A/N: Hello! So here I am, posting yet another fanfic that will take a hundred years to update. Well not really. This particular one is a re-post. A few years back, when I finished writing my first fanfic ever, I started a suspense/crime one, this one. I posted about 14 chapters before I deleted it and never really consider posting it again. First because back then my writing was even more awful and well I felt like no one paid attention to what I write, I still feel the former but I was convinced to do this. Obviously, I have to edit all the chapters but I think I'll be able to update weekly. Though since I'm starting a new job tomorrow I'll be editing and posting chapter two next Sunday. I do hope that you guys like this story that maybe now it will have a bit more attention. Thanks, and enjoy.
xoxo, Janice.
|xXx|
There comes a time in our lives in which we want to give up everything and pretend that pain doesn't exist. We make ourselves believe that our past doesn't exist, or that it is merely an illusion that doesn't take part from the future self you want to create. Sometimes we even fool ourselves into believing that some memories are bad dreams that its sole purpose is to destroy the base of the resolve that took so much time in building up. But what happens when that science fiction of reality comes back to bite you? What happens when you are forced to acknowledge it? Does the pain come back with a dull sensation in your chest? Or does the pain come back with such a force that you feel like breathing is practically impossible?
Returning to the scene of the crime where your heart was butchered, would cast a burning shadow to your soul. That is where the fight or flight option kicks in. Everyone undergoes it, even people that seemed to have all together. People that on the outside look so strong but inside they are a mess, a tornado of emotions that never dies down.
Regina Mills wasn't all that different.
Running, that was her greatest ability.
Storybrooke looked as grim as Regina remembered from the day she left. Everything she used to think or believe from the small little town changed the day Daniel was brutally murdered by the hands of a soulless person. Life itself for her in the not so quaint town of Storybrooke was unbearable. She needed a fresh air, a new beginning even if it meant to put Daniel's memories in the darkest part of her mind in hopes of moving forward? Better yet, actually live her life. Remembering him was too painful for words to even begin to describe and being in the place where they shared so many beautiful memories just made her realize with a soul shattering pain that she had lost such a good future, forever. When the acceptance letter to NYU arrived, she didn't think about it twice and took the opportunity to leave her hometown forever to study psychology. It was an odd choice for Regina. Her entire life has been dedicated to arts. Music, painting, dancing and oh she was a pretty good dancer. The catastrophe struck and her muse was lost forever.
Years passed by slow and painful but she got to the place where she could take a deep breath and didn't feel the stabbing feeling in her chest. A new beginning in another city was exactly what Regina needed in order to heal the wounds that still felt too raw.
Though it wasn't an easy feat to simply land in a place and watch her life to built like a lego castle. There were many factors that could contribute to a healthy living, like friends. Making friends wasn't the easiest thing for Regina. After leaving behind all the people she used to know, in order to move on, she became closed off to everyone but not everybody accepted her choice to not have any friends. A certain woman called Elsa had made it hers life mission to convince that they could be good friends if only Regina tried. They met at the New York University their very first semester and since then they have been inseparable. It wasn't easy, Elsa had annoyed Regina to no end but for some reason they different personas mixed so well. Though the did have one thing in common, they reeked of a regal air.
Regina only maintained communication with her parents (who moved away after a few years) and her childhood best friend, Jefferson. He tries to visit as much as he can but circumstances were hard for him since he was, after all, director of the Storybrooke mental institution and he didn't dispose of the time to visit as often as he would like to. He did go to Regina's graduation and there he met Elsa. That very first moment in which their eyes met sparks, fireworks whatever you like to call it, detonated. Jefferson's dorky smile and Elsa's shy eyes were all it took for them to fall in love almost instantly, much to Mills' dismay (not really). Regina was happy for her friends seeing as they found love in the most unexpected of about them automatically made her mind wander off to Daniel, even though she lost her love time ago she sometimes on super rare occasions, she hoped about finding love again. Those moments were reminders of moments that shouldn't make their way up front, some memories are better off left sealed, forever. Besides, with the broken heart and soul she carries, there was no space for it.
