his eyes, but Kolyat didn't miss it. He wanted to be angry. How dare he be happy with another woman—how could he just move on with his life?
He had revenge. Maybe he didn't move on immediately, but it's all in the past and he has a new life. I'm the one who needs to let it go. Mother's at peace and now Father is here. So why isn't that enough?
"My time is short today," Thane said. "Captain Bailey will take care of you; Shepard has persuaded him to drop all charges and use you for community service." He began to stand then immediately sat back down. "Kolyat, may I email you or vid chat when I can?"
Kolyat crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in the chair. He stared over Thane's left shoulder. For once in his life, the young drell had clarity. He was still angry, still hurt, but he had a chance at reconciliation. No matter what he projected, he missed his father. It would take time for the missed years to heal between them but Thane had shown remorse, he showed interest, and Kolyat was willing to try to leave the past behind. He never once forgot his father suffered from Kepral's Syndrome. Hearing his voice now, Kolyat knew it had progressed.
"Sure," Kolyat replied. "We can do that. But I doubt you'll ever find the time."
Thane smiled. "Very soon I will have all the time in the world."
When he's lying on his death bed. Kolyat crossed his legs. Playing nonchalant was eating him up inside.
"I hope you can find it in you to forgive me. I don't expect a change overnight, but answering my calls will be a start." Thane stood and after a tense moment, he leaned across the table and patted Kolyat's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, son."
And then he was gone, an officer was there, and Kolyat was being briefed on his situation and signing papers. His father had disappeared without a trace. The entire interaction felt like a dream. Maybe he did kill Talid and he was going to serve his sentence. Yet when he stepped out of the room, he spotted a familiar black-clad figure leaving through the hall door.
"Are you okay, Thane?" the human woman asked, her hand on his shoulder.
"I've never been more at peace. Thank you for this opportunity, Shepard."
The doors closed with a whisper. For a short moment, Kolyat wondered if that was the last time he would ever see his father. It's time to move on. At least he's not alone anymore. Shaking his head, he went to meet Captain Bailey and accept his new lease on life.