Her career took off with a bang after graduation. In a short time, she became a well-known psychologist in the United State. Regina alongside Elsa opened their own practice in New York and things were as perfect as they can be. Dealing with other people's problems when dealing with ones wasn't an easy but Regina promptly found out that she does a better job working with others that with herself.
Every year for the last five years, they received an official job request from Storybrooke Asylum. Jefferson, as director of the mental institution, had faith that they would accept it. As if wearing them down was the only tactic available in his arsenal. Elsa wanted to accept but she didn't have the heart to leave Regina alone in NYC with all the patients they had. It wasn't like they haven't discussed it before, Regina had encouraged Elsa to leave. It was pretty clear to the brunette that her friend wanted to be closer to Jefferson.
Regina couldn't really blame her.
Still, Elsa stuck around to which Regina was secretly grateful for. The blonde has become a pillar in her life, losing her wasn't something Regina felt ready to go through, not now, not ever.
Like every other morning, Regina has been going through the files of cases sent to her from the courthouse many lawyers asked for her view on their clients to get a better sense of them and the defense they should prepare. Elsa enters Regina's office without knocking earning her a glare from the brunette. The blonde brushed it off, she clearly wasn't afraid of Regina's wrath, actually, she did it on purpose. Elsa sat down, leg crossed and elbows on top of Regina's desk tucking her hands under her chin. The blonde stared at Regina, watching every move, learning every face expression. The constant sense of vigilance made the brunette raise her gaze, annoyance coloring her dark eyes.
"What is it?" Regina blurted out, pen placed down on the desk with a soft thud. Elsa didn't flinch or move her body in any way that might showcase fear. She simply smirked to her friend, enjoying the fact that she could annoy Regina so easily, well sometimes. After a few moment of silence, Elsa sighed, face turning serious in two seconds flat. The new she was about to deliver causing her delivery to become a tad tense as she spoke her words with expert precision.
"Jeff and I decided where we are having our wedding." Regina looked at the silver blonde skeptically, a brow raising. Elsa was giving her a look that only served to unsettle Regina. The 'I am not gonna like this' feeling kicking into overdrive as Elsa fidgeted in her chair.
"Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like what you are about to say next." It was in Elsa's eyes. Those blue eyes filled with guilt and remorse about what she was about to say next. Regina knew her best friend well enough to know that she is actually sorry for the next words that are about to leave her mouth next.
Elsa licked her lips nervously letting show that Regina was, indeed right, but rapidly recovered. She wasn't the type of girl to let petty things control her, one of the qualities that allowed this friendship to thrive. "I know you are gonna love it. We can do tons of things together there." Elsa said.
The brunette glanced at the door, for some reason she thought Jefferson would walk in at any moment to rescue the floundering Elsa but when he didn't Regina's gaze landed on the woman across her. "Elsa stop beating around the bushes and tell me already. My patience has been fading from the very moment the idiot DA crossed that door this morning. You are making more difficult that they need to be." Regina clasped one hand on top of the other.
"Well…" Elsa began, she took a deep breath deciding in that moment that it was best ripping the band-aid quickly. All this preamble is making her dizzy. "We decided on having it in Storybrooke. All of Jefferson friends are there and I really don't have many people to invite, plus it is your hometown and I assumed you would like to spend some time with your parents..." Elsa rambled on and on, only stopping when she saw the brunette's face.
Regina felt her stomach dropped to hell if that was even possible. Her eyes widen and for a moment she the voice box function.
"Ginny?" Elsa questioned already standing up ready to rush to Regina's side if the need arose.
"Out of all places in this goddam planet, you guys decided on having it there." Too many emotions were coursing through her veins as the realization of Elsa's words, and her own sat better in her head. "Sorry, Elsa." Because no matter how bad or absurd the news was for her, going off on Elsa like that was wrong. She was simply sharing her excitement, whilst Regina rolled around in the long buried pain from years ago. The fact that she despises for Storybrooke keeps growing each day more, surprised even Regina.
"Don't worry. I knew this wasn't going to be easy for you. Jefferson was going to tell you instead of me but he said and I quote 'She is most likely to kill me. She likes you more.'" Regina laughed despite the situation that was less than ideal.
"True." After her little outburst, Regina sat back on her leather chair, breathing in and out for a few seconds. She doesn't like the idea, absolutely hates it but it wasn't her big day and she shouldn't ruin it with her pettiness. Maybe this was they way life, destiny wanted her to finally resolve those issues Regina will carry around like a cloak. What was the worse that could happen, right? "In any case, I will go along with whatever decision you two make. My only wish is to see you guys happy even if it means returning to that hell of a town for a few weeks."
Elsa stared at her for a beat or two, reading, analyzing Regina's words and body language. It was more than obvious that the brunette across from her wasn't all too keen on the idea but she was willing to give it a shot. In the end that was all Elsa could hope for. "Thanks, Regina. I will try hard to make your stay there as pleasant as possible." She tried to give a reassuring smile.
"I know you will and I appreciate but I also know pretty well..." Regina crossed her arms, "That I will have some sour moments. Everyone that Jefferson invites are or were part of my life a very long time ago, meaning the memories that come with them will be hard to brush off." Regina threw her head back and closed her eyes. There was a dull pain in her skull threatening to spread everywhere, most like a migraine waiting to happen. And she can't actually blame her head for it. That day overall has been pretty hectic. Between meetings, patients and a jerk of a DA, Regina was ready to go home, lock herself in her dark room and sleep the stupid pain away but that was impossible for another few hours and the news of her inevitable return to Storybrooke will fester in her mind until there's nothing else there. That migraine has all the means to be the worse one of all times.
"Maybe this is a good thing." The blonde said with an apologetic look. "Maybe this is where you finally close that chapter forever and allow yourself to be happy." Regina didn't move she just stared at Elsa, dumbfounded trying to process the words but not truly letting them in.
"That doesn't seem possible."
This time Elsa did walk around the desk, sitting on the arm of Regina's chair, slender arm wrapped around the brunette's shoulder as she leaned closer. Regina went in willingly, sighing a bit loud. "It is. You just aren't willing to open up completely, to feel the burn of the past in full so you can actually move on. As long as you keep those feelings locked up without a chance of them being thoroughly felt you won't start living. Having all this success, all the material things will always be a coping mechanism, no a life."
Regina knows Elsa is right. She chose a career that will allow her better understand human emotions but she doesn't understand her own. How is she even able to help others and not herself? That a question with an answer Regina doesn't wish to know. She shook her head, not saying anything back to Elsa. There were no words to be spoken when the truth left the blonde's mouth like sour honey. Regina will have to deal with the consequences later on, now, now she just wants to feel sorry for herself for what is about to come.
And boy she did not have the slightest idea the turn her life was about to take.
Elsa and Jefferson.
They are the reason why Regina found herself in Storybrooke again. That ominous place she thought she'd never visit again but here she is. There her heart was ripped straight out of her chest many years ago. Why did Jefferson and Elsa decide to get married here? She is still clueless. Out of all the places in the world, they decided on a place that lacks charm and magic. (It is honestly a complete lie. Storybrooke had hidden gems that only the townspeople would know about but Regina wasn't going to admit it, especially with all the hate she feels.) Regina had been away for 12 years and not even once went crossed her mind to go back but there she was in front of the big white house she grew up, the house filled with memories of a loving family, memories of a happy life lived before disaster struck. Looking at her childhood home now, it made her heart clench. Back then the walls seemed to pour life and now it felt bleak, rusty even. Before entering, before announcing her arrival, Regina rounded the house heading towards the backyard.
There was one thing she truly wanted to see before seeing people's faces, her apple tree. And there it was as majestic as ever. Big, tall, filled with the red ripped fruit she loved so much. Branches long and beautiful, reaching high into the sky but bound forever onto the ground. That is how Regina felt in Storybrooke bound to a place that she no longer wanted to be a part of, almost like a curse. She reached for one of the fruits and took a taste of it. Delicious, juicy exactly like she remembers them. In twelve years she had been away, not once did she have the opportunity to try one of those luscious red apples. Maybe Elsa was right, maybe something good will come out of this visit, other than the wedding of course. With a deep breath, she turned around and made her way to the back door of the house, nervous energy coiling in the pit of her stomach.
Time to face the music.
The house was empty, oddly tranquil even though many, many things went down there. Cora and Henry moved out a few years ago. They said that living in such an empty and sad house made them feel hollow. She couldn't blame them.
Regina moved through the house in slow pace touching every dusty object that was upon reach and trying to tamper down the nostalgia that was bubbling up her throat. She cleaned around for a bit, wanting to make the house presentable and when she was done, sort of, Regina walked to the one-room she hated the most in the house, her old one. She placed her things in that old room where she shared so many memories with Daniel. Cora and Henry trusted Daniel so much to the point that he stayed at her house, not in the same room, never in her room but that didn't mean he didn't sneak out from time to time.
"Gina?" Daniel called her name in a low voice. He always was very careful whenever sneaking into Regina's room.
Regina opened her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness of her room. Before she could muster any words Daniel was hovering on top of her with a grin on his face. He ghosts his lips on top of hers before plunging in for a proper one. Regina smiled into the kiss, she loved so much whenever he surprised her like this. Breaking the kiss she cupped his face and bit her lower lip.
"My parents may love you and all but if they ever found out that you sneak into the room like this the probabilities of you even staying here again are slim." She teases him a little before giving into another kiss. Daniel put his forehead on top of hers breathing her scent, Regina did the exact same thing.
"That is a risk I am willing to take my dear Regina." Daniel said closing his eyes, her cinnamon scent taking his breath away.
"My prince." She said giving him another sweet kiss.
Pushing down those memories to the vault they should've never left, she walked around her old room and everything seemed the way she left it years ago with the difference that it felt foreign to her "I can't wait for the next two weeks to be over." Regina said, tearing her eyes away from a photo of her still hanging on the wall. With one last glance around the space, Regina shook her head and began making her way out. She left the house and walked to Granny's diner. The local place where everyone, on some point of the day, would go to. Jefferson and Elsa were going to meet her there and honestly, she was glad. Regina felt the need to eat Granny lasagna since it has been years since the last time she had a slice. Jefferson always tried to bring a piece with him whenever he visited her in New York but the only thing that always seemed to arrive was an empty container and a guilty smile.
Regina placed her hand on the door knob ready to hear the long forgotten bell sound when someone spoke behind her with curiosity. Regina turned around to the female voice and went completely blank when she saw the familiar green eyes. It was Mary Margaret as beautiful as Regina remembered. Her long hair was gone and was now replace by a pixie cut that made her eyes pop out beautifully. Mary gasped upon recognizing Regina. "Oh my God, Regina! What a pleasant surprise." The brunette said smiling wide. Regina mirrored her smile though not as wide and opened her mouth to answer. "It's good to see you, Mary Margaret. It has been a very long time." Regina tried to maintain her smile but it was getting hard to do knowing where she was. Mary outstretched her hands to hug her to which Regina oblige and that was when she notice a little boy hiding behind her. When Regina broke the embrace she tilted her head a bit and crouched to his level. "And who are you?" she inquired with a genuine smile. Regina couldn't help it, she loved kids so much. In her first years of college, she had to volunteer as part of her curriculum and the only place available by the time she decided to do so was an orphanage. It was there that she discovered her love for children and secretly started wishing for one of her own even though she was all alone.
The little boy was shy and hid behind Mary before answering her question "I-I I'm Roland." He said really low. Regina offered him a hand before saying her name. "Hi, Roland. I am Regina it's really nice to meet you." They boy took her hand with reservation and when he notice that she wasn't going to do anything bad he got out of his hiding place behind Mary and gave Regina a full view of him "You're really pretty 'Gina." Regina blushed and smiled at that feeling all warm and fuzzy. "Well thank you. You are quite handsome yourself." Roland gave her a toothy grin.
Mary Margaret was astonished to the sudden acceptance Roland had with Regina. She cleared her throat and Regina stood up again. Her knees ache a bit from being crouched for so long but she pushed the pain away. She wasn't that old to be feeling pain in her junctures. "I have to say, this is the first time Roland has taken into strangers this well."
Regina smiled to that, looking at the boy then at Mary. "Well I am a psychologist; I know how to express and what to do when it comes to shy handsome kids." Mary smiled, and Roland giggled at the sound of Regina calling him handsome again. "Anyways, is he yours?" Regina asked. Mary shook her head, astonishment long gone, replaced by something Regina couldn't quite place. "No. I am actually taking care of him for a few days." Mary sighed and Regina was acutely aware of the distress in the younger woman's eyes. "Is everything alright?" She asked. Mary didn't know what to tell her. Regina did notice the change in the atmosphere and oh boy she knew well she was about to get some bad news. Storybrooke really didn't disappoint.
When she was about to answered Elsa and Jefferson arrived. "Mary." Jefferson greeted her. Mary smiled at the both of them. "I have to go. It was really nice seeing you again Regina. I hope we can get together and catch up. C'mon Roland is time to go." She took Roland and left.
Regina turned around to see them go and she couldn't help feeling a pang in her heart for the little boy sad expression. Elsa's voice pulled her out of her thoughts though, causing Regina to shake the image of Roland away, for now.
"Everything okay Regina?" she just shook her head in answer and opened the door to the diner, Elsa and Jefferson followed her in but not before sharing sad glances.
They were discussing wedding plans and who to invite by the time they sat down. Jefferson gave Regina the guest list to the wedding for her to review when she noticed something strange. "You didn't invite Robin?" She asked. The look Jefferson gave him was of pure sadness, Elsa noticed the same. When he didn't respond Regina talked again "Why you didn't invite your best friend?" Regina sent him a glare. Robin was a good friend, to the both of them. One of the things she regrets the most from living was not keeping in touch with him but she knew he was well, Jeff did mention him every time they talked.
Wait, Jefferson hasn't said anything about him in a while. Now that strikes her as odd.
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you want it to see him." Regina rolled her eyes and stayed quiet for a moment. "I know about the kiss Ginny. I had to pride it off him." Regina blushed but quickly sighed heavily. "He's married remember? Besides, that was a one-time thing." Jefferson arched a brow, eyes calling bullshit on her blatant lie. "Yeah, a one-time thing 2 months later after Daniel's death. I was surprised when he finally told me. He has always been in love with you." Regina shifted uncomfortably on her side of the booth, not really liking this conversation. "We are not here to talk about my lack of love life. Besides he is married." Elsa was the one to talk this time. "So you do admit you want to see him?"
Regina huffed glaring at the pair before her. "Really can we change the topic. Will you finally tell me why you didn't invite him? I could have sworn he was going to be your best man." She was prepared for that. Jefferson expression fell and Regina and Elsa looked at each other with worried eyes. He takes a deep breath before settling on the best way to answer the question. "He can't go, Ginny. He is actually patient in the asylum." Regina stared at Jefferson like he had grown a second head. All the conversations they had he never, not once, said anything to her. Something wasn't adding up. "Why is he a patient?" Elsa asked the question plaguing Regina's head, the question she couldn't even utter. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth, her mind reeling with the countless of possibilities that might have made Robin land in such a place.
Jefferson didn't have the words or the courage to say why. In some way, it affected Regina as well. Not because of a one-time shared kiss but something else entirely. But there was no use to keep it hidden anymore, Jefferson realized that maybe he should have said something sooner so Regina could deal with coming here better. "He was accused of murdering his wife… it had the same pattern as…" his voice trailed off not daring to say what could trigger Regina.
But Regina made the connection rather quickly. She began swallowing hard and felt anger simmering up like champagne.
"Jefferson," Regina said lowly, her voice coated in the anger that began growing more and more.
"It had the same pattern as Daniels murder." When he finally said it Regina felt her world collapsing around her. The air was too thick to breathe and she felt her lungs close, she was pretty sure that at any moment she would have a panic attack if she didn't control her breathing but it was hard, the news knocked her down hard.
Sensing her distress, Jefferson quickly stood and sat at her side and hugged her hard. She buried her face into his chest trying to control the sobs that were leaving her body without her permission. The words left her completely while she tried to fully grasp her best friend words.
Robin killed the love of her life, he killed Daniel without mercy, without touching his heart. Not only did he kill the love of her life but in the process he murdered her heart and for what? He made of Regina a martyr, a person incapable of loving again.
Jefferson looked at Elsa with eyes full of sorrow and in that moment he knew perfectly that his revelation was going to change Regina's life forever.
-a penny for your thoughts?